Julius_Goat
No, it won't make your penis bigger. But it will stop everybody from laughing at it.
Choncer
Not to be out done by the Large Hadron Collider, America decided to build their own star.
Casstaway
"Billy Mays here. Folks have you ever wanted to hunt and cook at the same time ..."
Julius_Goat
Michael Bay. Michael Bay. Michael Bay. Michael Bay. Michael Bay. Michael Bay. You know, if you say "Michael Bay" fast enough, it starts to sound like "Baim Eyekle." I have no point.
Versus
One small stunt illuminates one obvious truth: They live in a trailer on the back of a pick-up truck.
Rex-Jester
Aww... don't fire the Craption Editor just 'cause he's venting during his annual herpes outbreak.
bcanders
Finally, Jim was now ready to put the saying "a watched pot never boils" to the ultimate test.
SoCalDelta
Do you read the Bible Brett? There's a verse I have memorized for occasions like this...
smoochy
The real story is this guy's Twin Sisters. One went Suicidal, and killed the other one by Mistake.
buckethead79
After enduring so many jokes from cracked, Sergey shows what he is really capable of.
guythreepwood
Apparently the Cracked staff are limited to one google image search a week
Ryktree
'Best trombone solo ever' is the first craption I've read that made me legitimately LOL. Ty Superjaded
balaban
Am I the only one who's pretty sure the guy who chooses the pics is a serial arsonist?
Wackbeard
I think Cracked is trying to tell us something...Guys if you are stuck in a burning building and forgot how to call 911 theres no shame in asking.
guythreepwood
There must be no oxygen left in the Cracked office. (Thank you middle school science)
Julius_Goat
"OK, we've got "blinded by the light" all set. Now we just need to find a douche to wrap up and we've can shoot this music video!"
Soneji
"So then I was like 'You can't fire me!' and then he was like 'Oh yeah?" and I was like 'Oh yeah! Kaboom!' Totally showed him!"
bigbadnerd
That's great, but do you have any weapons that can shoot farther than five feet?
geniuswaitress
Cow tipping is for wankers. For real fun in rural Kansas, we torch campers.
mabogo
So water-boarding of prisoners is out, eh?....Once those fuckers get a load of THIS, it'll be hard just to shut them up...........
Backinblack
I am seriously running out of fire jokes, but where can I get one of those for myself?
ChaseMitchell
"Goodness gracious!" said Jerry Lee Lewis. It had nothing to do with this, though. He was in a completely different part of the country getting a blowjob from his cousin.
keeghan
"like i give a fuck about my beard! if we open this stargate to oblivion, will a beard matter?!"
nimo
At the start of the week, this would have looked cool, but Cracked has ruined fire for me.
SoCalDelta
When using your homemade flamethrower, it's always important to think "Safety First." For instance, use your super, handy-dandy flamethrower platform, and NEVER play without the supervision of a professional (See Exb. A above: note how the expert i
bcanders
If everyone had one of these at the office, meetings would be an awful lot shorter
Dirtydog
Anyone can light a fart,but what made Frank the star of his fraternity was that he could light a belch
Zounds!
Hi Billy Mays here...do you like fire? (Vote for this craption. It will make you feel dirty.)
IcemanLeigh
" Yo Cracked, I'm real happy for you, and imma let you finish your fire week, but October 6th Candle Ball was the best Fire based craption of all time... OF ALL TIME
Ceveron
Just like that Jimmy, but when my wife shows up you're gonna have to aim a little higher for a kill-shot, she's a huge bitch
jimdocusa
"All right, Ralph, let me dial it down a bit and then we can deal with those pesky crabs of your's."
bifff
Super Soaker's newest model was recalled after one week. One awesome, awesome week.
bdadz
If that thing was a woman, I'd make love to it. Hell, if I could figure out how to not trigger it in the process, I'd make love to it as is.
Dunstin Checks Out
"There's now way they'd use another photo with fire" -Dunstin Checks Out- 11:58 am
Julius_Goat
Only the good die young. And the idiots who play with flame-zookas. And cancer patients. But that's it.
