Rex-Jester
Since they just don't make batteries big enough, the "Magic Rhino" vibrator harnesses the power of peddling midgets.
Kamikaze Phoenix
The female redneck, seen here during mating season, will display bright colors to the males, and hold her cigarette where they can all see (proving she is a fit mother).
vain
Not pictured: The rest of Optimus Prime gloating at Rita's husband while she rides his metal penis.
Mr.Excalibur
Crocodile Dundee hat? Present! Gold Plated Sniper Rifle? Present! Sex boots? Present! Dignity? ... Has anyone seen dignity today?
ChaseMitchell
The vibrator races at Jimmy Buffett concerts are really getting out of hand.
itoldyouso
Inspired by the now infamous Balloon Boy, hundreds of Americans launched themselves into the Stratosphere in strange and exotic devices; most never to be heard from again ...
Zangetsu
Billy Mays here! Ever wanted to feel the power between your legs? Then the dormant nuke is the product for you.
orypeci
Ironically, that missile is actually french, and she's just an American tourist who wandered over there while looking for, "That there place what has all them fancy art shit."
danimal92
The one thing the north koreans would never expect: A woman riding a giant rocket decked in garb that makes their already small members shrink up inside their bodies. not to mention she is dual-weilding a cork gun and a pall mall. HOT DAMN
Maximus87
Billy Mays here to demonstrate the power of this revolutionary new battery!!!!
Kamikaze Phoenix
Marvel's "Mrs. Captain America" was good for about two issues, then just turned into nonsensical crap and loose plot threads.
troll_alx
If the Miss USA pageant was like the Craptions, this woman would win by showing up first.
tsarmeister
I've been looking at the gay Craptions so long I forgot what a pretty girl looks like.
Kamikaze Phoenix
After the arcade closed down, she went on an angry rampage, and decided she was going to play Missile Command no matter what. That's why you have two heads, son.
CaptainDildo
The pilot from the last craption, without her plane, had to deliver the missile herself.
Blinker_Fluid
When what happens in Vegas gets too weird, it gets launched into Arizona.
bdadz
That's the gun-lovin'est, abortion-hatenest, fuck-you-rest-of-the-worldiest thing I've ever seen on Cracked. And I love it.
Papillon
The Adult Entertainment Award winner for the most outrageous object fetish is...
geniuswaitress
They used to paint the sexy women on the sides of the missiles, but this creates more jobs.
stodavr
Few people know that the tradition of dressing slutty on Halloween goes all the way back to Martha Washington.
vain
Don't you want to ride the silver bullet next? Not unless you brought some antibacterial wipes.
quagmyre
They can have my gun when they pry it from my cold,dead fingers...that goes for my cigarettes, fake boobs and giant metal vibrator, too!
italiangoddess
Fuck you CavalierX!!! Obviously you like sucking Obama's cock right? Well suck your wannabe God Obama's cock dickface!!
italiangoddess
Oh yeah, this is Obama's mother when she realized her son won the election! Fucking hick!
acekeeper15
I have not seen a rocket-riding like this since my second date with lindsay lohan.
theconquistador
After last year's Fourth of July party, Grandma wasn't allowed to have any more tequila.
icheat
Fucking liberals. Next they will be telling us we can't smoke while sitting atop a thermo-nuclear device.
andy3t
guns, smoking, red white and blue attire, white stripper boots, sitting on big metal object, she must be the love child of george bush and uncle sam.
orypeci
"...and that is how we won WWII." "Gee Gramps, that's not what they said at school." "OBAMA DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW AWESOME WE ARE."
grumnut1
Susie..the new mascot for the department of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Surface to Air Missiles.
Zangetsu
I can sense a... p....p...pe? Penis joke? Yes I can sense a penis joke, involving a cowboy, maybe Chuck Norris?
bdadz
The only way this could be more patriotic is if instead of a black tanktop she had stars on her otherwise exposed breasts and an eagle was flying overhead.
gypsy61
You see, this is why the world is afraid of America, we are this batshit insane and we are not afraid to unleash it on the world. You're next Iran
WorstNameEver
"Okay, we did our part. Mrs. Palin is drunk and strapped on. Now fire that bitch to the moon."
