David Wong: Anthony Weiner's Sexted Boner


The headlines are dominated by tales of an unemployed and dissatisfied populace living under the looming threat of an energy crisis, skyrocketing food prices, a broken and corrupt banking system, terrorism and global warming. We look for help to a corrupt political system in which corporate lobbyists are literally allowed to write legislation and where corporations are able to buy favors in an entrenched system of institutionalized bribery. In light of all that, this is what gets you thrown out of Congress. Sending a photo of your underwear bulge to a girl.

Michael Swaim: Vancouver Riot Kiss

Riots seemed to be the order of the day in 2011, whether it was people fighting economic iniquity, overthrowing a corrupt government or kindly exchanging thoughts with police (the exchange rate currently stands at two thoughts to a beanbag cannon face-shot, I believe), or just pasty British dudes in Pumas and rad bandannas looting storefronts for kidney pies and steering wheel side-switching kits. I think that's why so many people responded to this image.

Looking at this photo of two young attractive people risking arrest and ass-gravel-embedment made us believe that the flower of love can blossom even in the darkest of nights. Sure, the tacit agreements that bind peaceful society may be dangerously frayed, but even in the post-apocalypse you still get to make out! It hints at a future time when we could look back and say, "Sure, 2011 was pretty riot-heavy, but remember that one really romantic riot?"

Someone's looting a lot of confetti for his wedding!

"Why can't we be more like them?" we wonder: a little less concerned with smashing this or fighting that or covering our head to protect it from impact with hurtling what-have-yous, and a little more in love. Then the world would work! Then Stacy and the kids would come back! Then this whole crazy country would fix itself and the riots would turn into giant public love-ins!

In conclusion, I'm hoping to see a big upswing in massive, filthy public orgies. Ball's in your court, Occupy hippies.

Kristi Harrison: Princess Beatrice’s Hat

Vanity Fair
Did I already say "occupy/octopi" jokes were terrible? DAMN IT.

Look at that hat. Look at it.

If stupid could be represented in hat form, this is what it would look like. It's like someone glued a gaping toilet lid with snakes coming out of it to her head, one that's been beiged on.

And you know what? Someone paid over $130,000 for it. That's right, 130,000 dollars, not farts. True, those dollars went to charity, but where I come from $130,000 can buy a lot of normal. Maybe Princess Beatrice is a lovely girl. Maybe she's the best girl in the world. I wouldn't know, because I'm going out of my way to know nothing about her or her sister, Princess Eugene. All I know is that I can't respect a person who wears an overflowing toilet on her face.

I think I just figured out why I hate Lady Gaga so much. Time to ask my therapist for a refund!

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