Zounds!
You know how Rocketeer never burnt the back of his legs? Yeah, well your beard...it's not like that!
arm66
Al-queida operatives collectively shit their pants when they say Jessie Joee of the Alabama National Gaurd snatch the rocket they fired at his unit out of midair.
bilbo1
Phil had so much extra testosterone pumping through his system that he periodically had to release his agression or risk impregnating all of lower Manhattan.
clayschuldt
Michael Bay, Michael Bay, Michael Bay, Contra, Contra, Contra...there I won.
geniuswaitress
Wayne auditions for the Candelabra in the San Quentin State Prison production of Beauty and the Beast.
Kamikaze Phoenix
They may not get fired, but I bet they're going to get flamed a lot, and that's probably going to burn them up pretty bad.
burninglondon
After he converted his bassoon into a flamethrower, no one dared call Derek a band geek to his face.
Blinker_Fluid
Here at the Glade testing grounds, scientists work to perfect the burnt flesh scented candle
smoochy
Where you gonna test the Flame-Bazooka At? Don't end a Sentence with a Preposition. O.K. Where you gonna Test it, D1ckhed?
imnew
Having sold his house and literally the shirt off his back, Dr. Evil crossed his fingers that his nuclear doomsday device wasn't a dudd
jimdocusa
"And when you're done burning whatever it is you need to burn, you just flick this switch here and it goes straight into wife-beater mode."
jimdocusa
Tired of spending their entire Fourth of July tending the grill each year, Sparky and Dave put the finishing touches on a device that will fully cook a side of beef in 54 seconds, and make cleanup easy too!
Zmaras
Can someone explain to me again why the F**K flamethrowers are legal?!? oh yeah! Cause they're F**KING AWESOME!!!
Rockforchumps
"NO!!! WAIT!!! DUDE!!!!" "What?" "Before you start.." "What?!" "Take off your shirt." "...... okay."
rockordude21
I don't know what the fuck you're doing but that platform really makes it look nice.
M-Dub
Fighting fire with fire is just an expression, dumbass...now go get the waterhose!
savinator
Anticipation was replaced with horror as they realized they put way too many Mentos in the tube.
Mikelibrarian
Iggy Pop's stage antics got worse throughout the 80's leading to a great reduction in audience size.
brucexedwards
A saxophone that shoots fire is still not enough to get people to go to Kenny G's concerts!
slickjamesjik
So can he collect money from his car insurance and home insurance with this?
brucexedwards
Man! When I went to the proctologist and saw what instruments he was using, I got the f&^k out of there!
Diasdiem
With hostilities significantly lowered towards the end of the Cold War, the DoD developed a potato gun powerful enough to launch a preemptive first strike on the Soviet Union.
Backinblack
Go to the light! All are welcome, all are welcome, all are FUCKING INCINERATED!!!
smoochy
How about a Riddle. How many Alcohol-Piszing Aliens Does it take to put out a Forest-Fire?
Zounds!
The only thing that could make this picture cooler would be to have a topless Babe firing that thing off instead of Bubba the skinny white-trash junky.
SirID25
Shortly after the old "hold my beer and watch this" and right before the fire truck and ambulance show up.
Kamikaze Phoenix
Scott really hated moths a lot. Even though he was crazy, we always took him along because he was pretty good at getting rid of them.
Blinker_Fluid
Inspired by their trip to Gettysburg, they decided to start a group of Gulf War reenactors.
IcemanLeigh
The Soviet Russian Take That tribute band hit their highest audience figures of all time. 1!
Wackbeard
"What the f**k?! 33 wives, and I STILL!!!! have to come home to a burnt dinner." (4 of them died during the burningman, firball and candle episodes) gawd im getting hungry.
cfraute
Billy knew he needed to be taken out of the gene pool so he decided to do it in style.
yomaster
Off to the left, you see those lights? Why the hell do they need lights? To see it better?
