bilbo1
And now the Guiness Book of World Records for the Largest Body Piercing goes to.....
stephensunday
The Rube Goldberg sex toys, while impressive, were never quite practical.
Patrickivan
Me: "baby- come here and check out this craption!" Wife: "WTF?" Me: "Can you do this for me?!?!" Wife: "Fuck off"
CavalierX
I knew that Judge Sotomayer would have to jump through hoops to get confoirmed, but this is ridiculous.
HUMLY
Much to the magician's surprise, Madonna could separate the rings with no problem.
jonnygonzo
the long awaited crossover between Cirque du Soleil and the Vagina Monologues left many in tears
geniuswaitress
She's been telling the manager that her stripper pole needed straightening, but he never listened.
Guruawc
the original total gym by Chuck Norris had to be toned down for us normal people
geniuswaitress
Carrie Prejean's performance in the talent competition of Miss USA was unaired until now.
BowToTheBard
AND now I'm sexually aroused by bicycles. Thanks, Cracked.com. Thanks a lot.
Todzilla
I'm testing to see which will happen first: AAA shows up to change my tire or the acid kicks in....I can't tell.
SteveRequin
And this is our best contraceptive ever. You spend the whole night figuring out how it works, until you're too tired and annoyed to want sex anymore.
Brett-Butler
Suddenly, Linda realised that attaching the world's most powerful magnet to her crotch area was a very unwise decision.
SteveRequin
Judging by this remarkable stool specimen, I'd say there's too much iron in your diet.
geniuswaitress
*Sing* She flies through the air, with the greatest of ease, something, something that rhymes with 'sleaze.'
geniuswaitress
She's been around, if you know what I mean. And around, and around, and around...
rockymcrock
She was beginning to think that her gynocologist was taking advantage of her.
crhino
let me get this straight, you bent that straigh rod using only your outer.....wow. Congratulations. You got the job.
Leaf
Some girls are naturals when it comes to sex... Some of them need training wheels...
CaptionDatAss
The doctor said vaginal ring birth control wouldn't interfere with intercourse, but Linda had her doubts...
LazyTheKid
"Just take the pill, bitch. Because every time we screw, this thing falls out and I'm the one who has to help you put it back in. Damn Nuva ring..."
phreesh
As if the 100 foot fall wasn't embarrassing enough, Shelly had to land on the monkey bicycle ramp.
mrpeabody
That lady has two Guinness records: largest piercing and most monstrous labia.
Urbanachiever
Mom?!?!? Ok, these craptions are getting a little too close to home now...
zbeebs
Honey, I know you really, really want a baby, but are you sure these fertility doctor's know what they're doing?
Blinker_Fluid
Here at the Stripper Research Institute we're taking the stripper pole to a whole new level.
kyussman
You're supposed to run on the inside Lady! At least thats how my hamster did it...
buddywts
When the giant hamsters take control- we'll all have one of these in our cage...
fakehooker
and with the introduction of it's latest controller, nintendo wii just alienated 100% of it's male gamers
WarrenGHarding
After being hit by the shrink-ray, Xena had to use more ... creative methods ... to fight her enemies.
Leaf
A simple pregnancy quickly became an emergency when Erica reached a 10 foot dilation...
buddywts
When you said she came fist in the rings- I thought you meant in an olympic sense- not a "eew we need to clean the rings now!" sense.....
buddywts
Yeah she's hot- but what about the hoops she makes you jump through just to do her??!
NightOwl26335
Yes, she was stretched to the limit and on top of the world but the remake of the Titanic simply wasn't the same without Leonardo DiCaprio.
NightOwl26335
She actually failed the driving test but made many, many male friends at the licensing department.
dpollok
Five seconds later, the floor was covered by hungry seals lured in by the smell of fish.
BennyF
Finally, photographic evidence of what scientists have suspected for some time: that Madonna's vagina is, in fact, a giant tentacled creature of death.
spydrmunkie
they get cats out of trees but i'm not sure if the fire dept will help out here.
talkingmonkeywk
Despite a brilliant marketing campaign, Kelly's inventive unicycle design never caught on as it appeared she was the only person on earth who could operate one.
twiglet
Once Peter Stringfellow took over the gymnastics portion of the olympics he made one or two changes.
