Well, I see Jack in the box. And there's Dick in a box. You'll have to introduce me to the others.
"Captain's log, Stardate Supplemental: I'm going through my box of Riker parts and can't decide if I want him with a beard today or not."
Shortly after Barbie's arrest, detectives discovered a ghastly scene beneath the floorboards of her Beverly Hills mansion.
Everyone tried to avoid eye contact, but deep down they knew their bodies were engaged in homosexual poses.
"I'm Billy Mays" "NO! I'm Billy Mays" "Wait! I'm Billy Mays" "SCREW YOU! I'm Billy Mays!"
Step 1: Cut a hole in a box. Step 2: Put your GI Joe heads in that box. Step 3: Make her open the box.
Deliver this box for me... but I'm warning you... If you drop it, heads will roll!!
"Mama said life was like a box of -- OH MY FUCKING SWEET CREEPING GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT????"
"I'd try one, but I hate ending up with one of those fruit-flavored cream centers."
"OK, who just flicked me in the back of the head? I'm not even mad -- I just wanna know how you did it."
How embarrasing, I show up to the party wearing the same beard as this asshole.
Well, we're in quite a predicament, gentlemen. But I'm a firm believer that if life gives you lemons, then make lemonade. So let's go around the box and introduce ourselves. I'm Larry...
Barbie's horrible secret was discovered when they excavated the basement of the Malibu Dream House.
I guess I should have thought more carefully before wishing for "an endless supply of head."
The creepy thing isn't that I have a box of tiny heads. The creepy thing is that I have to keep shaving them!!
"It's not so bad, Raoul, at least we get to see Genius Waitress' underpants from time to time"
I lose absolutely everything... I swear I'd lose my head if it wasn't stored safely in a box with a variety of other heads...
"What do you think is on the outside?" "Shhh! Are you crazy? That's dangerous thinking."
The ending to SEVEN with the heads of Morgan Freeman's ten gay lovers was luckily changed at the last minute for Gweneth Paltrow. I'm not kidding, look it up.
Police were baffled by the anonymous package left in front of Don Imus's front door
They were feeling boxed in so they put their heads together to come up with a solution.
"Hi. We're looking for a box of smooth, plastic crotches...asses marked 'Hasbro.' Anybody?"
Betty would always ask the guy if he wanted a little head on the first date. They were always very disappointed.
The Saddam Hussein Little Bloodthirsty Dictator Playset now with twice the decapitations!
"We ran out of organ donors for your testicle replacement, but we have an idea..."
Mr. Doe, we regret to inform you that "Gwyneth Paltrow's severed head" is out of stock. We have sent a dozen "generically ethnic" severed heads as compensation. Thank you. -Amazon.com customer service
This reminds me of when I was 14 years-old. I opened the front door to find Ed McMahon standing there. I was like, "Holy crap, did I just win the Publishers' Clearinghouse Sweepstakes?!" and he says, "No, now get the hell out of my house!"
I still think "enhanced interrogation techniques" describes this better than "torture". Don't you?
SpicyNutcheese tried to pretend to not know how to spell 'masturbating', but his fellow Cracked readers knew the difference.
"Yes, um.... I think you delivered this to the wrong apartment, this is 665."
I think my father-in-law hates me... its the same christmas gift every year.
On the tehth day of Christmas my true love gave to meeeeeeeeeeee....now we're divorced.
While snooping through their son's room, Billy's parents couldn't decide whether this was better or worse than finding drugs.
So what'd you do get your head chopped off? Eh, I got stealin' an apple, you? Donkey sex, loud donkey sex...
When he was done with Meneudo, little Pepe went back in the box with the others.
I don't want them...I can't even stand it when the fish in the supermarket is looking at me.
Ever wonder why Barbie has so many different husbands? Answer: insurance money.
This is what happens when gay little boys have mean bullies for older sisters
The next 100 people to post a "head" joke get a leftover 4th-of-July firecracker up their San Francisco Treat.
Due to the number of suicide bombers decreasing, and roadside bombs increasing. Al-Qaeda has begun improvising.
A fart so powerful it blew the torso of everyone in the vicinity clean off.
