Well, there's your problem right there. Your penis is caught in the slot.
seannyb
What a helpful feature! Now I can punch a Chinaman when this machine frustrates me.
Zaphod
Lao!! It's yourself from the future!! Don't put your wang in the teller machine!!
geniuswaitress
"Fucked up machine. My change was supposed to be two torsos and a finger."
CavalierX
Yes, the Japanese have robot pets and children, but live person vending machines. Go figure.
Canucker
and for his 2nd wish, he took back the one about being the worlds greatest sex machine.
crazyivan
2000 bank accounts were emptied over the weekend; obviously the work of a criminal genius!
Mr.Siegal
Though it took him 8 months, a personal loan and the loss of his marriage, it was all worth it when Ed won best costume at the office's Halloween party.
bilbo1
The Japanese have vending machines for everything. I've heard they even have a new one that will give you head.
bilbo1
I've heard the stereotype about Japanese men being "small", but it must be pretty bad when even the urinal stops to look and laugh at you.
rockymcrock
'www dot cracked... yeah dot com... yeah then click on craptions... see there I am!'
GaseousClay
Allow me to assist you with this transaction, and remember... Tipping isn't just the city we live in.
Leaf
No, no, NO!! This is a business transaction......... I need the little Jewish guy....
l3bowsk1
Ironically, in Japan they are completely unclear on the concept of the glory hole.
crhino
push # sign if you want talking head to tell you that you are well hung while you do your banking
lowkey
I see by your password that you are into anime. Wanna come back to my place and watch some?
microhendy
Is this where I go to Japanese Hogwarts? The ticket says insert into slot 6 and 3 quarters.
CaptionDatAss
"1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest pin I've ever heard of in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!"
Mikelibrarian
The union reached a compromise with those who wanted a completely automatic train station.
Ozweego
Skynet's early vision of making machines look more human was not as successful as they had hoped.
RyanPalmz
"Mr Yang! Mr Yang! We have a problem! The intercom isn't working!!" "Uh...huh... Hm, I have an idea...."
WarrenGHarding
Maybe if you jiggle the handle, sir. A little bit more, sir. I SAID FUCKING JIGGLE IT.
rockymcrock
He's been poking his head out of there for over 20 years and finally, on May 26th 2009, he's a craption.
gypsy61
Could you help, I clearly bought the worng ticket and now apparently I work here
microhendy
Yeah, that's it. Shove it in the slot. Not too fast, not too fast. That's just right.
Julius_Goat
They are going out of their way to let their clients know that customer service hasn't been outsourced to Bangalore.
Palindrome
You know... most people just spy on people in the shower or whatever. I think that would be less creepy, actually...
Ish
The Glory Hole vending machine wasn't a very big hit until they realized they should keep Mr. Sato's window closed.
stodavr
This is handy. You can buy a ticket good for a hard cylinder speeding through a dark tunnel, or you can ride the subway.
NextChewbacca
That new zany Japanese game show where you give away your identity for fabulous prizes.
Zaphod
Press 1 for Japanese, Press 2 for English, Press 3 to free my spirit from this eternal servitude, Press 4 to hear this message again.
divinecomedy33
Insert Wang at Number Six. Have Wang Examine Wang at Number Seven. Wang Wang with Your Wang at Number Eight. Thank you for using Phallus Phone.
WarrenGHarding
Ordering food in a French McDonald's was hard enough. But ordering in a Japanese Subway? No clue.
rockymcrock
'I refused to move when they built this subway station, so we came to a compromise.'
jackyjoe7890
you pushed Tech support. How may I help you? Okay first, put your pants back on...
Warlain
In China they don't use cameras at the ATM. They do things the old fashioned way.
Diasdiem
Translated from Japanese: "I'm sorry sir, this machine is out of used panties."
inmate42392
This ATM isn't electronic, there's just a guy inside the machine handing over money.
zeeguy
"So, where do you live?" "I... umm... well, I live in a shack in a subway station. Don't look at me like that! It's even got a window!"
Paradoxtim
The Japanese version of the guillotine was a lot more exciting for the populace; at least you could win a car...
MrMISCHIEF
The yellow warning sign explicitly states, "Beware of identity thieves hiding in this window. --->
BVincent
I'm sorry sir, if you can't remember the taste of your favorite pet I can't help you to retrieve your code.
xgrendelx
Suica brand Glory Holes. They take credit, get wi-fi, and have excellent tech support.
Rex-Jester
The Sperm Bank Terminal combined back-to-back with the Jerk-Off Voyeur Terminal turned out to be quite a profitable venture for the Suica Company.
BRCgull
The next leap in customer service, ATMs are replaced by actual tellers, conveniently located of course.
rockymcrock
In about 5 years, the rest of the world will catch up and have electronic beggar booths too.
rockymcrock
In Japan it's The Lion, The Witch and the Subway Station Ticket Dispensing Unit.
CaptionDatAss
Little did we know inside every ATM machine, there's an Asian midget pulling all the levers...
superstupor
No you can't see the Wizard of Oz, and no he doesn't care that you have no money.