Teecko
Hey you know what I'm wondering? WHERE DO TEHY FIND THESE PICS! I think Cracked should have some charity to help raise money to stop these guys from breeding!
jimdocusa
You can get them at the local Wal-Mart, or buy them in bulk in a convenient four-pack at Sam's Club.
jimdocusa
Tired of anal probings from aliens, rednecks prepare their own makeshift defenses.
Casstaway
Yeah, maybe send more troops to Afghanistan. But the Cirque Soleil troupes. Come'on!
1000monkeys
Thusly, God fixed his gaze upon Teddy Roosevelt's right testicle and, satisfied, commissioned the left.
LazyRui
That's a flamethrower. If that's a girl holding it, I SWEAR I'll have a f*cking orgasm!
IcemanLeigh
To be honest, who cares about the craptions? That Bad Idea t-shirts bird is well fit!
RikzRauzin
I wonder what he's thinking right now as I fire this into the distance. . . He's staring at my crotch. . .
savinator
If you're over 45 and flame-spitting appendages start erupting out of your body, it may be due to an enlarged prostate. See your doctor.
Casstaway
Super Happy Fun Trombone. Caution: Do not agitate Happy Fun Trombone. You know the rest...
lc_ii
Yes, don't wear any flame-retardant clothes when you're firing this thing. In fact, don't wear any clothes AT ALL.
Shermankohlberg
"STILL NEED A LIGHT ASSHOLE?" "No , Frank, you over-reacting son-of-a-bitch, now I need a face..."
Casstaway
And in a flash, Prince put Kanye out of his misery. And then partied like it was 1999.
gtyyler
Sorry, no craption here. Just see my other fire related ones I posted in the last few days.
Radu_Darkblayde
"Hey Cletus, how bigga flame ya think we'll git if'n we use gas?" the 4th of July at the local trailer park.
Ceveron
Just load your "favorite" star wars character into the Hayden Cannon, and fire in the vicinity of another "favorite" character
jwhawk1971
I feel sorry for the one that thinks the female orgasm is mythical. Work harder.
nekopawed
Faking the Moon Landing seemed silly until the Sun Landing Tapes were released...
Fawkes13
"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven...and in Billy Bob's backyard experimenting...."
CaptainTrips
And then he realized that perhaps wearing some form of protective clothing over his bare skin would have been a good idea...
Error
Trailer truck, flamethrowers, and mullets. This is what makes the redneck's paradise.
quagmyre
Good thing they have the Kleig light or the photo would have been underexposed.
Slowmotion
So someone finally realized using a flamethrower on Jackie Chan would be more effective than falling down after a fake hit.
Monkeynuts
U.s. Generals finally accept that their front-line troops might be a little underfunded.
bdadz
I'm surprised that the guy watching this isn't more self-concious about his boner.
Dbooner13
Dude if i put this on youtube im going to get so many chicks you dont even know
momoy
Yeah, Japan. You may have the best candles, but this is how we take care of our bug problems in the US.
papajon0s1
"It looks cool but it's actually compact fluorescent. ...cause of global warming and shit."
callmekool
NEW JOB OPENING: CRAPTION EDITOR all you have to do is pick a word like "fire" and do a google search
getittwistd
For the first time in history, the "Brandon's awesome fire show thing performance or whatever" was at capacity.
imTKA
I might just have an idea!....WHAT THE FUCK! Where's the lightbulb, and what the hell is that?!
twista331
See the guy with the God-like beard? He's thinking "Hell, I do that in the toilet every day, what's so special about it?"
getittwistd
Pictured above: Craption Brainstorming at the Cracked Headquarters (pickup camper).
guythreepwood
When Godzilla goes on vacation, the Japanese resort to distracting Mothra away from Tokyo by means of this giant lightbulb.
SiwelP
"No, no. It's missing something. Try taking off your shirt. Yeah! That's it...that's the way I like it."
getittwistd
That was the first time anyone had asked Jack to light a cigarette for them. Also, it was the last.
harleya48
We all know Flamethrowers are legal, but really come on man, at least where a shirt!
getittwistd
Billy, I gotta be honest, when you said we should play Gulf War at your Mom's, I thought it was a video game!
