Other Craptions

"Do you really think this was the best way to punish Sergey for shaving in the community pool?"

The last time I tried to introduce evolution theory to the Kansas education system...

The Amish mourn the death of Darth Vader.

Moses! You must free your- Oh, sorry. Wrong bush.

Smokey Bear is going to have to eat some bitches.

Amish raves suck!

The sign at the end says "You Must Be THIS Witchy To Be Burned In This Fire."

Yeah, that's the reason I don't go to the family reunions anymore

The Amish tradition to burn a Microsoft computer for being a witch

Viking funerals only work ON THE WATER, you retards.

Ah yes, a mystic culture does an ancient ritual with great meaning and... oh, there's a truck in the background. Fuck this!

How to tell when Oktoberfest has gotten out of hand.

Gypsies, Tramps and Arsonists

Come on cousin light my fire...

I'm starting to suspect this is no ordinary lottery.

That'll teach a WOMAN to ask about quantum mechanics.

Those who can't make the cut at Riverdance become food for those who do

In Soviet Russia, you don't dance around the fire. You stand around it with long faces, hoping for something cool, like an explosion, to happen.

"Damnit, we haven't summoned Rogarth yet. What's wrong?" "Hey, Mary's got on an orange hood on! GET HER!"

My town has the worst fire bridgade ever.

This is why Utah didn't get the Olympics either.

OK, for a joint THAT big? I'll stand in a long-ass line and wear whatever uniform you like.

currently the only known way to summon Der Wagon, The Amish demon-god

Moments later: Nicholas Cage punches all of those women in the face.

Unfortunately, not all of life's problems can be solved with The Safety Dance.

I see the Teabaggers have leaped past McCarthyism and are now all the way back to the Salem Witch Trials.

After all of the "cursed" furniture was burned up, the townswomen hoped the fatness and dumpiness would also soon go.

The Bloods annual 'Bonfire Babushka Dance' was a roaring success!

"We warned her three times not to wear blue, THREE times!"

After fearing things like cannibalism or hillbilly rape, Fred found out there were worse problems. Like being burned alive for insulting their headscarves. After he was thoroughly roasted, the cannibalism and hillbilly rape would begin.

Your mom lights one of her farts...

Some people LARP, some do Civil War reinactments, others do a live-action versions of the game "Lemmings"

NO! Why is the Shire burning Treebeard???

Worst. Summer Camp. Ever.

"Wow, you guys sure like incense."

And the president says the Republicans have no alternative plan for health care!

Swing yer partner a little higher, toss her 'round and throw her in the fire! Dosey doe...

This is the gypsy ritual for warding off the evil spirits that get too much hair stuck in the hairbrush. Next week, the evil spirits that get your headphones tied in a knot.

"And so, great Raashka, we ask for you to come and..." "Hey guys, I'm feeling a little dizzy in this circle." "Oh for the love of Agneraz, who invited him?"

Even grass roots movements can have scorched-earth policies.

Homeschool pep rallies suck.

Druids aren't very well understood, perhaps because they burn any scientists within 10 yards of them in their evil rituals.

Maybe we don't have your fancy city fires around here, but we make do.

See Ted? I fucking told you. The amish ARE like moths!

"We gather here today to mourn the career of Jean Claude Van Dame"

Now no one who visits the commune will know the cat pissed on the couch.

Ashes to ashes, check.

Cracked: origins

Proof that no matter how many women you get to screw in a lightbulb, they'll always fuck it up.