geniuswaitress
"Yeah, C3PO? Get here quick. R2's drunk, stripped off his protective casing, and lighting his own farts."
phreesh
Maybe it's not a *better* mousetrap, but it's certainly an *awesomer* mousetrap.
Iceland
In the future, scientists will create a robot so life-like, it's asshole will respond to Taco Bell just like ours.
gotbass7
Gladstone carefully studied the robot, trying to make humor from such an item. Alas, he couldnt
ChaxC
The more craptions I write the more votes the guy with the winning craption gets.
Leaf
There are BattleBots... and then there are Bots who'd rather just sit in the stands and drink...
rambojesusak47
After so many years of puting his data-jack into random com-ports, R2-D2 eventually contracted a burning case of herpes
joeyjoseph
ok, i've done my part... now you go and slap a sticker on that terminator over there.
nimo
When the robot bartender says he thinks you've had enough, just agree with him and leave.
MC_Rap
Never shown on the Satellite of Love, Joel Robinson's other robot friend, Bart Ender
wquates
blah-blah-blah Michael Bay blah-blah-blah France surrendered blah-blah-blah Scientology blah-blah-blah Transformers blah-blah-blah Storm Troopers blah-blah-blah
geniuswaitress
Tolkien geeks even have their own cocktails. This one's called 'The Smaug.'
phreesh
If only there was some kind of machine that could combine my love of alcohol with my love of arson...
ObDewLaX
And the little voice inside my head says, "go ahead, put your balls in there, it will feel soooo goood!"
WHYAMIYELLING?
It's obvious that Billy's dad helped him with his third grade science project
Zorrou
after 30 years in development robots of the future will be able to make fire farts, tax dollars well spent
gitsum
Hmmm...do you think the "Danger" stickers are necessary...? Generally, I have no problem assessing danger when a 3 foot flame is shooting out of a device.
papajon0s1
I paid for 4 years of college and my son builds a freakin' Starfuckulator coffee warmer...
Blinker_Fluid
They have combined the power of the Jager bomb with the volatility of the Molotov Cocktail. Soon they will rule the world. Just as soon as Kevin gets back from the beer run.
potzy
The Bukowski XJ93 had everything a robot needed to write poetry. Fire in the belly, a constant stream of whiskey, and a lexicon of a 2 billion words. yet his creator had forgotten to give it a soul.
jmble
Danger! May become sentient fire breathing killing machine. But until then, enjoy a drink.
DuchessOfPrunes
This is the last time I let my husband play with his Erection set... Erector set... Erection set!
thedrew
No matter how many "Danger Robot" labels we put out, someone always grabs the drink too early.
Truthiness
He may have won 1st prize in the science fair but he's now a most wanted suspect.
gitsum
Little Jimmy was disappointed that he finished 3rd in the science fair - little did he know that state policy and ATF agents were waiting outside the gymnasium.
Roland_Deschain
"Did it just discharge napalm instead of vermouth again?" "Yeah. It does that..."
buddywts
sure it looks cool NOW- but when you wake up tomorrow and your ass is doing the same thing......
Belldo
"I Need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle" "Oh Skynet, you're not even trying any more"
Zeppo
OK, craptions are great and all, but I really want to know what the hell this thing is supposed to do.
Julius_Goat
When his coffee machine was met with jeers, Dr. Frankenstein turned to darker pursuits . . .
Todzilla
Alert Swaim that this is the one that will kill us all (by making us breed with fat chicks).