Hooker Barbie took more than the usual payment if she wasn't pleased with GI Joes performance.
Right after my girlfriend gives me access to her box, it's always better when she follows it up with some head.
The secret ingredient in 'Barbie's Boob Juice' was horrifically revealed at 3pm
If this picture had sound you'd hear them all humming "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" from the Lion King.
Somehow, I was expecting more from the "Michael Jackson: Through The Years" exhibit.
hey! remember that movie motel hell? that was based on a real story, and apparently they recently found this box...
"Ken, I gotta break something to ya, man. Barbie gives head to other men. YOUR HEAD, Ken!"
If you got the box of bodiless heads then that means she got t....OHHHH NOOOOOOO!!!
When they opened the Ark in Indiana Jones, this is what caused everyones face to melt.
Somewhere, right now, a serial killer is opening his eBay purchase and it's a My Little Pony lunchbox
...and when she first said to me "Would you like a little head," I'll admit I was interested.
"So then I said to her, 'There are 206 bones in the human body... do you want another one?' Ha! Well, enough about me. How'd YOU wind up here?"
"So tell me something fun about you"... "Well, I have this sort of hobby"... "Oooh! Like you collect stamps and stuff?"... "Ummm, yeah, something like that"
that's not what i meant when i said "Put your heads together and think of something"
Is your son or daughter a future Republican? Take this simple test to find out...
Slaveship conditions were much more crowded than historians had previously believed
I got sick of all my dolls staring at me while I wacked off in my room...but the box always seems to find its way open.
You've got that look again , Bob. You're starting to make me a little uncomfortable.
Does anyone else wonder if "Julius_Goat" just has 100 separate accounts that all vote in his favor? I might just be a hater, but I don't find much of anything he writes funny.
Journal entry number 125. Still no explanation how i can write with no arms. They are all still looking at me...
New from Mattel: Al-Qaeda terrorist barbie, beard disguises and decapitatable head included
I was able to look into the mind of Carmen Electra...and was in no way surprised.
Peter looked to his right. He would deny the fart at all costs. Worst case scenario he would blame Bruce. With his faggoty beard. Peter could still taste Bruce's seamen.
This wasn't what Gerald expected when his wife gave him the "Good for 10 nights of head" coupon
'Abelraman the infidel' was the only doll permitted in Afghanistan under Taliban rule
In a last ditch effort, humanity tried to clone Billy Mays, but our efforts had to be discarded.
"So, what do you have going for you after your stint here?" "Well, I'm auditioning for a part in the next Barbie commercial, 'Jihad-Style Barbie'..."
Found in Michael Jackson's closet with a note reading "Nothing like a little head"
Cap'n_obvious's 9 head retaliation representing each craption that Julius_Goat submits daily
The headless horseman decided he'd keep on trying until he found just the right replacement.
"Act normal, he looks like a KGB spy" "Act normal, he looks like a KGB spy" "Act normal, he looks like a KGB spy"
When Jeffrey Dahmer told the police that he had a bunch of blackheads, they didn't understand him at first...
Buzz Lightyear and Woody finally went genocidal on the short lived action figures of the Jeffersons
A fitting end for those that pondered the question " What are little boys made of?"...
"Hello Billy Mays here. Now watch how OxiClean turn these Afro-Americans into caucasions!"
Somewhere in the world a geek is crying his eyes out in a fetal position because he actually knows what body those little heads belong to and their worth on eBay!
I think I'll wear my excited head today...yes excited and bearded is good for a Tuesday...
"So, I ripped the head off of my little sister's barbie and... well, revenge is serious matter for her"
Suddenly, one of the disembodied heads became self-aware, and wondered what the fuck he was doing in a box with other heads
She said she wanted to give me a lot of head, and then I received this in the mail. You can imagine my disappointment.
A box of action figure heads was found recently. Police report the person of interest in the crime is Ken Barbie
What the....Those idiots messed up my order again! I specifically said no beards!
This is what happened to all of the extras on Toy Story who got a little too close to Mr. Potato Head's wife.
If I had a small doll head in a box for every time I gave my husband a blow job...well that's about right.