Rex-Jester
Good thing I brought a folding chair, 'cause it looks like all the bombs are taken.
Rex-Jester
The world's first Intercontinental Ballistic Vibrator is unveiled at Aberdeen Proving Grounds.
Truthiness
The porno version of Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And *REALLY* Love The Bomb
JayColvin
It's not the 200 Megaton atomic bomb that sacres the terrorists. It's the 50 year old Cougar on top that sends them running for their hidden bunkers.
Kamikaze Phoenix
Get out of my way ya turkeys! Who in tarnation landed that dang plane on the highway?
Chivy
NASA is not trying to find extraterrestrial beings, they are trying to scare them the hell out of here
IBCannonFodder
This is Major Tom to ground control... tell my wife I... hey? Betty!? what the FUC.
lilmiss
Now to explain to my husband why there are never any batteries for the remote controls...
Chegow
You know, smoking is one of the leading causes of death in this country. This lady, she is the second.
Backinblack
Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be... transvestite cowboys smoking Marlboro's with a nuclear bomb between their legs strapped to the back of a propane truck while shooting their shotgun in the air during the Dallas Thanksgiving Gay-Pride Parad
crazyivan
Doing her part for the environment, Rosie only used bio-diesel in her vibrator.
Zangetsu
In this paticular cowboy flick they decided to go for a more futuristic 'look' by adding nuke horse and laser ray guns. A definite to-be classic!
Truthiness
Scenes from the Dr. Strangelove themed- Fourth Of July at Sean Hannity's house.
Kamikaze Phoenix
When aunt Sally gets drunk, she gets really aggressive. We later regretted taking her to the 4th of July airshow at the base.
dpollok
When the US attacks Iran, both conventional and biological weapons will be used at the same time.
GaseousClay
When my mom found out I had a party while she was out of town she went ballistic.
Papillon
Smoking a cigarette, brandishing a rifle and straddling a rocket... Multi-tasking redneck woman rock.
noreport
THIS is what Kenny Loggins was referring to! No? what? No one knows who Kenny Loggins is anyway...assholes.
Teecko
Because of rising feminist protests, all rodeos must now have Dildo riding, which has increased audience participation by 3000x
scottwr08
We have taken a weapon, designed to inflict suffering upon man…and mounted it on a rocket.
Rex-Jester
Apparently the Country Western world hasn't quite figured out how to welcome back Garth Brooks.
Rex-Jester
Back in my day, we didn't have a girl to ride on our bombs, we had to paint them on the side!
RogersIB
Everyone gave Reagan all the credit for ending the cold war. Let's show a little cred to Betty Lynne Davies.
Soneji
Democrats and Republicans both get their way. Afghanistan is nuked, but Sarah Palin goes with it.
Mr.FirstNighter
She wanted something long, hard and powerful between her legs, this wasn't quite what she had in mind
woodeye
A fifth of Jack Daniels and rifle and that NO SMOKING sign on the side of the propane tank DON'T MEAN SH*T!
cdizzy
The midwest chose to take the second amendment a step further. Specifically, second base.
imnew
Someone somewhere is furiously masturbating to this...and he probably has two first names
sugar-pickle
You can almost hear the sound of a new fetish being rocketed into existance.
gypsy61
Grandma's favorite movie was Dr. Strangelove, get a few scotch and sodas in her and she'll re-enact the epic scene
superjaded
Three minutes into the contest and France hasn't surrendered yet? You people are getting lazy!
ratchet1215
The shooting of Skeet-Spangled Banner 3: Red, White, and Blue Balls began innocently enough.
coda543
It's people like this that make me want to pack my shit up and move to Canada...JUST KIDDING FUCK CANADA USA NUMBAH ONE!!!!
bcanders
I'm not sure what's more likely to screw up your life. The missile, or the skank riding it
crazyivan
I was ok with the costume and the fake gun, a little less ok with the smoking, but once she wheeled out "Steely Dan", I had to object and put my pants back on.
noreport
They say we all have dreams...Misty (aka Larry the trucker) lived his dream. GOD BLESS YOU LARRY!
