chump
Like you've never gotten drunk and mooned someone befo-- wait, this isn't right.
katamariape
Although it wasn't fake, this proves that the moon landing was non-consensual.
Julius_Goat
Sure the moon got bombed last week, but what we're forgetting is that we enabled it for centuries.
Zangetsu
Is it me, or are the laziest most witless craptions starting to win these days?
Julius_Goat
Humpty Dumpty got up on stage / Humpty Dumpty was underage / All the king's lawyers and all the king's men / Couldn't keep the king from being sent to the pen
AAAAAAAAAA42
No matter how much thought I put into this craption, a pun is probably going to win.
Julius_Goat
Man, Rush Limbaugh has been in the entertainment industry for a really long time.
BurningInWater
Surprisingly, the "Smiling Bob" commercials have gotten LESS bizarre over the years.
Zangetsu
France surrendered. Michael Bay. Yesterday's craption. My being late. Penis. Moon. Alcohol. Martians. There is no spoon, or point at that.
tyberious
Getting to the moon was easier than getting in the moon, that took a few drinks..........
Fleshwound
Gentleman, take notes: To expedite the seduction, insert booze while already positioned behind the prospect. Oh, and... make sure the prospect is not a monster from your childhood nightmares.
Ineptly
....I'm sorry...Who said this was the Moon?...If its round and has a face...its the Moon? Really?
Rex-Jester
Purvis E. O'Flaherty was famous in that he could moon you from the front as well as the back.
geniuswaitress
J.W. Farnum may have invented the first bottle opener, but its lack of portability left him penniless.
Lexodus
"Alright, Sonny, you're nicked! Don't you know it's a criminal offence to feed alcoholic beverages to a moon with a comical face whilst wearing tuxedo?" "Ah, yes, but what you're forgetting is that it's past 11 on February 29th, so my punishment is
chump
Thanks to a pattern of binge drinking and skull fucking silent film stars, the original moon died of AIDS in the 1970's.
Blinker_Fluid
I thought the "dark side of the moon" was literally the side that doesn't receive sunlight. I didn't know it was a reference to the moon's secret drinking problem.
Rex-Jester
Okay, Cracked, yesterday it was asian cheese-heads, today it's moondick (and we all know that the moon is made of cheese). What's it gonna be tomorrow, crackers?
ManhandleZinc
Shortly after finding water on the moon, NASA was shocked to discover wine.
Ineptly
Before "Flavor of Love" and the copious amount of even more idiotic spinoffs that followed.....this was entertainment......I'll go back....anyone else wanna come?
Lennyjaycor
Doesn't everyone's penis turn into a big smiley face when you give it alcohol?
bdadz
It is a little known fact that in his younger days, before going straight to jail, the monopoly man was rich enough to have an affair with the moon.
katamariape
You can tell that the moon is really drunk, he normally has much higher standards.
geniuswaitress
Photographic evidence shows conclusively that the moon landing was faked.
Brett-Butler
10 minutes later, the Man on the Moon became the first celestial being subject to Megan's Law.
chump
Dr Lunar's Snake Oil, proven to make your funstuff as large as... well, you get it.
Julius_Goat
Typical. He met her when she was really skinny, but after just a month she just swelled up.
Swaimfan
Young people today are appalling. Back in my day we wouldn't dream of pouring alcohol into our pants through the moon without making ourselves look smart.
RogersIB
After losing Venus to Mercury, Mars had a fling with Luna until that was eclipsed.
Brett-Butler
This is the one time that the top hat isn't the main indicator of someone's sexual orientation.
Rex-Jester
That's, Thomas, drink up! We're going to be entertaining a few pinus girls tonight, and my favorite stockings!
zbosco13
Sure, the moon finally got bombed, but this was the first time it got wasted...
Rex-Jester
When this guy attended Ethel May's wedding, not only did he determine to forever hold his piece, but that he would turn it to drink as well.
Velvet-Crow
I know, it's a riddle. Hmmm. Moon=cheese... on the crotch= crotch-cheese. I've got it... SMEGMA!!! What do I win?
mb3853
Back in the day, pedo's didn't need to use vans and free candy to lure the little kiddies in...
HUMLY
Orville like to get his date drunk and do a little role playing before making his move.
Mr.Excalibur
Is that a giant drunken moon-face cut-out on you junk or are you just happy to see me?
zbosco13
He wont be the man ON the moon until he has another two or three bottles of wine.
MC_Rap
For erections lasting longer than 4 hours and it's round and grows a face, better do what it says and quietly call a doctor
Kamikaze Phoenix
"Ehhhm...one time, a man in a top 'at tried to get me pissed and bugger me, but I flew away up to the sky. I'm the moon."
pixielation
The moon wondered if the man was only getting him drunk just to feel up his craters.
Kamikaze Phoenix
For my next trick, I'll be getting this moon completely drunk, and doing unnatural things with it...
RogersIB
Not only did Charlie think with his second head, he often got it drunk as well.
RogersIB
Woodrow's suggestion for the face on the silver dollar was resoundingly rejected.