Whether you can think of a caption or not, they'll still be staring at you when you try to masturbate tonight.
I quickly realized that her definition of "giving lots of head" differed significantly from mine.
Oh, I've gotten head. I've gotten a lot of head. Don't believe me? Here, take a gander.
How come every time I end up getting a girlfriend, she has a box full of severed heads in her basement? It's not fair.
Get You're New Heads In A Box, ONLY 9.95, Hear That 9.95, Perfectly Severed For Your Pleasure
No one could deny the asshole genie delivered, but it wasn't exactly what Ali requested when he wished for "More head and box than he could handle"
I`m out of ideas, vote for me if you want Michael Bay to die in a horrible car accident!!!
"Hi, weird box fantasy factory? Yes, about that 40lb box of rape I ordered...."
New from Mattel! The Paul McCartney action figure, with interchangeable heads! From Beatles to Wings rock out with the many different faces of Sir Paul!
"If he keeps staring at me for one more second there's gna be one less head in a box..."
Yes, I did say that I would like some head, but I think you may have misunderstood.
Sometimes you got to be more specific when you say you got some head in a box.
All right. I've told you before with this Genie you have to be more specific than just "a little head."
Do you have any Chuck Norris models left? You could check in the used bin over there...
It's shameful that as late as 2009 desegregation has yet to reach the "leftover mannequin head" demographic.
I did ask that you pay attention to my head and the Shaft, but I wasn't very clear.
when john said he was gonna box some heads when he went to work, he wasn't kidding
"Honest Sarge, it was an accident! The lady said she would give the whole platoon a little head."
I LOVE head, and I LOVE box, so why does this picture not make me want to mastrubate?
They kept a few backup Billy Mays robots in case he got laryngitis, and now that he's no longer with us, they are having a hard time figuring out what to do with them.
When i said "Just stick your head in the box." i wasn't talking that kind of head... Jesus. Haven't you ever seen SNL?
I think I see Tom Jones... and the black guy from the original Planet of the Apes movie!
"One would think this guy will eventually get some barbies head in this sausage fest." >Yeah, I know. What a tool!
There's a broken portal on the other side that reads "get head here". Suckers.
Head off apply directly to stump head off apply directly to the stump head off apply directly to the stump.....bitch
Sarah Palin is sending a thank you gift to Dave Letterman for apologizing for his crude joke.
Despite having a large selection of heads to choose from, including some of the new Riker models, Data continued to wear his regular, yellow-skinned pedophile head.
Judging from their eyes, the really wierd thing is just outside of the picture...
"I can't feel my legs!" "I can't feel mine either!" "SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!"
While going through Michael's belongings, the family found all of the rejected plastic faces that he didn't want
"He's touching me!" "Well he keeps looking at me!" "Shut up!" "No you shut up!" "duochebag..."
Have you seen my friend Carlos? He's got black hair, and a beard, he's missing everything from the head down?
Damn it, John! When I said "Smuggle the Mexicans over the border and I'll pay you by the head" I meant "if the heads are still attached to the bodies!"
God had a few failed attempts when sculpting out what Jesus should look like on Earth.
well at least theres no fucking soccer ball in this picture only the depressed heads of isreal
Hasbro, the makers of GI Joe, was unsuccessful in the 60's with their ebonic line of toys: GI Joe Afro and Soul Brother w/ Blue Eyes for $9.99. Bodies Sold Seperately.
"Damnit Charlie you told me this would be safe but apperantly having sex with hilary clinton got us fucked"
I read that Billy Mays, Micheal Jackson, and Farrah got that same box on June 1st...
After losing the Presidential Race to an African American, evidence was found in Gov Palin's office that she went psycho and became a serial killer.
The sequel to Se7en, "9ine", failed due to a number of factors, not the least of which was unintended offense to fans of 1970's homoerotic beard-loving subculture.
Poor, poor Lando, Apollo, Agent J, Doughboy, Morpheus, Bubba, Monti Brewster, Jules, and Principle Clark.
Life is like a box of choco-..um men heads...you never know what you're gonna get
The ball pit at Chuck E cheese was made more festive just in time for "Cinco De Mayo"
A told my girlfriend I wanted a little head for my birthday and this is what I got.
