"Using hydrogen for these ballons was a great idea, can't wait for the Hindenburg show tomorrow!"
Fuck didn't get her fast enough now no matter how witty my craption is no one will read it.
Do you realize that EVERY person in this photograph is dead now????....Thanks, Cracked.....Great way to lighten the mood.....
It was 1943! Me and my good friend Michael Swaim were in the army at the time, fighting nazis! Those were the times
A pictures woth a thousand words... And 9 of them are "Let me explain, This isn't what it looks like!"
So that's what the outside looks like. I never realized outdoors was black and white! Oh well, back to me old video games...
Johnny Bravo wore his Junior Flight Helmet to the Flights of Fantasy Parade and dreamed that one day he too would be able to soar like a bloated Shriner through the air.
I told you we shouldn't have smoked that stuff we got from the guy with the backpack.
People of Earth! Surrender to us your most beautiful and fertile women! Oh, wait... nevermind.
The day after the Hindenburg disaster, HindenGiraffe and HindenTurk were left without jobs and forced to wander the skies aimlessly.
Back in the days where it was still legal to advertise cigarettes, Camel Joe was very popular among kids
When, watching ridiculous balloons, one requires an equally ridiculous hat.
The 1930's were an ugly time in American history. And not just because of the economy.
"Look how fat the balloons are! See? This 'Great Depression' is nothing but liberal media lies!" - Fox News
"No, Emily, you can't have a balloon, now shut up and play your god-damn trumpet."
I'm usually the kind of snob who hates remakes but I've gotta say the original UP sucked
Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. One for each phallic-shaped limb on that... Whatever it is.
Mister Limbaugh, how excited are you about the possibility of being part owner of the St. Louis Rams?
"Maybe I've had too much to drink, Eleanor. The balloons seem blurry." "What balloons?"
The creepy thing behind her? No big deal. But whatever's off to the right? That's just disgusting.
This is a test. It is an old picture of ladies in a park. If you see floating balloon characters, it means you're gay. We apologize if you're only find this out now.
Sure the early models of sex dolls were weird but look at the alternative.
Before modern, technological advancements, thought balloons would often take random shapes.
I used to wonder why my grandpa couldn't accurately describe what an elephant looks like. This picture explains a lot.
"Hey David, this is Swaim....I can't make it in today, I'm busy mastur....er...checking out the Craption contest. See ya!"
"Okay, while everybody's distracted, let's get over to Lindbergh's and snatch us a baby."
That's either a decapitated giraffe balloon or the most terrifying penis I've ever seen.
Before the NFL, people would tailgate and then, confused and feeling strangely empty, would just sort of drift away.
The country's first cross-dressing picnic was largely ignored by the media.
"Now this is what I call the good old days." "And that's why we put you in the home, Grandpa."
Using hydrogen for these ballons was a great idea, can't wait for the Hindenburg show tomorrow!"
Sticky and Porky were early examples of the German Surrealist children's oeuvre.
Disney's banned cartoon characters, Fat Abdul and his Penis-headed Camel, seen here as balloons during the Racist Days Parade.
"My mind is totally blank. I didn't choose anything. Maude?" "It just popped in there."
IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF LOST FRANCE SURRENDERS AFTER FIVE SECONDS OF DICK JOKES AND LESBIANS AND FIRE
Back in my day, we didn't have fancy gadgets like Ipods. We had are own instruments and we played WHATEVER we wanted.
Daphne decides to carry around a balloon that demonstrates how much dignity she once had.
The first recorded capture of ghosts on film. Sidenote: Ghosts are goddamm freaky.
Pi man was one of the many failed attempts to interest kids in Math before Sesame Street
Before flying solo over the Atlantic, Amelia Earhart was known for other achievements.
All the females in the picture are very questionable representetives of their gender...
Nobody is sure exactly how Hitler and Eva Braun were smuggled out of Europe and to Argentina.
Roosevelt's initial efforts to bring a touch of comedy to the depression went vastly unappreciated.
Bruce Wilis is dead the whole movie. No reference to the actual craption sorry, jokes are limited to penis-related or Amelia Earhart insinuative.
"Maaaw see...The feds aint gonna suspect a thing!" Jimmy Balloons never made it big in the 30s gangster club...
"Hang in there, Mildred. Just a couple more decades and we'll have the Pill."
San Francisco hasn't changed much over the years. Back in those days, gay men dressed their partner as a woman.
After the Hindenberg disaster, the German air fleet tried other options. All failed.
The very first Macy's Thanksgiving Parade only featured two balloons: Fatty Round-Eyes and Tony the Four-Legged Penis
Those days the Census was basically a matter of counting the bowl-shaped hats and the other hats. Ohh, yeah, and seeing them all from above.