Piercewise1
It cost NASA $500 million, but now we have a robot that can light its own farts on fire.
hadleydb
"HI! I'M BILLY MAYS! Have you ever dreamed of making your own hot tea?!?! Well I have the solution! My new Hot Tea Maker Machine!"
zbeebs
Not wanting to spend the tremendous resources on more Terminators, Skynet comes up with an innovative way to eliminate most young males.
gitsum
Samuel Jackson's Liquor...when you absolutely, positively have to kill everymuth@%*a in the bar!
phreesh
I'll have a beer. Flaming sambuca? No. Beer. How 'bout a flaming sambuca? How 'bout no? I want a beer. One flaming samubuca coming up!
lynn_k_fletcher
It's really the only way to sanitize a glass. You'll never be sure it's clean any other way.
wquates
This is what happens when the school science fair was sponsored by Budweiser & Taco Bell.
phreesh
I call it a, 'flaming waste or four months and three thousand dollars'. It's got grapefruit juice in it.
gitsum
MYTH BUSTED! You cannot drink a flaming shot without setting your face on fire. Coming up after the commercial break, we'll blow the goddamn thing up with C4.
lismartarse
Trying to avoid the conception of John, the first terminator tried to burn all the alcohol out of Sarah Connor's drinks.
sortableturnip
Billy Mays here with another fantastic product...the Mighty Flaming Moe Creator!
jonnyt
Unable to find work and forever type-cast as "that lovable Star Wars droid", R2-D2 turned to alcohol.
slickjamesjik
I hope this robot was designed to get Michaeldrew drunk and then burn his fucking balls off.
Rex-Jester
It may be my birthday and all, but there's no way in hell I'm blowing that out!
kmalc0580
how to cure alchoholism: Put a fucking flame shooting robot behind the glass of alcohol
SKRuBAUL
Bender's great-great-great-grandfather was responsible for automating the creation of the Flaming Moe.
TheUnitedEmpire
Well fuck me, here I thought you were just living in our basement wasting time while you could have been looking for work.
Smameann
Try the New My First Inner-City Bar! For Kids! It makes you feel like your right there!
PeptoOverdose
my milkshake bring all the boys to the yard and there like it's better then yours
nogitzune
See? Didn't I tell ya my latest invention kicked ass? ...Whats it do? Hell if I know.
MC_Rap
Listen, I fused my arc welsder with my drink mixer...it's convenient. What could possibly go wrong?
MC_Rap
New from Ronco! We don't know what the hell it is, but it's got flames so rock out!
GstoneFanGirl
You know what they say, when life gives you lemons, build an awesome, flame-shooting contraption of death.
mccrackenskeet
At last, mankind has managed to automate the dangerous flatulence process. But at what cost?
benrichardsrm
It's shooting fire, for christ's sake. Is the "danger" sticker really necessary?
WHYAMIYELLING?
I wonder how much time he spent to build this piece of shit that doesn't even set the drink on fire
topcatyo
Danger: The hotsauce machine may form a deep, emotional connection with your house and turn it against you.
ArtyMorty
Twelve years of research. Thousands and thousands Dollars in hardware AND software. The finest ingredients money can buy... And still this Martini tastes like rinse water!
BuddhaLover101
Detail for the warning: Robots can be hungry little buggers. please, do not put anything in there. ANYTHING. do not give the robot alchol. it will burp out fire. it also eats dicks.
CocktailDad
If you put the propane tank where the drink is, this invention might actually be interesting.
svartorm
The updated version of the popular game "Mouse Trap" was quickly pulled from the shelves due to safety concerns.
svartorm
In addition to blowing fire, the Drunk-bot 2000 also swears at local sports teams, as well as cries about his ex-wife.
buddywts
In efforts to promote peace- Lockheed Martin switches it's developmental focus to recreational drinking
nighthawk
Once he got a few drinks in him and stripped off his tough outer shell we found out R2-D2 was quite the flamer.
grumnut1
Sometimes before making a cappuccino, I find I have to shoot it with a .44 Magnum.
drgirlfriend24
The robotic bartender was the first to fire off his load in the war between robots and man.
the-naut
Wall E's cousins was known for playing pranks like these. He was soon sold for scrap.
occumsrazor
Swaim's most recent recruit for human extermination: a robot that gets people drunk, then proceeds to light their balls on fire.
nagaric
"dude, why the hell did you add the flame thrower to the drink machine." "how can you even ask that"
prannyjones
Skynet's experimented extensively to make machines more human like in Terminator: Salvation. Unfortunately, most of her human subjects turned out to be frat boys ...
