We're not saying you have to give the church 10 percent of your income. We're just saying that something bad might happen if you don't.
Hey David, I don't question the orders we get, all I know is his name is Dan Brown, he's some kind of writer, and we are supposed to bring his fingers back to the vatican.
You remember when you prayed to God and the Red Sox won the pennant, and you won that bet? Well God is here for his cut!
You're going to make Pedophile jokes aren't you? WOW! You cheeky and ORIGINAL bastard!
Being amateurs at covert operations, the priests thought the sunglasses would disguise them as they left the altar boy convention.
They've taken the vows of poverty, obedience, abstinence and the obscure fourth one...looking AWESOME.
When these guys say they're gonna get Medieval on your ass, they're not fucking kidding.
If they're supposed to be celibate...why is the dude in the back sporting a porn-stache?
"Yeah, so Pauly and Fat Tony and me was just walkin' down the fuckin' street, when these fuckin' Jesuit motherfuckers come struttin' out like they owned the fuckin' place."
Few people know that tagging was started by street gangs who had taken a vow of silence.
Dear God. Please let me be cool. Amen. Oh, and Frank really wants a moustache.... Thanks.
Tarintino still plays the really ugly motherfucker that gets killed right away.
The boys weren't about to let their last heist be ruined by a little mix-up at the dry cleaners.
Some mook was on their turf preaching the poverty of Christ and the need to live a life of humility. They had to ice him; it's a matter of honor.
"Hey dude, weren't we carrying a coffin a few minutes ago?" . . . "Oh fuck, just keep walking and maybe no one will notice..."
Yeah Cheif, the undercover disguise are great, those monks don't suspect a thing.
Oh shit we should've taken a left turn back there-- Dont worry just keep walking cool
Vito was dubious about his witness protection assignment, but quickly left his mark on the monastary
"We'll need an old priest, a young priest, ...and get that one gang of bad-assed priests, will ya?"
So these are the guys that have been hooking little kids on communion wafers.
When the Jews decided to go under-cover and mingle with the gentiles, well, let's just say their disguises weren't very subtle.
RELIGION:because you'll never see the 93 firearms in this picture until its too late.
Whe is his hand in his pocket??? Beating the Bishop...? Polishing the Pope...? Rubbin the Reverend...?
if you have a cross to bear, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the hallalujah team
Why did I have to leave Chicago...lets just say I picked up some bad habits
Scene from Michael Bay's "The Exorcists" taken right before whatever they're standing in front of explodes in slow motion.
"Yeah, I'm the Father, you can call me priest. I'm holy but the holes I'll put in you'll leak. You'll never dare front to a man with God power, I sniff up that yayo like the dough boy sniffin' flour."
Dear God, please let me be cool. Amen. Oh, and Frank really wants a moustache... Thanks.
Coming to your door on Saturday mornings!!! These monks took a page out of the Jehovah Witnesses' book.
"Let's get goin'. Time to cruise the runaway shelter for some new altar boys."
Why do I always have to be Mr. Brown...it's too close to Mr. Shit. I'd rather be Mr. Pink!
Straight out of Jerusalem motherfucker named Matthew, from the gang called Monks With Attitude.
They see me rollin', they hatin', patrolling they trying to catch me ridin holy.
They came en masse with black shades, wooden crosses and brown robes ... they preached familiar words and their message was simple: "do as I say, not as I do". Having said that, they promptly circulated a collection basket.
Man, going round houses to raise enough money for these sunglasses was WORTH IT!
The Pope immediately ordered the hit and dispatched his Papal Seals unit upon hearing of Dan Brown's new novel.
And on the Eighth Day, GOD made shades. And He proclaimed, "That is rightous, my motha fuckas...!"
Realizing that he was 10 minutes after the hour and so his Craption had no chance of winning, Joe gave up on life and joined a monastery.
Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time!
Mr. Brown, this is Mr. Brown and his friend, Mr. Brown. That guy in the back? Mr. Brown.
Ok, a priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar, then these guys kick their asses. Funny, right?
In 1972 , a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as
On that day they decided they had had just about enough of those Smurf assholes.
Oh man! Every since Marky Mark got into movies, I've been WONDERING what happened to the Funky Bunch!
We believe in God, the father and Pimp Daddy, Player of Heaven and Earth, oh all hoes laid and unlaid.