1.21jigawatt
THIS IS SOOOOO- not interesting. I miss the days of gaudy costumes. Crap - Halloween is coming. Nevermind
harleya48
The reason that flamethrowers are legal are to ward off swarms of bees....Who is around bees without a shirt?
twista331
Lights. Fire. Bazooka. One shirtless guy. One guy shitting himself. Michael Bay's Fire Bazooka Killer Man?
phoenix22089
Just as he was firing up his DIY flamethrower, Bob began to question the intelligence of only wearing flammable pajama pants.
BrandonEQY
Even when you're filming a flamethrower, you still need a lamp for appropriate lighting
arm66
Hey Elmer, watch this. I've been saving farts in this tube for six year! Stand Back!!!!
superking9292
Hey, you know what would make this cooler? If it was coming out of my crotch!
Glenjih
The Iraqi Army had some inital problems getting to grips with shoulder mounted rockets
Rcoutme
Tired of the redneck jokes, Bubba had only one 'house' left to eliminate in his former trailer park.
Kamikaze Phoenix
Angered at the roadies, the guitarist went on a napalm rampage. Luckily his aim sucked, and he missed every one of them.
arm66
D.A.R.P.A. gave up on the gay bomb but their work on the Redneck bomb was right on course.
troll_alx
He should have been impressed by the flamethrower, but Beardo couldn't take his eyes away from his friend's package and rippling abs.
oggie168
Billy Bob wanted one last night of fun before starting work at the post office.
thechachmeister
Okay, I'm convinced, someone just recently taught the Cracked staff the many ways to make fire.
namesnatcher
the specialists for Rosie Odonnells brazilian treatment were hard-trained and hard-core, but still left the room whimpering...
RogersIB
After climbing the bean stalk, Jack became official lightbulb maker to the giant.
Casstaway
You thought Obama had his hands full with Iran & Korea. Now the Figians are at it.
DangerChocomog
Remember when you were young? You shone like the sun. Shine on, you crazy fucking bazooka-wielding lunatic.
Darkfox
The "Flaming Death Rocket" project was going swimmingly, except for the simply tasteless pants the engineer was wearing.
IcemanLeigh
Beardywierdy: "This wasn't exactly what I had in mind when you said you wanted me to watch you fire one out"
farmers4theWin
dont worry guys! just in case science does blow up our sun, some guy down in kansas has it covered. *Phew*
kcs316
What do you mean rednecks do really stupid and incredibly dangerous things... We're not rednecks right?
patthehun
Wow from back here those assisted living residents look like ants. Fire ants...
ParentesPizza
"The myth was a 17 year old kid wasted a part of his teen life building a usless and nonportable flame thrower, this one my friends was confirmed"
jakflak
Dude, when I said get a bigger light bulb I meant a 100 watt, not...oh never mind...
87gn
The creationists had no idea that their demonstration would actually prove evolution, but they did not survive to realize the now obvious results.
StephenKay
Dennis proved for once and for all that the Hoover Delux 3000 could suck up the sun.
Casstaway
This just in, the Jack Daniels Band accidently set fire to their tour bus tonight.
Hrad2Spel
Top secret photo of the testing of the military's latest design for the "Lightbulb Launcher".
leotheweirdlion
Frank and Tim decided to try to re-invent the modern toilet plunger into something more...
StephenKay
Walter finally proved that the Hoover delux 3000 could suck up anything, even the sun!
Casstaway
The Red Hot Chilli Peppers saw their first action in Afghanistan today - following Obama's commitment to send the general - more troops.
Zenejinzorin
Artist rendering of predicted ejaculation from said inflamed left testicle.
clay0950
We've finally found an easier way to light all those candles and balls of fire...
Watchtower
"Two things may be awesome, but if you put them together, you're not always gonna get Reese's Peanut Butter Cups."
MattBlack
Cracked The Lunchbox, Cracked The Coloring Book, Cracked The FLAMETHROWER! The kids love this one.
Dusselthorn
Cracked has gone Through the Fire and Flames appearently and wants to tell the world.