"we'd walk 15 miles to go watch them crapy ballons sit in the sky, now that i look at the picture, im not sure why."
balloons: Made depressing by low quality, black and white 1930's era photograph.
During the Great Depression the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade had to use the smaller, less known balloon floats. Here we have Fatty Arbuckle and his sidekick, the headless horse.
...and this slide is about 20 minutes before the worst hydrogen balloon accident ever. Yes, even worse than the Hindenberg, Germany kept this fiasco quiet even after the war was over.
with the advent of satellites, the spy balloon was relegated to the annuls of history.
Woo. Thank GOD it's in Black and White. Color would just make the whole thing seem ridiculous.
Hindenburg day turned out to be pretty dull once the fire permits were revoked.
Dyke surveillance even went on in the 1920's. J.Edgar Hoover was still working out the kinks.
...but what really scares me is that somehow a shitty poem about celebrating Columbus Day by smoking weed almost won yesterday's contest.
It takes more than a couple of blow-up jobs to disturb a pack of horny lesbians.
90 years later the U.S. is still managing pandemic virus' and a busted economy. But now we have the Internet! Yeah -cough.
Harry the dick-headed horse became much less popular once Macy's bought the parade from Larry Flynt.
Before the invention of the rape whistle, the quit-looking-at-my-ankle trumpet was all the rage.
"Im right under the fat guiy ballon... No, they don't even know what a cell phone is..."
Little known fact...... The Pillsbury Dough Boy's family is Jewish.....and used to raise kosher llamas.
Pictured: a legitimate reason to be terrified when someone points and shouts "look behind you!". It's okay, men: We're scared too.
The first annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade wasn't what you'd call a rousing success.
Things suddenly turned very awkward at the World Fair when the world's first blow-up dolls were introduced.
The Easter parade balloons were SO dull that they actually drained away all of the color.
Kowalski figured that since the ability to look up had been lost to humans, his best chance to escape was to turn into a giant balloon and float away
You better not have just sounded the bugle that summons the flying, shitting, giants.
In the early days, Americans didn't really understand the dangers of inflation.
Gertrude you should have left that stupid horn at home, dammit this is serious!!
The Thanksgiving Day parade during the Great Depression just reminded people how little they had to be thankful for.
We did it Margaret. No one suspects those baloons are full of really filled with Gin. Now, quickly....to the Jazz Club!
"No, no. we're using hydrogen. It's perfectly safe, one of my pals is working on the Hindenburg, trust me...."
Just days before her disappearance, Amelia Earheart felt she was being watched
The Sufferage Movement was initially hampered by their early mascots, Cockblock the Clown and Dicktease Horse.
How could Mary compete? Her trumpet skills were no match for the child that could blow better, and create balloons at that!
Mary Curie had a hard time being taken seriously by other scientists not just because of her sex, but also because her ideas were not shaped like lightbulbs.
"I let it dissolve on my tongue like the man said but I still don't see anything..."
the giant inflatables occupied everyone so no one noticed the girl in the bonnet pull out her raygun
Everyone could agree it was a great parade until the penis head horse made an appearance...
...and the nazis snuck into America, hidden in their Trojan Penis Animal. Fortunately for the world, a Southwestern gust sent them straight into the Atlantic.
"..Be careful Elisabeth: Holmes and Watson are known for using highly advanced disguising techniques..!"
I'm trying to decide which is bigger, the nose on the balloon dude or a the nose on the skinny guy witht he funky hat in the middle.
There have been many misconceptions of the early version of "Pop Goes The Weasel"
I don't care how desperate a am Jimmy, I'm not fucking those blow up dolls.
The 1904 World's Fair featured Bozo the Balloon Man and his pet, the Inflatable Penis Monster
Is that a jew over there Elsa? I think it's a Jew! Quick! Alert the secret police!
''Honey, someone just shouted I have a head like a dildo... oh, they're talking about the balloons behind me.''
The first public promotion event for the use of prophylactics was poorly received
Dear diary, The aliens that landed at our base in Roswell today were so retarded looking, we have decided to deny their very existence. The only record this ever even occured is this entry in my journal.
Once they realized that balloons were attracted to old-timey hats, they stopped wearing them.
Wow. If I had an awesome hat like that maybe I could score a hottie like he's got there.
First condoms were sometimes used unexpectedly. (And YES, that was about the average size at the time.)
Blame the balloons. Amelia Earhart was inspired to fly, and the rest is history...
Sir, our customers are complaining that the women's sex toys appear to be dongs on legs.
Amelia Earhart was not happy about her Macy's sponsorship and having to stay in New York....every......freaking......Thanksgiving
If people back would see the balloon parades of today, they'd be shitting themselves.