Kamikaze Phoenix
Sure she has pukebreath, but goddamn can that woman ride a missile hard!
jmble
Launching off the success of the bullet vibrator, Adam & Eve introduces the Missle. Guaranteed to make her explode!
WorstNameEver
After years of searching, eldery Jenna Jameson finally found the perfect dildo.
Kamikaze Phoenix
The pigeon was stupid to shit on HER hat. Now she was going to shoot it with her rifle, burn it with her cigarette, and blast it with her nuke.
papajon0s1
A displedged allegiance to 'man in drag', an embarrassment to America. And what's that blue pubic on which "it" don't stand? Indignation. Please help us God! Make it invisible... with alacrity; a favor to us all.
Lerxst62
These boots were made for... you don't want to know what these boots were made for.
JosephGarcia
When you said you wanted to ride my rocket I pictured something totally different.
Sam.Schweikert
George Bush has been doing some strange things recently to keep his patriotism high
magyarlou
With all the millions he made in the oil business, George W Bush could afford some damn expensive porn...
phoulx
New from Tristar Pictures: The Beverly Hillbillies Go Nuk-u-lar. Ellie Mae putin on some pounds and poundin on the Putin!
Kamikaze Phoenix
I fired my rifle on a nuke with no name, it felt good to be free of a brain.
Kamikaze Phoenix
The new governor of Texas was even more popular after she showed everyone her tits during the parade.
ElHuerta
The captured North Korean missile in display at the rodeo fair. Noteworthy is the open cockpit design and the defensive handheld armament to deter anti-missile weaponry.
RogersIB
If sarah had shown this side of herself in the first campaign, we'd get to see a whole lot more of this in the White House.
Velvet-Crow
She must be a natural blonde, because she's obviously bought the wrong caliber for her rifle.
RogersIB
Betty Jane did not realize it was a false alarm. The south has not risen again.
RogersIB
Well, they say there is a good woman behind every man. I don't want to meet her man.
troll_alx
The Bush administration never went through with their plan to update the Statue of Liberty.
savinator
Um, I don't think that's the kind of virus we wanted to infect the alien mothership with.
sugar-pickle
Ma'am please get down. No, this is a small grain silo that we're in the process of erecting. Ma'am stop laughing and get down.
Kamikaze Phoenix
When Taco Bell closed, she decided to get revenge on Mexico the old fashioned way.
SMURFYSA
THEN THE GENERAL SAID IF YOU WANT TO RIDE THIS THING BABE YOU BETTER GIVE UP SOME ASS GRASS OR CASH, SO AS YOU CAN SEE SHE WHENT FOR IT ALL.
sexcells970
MOM!!! optimus prime doesn't feel that way about you. This is borderline rape!
Casstaway
"Hillary, get down from there. That's not the foreign relations Korea is looking for ...!"
Pootah
Michael Bay's remake of Dr. Strangelove was every bit as horrible as everyone imagined.
Panek12
how many times does brittany spears have to be told that not all publicity is good publicity... "thats me ya all!!!"
Casstaway
G.M., in their hopes of taping into the female market place, rolled out the Dildo Commuter Car today, with the motto "If it's not G.M., your faking it!"
Casstaway
Hillary celebrated a successful strike on the Iranian nuclear facilities, today, by immediately rolling over and lighting a cigarette.
cjsanderz
They outlawed smoking and guns on planes, so how else is the bitch gonna fly there?
Casstaway
"And the rockets red glare ... my bum busting with air ... gave thru to the sight ... that my implants were still there ...."
Casstaway
The White House announced that the air strike on the Lady GaGa concert was unsucessful and only caused a standing ovulation!