CaptionDatAss
Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at... the amount of cash in this guy's account!!!
Jesi
Only Japan can effectively combine an ATM with urinals. Only Japan and maybe Amsterdam.
TBaggins
The banks were trying as hard as they could to switch to only automatic tellers. But dammit, Jing was union.
dpollok
"Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to take pictures of everything you see while in the United States."
Kunin1982
Just part of Japan's latest national program to periodically remind it's citizens to feel shame.
iceman_419
Where will you be when diarrhea strikes? More importantly, who will be watching you when diarrhea strikes?
Wallobe
Not that but.. ..Oh great.. now you've gone and swiched of my sphincter. How am I supposed to clean this up huh?
davisfyke
Japan's latest invention, The 'we will still fuck with your head until you give up on us machine.'
Cradlejack
In America, when machines become self-aware, they destroy humanity. In Japan, when machines become self-aware, they create hilarity.
Diasdiem
The Japanese ATM card skimmers aren't nearly as sophisticated as their Western counterparts.
Kramminator
The new enterprise helmsman faced a lot of pressure, what with Sulu's stuffed head watching him all the time.
microhendy
Now, you want to go to 130 street, past 150 street and get off at 212 street. okay?
Kramminator
The new Japanese APS (automated pleasuring system) still requires on-site tech support.
jonnygonzo
for slow and painful press 4, for fast and painless, press 6, to talk to a psychologist about why you should not use Suica brand Suicide booths, press 7
DamnitDog
Now with each new Dell you get your very own on site I.T. guy. There to answer your questions when ever there is a problem.
liverpooljohnny
"Let's see... do you like our selection? As the menu shows, we have tentacles in different colors and lengths, for whatever your raping needs."
toonasty
The ATM is run by some dude, and they say china is the most advance in technology.
DamnitDog
With the state of the economy I.T. professionals have become a dime a dozen, and can be purchased from these neat kiosks.
momoy
Japan is so obsessed with convenience. You can even buy a creepy, old man from a vending machine.
Skinnymojo
Something went horribly wrong during the development phase of this glory-hole.
thedrew
It looks like you are trying to buy a train ticket. Would you like me to launch the train-ticket purchase wizard?
zeeguy
"Yes, to get a ticket here you have to insert your money over there and then pull this lever. And by lever, I mean my dick. Have a pleasant ride, sir!"
zbeebs
OK, I got "Japanese" right, but not "young" or "female"...dammit, these machines are so confusing!
bipedalist
Eager to try out the new Blow-Vend machine, Hiro impatiently waits for the platform to rise.
stephensunday
Leave it to the Japanese to make the gloryhole even more repugnant via modern technology.
spoo
See, over there, the tech support guys just pop their head out the window while we live on hold for 5 hours.
Ozweego
I often wondered why my deposits into a machine in Japan were accepted by what appeared to be a hand
LetsPlayClowns
"Hmm, well maybe you didn't slide your penis in the slot fast enough, flip it over and try again."
dpollok
It cut off?...hmmm....there it is....oops, it's off again...now it's on...and there it goes...
JewDude
Press 1 for Engrish, Press 2 for Spanish... Press 6 for Chinese, Press 7 to speak to an operator
ETJ42
Ever since Meatspace was added to the dictionary, the Japanese have decided to combine it with the virtual space.
Holyshito
"Tired of loosing your credcard? Your problems has been solved. Now you can use your pennis to take your money!!!"
WolfmansBrother
See nobody could make microchips that small its just a tiny Asian man in your computer.
aromig
Oh I see the problem. You pushed squiggly line with a slash thru it. What you want is the slash with a squiggly line thru it.
Mr.Siegal
In case you ever feel too good, we've installed these machines that for a just a few dollars you can have a small Japanese man insult your fashion, intelligence and penis size.
Bandersnatch84
The Decapitation Machine, the number one assisted suicide device on the planet.
vilculiao
aftel the dj, dancing, singing and shooring videogame. i think we're lunning out of ideas.
Downtheline
The gloryhole 2000 is the best proof that better tecnology doesn´t always mean a better result
jwgoertz
Oh, hi, can you help me? I'm looking for the apartment in this ad: "Located in the center of the financial district of Tokyo... great view... $5000 a month"
schmidttykr
Well, I don't see anything strange. Where do you expect him to keep his human head trophy, the ceiling?
WarrenGHarding
In Japan, even the instructions for capital punishment are needlessly complex.
papajon0s1
"Win - dows 7? I suppose you think that's funny. I'm gonna go Jackie Chan on your ass."