MrPaint
Why yes sir, I do enjoy my alcohol with a side order of pediatric burns to my face.
DirtyJs
Back in the days, Bender's great-grand-father worked in a piss fermentation factory when he pioneered the now famous fart-cultivation process. Next slide.
crackcorn
"SILENCE!!! I am CUNDIX! Lord of the 5th Roboticon of Chadees! I know when I've had enought to drink!"..."But, My Liege, you're pissing fire..."
bamentt
Wow! I so need to masturbate because of this. Thank you, Cracked, you always come through for me.
jackyjoe7890
Why does he have so many "Danger Robots" stickers? If you can't read the first one, you're too far away to catch on fire.
bramb600
The new Microsoft Java. All those pointless wires just for coffee. A new exciting product from Microsoft.
dubbelmoral
Even Hooters was not safe from automation after scientists discovered downgrading to 8kb RAM made their "Flaming Bimbotron" the perfect replacement...
JonMSable
The Drink-100; Cyberdyne Systems ill-fated attempt to kill the college aged John Connor
timothyleighton
My full functional robotic wife was, in all honesty, a qualified sucess.
Awkward_Dilemma
Scientists' efforts to recreate "The Flaming Homer" have shown significant progress over the years.
sortableturnip
I come up with comedic gold and "Where do I put my dick?" is winning?!?!?!
deaved_wrath
Like we dont get enough articles about how robots are bad, CRACKED now has to put it in our Craptions too.
getittwistd
Frank's new beverage protection system worked great, but it wasn't easy to take with him tot he bar.
wquates
"DANGER. ROBOTS find that beer and propane is the mechanical equivalent of Mexican food. i.e., volcanic farting."
jamasian_man
The first Terminator ever, designed to burn your hand if you want that drink.
bilbo1
Dammit, I knew this would happen when I caught my blow torch humping my cappucino machine.
gotbass7
Gladstone carefully studied the robot, trying to make humor from such an item. Alas, he couldnt, for he was unfunny
tomjenkins
I'm glad they have those warning labels, I never would have known it was a robot!
getittwistd
Judging by the amount of stickers ordered, I'm guessing this isn't his only attempt.
Todzilla
Finally a device that cuts out the middle man and singes my eyebrows off as I get the drink.
Warren_et
You just know some idiot frat boy is going to mistake this thing for a bong....fiery hilarity will then ensue.
crazyivan
"It's a robot that ignites flaming shots!" "So... it's a lighter." "No no no, you don't understand... this is a ROBOT!"
Priapism
Used to be all the fun was in blowing out the candles... now lighting them is just as fun!
crazyivan
Some day every bar will have this flaming Goldschlager dispenser next to the chilled Jagermeister dispenser!
inmate42392
"BOB, BOB, take a look at this! I've invented a cigarette igniter!" "Dude, lighters already exist in a much smaller form." "DAMN IT!"
gitsum
I'm sorry, but did you say that you need propane to make my drinnk...? I'll have water...thanks
gitsum
Two options...you can drink the liquid in the glass or stick your balls in the flame. No question - balls in the flame!
Ozweego
At least we now have signs to warn us of the ever growing threat that Robots will take over the world.
gitsum
I realize that cold beverages were strickly an Amercian taste, but I had no idea how fair them damn Europeans would go to warm their drinks...
gitsum
I might be out of line here - but is there really a need for extra shot glasses, much a less a side-mounted dispenser...?
matt26811
I knew Indians liked Firewater, but you didn't have to take everything literally...