IsaacClarke
'Dr. Strangelove 2 or: How I Learned to Stop Caring and vote Republican', starring Jessica Simpson.
indyliberal
Now out of the public eye, Dick Cheney is free to pursue his twin passions of cross-dressing and killing people.
pvilla
The transformer didn't care what she looked like, as long as she could take care of his blue ball.
Neematoad
Thats one small step for a woman, one giant facepalm for the Republican Party...
Salmonella
Something...something women, something...something driving. You try saying that to her face.
Finn
Sadly, she had grown quite the tolerance to getting off on just any ol' propelled missile.
edanman99
onlookers stood horrified as she prepared herself for launch. She would be the first inbred person in space....
donkeyleader1
Dress: Made in China. Steel: Made in India. Toy gun: Made in Taiwan. Boots: Made in China. Hat: Made in Australia. Rocket: North Korean Surplus. AMERICA FUCK YEAH!!!
Potato21
HEADLINE: Scientists Discover 'Future Vision' Camera PICTURED: Miley Cyrus, 2025
happymf
Things got out of control when someone ruffied the punch at the Annie Oakley festival.
alfredthemad
The US military has finally developed a weapon that scares the shit out of the Iraqis
MikeOShay
The patriotic sequel to Dr. Strangelove was quite a bit less popular than the classic.
IBCannonFodder
After the success of Astro-Boy, The gigantor movie went into development hell!
gypsy61
Come on everbody, let's show those terrorist how to shoot into the air Texas style!
UnrealCanine
Say love, when you said you wanted to show me a good time, I expected something else
87gn
Our local Independence Day parades are not nearly this confusing. I'd say that's our loss.
StriderNo9
In other news, a man today complained that someone stole his rocket, giant blue ball and wife.
IBCannonFodder
Mr. President! We've determined the only way to take down the alien battle cruiser is to fire Barbara Streisand at it!
tsarmeister
The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders image changed when Jerry Jones bought the team.
danteyh
This ladies and gentlemen represents everything america stands for: Blondes, bombs, guns, liberty and cowboys.
Kamikaze Phoenix
After they had killed her father Boss Hogg, she swore to get those Duke boys, no matter what the global cost.
jakflak
Since the 'don's mess with Texas' slogan didn't work they changed it to 'screw with us and we'll nuke you'
sugar-pickle
No Mrs. Bush. It does not look like you are riding a giant vibrator from the future. Now hold tight while we turn it to 11.
Kamikaze Phoenix
Five minutes later, Arlene fell off the missile, and threw up on France.
HMS_Ford
This picture is being sent to our troops overseas to remind them of what they're fighting for.
Kamikaze Phoenix
What I want to know is: what is in her purse? Admit it, you would love to know what's in there.
RogersIB
You can get all the items in her ensemble at Walmart. Walmart, the choice for discerning southern belles.
Kamikaze Phoenix
I'm asking you for the last time...JUST CUT THE BLUE WIRE, AND STOP FUCKING AROUND!!!
Miriku
Unfortunately, due to a misinterpretation, the missle was mere seconds later launched at it's prime target, Istanbul.
Emaggard
After the break up with that football player, Jessica Simpson kind of let herself go...
massimagrayshun
Artificial intelligence in rockets is so high now that rather than find there target they just pick up chicks
andy3t
lady on thing: "Jethro youre not gonna believe this! but i can see the freeway from here and i can see an airplane!"
swankyway
The only direct descendent of Werner von Braun to end up on PeopleofWalMart.com.
sugar-pickle
And so ends the tale of how we put together everything that was wrong with America and sent it to the moon.
sugar-pickle
Eventually Hef's age caught up with him and he just wasn't making sense anymore.
RogersIB
Her energy and commitment astounded the Cross Pen's executives. They knew right away that they had found their new spokesperson.