Despite weeks of planning the bank robbery, their disguises were not as foolproof as they'd hoped.
Ever since he grew out his moustache, Bill always has the overwhelming desire to 'kissy-face' when a camera was around.
yeah, well this is the Jersey Inquisition, turn around douche bag and drop your pants
"And then the clouds parted, and down came the angels. And they meant fucking business."
Da Vinci Code fans are just getting weird. Leave the costumes to the Harry Potter Knob Gobblers!!!
Twenty minutes later, hoping to be treated like an alter boy, France surrendered.
the grim reaper found that far less people ran away from him simply by ditching the scythe and changing the color of his robe to brown.
Coming soon! "Sweetback's Bad Ass Inquisition Movie" - The Infidels Strike Back. Keeping It Real in the Holy Land!
They're not priests at all. They're just a bunch of douchebag pedophiles trolling. Wait..Yeah they're priests.
Heaven's Demons: because they're too badass for the monastery, and Hell's Angels refused their applications.
I am sorry ma'am, I am gonna have to confiscate that kid, national security reasons.
in hindsight, maybe we shouldn't have all decided to make our Halloween costumes a surprise
True followers of the words of St. Augustine: "Lord, make me chaste, but not yet, not yet".
The Vaticans release of Papal Chants: Rock Band was admittedly 'ill conceived' as The Beatles: Rock Band was launched the same day.
"Now that I've put on my glasses no one can recognize me while I scratch my crotch. I wouldn't want to bring attention to myself."
"Holy Ghost, this is Black Sheep. Shepherd is on the move. I repeat, Shepherd is on the move."
Take me down to the Vatican City, where the grass is green and the nuns are pretty. Oh won't you please take me home.
The filming for the next Dan Brown movie, featuring mobster, track suit wearing priests, is apparently, underway.
Tutus, chicken outfits, smurfs, and now this? what magical dock districty is this?
On Sunday afternoons, the local priests don their best garments and troll for young boy tail.
Their solid gold crosses and designer sunglasses PROVE their devotion to God.
Keep your eyes out for an altar boy, brothers. I smell innocence around here somewhere...
Have you seen Tom Cruise? We are here to inteviene and stop the crazy Scientology crap
Quentin, I don't think the apostles aver went by the names, Mr. Pink, Mr. Brown, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue & Mr. Orange.
Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the K-5 Team.
So they have pockets but still have to use a cheap rope for a belt. That makes sense.....
CSI: Vatican City. "Looks like the only one who'll be witnessing this victim now is Jehovah." "Yeah... duh duh dah duh dah."
I know being that guy who drinks all the wine is fun but one has to be the designated Robin Hood
"So the minister was forced to kneel in the mud before he was shot down." "I guess that's what happens when you...pray dirty." YEEEAHHHH!
In this Acorn video, never before seen, "priests" enter the San Antonio office asking about how to get a loan to buy the Alamo and use as a brothel for underage Mexicans.....and as a taqueria. ACORN worker asks for free frijoles and tortillas along
Every little bit of business on these streets, from the shops to the dealers to the girls working the corners, is controlled by the Brotherhood.
Go, God's lightning, strike the non-believers down (God's lightning, go, God's lightning)
Alright guys, where is tha monkey lovin, darwin spoutin athiest going to go now? Bill, Franko and Joey, you guys hold him and Stephen and I will shove that evolution sign up his ass.
these "monks" say they pray 10 times a day, what they really mean is 'prey'...
Ah yes, very religous. From the robes, to the crosses. Just like the olden tim...WTF??? Teevas? Frickin' Teevas? Man, fuck it.
The church finally threw the book at all of their pedophile priests - 50 hours of community service.
Monks these days put such little effort into their party costumes. I mean really, sun glasses?!
by the time boondock saints two gets made sean patrick flanery will look like the guy on the left
Heaven's Devils: because they're too badass for the monestary, and the Hell's Angels refused their applications.
Tarantino's newest cult classic, Righteous Dogs, had more of an underground following among people who aren't normally Tarantino fans.
Tired as all hell of Michael Moore's rantings against the Catholic Church, the Vatican deployed a black ops team of brothers to show the fat fuck how corrupt they could REALLY be.
We're here to kick some ass and say some rosaries, and we're all out of rosaries...