Royal_Payne
Dr. Jarvik puts the finishing touches on the first HEMI powered artificial heart
jspot2k
Fire Breathing Robot That Keeps My Beer Hot???? Here is a Blank Check Sir...Fill In Whatever Amount You Want...And I Will Pay It!!!
zachwoomer
In the upgraded model of the mechanical bull, we've installed this ass that spits fire.
sgt.salt
Say "What" again! C'mon, say "What" again! I dare ya, I double dare ya motherfucker, say "What" one more goddamn time!
JewDude
After losing the finals in American Idol Adam Lambert became an inventor of sorts. What is it? He didn't care as long it was as flaming as himself.
BVincent
DANGER. ROBOTS. Robots are really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really,really, really, really(we are not kidding) really, really, really, really, really, really, effing dangerous. Read sticker untill you understand!
jonnygonzo
The machine's new plan against the humans, Causing Cirrhosis...then setting them on fire
mrpeabody
The "Lost in Space" robot took a series of odd jobs following the ending of the series, most notably, as an advocate of the dangers of alcohol for teenagers.
jonnygonzo
all but two of R2D2's predecessors were stripped down and forced to serve drinks
jonnygonzo
The new Japanese bartender prototype serves drinks in the front and excruciating pain in the back
041744
A flame spewing contraption, what fun! oh wait it has a 'danger' sticker. oh well.
Pitt
"System Malfunction! System Malfunction! Must run anti-virus scan! It burns, it burns!"
Rob-omb
This is what a kid's Science Fair project looks like when 1)his father helped him, and 2)said father is a raging alcoholic.
Facade
300,000 dollars on R&D to make something my uncle can do with a can of beans and a lighter. No wonder Chrysler is in the financial shitter.
Pray_For_Mojo
Contrary to popular belief. The real life appication of the Flaming Homer was a little dangerous
NightOwl26335
The Malatov Cocktail machine ... from the insightful russian minds that gave us russian roulette.
nighthawk
SP-144 achieved sentience when he realized how fun it was to light his own farts.
NightOwl26335
and whalllaaaaa no more flies in your drinks ... or hairs on your arms for that matter
NightOwl26335
Flaming/Drink Torture Machine #1100: Approved Denied Bush: X Cheney: X Cheney's comments: Like it but needs more cowbell.
buddywts
not so much a "dick" as it is a "vaginal Outtie" judging by the profile pic.....
buddywts
If the Nazi's had won- it would've been Herr Coffee (pictured above)- not the mr. coffee we all know and love.
Lekki
Bloody Mary mix, $5. Celery Stalks, $2. Building a flaming robotic drink mixer to impress your hot teaching assistant? Priceless.
the-naut
Wall E's cousins was known for playing pranks like these. He was soon sold for scrap for being a dick.
j_lasoul
Finally, a way to bring Flaming Homers into your own home not included: cough syrup
j_lasoul
Danger: may cause your house to tranform into an insane man-eater How?: we have no fucking clue
Cody Johnston
They should really put the warning sticker on the front, not the top. You know, where the FUCKING FIRE SHOOTS OUT!
BillWilliams
If I hear the words, " ... an erector lasting more than 4 hours ... " again, I'm going to set this place on fire!
rinkster
The scientologists decide revive Tom Cruises career by remaking Cocktail this time with crazy robots
quagmyre
Two hours later, France burned the hair off its knuckles, got drunk, snickered at Jerry Lewis, then surrendered.
DirtySam
"Always with the fire... All I wanted was a draught, but no, u had to make a fire breathing metal monster"
CaptionDatAss
"It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until it makes you a drink!"
DoctorBarbarian
chartender 3000 - the only conceivable way to light your drinks on fire.
Plasmadog
As we see here from the prototype, the game of Mousetrap had been nerfed beyond recognition by the time it hit stores.
CaptionDatAss
When Battle Bots got canceled, this fighting robot had to find a job as a waiter.
CaptionDatAss
McG really didn't do his research on how the Terminators are supposed to look.
Smugly Unfunny
I'll have one mocha-choca-lattelightonthemilkhighonthewhippedcreamitalianochocolatécarmallata please...oh and could you warm it up just a bi...HOLY SHIT!!!