No one would talk to the fat floating immigrants, hire them, or rent to them. Eventually they flew away again.
In 1942, there were no restrictions in how Sybian could advertise their machines.
October 13th will live forever in infamy as the day Rush Limbaugh body-slammed the capitol along with Oxy, his pet horse.
Emily, remember that inflatable dildo I used to have... good times...good times.
AMAZING: The chick with the trumpet would be just as ugly today, as when this picture was taken.
When I give the signal with this bugle, my inflatable minions will attack.....Mwahahahaha!!!
Oh my god, I can't tell what sex any of these people are. It must be our old family reunion.
The Sleepy Hollow sequel featuring a giraffe; and her best friend with a trumpet.
Just ignore it and maybe it'll go away...Oh christ good fuck it's still there...GLARING at me
Back then they got Columbus Day and National Rape Day off of work. Man, we don't get any good holidays off anymore.
"A Giraffe raping a clown...my only weakness!! How did they know?! Lets get out of here!!"
(woman in back) Drats, no kidnapping her here, she's brought a personal security alarm.
The lovable Hitler balloon and his bestiality partner weren't a real hit with trumpet wielders.
Just don't turn around... don't wanna know what shenanigans could be lurking behind us.
Due to the recession, Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade had to make some cutbacks...
If you look behind th elouds you can see the black helecopters. Which was amzing becsue they didn't exsist in 1932.
The lady in the foreground is actually holding a sucking pump, an alternative to the rubber dolls, mostly appreciated by the Marines personnel.
Early political satirists used balloons to mock Teddy Roosevelt's safari trips.
Dear Jasmine -- My Flying Carpet is still missing. Please use this two balloons instead.
...hmmm I know I had my trumpet a minute ag.....OH MY GOD! IT"S THE BALOUFTWATHA!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!
as funny as my craption may have bee, no one will ever see it because i submitted it 30 minutes too late....
So grandma...you're saying that back in the day they showed you how to put on a condom by using a balloon animal?
Goddamit where did we leave our giant floating Homer Simpson and headless dinosaur!?
Pfft. If I wanted to see a flying bag of hot air I would have watched that Lindbergh guy talk about some baby.
just a few moments late, the two balloons would collide in a dazzling day of pyrotechnics
One of the many stall tactics the government used during the Women's right movement
You predict the world will end in 2012...I predict I will take a giant shit on you chest.
Keep holding my trumpet, you ugly slag, I'm going to look at the bloated sea-corpse and penis-headed giraffe balloons.
1920's secret surveillance while lacking sophistication, made up for it in hilarity.
And this is why I'm thankful Canada's Thanksgiving day is separate from ours.
These hygiene plays get more baroque every year. Oh well, its time for me to play the "sex trumpet."
To ward off the balloon demons, this woman has cleverly concealed a trombone in her coat.
People were not prepared for the real Martian invasion that followed the 1938 "War of the Worlds" radio hoax.
Unfortunately, Annie Oakley's blunderbuss skills were not welcome at this state fair.
I'm sorry, honey. I must have confused the bestiality convention with the trumpet convention.
this was taken back in the day when the Blow Up Doll industry was just getting started....
When I was your age, we had to be encased in bread and flung out an airplane just to get to school!
In 1932AD, the god-king returned with his decapitated giraffe, and there was much rejoicing.
Shit like this is why I refuse to go outside. Ah well, back to good ol' fashion porn.....
In 19 and 24, the god-king and his decapitated giraffe returned to the lands, and there was much rejoicing.
You know, this is one of those pictures where I'm wondering what's going on to the right....probably some asshole rally and some dude with a pack full of weed....
In France, there is no verb "surrender". There is only the perpetual state of being hopeless.
This was there idea of balloon art before drugs were invented, fat guy balloon and dick n ball with legs.
If these won't make those Washington fat cats take the womens suffrage movement seriously, nothing will.
So I was telling the carney: "I dont care how big the prizes are. I'm not spending three dollars for each ball." And look what I'd have to walk around with all day.
Why isn't anyone noticing that giant balloon-russian and his pet...er...llama? Giraffe? Whatever, no one is paying attention!
Nancy Drew and the Case of the Balloon That Slaughtered a Large Portion of the Crowd at a Political Rally.
Once again, Gus and Carol missed the float show they came to see, because they were facing the wrong way.
"Looking back on this picture children I'm gald its not 1940 anymore I would have killed everyone!"
Early women's health fairs featured the now politically incorrect mascots Flo and Cotton Pony.
Eleanor Roosevelt and the Michelin Man - the '30s era equivalent of a horse and Sarah Jessica Parker
from right to left Donald Trump, Elvis Presley, Elizabeth Taylor and, George Bush
Proof that no one has ever given a shit about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Clearly there is something more interesting behind the camera?