Casstaway
Even though he now has two million North Koreans without eyebrows - Premier Kim Yong-il declared the weapons test a success.
Ramblin
In 1989 you could still order a flame thrower from the Montgomery Wards catalog.
savinator
Not to be outdone, Adam and Jamie blow the everliving shit out of the Cracked offices.
M-Dub
Who cares about this shite? Pirates just surrendered to the FRENCH Navy...THAT'S news!!!
ib1yysguy
Arizona hippies, in an effort to fight global warming, fire up their sun vacuum for its first and only test run on Oct. 8, 2009, in Tuscon.
Casstaway
"Billy Mays here. Ladies, have you gotta big date tonight but no time to shave those legs & pubics ..."
Ado
Sucking the sun away - I wondered why it had become dark over here! Oh wait, it's 22:23.
savinator
Hippy combat engineers had no trouble clearing space for their campsite at Woodstock.
savinator
Unmoved by the awesome display of power, Dave could only stare at the stupid magenta thing on Clint's penis.
Casstaway
You're supposed to hold your lighter up during the ballads, Bud! Who let you in here with that?
Jeroen77
Docter: So you have a burning sensation when you pee? ManL No man real fire comes out when I pee...
Sidewinder42
If you still want that haircut, you're gonna have to stand a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle closer........
mjboudx
Jim quickly realized that this was probably not the most practical way to light a cigarette.
DMMC
As Woodstock drew to a close, some attendees refused to leave, despite how weird some of the acts were starting to get...
DeathXP
What is it again? "A flamethrower". And how much did you say you were charging? "$20". One last thing. Can it play mp3's? "No". Get the fuck out of my office.
DeathXP
I clicked on the thumbnail half expecting a harry potter picture. But I found out it's what Rambo's wand would look like.
savinator
The glassblowers could not keep up with Edison's ever more eccentric demands for gigantic lightbulbs.
IcemanLeigh
This week on afghan dragon's den, Rashim shows us his x-ray torch. Unfortunately all the dragons think that the model could have been better chosen.
Gumption
And so when the roadies decicded to invade America, they did it with the most kickass weapons available!
IcemanLeigh
It may look like an ordinary Flamethrower, but I shall now demonstrate how this flamethrower can make an ice cream van materialise..
IcemanLeigh
When this weedy guy was asked by this bearded guy "would you like to take it outside?" no-one realised quite why he answered "YEA OKAY" quite so fast.
GWINDOR33
How many rednecks does it take to burn a crappy pickup with a camper top? it uh...it takes two, two rednecks I guess. eh , whatever.
dannyboooi
they hadn't realised it yet, but the ghostbusters had just caught there first fire demon
Obscene_Shadow
Tra-la-la-BOOM-de-ay, there goes my hair to-day, the fat just melts a-way, I got nothin' else to say.
Ezkimofo
Qui Gon Jinn oversees the testing of the new replacement for the Jedi Mind Trick.
Casstaway
The CIA announced they successfully wounded Bin Laden today and warn to be on the look out for a tall guy with no hair & a speech impediment.
angrystring
This is what you get when you make to many "flaming" jokes about the craptions.
Casstaway
Based on a recent success, Obama announced a new 'Cash For Bunkers' program in Afganistan, today!
nichgq
"Goodness gracious great balls of fire"... I never knew this is what he was talking about.
shart_bite
What? You didn't think flaming spheres and goofy Japanese candles lit themselves, did ya?
Casstaway
Ahh! The Michael Bay captions! "Sitting on the dock of the Bay, watching the humour fade away."
Casstaway
President Obama announced the lighting of the Kandahar Christmas tree was premature, today, and that they would be now sending something with with balls on it.
Casstaway
Not that the kids at the Jonas Brothers' concert had any hair on their faces to begin with...
jjpmrogers
In the beginning there was a trailer park. And then he said "let there be light"
JUSTUS
Stand back im opening the portal to flaming fcktopia where i shall reign as lord of the gays GAYLORDS
Casstaway
American Idol met with a tragic end today when Simon, Ellen, Randy & Kara gave four 'no's to Blinded By The Light.
