Other Craptions

Rape-a-Bear Workshop

First they came for the teddy bears, and I said nothing because I was plastic. -Doll Massacre survivor

Paw IV

Beary McBear couldn't bear to work at the Bear Shop any longer. He was getting paid the bear minimum and was bearely scrapping by.He knew it was time to grin and bear it and just go for his dream...to become a bear-knuckle fighter.

Serial Killer Starter Kit, ages 6+

Oh sure, they got the white bear workin' hard while the brown bear just laaaaays around...Perpetuatin' the stereotype!

"Not to 50!!"

The first gag-ball was too big. The second gag-ball was too small. But then she found Baby Bear's gag-ball and it fight just right.

Toy Story 3: The Recession

FLASHBACK: ("Awww look...his eharmony profile says he keeps a few stuffed animals in his room. I bet you he is really sensitive and loving!")

After the teddy bear picnic, where nobody sees what happens...

and that was the end of Teddy Ruxpin...

This is what George Bush believes was happening at Guantanamo Bay.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy was strapped to a chair, Fuzzy Wuzzy was doomed to a life of providing free power for laundry service for all the other little bears, wasn't he?

And the baby bear said, "someone's been flailing about in my tumble drier, and I think she's dead!"

Dr. Hannibal Lecter would be proud

Oh he's Bi Polar....

The museum for kids who are just Too Damn Happy (TM).

Who cares if she ate the fucking porridge, you should see what she did in the basement.

The Final Solution to bedtime

Ursine of the times.

Horatio Cane: Well it looks like this killer couldnt bear to stay around. *sunglasses on* YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

North Pole Chainsaw Massacre

Hannibear Lecter?

Don't any black bears work there??

Own Huggable Hani-bear Lecter, the newest in Build-A-Bear's Sweet Serial Killer line.

The grinder goes to 11

And on your left, we have an adorable fuzzy teddy bear evisceration machine.

I'm too terrified to write anything funny.

Vermont Teddy Bears introduce their latest Valentine offering...Rough Trade Bear.

Day 3...no titties in sight.

When I asked my girlfriend if she'd wash her teddies once in a while, this is not what I had in mind.

The German Teddy Bear museum was... about what you'd expect, actually

Hannibear Lecter likes his victims clean before consuming them.

Zoobie, the macaque, fearing he would be soon found out, attempts to hitch a ride.

If your kid is playing "Saw" with his toys, you might want to think about therapy.

The protocol the Guard-bears had to adhere to in order to safely transport Hannibal-Bear was tedious, but absolutely necessary.

Jesus, Texas.... you'll execute anyone, won't you??!

Edit: I should have said Dollocaust survivor.

The hunt for Pooh, the honey thief of hundred acre woods, saw a compliment of the usual suspects. Piglet was safe behind the one-way mirror.

I escaped, but just bear-ly.

No, no, no, ma'am, S&M stands for...soft and magical!

Christopher Robin is a sick, sick little boy.....

Introducing the Teddy-Bear Sybian, available in finer toy stores everywhere.

It places the teddy bear in the washing machine. It places the teddy bear in the washing machine. It places the teddy bear in the washing machine.

Cheney's new job: Toyturer

The search for free energy generated several moral dilemmas.

Grandpa???

No Mr. Bear! I expect you to Die!