Eleanor Roosevelt and a giraffe - the '30s era equivalent of a horse and Sarah Jessica Parker
"If only someone could invent a magical box that would receive images and sound I wouldn't be bored then!"
In a time of sepia tones and floppy hats, the Trojan Fat Guy and Trojan Dear-God-What-IS-That were employed to take out parks worldwide.
"Go eat yourself, die alone and go poop toads were popular insults in 1940.'
"Pappy, can I have a ride with you in the horseless carrige?" "Go f**k yourself your lucky I didnt kill you when I could, you are a terrible mistake."
Little did the Ghostbusters know that Gozer and his phallus-headed llama steed had been summoned in France centuries ago....
Shortly thereafter, germany invaded france just to get the god damned balloons out of the air.
Killed and brought to heaven for not having the same hat style as everyone else.
Amelia looks on disgusted at the ridiculous spectacle. "That giraffe clearly has a scrotum for a head." "But dear, it's FLYING!"
Yeah, apparently the Japanese ripped Poké Mon off of the French's Poke a Mon.
the one on the right looks like a dong with legs, and I'm not talking about the balloons.
After Gears of War 2 released the "Deleted Scene"..several video game makers decided to follow suit, with disastrous results
Thank God she was carrying that trumpet or those "things" might have eaten her alive.
This is what your history textbook meant when it said inflation was the cause of the Great Depression.
How tragic, the last ballon giraffe goes extinct and THIS is how they mourn for it!
If your ballon stays inflated for more than four hours consult your physician.
"Ethel, do you ever get the feeling we're being followed by inflatable 'Gumby' rejects?"
LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU YOU ARE ABOUT TO GET SQUISHED BY A GIANT INFLATABLE MAN
Our racism towards the middle-east started at the 1921 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
"i swear when i get down from here im going to get skinny, grow a square mustache, and get my revenge for making me a fucking float...and ill call it the haulocaust"
See? The goverment was able to peice together Roswell and it WAS what they told us!
Hey you in the front, you blew up these things your going to have to get them down.
and this is what fucking happens when you let Uwe Boll direct a movie about the hindenburg
Prior to Where's Waldo?, there was the far less challenging Where's the Floating Fat Guy and the Quadraped With a Condom for a Head?
Despite the Shriners' best efforts, Amelia Earhart never found her way home.....
Sarah, have you seen your father and his horse? He was suppose to fill the helium balloons for today.
"Little do they know," one ballon said to the other, "we start aour rebellion tomorrow."
last moments of humpty dumpty as he fell down to the ground with his "penis udder" or "bag pipe" .... which ever.
A time before awesome characters like Bart Simpson became part of the Thanksgiving Day Parade
''Don't look behind you Don't look behind youDon't look behind youDon't look behind youDon't look behind youDon't look behind youDon't look behind you!!''
'the wretched balloon monsters, having quenched their thirst for human blood, idly watched as they allowed the rest of the humans to keep their lives'
Do you think they have any mini donuts over...what the hell? You brought a trumpet the Lakehurst Park?
Look, Up in the Sky! Is it a Bird? Is it a Plane? No, It's Weird Uncle Hermie and his pet giraffe.
Moments later, they were all murdered. All that could be heard were cries of "death from above"
Leaving in disgust, the women where unimpressed by the last inflatable dolls on offer...
"I don't know if I really want to blow on this Trumpet after what that Balloon did to it...."
Not even the outlandish charms of Portly Pillhead and Nubhead the Horse could lift the eternal boredom from the citizens of Sepialand.
"..and this is Great Grandfather Godzilla, no one took him seriously back then.."
Benito Mussolini and a decapitated giraffe sneak up on Emelia Earhart and her ugly trumpet playing sister. Sadly they were never seen again.
The 1920's most beloved film reel characters, Obie Everchaste and the Four-Legged Dickhead.
All that's missing is propaganda posters to REALLY start scaring the shit out of these people.
The X-Men of the "golden age" could only scoff as the first Sentinal Prototypes landed on earth.
once you notice their weirdly-similar-to-helmet hats, you understand why noone is looking at the baloons
Little girl: I get the feeling we're being followed every time we come to these fairs...
This is SO lame. This parade thing Macy's is doing is never gonna take off. I mean, it's on Thanksgiving, for crying out loud!
" Well I can't see them anywhere.. This balloon show idea will never take off"
Disneyland Paris' failure to attract non European vacationers was a shock to everyone.
Hattie and Olga plodded bravely on, in a drunken stupor, while Helga stopped to gag up a little vomit.
November 2009
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