Joey_09876
So if the man in the moon can't hold his liquor, what happens? Asteroids start flying everywhere?
Fleshwound
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is what a full moon looks like... from The Twilight Zone."
Steaderz92
To put it bluntly, I'm pouring beer on my penis through a cardboard cut out of the moon.
Fleshwound
Sometimes, in an attempt to enhance their creativity, artists take drugs. Children, let THIS be your warning.
BurningInWater
If you were a giant,flat,round penis with a face you'd enjoy an occasional drink too...
tyberious
Flying to the moon 1 billion $$, Getting the moon drunk $8.00 btl Wine, Doing the moon doggie style PRICELESS..........
massimagrayshun
You think this is bad, you should see the sun when its going cold turkey
woodeye
If you get drunk between the moon and New York ciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiity.....................
KaspiantheGreat
One of the earliest commercials for the "Above the Influence" campaigns.
Jeroen77
On the dark side of the moon they found a large crack, which was reason to celebrate
The_Killah29
"Hey there, children! There's candy in the moon's mouth. Go on, take a handful... Don't be shy."
xsamxdravenx
"... and then, when all the selenites are drunk ass, we will invade, invade like the bitch!"
JamezBond
YOU PUT THE LIME IN THE COCONUT AND DRINK IT ALL UP. YOU PUT THE LIME IN THE COCONUT AND DRINK IT ALL UP.
piratewhistle
Much to his dismay, Elliot's one-man burlesque entitled "Bottle-Fucking My Moon-Cock" never caught on.
paintbuster0001
The rules on the moon are not much different from here. Its not rape if you get it good and liquored up.
Felixpath
After his Vaudeville career fizzled out, Pac-Man went through a shameful stage. And then came Atari...
Doctor
And here's one of my grandfather taking his giant, anthropomorphic nut out for a night on the town.
BassmanBiff
Before that night, I was never able to really see the man in the moon. After that night, I wish I never had.
Kamikaze Phoenix
Before man colonized the moon, he tried to get it drunk and rape it first, because that's how he did things back then.
duff6pack
After the gamma ray exposure, Ivans monster cock demanded nothing but the best champagne.
manofsticks
Cheese, wine, and on the crotch of a guy with a mustache? Man on the moon is clearly french.
Marzat
Not Pictured: The horrfied look of parents and children alike when they realized his dik was behind that mouth.
Zangetsu
When the press claimed that the USA faked the moon landing, this was the picture they used.
paulg
now watch as i keep Mr Moon in the mood by getting him drunk and *boing* voila! right in the ass. now for my next act,i'll sing Blue Moon by Sha Na Na.
hairwaytosteven
oh my god, i cant believe i couldn't make a sexual innuendo joke about this.
chump
Little do people know the 1987 version with Cher was actually the first romantic comedy reboot.
paulg
the followup to The Lonely Island's song Dick In A Box called Dick In The Moon was a bigger success then originally thought.
SlappyMcGee
Early, and ultimately discarded, sketch of Quatto, mutant leader from Total Recall.
Muckseen
In the old days, drinking alcohol through your crotch was something to build a career on
foodfiend
The dark jungle background creeps me out more than the guy feeding beer to the moon.
DustinMD
It was as true back then as it is today; men with mustaches just don't give a fuck.
zbosco13
Just do what he says, you remember what happened when he took Earth's first moon hostage...
Libertariandude
A hundred year old depiction of what happens when you soak your dick in alcohol. However, it is highly innacurate, as the average Cracked reader knows too very well.
zbosco13
The first draft of "Dick in a Box" didn't turn out to be as big a hit due to a creepy moon shortage.
Pieter
One of the pre--Alcoholics Anonymous abstinence methods that didn't quite catch on.
Renfield7
Seen this happpen many times. Once the moon's nice and drunk he'll turn it around and take advantage of it.
ParentesPizza
An old fashion, well thought out, sexual innuendo. And yes i dont get it iether.
ParentesPizza
"...and as you can see, he drinks beer while you have sex with him, and WE WONT TELL A SOLE!"
ManhandleZinc
The Quran has a story where the moon was split in half. This is what it really meant.
outhousejanitor
A strange liquid was recently found inside the moon its very similar to seme....Oh nevermind.
Kamikaze Phoenix
After much consideration, the president offered his ideas about how to avoid hitting the moon in the eye once again.
Pieter
Pretending to feed the sun some cookies in front of his crotch didn't attract the ladies, so Edgar tries something new.
Fleshwound
If you can make sense of this picture, you may be having an acid trip right now. Just turn off your computer, shut your eyes, and it will all be over soon. The image will not try to rape you, I promise.
RogersIB
Moon ventriloquist act, note dummy holding moon. The moon would actually sing Moon Over Miami while guzzling a bottle of mirth.
RogersIB
Bob Belushi, John's great grandfather, also enjoyed dressing up and getting snookered.
Fleshwound
"...and when I became sober I went home and took a long, hard look at my life."
sexcells970
babe calm down! Here have a little nightcap. So this sun character is stealing away your limelight you say?
RogersIB
...and now performing the "Whiskey River / Moon River" remix, lets hear it for DJ Tuxedo!