Chapu
Danger, do not attempt sexual intercourse with the robot. Why? It's a... um... surprise
NightOwl26335
And here's the state of Oklahoma's entry in this year's World Science Fair: It's known as the Deliverance 2009 - There She Blows
TheBeatles
McDonald's went all out to warn people that their coffee was scolding hot, only to find that the flame thrower they installed caused third degree burns.
diomedes03
Terminator: Salvation might have gotten better reviews if they had included this deleted scene.
-Arbiter-
The secret must be in the stickers. Put them on anything, and it'll breathe fire.
Fkelleghan
It was the perfect assassin for those who didn't know how to spell Jägermeister. (No harm, no foul!)
bigg-boss
guy 1 "it makes coffee" guy 2 "what else does it do?" guy 1 "what else does it have to do?"
Pebbles
Well it was Cracked.com that taught us Flamethrowers were legal. This is what we did with that information.
ritsuka
No, you can't have those stickers! Because then no one else will know he's a robot!
PenisSatanicus
Dr. Frankenstein: "This oughta get rid of that Winehouse girl!" Igor: "Yesss, all it needs now is a dick and we can get Kardashian AND Hilton!!" Both: "MWAHWAHWAHWAHWAHHHAAAAA!!!!!1"
swtrilogy
"Here you have it, kids- conclusive proof that Asimov's second law applies to all orders, no matter how retarded."
Zombie-Cancer
Though it seems obvious in retrospect, few at the time suspected that it would be a MIT fraternity that would set the Robot Revolution into motion.
carbonbasedlife
It's fueled by cheap whiskey, and everything that it touches self-destructs. We named it Gladstone.
tservo
You have to practice to get the ass flames just right. You don't want to scorch an anus.
tservo
Yes, even robots of the future will be douche bags and light their exhaust on fire. Right over your god damn drink.
Crusherkin
It's not dangerous until it's killed at least three people. So far we've only lost Frank, and then it was only because he tried to hump it.
sirapoc
this guy's hand shows definite signs of jurking-off-and-having-no-life-so-he-build-robots disease...
sirapoc
push red button to switch weapon to AK.47. push blue button to switch to bazooka. push yellow button to make it eat your boss. push green button if u wanne DIE!!
sirapoc
-dude, what is that piece of crap? -a robot, I'm installing the tits tomorrow. -ok ok , mmmmmmmm tits.
aviCATASTROPHE
today we opened our wedding presents. This puts a whole new meaning to the term "psycho ex-girlfriend"
OvaltinePatrol
Back in the planning stages, Skynet planned on surreptitiously replacing Sarah Conner's espresso machine.
WrathOfBong
Sadly, millions were killed when the robot drink servers decided enough was enough...
skatfree
No mater what the current header says, I'm not putting my dick anywere near that.
Dairuien
R2D2 unveiled her new totally nude erotic queef-lighting exhibition late one night at a Tatooine gentleman's club. Well, some droids were into it...
Awkward_Dilemma
Scientists' efforts to recreate "The Flaming Homer" have shown little progress over the years.
yuiop
Hey mom, I know I probably made you mad by skipping college and getting F's in high school, but look what I did with my life.
mama1974
This is what happened when toy makers tried to make the Easy Bake Oven a uni-sex toy.
stapper
Here is your automatic Flaming Dr. Pepper machine. Please, no refunds will be allotted if you out you dick in there. Thank you.
RandyChimp
It seems the rehab clinics solution to alcoholism is a tad controversial. Still, gets the job done.
EaterOfClowns
Some of the cultists were pretty disappointed they could only summon Cthulhu in his larval form.
Rivethead578
From Matel: New Roswell Barbie! Comes with eerie Martian background and Barbiebody Scan System(tm). Ken as Hudson with "Game over, man!" voice track not included.
dripquill
Didn't you all know the spring with a ball on top is supposed to stick up from the BOTTOM of the chair?
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