The christian station TBN revives The A-Team in a new spinoff called "The God Team"
Only 3 rules for this powerful group: celibacy, silence and love of children
they're monk,they're monk,they're monk,they're in your head...they're monk,they're monk,they're monk,you might be dead...
Ironically, the Secret Service agents' new disguises made them even more obvious.
"Alright, John, we've had enough. You do that Burt Reynolds impersonation one more time, and we'll do to you what we did to the Shaolin, I swear to God! ...No offense, Holy Father."
So by wearing this, we get to be the first in line for free food and booze?!?!
It's from that same weirdsville USA event! God God where is it so I can stay away!
Here we come, walking down the street... Gonna hand out blessings, to everyone we meet!
This is what happens when the Blues Brothers gets produced by the Vatican...
Let me say this out loud, 'cause I wanna get it straight in my head. You're saying that Mr. Blonde was gonna kill you, then when we got back, he was going kill us, take the satchel of diamonds, and scram. I'm right about that, right? That's correct?
The catholic church has re-made Reservoir Dogs. it's Mr Brown, and Mr Brown, and Mr Brown, and Mr Brown, and Mr Brown.
Unfortunately, Coldplay got religion today and subsequently cancelled their remaining Viva La Vida tour.
Security at Michael Jackson's funeral was tight today. It's expect to be even tighter at his next funeral, slated for January 2010.
... and January 2011. And January 2012. Until the actually bury that poor fucker.
"Here we come, walkin' down the street. We get the funniest looks from every one we meet. Hey, hey, we're the Monkees ..."
"I think our disguises are working perfectly, no one even suspects a thing"
Lucifer: HAHAHAHA! Like a bunch of siss- NO WAIT! DON'T PULL OUT THE HOLY WATER! OH SHIT!
Reservoir Dogma (oh wait, I wasn't the first, second, or third person to submit a craption, I guess I'm fucked)
The church began to regret their decision to add a new chapter at the docks when the stingier members of the congregation dissapeared.
The only day of the year in which the white monks are able to go out of the monastery and bring their only possession in the laundry
We're on a mission from God, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.
Brothers in God. . . Brothers in Arms. . . Brothers who kick ass. . . They're all the same, and they're right here. . .
"listen. i'm real happy for you, and i'ma let you finish, but Tuck had the best robe of ALL TIME!!!"
The parade is over, the float has been dismantled, the water bottles have been recycled. Time to head back to their day job.
Yeah, you BETTER pray to god before my first rapes you in the face, faggot.
The last thing you'll ever see is the light of God. The first is my foot up your ass.
So this is where the big religion rumble is? Damn I knew i should have brought my cross with the rusty nail in it.
We hear you didn't donate to "The Church" this week, and we came to "Persuade" you to help our "Congregation".
And we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teaming with souls shall it ever be...
The Bible Has Some Pretty Stern Things To Say About Killing. But It's Mighty Hazy On The Subject Of Kneecaps.
Ah Date Line Italia: Today we witnessed the new line of mens fashion from the POPE label. When asked why he would publicly endorse such a commericial enterprise he was quoted as saying..."Hey, itz a buck, donations are down ana we get uh 10% off the
Brother Markus is escorted from the safe house by the Franciscan division of the US Secret Service.
The Spanish Inquisition. They came, they saw, and now they are going to kick your ass.... Nobody escapes from the Spanish Inquisition.....
They came, They saw, and now they are going to kick your ass. NOBODY escapes from the Spanish Inquisition
Blizzard announces they will close world of warcraft. In other news, a group of gamers threaten to kill all Blizzard employees, only to rez them and repeat.
Slightly confused, one of the cult leaders checks to make sure his penis in intact.
"Why am I Father Pink?" "Because of that choirboy that pressed charges last year"
When they walk by, you feel the power of god in the form of a foot in your ass.
kanye west say's...You can finish but their are better craptions wiff only 1 or 2 votes...
After Pope read the Lost Symbol,Vatican officially began the hunt for Robert Langdon....
Asian Dry Cleaner "you-ah ask fo da friar man, I ah- giva you da Friar man, Ohhhh Fire...man why you no say so!"
One of the lesser known facts about the Vatican is that it has its own Crack Commando forces, the Fighting Cardinals.
Jim, I told you to put a couple dollars in the collection bin. Jesus CHRIST now they're after us.
needed clothes because their luggage got lost. The sad thing is the guy on the left is the only one who DIDN'T lose his luggage.
November 2009
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