Other Craptions

I come on Cracked to do a craption on Christmas and I am watching a Star Trek marathon. Fuck My Life.

ten minutes before the most horrific drive by

Don't worry Christmas craption writers, my family doesn't love me either...

12:00 AM December 26th - a riot breaks out on the streets of San Fransisco as every mall Santa in the country rushes to drink their asses off.

That dick ran a red light!!!!

Would the real Chris Cringle please stand up?

I'll stand over here, guys. I suffer from claus-trophobia.

The North Pole gang, or the Red Riders, ironically, control most of the South side of town.

The secret to Santa's ability to travel around the world in one night: Cloning Elixir

Wow! I'm in this Craption! I'm the guy in the Santa suit!

Hey, Dave, you did make sure to spellcheck the satanic orgy flyers, didn't you?

they probably want a refund for chinese democracy

Seen here: A bull's ultimate wet dream.

God, upset that the santas had migrated so far south for Mardi Gras, tilted the world 20 degrees so they'd slide their drunk asses back to the north pole where they belong!

Elixir Saloon - Nickel fountain drinks for all mall Santas on Christmas! Bring Mrs. Claus or your favorite little elf on the side for the wet t-shirt contest!

After seeing the turnout , Barry begins to regret the bet that If Obama is elected President, anyone in a Santa costume can "Suck his dick!"

Now where is that other gang? We said the brawl was at 3.

Our "Special Elixir" will give you a whole new slant on life!

"His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!... His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly." Yup, sounds like every drunkard I

I'm the guy standing on the stage looking like a dickhead

All these people hate my guts

Elixer Saloon declares war on Christmas. Shit gets real.

The annual mall Santa convention is always held at the bar.

This is why The Elixir Saloon revoked their 'Santa Drinks for Free' policy.

Run their asses over for all the jews.

Happy Christmahannukwanzahalloweastthanksgivingtine's Day!

The local 401 Santa Union doesn't get a lot of work done...I wonder why.

Thats a nasty case of santarhea

Shaun of the Dead: Christmas Edition

HOLY SHIT A SANTA CLAUS CULT!!

These are all the people that told me to get lost after I wished them a merry christmas... Including 5 santa's

Here we see the Mall Santa in it's natural habitat.

You delivered the presents to kids all over the world, right... I thought you said you'd handle it.... Oh, man... wait, what time is it... I’m in no condition to drive... If I get one more DUI, my sleigh license will be suspended.

Why did 178 Santa's cross the road?

The Aristoclaus!

The Elixir Saloon: Santas' little helper.

John the barkeep promised his son that when santa came, Daddy would offer him a free drink. This is what he got.

So that's why santa's cheeks and nose are always so rosy!

Santa bellys up to the bar for a Yuletide-me-over the Christmas holiday.

And as the Santas where kicking the shit out of him, one was heard to shout, "So you think Clauschwitz is funny do you?!"

Fuck the kids, free beer!

In 30 seconds the real Santa is about to rob this saloon and fade away into the crowd of decoys, Thomas Crown style.

Looks like the posse's forming up to hunt down and punish Chocolate Brown Santa.

Meanwhile, up at the North Pole, Mrs. Clause is doing a pole dance for yesterday's hot, chocolate, Santa.

We wish you weren't living with us We wish you weren't living with us We wish you weren't living with us ... (sing along!)

So Santa walks into a bar....

Where did you THINK Santas go after work on Christmas day?

With a multitude of Fat Santas in one place at one time, the Earth's balance suddenly went out of whack.

The battle complete, the victor is chosen as the alpha, and leads the pack in the coming year