ParentesPizza
Notice the house with the lights on in the backround..yeah, there neighbors must hate them.
jimdocusa
This is Steve. Steve's friends have learned that when they give him a workshop, a weekend, a case of whiskey, and get the hell out of the way, truly amazing things will usually happen.
gtyyler
"don't try this at home, we do it with women naked, while the producer 'supervises.'" (No Pedophiles were found in this show)
Casstaway
Apple prototype: Ipod - Touched. Music, video, photo's, phone, everything man!
Cowbell
"Impressive," thought Jim. "But he's doing it shirtless just to insult my man boobs! The next blasts goes up that bony douche's ASS!"
decora
No.. no.. I just thought I'd go without a shirt, you know. That way there is nothing to catch fire.
queeftastical
And that's how we got kicked out of the German National Marching band and became Rammstein!
avonbarksdale
I'm going to use them both. Prepare to have your minds blown: Chuck Norris' penis, directed by Michael Bay.
salmonete
Criss Angel escapes ball of fire only to reveal that he is the one shooting the fireball. Bearded onlookers stunned.
lapsedsatanist
GODDAMMIT i said it was fire week 3 days ago, but nooooo recognition goes to the late. fuck you fire dot com
loopsheloop
When the loincloth stopped making people notice him, Jim did what he had to do.
kaly76hummer
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at Agelessfriends @ c o m a nice and free place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each othe
aladdin
That was one good fart. (Not pictured: 20 little paki, that ate beans for a week to in order to produce the "ammunition". They're all exhausted in the tent behind.)
DukeCotton
Gah, what the hell's even going on? I can't see a damn thing through all this lens flare...
aladdin
Joe Redneck had trained for six months at catch-yea-projectile-in-the-air game. He finally got it. Sadly, it was also his last attempt.
aladdin
At his ranch in Texas, Bush plans a special roasting technique for his Thanksgivin' Turkey.
AGhouston
The downside to marrying a redneck... Tell them to go get a flashlight and this is what they come back with.
The_Bing
Bobby Joe and Cletus took the statement, "I can see Russia from my back yard." and they'd be damned if they didn't put the fear of the dear lord baby jesus into those commies!
Creative9
How many white men do you need to switch a lightbulb...Ah f#ck it...go get a flamethrower!
redjimmy
Iggy Pop decided to do something about the influx of Emos turning up to his shows.
RWMagpie
"Oh, for goodness' sake! It's away-towards-punch! Ryu got this right first time without the flamethrower!"
dead_alewives
From 'How To Play a trumpet' out of the new book 'Michael Bay's Guide to Daily Hobbies'.
mikhailhanafi
"And if you look to your left, you'll see a traditional baby's birthday party."
JayColvin
Your training is progressing nicely my apprentis, but your lightsaber needs a little fine tuning...
risadanielle
Firethrowers...for those times when you need to set your neighbor's pickup on fire...for no reason.
kaly76hummer
My friends recommended me a very interesting place __AgelessFriends.com__ It's a nice and free place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Age gap is not a problem there. You may wanna check it
arm66
HVAC school, ITTechnical college, Truck Driving school, Roy passed up on all of those. He knew glass blowing was the ticket. And he was right, the demand for his giant glass bongs was going to make him a rich man by age 30....about the time he would
NotSafyreSchool
Wow, did the cracked editers censor the real winning caption? haha, what a bunch of losers.
TfR
We were all surprised when we discovered that this is what Aaron meant when he described himself as a "Flamer".
November 2009
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BeesKnees 
UnluckyAmulet 
zekesurf 
hammahamma 
Smelly_Blumpkin 
Mr.FirstNighter 
i-shappy 
mugatoo 
RevDrX 
TylerHead 
Destructicus 
pavement 
Scorpio1976 
BangRod 
jakamneziak 
monkeybird 
Chemical 
Jud_mc_bain 
Nightcrawler13 
marukabu 
Anvar 
Crash00 
chrislocke 
footimy 
Csonny 
phl996 
lighter 
ApxayyELoS 
Scooby 
RusH487 