1: Decapitate a bunch of brown men 2: Put the heads in a box 3: ???? 4: PROFIT!!!
Your first task is to assemble this box of toys for our new super hero promotion: Afro Brother Protector of Funk!
All right, I know this new Serial Killer Barbie is taking it a bit too far, what with her box of decapitated heads, but it's far better than what Lorena Bobbitt Barbie had in her box...
the amount of latent homosexual tension in these "funny" craptions seems to be endless. why don't you guys just come out of the closet, already?
Although the meaning is subject to debate, most critics agree this is the most disturbing alternate ending to Se7en.
I always like to get head, but I never thought I'd be getting some through the mail...
After the wannabe serial killer realized killing people was hard, he decided to just buy a box of heads instead.
When I said that I said that I had too many blackheads, that's not exactly what I meant.
The initial models for Michael Jacksons new face were all met with aggression...
That's a lot of head, but there is only one box. I'm not sure I want those sloppy seconds!
When Roshanda told Jamal she wanted her black box filled this definitely wasn't what she had in mind.
When you are trying to get out of that relationship around the holidays or a birthday and don’t know what to buy; just remember nothing says “I don’t love you anymore” like a plain box of GI Joe Heads.
"I wanted HEAD, not HEADS," said Jonny, hanging up the phone. Not pictured: Jonny's overly literal girlfriend; also, a bitch.
My brother's childhood obsession with GI Joe heads makes perfect sense now that he's come out...
there's a joke here about getting head however i'm far too lazy to devise it
Of course this is what I first thought when you told me you where going to give me heads...
it's true what they say: "When youre in Texas look behind you, Cuz that's where the rangers are gonna be"
It only takes 6 to 8 weeks to arrive after the purchase of Matel's Guillotine Barbie Playset.
Although I think we can all say this is awkward, I must say Dan, you have a really nice tan, it really compliment your hasidic jew fro and beard.
Poor guys must've known my ex-wife... she was a pro at biting people's heads off
Advertising Sales Agents: We should reconsider the presentation. Soylent Green CEOs: Fuck it! Everybody already knows anyway.
So, instead of wasting time and money making a new Keanu Reeves from scratch, we just ordered these. Cheaper AND more diverse.
She's so ugly that there's a dozen men in her box and not even one of them will make eye contact.
Everyone looked suspiciously around, wondering who farted, and more importantly, from WHERE???
The red dwarf crew, Kryten mostly wished they had double checked there e-bay order.
Uncle Merv's arrest and conviction for same sex polygamy provided some context for his odd Christmas gifts
"Guys, I don't know how we get out of here but someone is going to have to start thinking outside the box."
Mmmmm.... you feel so good Baby when I put my head in your box! Send me a NeilsNotes... lover!
OK so when my girlfriend told me that she would "give me head" I didn't think it would be so darn literal
Tupac: "Whenever I felt that somebody was close to discovering my real identity, I'd just change my head. And that's how I've stayed hidden for 12 years."
I told you Ted, you cannot sit on my face to get yourself out of this box, even if you promise to take me with you!
Introducing the all new My Jihadist Barbie collection! Can Barbie convince Ahmed to shave that stubbly beard, or is he too busy makin IUD's to pay attention to her? You Decide! Barbie Burka sold seperately. Some assembly required.
She told him she'd give him head for his birthday. This is not what he had in mind.
the most terrifying and ruggedly handsome box in the world... Sorry I forgot about my 3rd wife.
when the western world tried pawning off failed ken doll ideas to third world muslim countries the result was unimaginable
The one thing all men want for Christmas, but no woman is ever thoughtful enough to get.
I LOVE black jokes about white dolls with no bodies...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay FUUNY! NOT!
And in all that hustle and bustle to get to the window, all the employees except Bill missed the girl with the nice rack that walked by... Bill would describe the angelic sight for years.
Step one: Put some severed heads in a box. Step two: Cut a hole in the box...
Billy Mays' last project was to create robots to simulate him and other pitchmen
Fuching Jews trying to take over the entertainment industry...where will it end???????????