Signe
And now that the Man in the Moon had his beer he wants some kisses. That's right ladies, put your tongue deep in there. Now!
RogersIB
When the moon was in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligned with Mars, Mac's piece ruled the planet!
AGhouston
Hey diddle, diddle, where's that cat with that fiddle? Tell the cow to come kick this guy soon. The little dog's laughing, along with that asshole dish and spoon.
jakflak
The next few decades were a dark tunnel of drunkenness for the moon, until he finally got help.
Jeroen77
The indescribable moments of your life tonight The impossible is possible tonight
Banter
The moon is being bummed after being force fed alcohol, planetary rape was a real problem in the 1920's.
xsamxdravenx
The first idea for the Tonight, Tonight video for the Smashing Pumpkins came from a crazy ass party
xsamxdravenx
Actually, there were three first landings in the Moon. The third was success, and this is the second. You can probably say where they went in the first
thefooligan5
The invention of alcohol fueled illumination:"Watch this moon shine!" - and bathtub booze.
DrVenkman
Next time on Shocking Confessions from Celestial Bodies: "The man in the moon was a total enabler..."
JamezBond
WELL.....we did it boys....we beat the russians to the moon....i think that deserves a coke....everyone down to the canteen my shout
captainReddy
First demonstration of how the circulartory system really works... not very accurate.
JamezBond
Thats not actually OUR moon....thats the moons mom during her conception of OUR moon....p.s thats galactus :D
BigDickJohnson
hey baby why don't you come over here and give the Moon a little kiss huh? He won't bite I promise
arethemad
Before the theory of tidal friction, scientists tried to demonstrate that the moon followed orbit with the Earth by riding spinners.
xafox16
It was all just a scam hey played on unsuspecting tourists out on The Strip. As it turned out the champagne bottles were all empty, the hat was a rental, and as for Harry "full moon" Robertson, well he wasn't even real.
Glenjih
Despite the sardonice smile, everyone knew that Edward was running out of ways to hide his bottle-fucking fetish
HMS_Ford
Luckily, Pink Floyd went with a different album cover for the "Dark Side of the Moon".
KillmeIamwack
Sadly, Charlie Chaplin would eventually leave the moon because of his abusive drinking.
siangolee
In the 19th century, showing your butt in public was strictly prohibited, even when... mooning.
siangolee
Weenie in a Bottle, by Weird Al Yankovic. Don't ask about the moon, it just made the policemen laugh even more
Bizz
Someone should tell that guy that his dick is out drinking him. And that it's the moon!
BobDobolina
Dear Edwin: Thank you for informing Cleveridge & Sons of the "illness" that prevented you from coming to work yesterday. As we clearly saw from the attached picture of you on FaceTelegraph, it must have been truly terrible.
skittlepie345
So when the moon is in the 'new' phase it gets drunk and gives out blowjobs.
doppelheathen
Be grateful you can't see what's going down on the other side of the moon.
Monsieur_Retro
Ever since people stopped worshipping him, the Moon has had some severe drinking problems.
Destructicus
The Apollo landings became much easier after NASA started getting the moon drunk enough to stay still.
tonguetiedtim
The crude and unrefined action of the man in this photograph is the earliest known documentation and what is thought to be the origin of todays classy D%#% in a box gag.
toflyaway
Early attempts to control the weather were much less sophisticated than modern ones.
CuthbertAllgood
Do you think he is trying to compensate for something? I mean most guys just buy a sports car.
Doexyneutric
This explains the river and stream remnants on the moon, sir. Care to explain the deep crater on the other side?
BrokeandSticky
A childhood photo shows Rush Limbaugh being bottle fed by satan dressed as Snidley Whiplash
Gothic
I don't think this is what we meant when we wrote "moon the camera" in the script, son.
halfertydogg
The not so fat controller rips thomas' face off, get him pissed and then gleefully takes him from behind.
Sparky23
Chad had finally come up with a totally awesome, non creepy way for girls to touch his penis
Signe
SHOOT the moon? But if I get him drunk and accidentally push him off the boat, they will suspect nothing!
overature
In the 1920's Atlas gave up his job as the God who held up the sky for more promising work as a Comedian. Unfortuantly this did not work out and he was forced back to the on the job of holding up the moon, a job he has since not escaped from.
Pieter
Further scientific endeavors would refute the assumption that the moon was small and located on some guy's cock.
jakethetripper
little known fact: Charlie chaplain had to replace his lower torso and hips with THE FUCKING MOON. Thats what 2 dollars and a nickel would get you back in my day.
GeorgeLiquor
A scene from the iconic silent French science-fiction film "Road Trip to the Moon".
fingle
Tom had discovered that by placing his penis in a bottle and sticking it through a moon cut out he could parade around town and not be arrested.
JayColvin
So my girlfriend was turned into a manhole cover. We have an active sex-life, but i still have to get her drunk first...
Backinblack
When I said "man in the moon", I didn't mean for him to get it drunk and fuck it!
TayTay
*incert something regarding the current state of a certain pandemic, while adding witty humor and an occasional shot at Mexicans*
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