Kamikaze Phoenix
E-Harmony found a date for Yosemite Sam, and no one complained. At all.
andy3t
cop 1: "shes got a gun!" cop 2: "dude its fake..." cop 1: "believe me were doing America a favor... OPEN FIRE!"
sugar-pickle
Hef said " And have her riding a giant chrome vibrator. No, clothes on. Clothes on dammit!" and then Plyboy fired him.
andy3t
all she needs is a baby slung under her arm and she will be the white trash queen
sugar-pickle
Oh they don't want to be a democracy? Well then we'll just have to shoot them in the face with it.
Boy_Genius
Jesus, I can't tell if that's Brittany, Madonna, or Lady GaGa. And I would still do all of them.
skittlepie345
The citizens of Texas were shocked as to why congress shot down their new design for the American Flag.
Kamikaze Phoenix
Her vagina is not only eight miles wide...it also absorbs deadly levels of radiation with no problem.
Kamikaze Phoenix
It's about 400 times more dangerous as a donkey show, and twice as disgusting.
Csonny
Honey, get on that rocket and I'll stand over by this launch button and take your picture
87gn
Sorry...I just had to bring this one out of retirement. Jesse James is a Dead Man!.
epicism
Lacking Tact: Pro-American IAEA inspectors visit a weapons facility in Tabriz, Iran.
No1canpassme23
Only in America nukes have women strapped to them. Take that North Korea!!
Casstaway
Weapons inspectors were finally let into Iran. Now, their missles only have a range of two feet, they discharge puss and they itch alot.
Casstaway
Hillary really pulled out all the stops when she negotiated that nuclear missle treaty with Korea.
Casstaway
Chicago did everything to secure their Olympic bid, but in the end, it wasn't enough!
Casstaway
When Sara Palin takes office in 2012 - it will bring new meaning to 'shot gun weddings' for Levy Johnson.
Ineptly
and I will continue to do so, no one will only have just 1 vote....diplomacy my friends
Necrolove
America was reluctant at first but quickly warmed up to the fact pussy juice makes one hell of a silver polisher.
Rhymenstein
"Dr. Strangeboobs -- or how I learned to stop worrying, and loved flying on bullets!"
Kimadeira
Let´s bombard those Iraqis with some trailer park dresscode..."To democracyyy"
MC_Rap
Damn! Never fails, whenever I participate in a gang bang, I always follow the big ass missile!
Bobzfamily
The only published photograph of the ill fated 1997 'Evil Knievel Day' in Ulberton, Kentucky.
Riiley
Honey, I know you're leaving me because of my small penis, but celebrating the divorce like this is a little ridiculous.
Jeroen77
America agrees on sending more troops to Afghanistan, this will get those bastards, a spokesman said
Frankbslts
She is hot, obviously Republican, loves guns and genocide, too bad she smokes.
Boxy
Sorry , but no matter how much you shoot your guns off.The Dallas Cowboys still suck.
Ishmael
So the military has determined that bombing terrorists with regular balls of fiery death just isn't cutting it anymore and has decided to bomb them with the most American thing they could find. For America!!
RogersIB
There are just some people that should not be allowed to ride thermonuclear missiles.
jumpyurbones
If aliens landed in the south and left behind some "world changing" technology.
TomRaithile
Fine, Ms. Picken's, but if you try to recreate your grandfather's famous scene from Blazing Saddles, we're outta here.
klayb
SERIOUSLY EVERYONE SHOULD ONLY POST 2 CRAPTIONS MAXIMUM ITS FUCKING ANOYING THAT YOU CANT SEE ANY OF THE GOOD ONES CUZ THERES SO MUCH CRAP (yeah im talking to you casstaway)
izwingéd
"Alright Henry now you gun the engine while I shoot this bottle rocket out of my butt!"
abell385
In an attempt to be a hero: "Light the fuse Daryl! I see da balloon wit dat boy inside headed dis way!
Wonder_Boy
Can someone tell me when the new craptions get posted? It is now 2:53pm on October 23, and it is still showing yesterdays. Most of us never get votes simply due to the weird timing of when the new ones get posted. Not saying ANY of mine have been
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