Darling, when I said I wanted more head, this isn't quite what I had in mind...
If you look inside, it's a di...FUCK! Seriously what the fuck is that shit, you douchebag!?
GI Joe quickly learned that the kung fu grip is a powerful weapon but if it is misused, it can have disastrous results.
NEW FROM RONCO!!! THE AMAZING PECKER PUPPET!! THE LITTLE LADY WON'T GO DOWN ON YOU? SHE WILL WHEN SHE SEES DOUG ON YOUR DONG! OR HOW ABOUT JOHN ON YOUR JOHNSON!! SHE'LL LAUGH SHE'LL CRY, BEST OF ALL, SHE'LL BLOW YOU!!
NEW FROM RONCO! THE AMAZING PECKER PUPPET!!!! THE LITTLE LADY WON'T GO DOWN? SHE WILL IF SHE SEES ANINOCOUS BEARDED LATIN FACE ON YOUR CRANK!!!
And somewhere out there on a street corner is a box of bodies still clinging to their bags of oranges.
Pictured: the wish granted to these guys by a genie with a twisted, cruel sense of humour
Oooooh, theres my box of dismembered dolls heads staring at eachother with an air of mistrust! I was wondering where I'd put it!
I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I choose Dos Equis. AND THIS IS WHY! Stay thirsty my friends.
I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I choose Dos Equis. And this is why! Stay thirsty my friends
I don't think "Several Fake Heads in a Briefcase" was anywhere near as good of a movie as its prequel, "8 Heads in a Duffle Bag"
When Mardi Gras and Barbie conventions fall on the same weekend, hospital dunpsters contain some weeeird stuff.
one of the lesser known serial killers, the "G.I. JOE murderer" never seemed to make headlines
"Mom, where did daddy go?"asked Timmy."Oh, he's down stairs visiting some friends..."
The original G.I. Joe heads hide in shame after seeing the trailer for the upcoming movie.
Jim knew it was too good to be true when his date told him she would give him some head when they went back to her apartment.
A bunch of fucking mannequin heads in a fucking box oh Christ I hate you so much
I think box of heads is a pretty cool guy, eh acts decapitated and doesnt afraid of anything
God, when's it going to end? Chief, we need to get Max Headroom into protective custody ASAP.
The craiglist ad said "secret blackhead ointment" to fix my acne but sexygrl2765 sent me this. WTF?
Barbie finally showed 'Ken' what happens with Ken's try to leave her. His head was soon added to the collection
Did you fuck that waitress too? I knew something was sketchy when she offered me a ride in her busted minivan.
They released the photos, are you happy now? Now we can have another retelling of Heart of Darkness for a new generation, shit.
"When I said I wanted you to give me lots of head for my birthday, this isn't what I had in mind."
Nearing the end of filming the of the film "se7en" Director David Fincher lost his special effects funding.
While the other heads live a life oblivious to the outside world ...the head on the bottom just came to a horrific realization...they haven't made G.I. Joes with big plastic heads since the 70's...
From the makers of Barbie, its insurgent Ken! Now with interchangeable heads for extra terrorist fun!
[Pictured] Horrifying box of GI Joe heads. [Not Pictured] Baby Krissy Doll at bottom of box eating her way out.
God dammit, not this shit again. This is the last time I volunteer for 'Lots of Head' on craigslist.
"Damnit! I thought is was suspicious that the Xbox 360 I ordered off of eBay was only 10 bucks!"
"I dunno, honey. I didn't mind when Bobby started playing with dolls, but I'm starting to think this isn't "normal behavior for an eight year old"."
Uh, sweetie, this isn't exactly what I meant when I suggested that you could give me head for my birthday...
And here we have a box full of props for the supermarionation version of "Mel Gibson's Apocolypto"!
"Okay, cadets! Eyes front! Today we're going to practice identifying suspects who have abused amphetamine or cocaine derivatives. I'll place three heads on the podium, you point out the crack-head; ready?"
Hello, customer service? I'd like to return my do-it-yourself voodoo doll kit? None of these heads look anything like my boyfriend...."
November 2009
October 2009
September 2009
August 2009
July 2009
June 2009