Komicbomb
After performing this talent, miss rhode island's "elegibility" was called into question!
Exploding_Minx
"Okay, this'll be awkward, but who is going to tell her that her tampon string is exposed?"
Yossarian1507
Whoa... I'll probably never understand those abstractionists and their... 'art'
Bui
Every month Kate's menstrual cycle took it's true form and terrorized the local villages
bafaulkner
It was decided that the extra large Thighmaster didn't provide any extra benefit.
NightOwl26335
The futuristic Flashdance was slammed by the critics ... the large hula hoop spread eagle effect was no match for the splashing water ending of the original
Pitt
Never thoughyt I would be thinking of crotch hoops when I woke up this morning! DAMN YOU CRACKED!
NightOwl26335
"I am woman hear by roarrr owwwwwww somebody stop with the hula hoop splits already!"
stainedfungus
studies show that circular dildos do not get the job done, as seen in this photo.
BuenoZabba
Oh this wasn't a trick, just really unfortunate landing...thank god she wasn't a guy
OSUmigl84
Russian gymnasts have started using catheters to cut down wasted time for bathroom breaks
NightOwl26335
They paid her exactly how much to participate in the Suppository Spreader Machine trials?
mechmuertos
In a startling move to break apart from normal piercing conventions, the mega vagina ring is born.
Cody Johnston
Moments later she fell to her death, and thus was born an even gayer Robin than the current super-gay Robin.
NightOwl26335
2020 Miss American Pageant: We don't just make our contestants jump through hoops anymore!
Unept
"K, the baby is crowning. One more push and we'll have ourselves a new circus baby."
FrostLight
Just when I thought no one could handle yesterday's craption... The One makes an entrance!
FrostLight
"So she agree to go out with me, then gave me a list with 'duct tape, two dachshunds, an RC helicopter, and a car battery' on it... said we'd have 'fun'." "Wow... what does she do for a living?"
iloukine
Ok son When getting a girl to need to take this exact map to get inside her pants..... once there your on your own, its a totally different story. I've been married 30 years and still cant figure it out...... noone can......
tomservo2999
Coyote Ugly tests it's bartenders much like NASA tests it's Astronauts . . . With a gyroscope.
neathy
A hairlip ordering at Buger King. Get it ? "Pwese thuper-thighs my meal." Oh lordy, I kill me.
Ranger
The bigger the hooped earrings are (to lock her high heels into)... the easier she is!
quagmyre
Ladies and Gentlemen, we will need total silence now as Vageena performs her Disappearing Hoop Trick. Nothing up her sleeve...
quagmyre
Is that 40 foot of coiled garden hose in your leotard...or are you just happy to see me
paulmarley
I can't believe i've climbed all the way up her and forgot to plug the bloody thing in!
paulmarley
I can't believe I've climed all the way up here and forgot to plug the bloody thing in!
nighthawk
And finally tonight, "Backwards Beckah", as usual, gets her studs and her hoops switched.
CaptionDatAss
Ring around the floozy, pocket full of pussy, asses, asses, she will go down (on you)
Gil78
Finally they had to downnload the instruction book from the 'net. This new fangled hula-hoop thingy was far more complicated than the previous version.
Dale7759
And now for our final act... this woman will attempt stick these huge tings into her vagina...
phillipeasy
its the circle of life. a shummm de dumm bo way, a shummm de dumm bo way. i present to you future king, simbitch.
phillipeasy
CHORUS: "its the circle of life. da shummm de dumm de ayyy, da shummmm de dumm de ayyy." rafiki "i give you simbitch..." RESUME CHORUS
Frostbitphoenix
Yeah, we figured that if we hung the rookie out in a funny flag and painted him with make up, he'd make a pretty good obstacle for the base's front-door putt-putt course.
November 2009
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