WarrenGHarding
The only known photograph in existence to have been taken in Japan and not feature a teenage girl in a short skirt, fighting a tentacle monster.
prankster_in_ga
When even the computers jobs are being outsourced you know the economy is in trouble.
coachfinder
With all of that technology, you'd think they could afford a security camera.
lollipop
In the future computers will have replaced the windows paper clip with the even more annoying disembodied head.
buddywts
T7- having failed to kill John Connor was not permitted to return to the future, and was forced to fend for it's self.......
rinkster
With the recession causing a rapid drop in the cost of labor, Chinese banks put a live person in every ATM.
bafaulkner
It's simple. You press a few buttons and I'll feed money through this slot. Got it?
rockymcrock
He's a liitle perplexed. The last time he went down on his wife there was no subway station.
87gn
HEY DUMB ASS. IT'S JUST A STINKIN' SUBWAY PASS. JUST STICK YOU CARD IN THE SLOT AND MOVE ON, PLEASE.
rockymcrock
Hiro's way to meet women was certainly original but it wasn't exactly working.
CaptionDatAss
ATM doesn't stand for Automated Teller Machine. It stands for Ass To Mouth!
TheHangdMan
Don't worry, the deposit machine is not fake and it's not just funneling your money into my hand.
NuklearAngel
has no one noticed the "suica" at the top? am i the only one who thinks japan has made the suicide booths into a reality?
NuklearAngel
am i the only one who thinks the japanese have both made suicide booths a reality and still can't spell?
bpbaker20
After many years of putting up with his asshole boss, the Wizard of Oz, the guardian of the Emerald City gates went on to pursue an much less glorious role...namely, guardian of subway ticket machine #6.
Paco_the_Insane
"You're here to see the Wizard?" "No! I'm just trying to buy a train ticket!" "Well thats a horse of a different color!" "Shut up. Just shut up."
habbazoot
People have not yet become accustomed to Japan's piss ATM, so they installed a guy to help you.
jampage
The secret of Fujitsu technological supremacy revealed and to be honest; it's a disappointing revelation.
rockymcrock
The secret of the location of North Korea's nuclear weapons facility was in jeopardy.
Serotonin
Japan's thieves are finding more subtle ways to get your credit card numbers by the minute!
Jumba77
Hey man, I assume you didn't notice the underground timetable behind me. So erm... you have about twenty seconds to get your dong out of the train before you... are FUCKED!
sk8er362
I bet you can guess how cramped it gets around lunchtime in these train stations.
Flirhinky_23
It looks like you're trying to transfer stolen money. Would you like some help?
cannedcream
Every 10 seconds someone's identity is stolen. . .some are done with more finesse than others.
Wusstafarian
Purpose of Japanese Whorebot lost in translation: "Put in a coin and it gives you head".
WarrenGHarding
Taking a break from his Transformers duties, Michael Bay sends us this first still from the set of his new film, the live-action "Beautiful Katamari: The Movie."
cioeboy
In Japan a report of a wang stuck in the machine means something a little different.
dpollok
"...and then Kelley was like, 'Aw hellz naw!', but Joseph new that she really like Roger, so he let Rita know that...oh yeah, there is a 7 yen charge per transaction...but he let Rita..."
87gn
Wow, that has got to be the most complex Jolly Rancher dispenser ever made. Too bad they only come in Suica (sour apple) in Japanese markets. At least the pharmacist can score you some cinnamon.
Kunin1982
The final, secret compenent that makes Japanese electronics the best in the world: Human parts.
Boondoggle
Compared to the original, the live action version of "Ghost In The Machine" was...a departure.
georgivarious
Look pal, it doesn't matter what buttons you push, I'm still going to suck your dong through this hole.
Kunin1982
Yeah, so, in the next 20 years or so, they'll have turned my robot body from this giant supercomputer into something more akin to robocop.
fraserbx7
suica... suicide booth? omg... and they display wats left over... thats really sick!... awesome!
Rich-tea
Yes, I'm the man that lives in the ATM, the keyboard is broken so just tell me your pin and how much money you want.
PikeyPunch
Suk Kok Long finally met the man of his dreams in an elaborate scheme including a misplaced gloryhole.
iceman_419
Yes sir, just press that button and you'll have your ticket to funky town. Thank you for using Japan's Tram System.
WarrenGHarding
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I TRASHED YOUR ATM?! WE ARE DONE PROFESSIONALLY.
makmoer
As seen in the picture, it was initially quite hard for Roger to trust other employess with doing support.
WeedNeed
this is me, at my job, my office number is 7. the guy in office 6 has 4x the space i have. But he works with Suica so...
petchy
QUICK GO BACK FOR THE FRUIT!!!!! WATCH OUT FOR THAT GHOST!!! IT"S COMING IT"S COMINGGGGGG!!!!!!!! AWWWWW Fuck! hey u got a high score! let me write it, " ass hehe!"
sameekamee
If you want to enjoy then must visit to this site http://joysetter.blogspot.com
987
Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. Oh correct change only sir.
r4ndomish
Yoji was excited when he first pressed the option "give head"... but was sorely disappointed
mw27
"Look guys, I can levitate this beer between my hands!" "Great Jim, you had to show off your magic, and now Satan is here. Thanks alot."
af1master692
NASA thought it would be a great idea to spend the budget on sending tranny hookers to the moon
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