CRACKED Readers, Contributor & Humorist | Cracked.com

Register

cracked-readers

Name: CRACKED Readers
Member Since: October 11, 2007

About CRACKED Readers

CRACKED Readers is a Cracked.com contributor who has yet to contribute a bio.

CRACKED Readers has written 111 articles for Cracked

Setting Up Linux (Isn't Worth It) For Beginners
The Boner Imperative: Phallic Imagery Through the Ages (SFW)
If Blockbuster Films Had Been Made for $50
Gene Simmons: A (Bafflingly) Successful Life
Digg in the 15th Century
What Is "Progressive Rock"? (Other Than Unpopular)
Rejected Ideas for Disaster Movies
Worst Porno Ever
Types of Useless Information on Yahoo! Answers [PIE CHART]
The Sex Ed Lessons You Wish They'd Taught You
How to REALLY Scare People On Halloween
4chan in the 16th Century
Following The Logic Of The Jigsaw Killer (Through 5 Sequels)
The World of Tomorrow (If The Internet Disappeared Today)
Emperor Palpatine's Inbox
The Collateral Damage Video Games Never Show
An iPhone App That Might Actually Be Useful
19 Retarded First Drafts of Famous Inventions
If Sam Raimi Had Directed 'Jaws'
If History's Greatest Minds Lived in the Modern World
If Product Placement Invaded Everyday Life
If Video Games Were Realistic
22 Awesome Ways to Reboot Classic TV Shows
If Hollywood Taught Science Class
17 Terrible Jobs We'll Need In The Future
If Schools Told The Truth
23 Movie Plots That Could Have Been Solved in Minutes

We can do this the hard way or the difficult way.
If Sarcasm Ruled the World
If Everyone Had An Unlimited Advertising Budget
21 Office Supplies Too Awesome To Exist
13 Things That Changed the World (by Getting Thrown Away)
The Worst Possible Time to Get An Erection
15 Ill-Conceived Displays of Patriotism
If Everyday Life Was Directed by Michael Bay
Why I Was Late For Work Today: 22 (Photoshopped) Excuses
What Pets Are Doing When We're Not Around
17 Great Historical Moments Ruined by Modern Technology
The 20 Worst Possible Ideas for Prequels
Cracked Round-Up: Salvation

RRRRROOUUUNNNDDD UUUPPPPP!
21 Famous Photographs (Minus Pants)
22 Awesome Ways to Quit Your Job
15 Holidays They Need To Invent
If Everything Was Made by Microsoft
The Awful Secrets of 25 Famous Cartoon Characters
If Marijuana Were Legal
If Every Wish Backfired Horribly
What 23 Famous Movie Characters Would be Doing Today
The 13 Most Epic April Fools Day Pranks Never Pulled
The Retarded Truth Behind The World's 12 Greatest Mysteries
If Video Game Characters Could Switch Games

All your base are belong to Mario.
12 Famous Pictures Turned Into Badass Album Covers
Holy Cracked, it's the Round Up!

Plus, a top secret thing!
When Superpowers Go Wrong
Inside The Inboxes of 15 Fictional Villains
20 Moments That Would Have Improved Great Movies
If Valentine's Day Cards Told The Truth
The 13 Worst Possible Ad Placements
If Everyday Objects Were Designed by MC Escher
Things You Never Noticed in Famous Pictures
Operation Desert Round-Up!

The only article it takes seven days to write.
20 Celebrity Lives (In Flowchart Form)
If Everything In Life Came With Warning Labels
The 12 Most Embarrassing Photos ... of 2009
Boobs on Things That Don't Normally Have Boobs

Merry Christmas! Boobs!
Worst. Christmas. Ever.
When (Adorable) Animals Attack

Kittens! NOOOOOOOOO!
11 Tasteless Holiday Decorations
25 Awesome Ways to Break Bad News
20 Bond Devices That Didn't Make the Cut
If Every (Famous) Person Got What They Deserved

Take that, James Blunt!
The Day After the Election ... of 2012
The 15 Worst Porno Ideas Possible
The 2008 Presidential Election (As Depicted by 5-Year-Olds)
20 Ways They Could Make The Debates Actually Worth Watching
The 11 Most Awkward Moments Imaginable
How to Make Money Now That The Economy's Crapped the Bed
What Campaign Ads Would Look Like If the Voting Age Was 6
Home Improvements The Future Will Bring, If It Has The Balls
15 Ways They Could Get People to Actually Watch TV Again
The Terrifying (Inevitable) Future of Advertising
10 Important News Stories as Depicted by 5-Year-Olds
20 Ideas For Making the Olympics Kick Way More Ass
James Bond Bongs: 15 Kickass Devices For Undercover Stoners
If Websites Came With Warning Labels
20 Features the Next iPhone Should Totally Have

Are you paying attention, Apple?
20 Everyday Items If They Were Designed for Batman
If Everyone on eBay Was Forced to be Honest

If everyone had to be honest ... even eBay.
25 Historical Events (As Depicted by 5 Year Olds)

Children are stupid. Let's laugh at them.
If Tattoos Actually Told the Truth

Finally, some honesty.
20 Jobs Too Awesome to Exist

If they existed, you'd pay to do them.
If Video Game Power-Ups Existed in Everyday Life
20 Business Cards They Will Never, Ever Forget

First impressions are everything.
20 Websites From Before the Internet was Invented

Ye Olde Internet.
The Campaigns the Candidates Wish They Could Run

They'd be a lot more entertaining, for one thing.
20 T-Shirts That Will Make Women Have Sex With You

For those rare times when you aren't bare-chested.
25 Rejected Ideas From Grand Theft Auto IV

Some of these, they should have kept.
30 Video Game Villain Recruitment Posters

"IMMEDIATE OPENING: TINY WALKING MUSHROOM"
The 30 Most Ill-Conceived Movie Monsters
20 Celebrity Endorsed Products Too Awesome to Exist

They don't exist, but they should.
The 25 Most Horribly Ill-Conceived Breakfast Cereal Ideas

The little bastards will buy anything.
15 Ad Campaigns From After the Apocalypse

When civilization ends, the ads will go on.
30 Error Messages You Never Want to See

This is how your computer says, "screw you."
20 Insane Supervillain Schemes In Flowchart Form

If only Cobra Commander had a flowchart.
30 Things That Should Never be Adapted to Film

Ideas so bad Hollywood hasn't even put them into development. Yet.
The Top 25 Pieces of Movie Merchandise Too Awesome To Exist

It's not that we hate crass commercialism; it's that they're commercializing the wrong stuff.
The 30 Most Regrettable Bumper Stickers

The good news is, these would actually keep your car from getting stolen.
The 40 Most Inappropriate Children's Book Covers

Find out how our weekly photoshop contest went so horribly, horribly wrong.
If Banner Ads Were Forced To Be Truthful...

Is a little honesty too much to ask for from our flashing banner ads?
Next Year's Oscar Nominees (If the Strike Doesn't End)

The frightening future of cinema, as told through Photoshop.
The Best of You: The Top 10 Craptions and Comments of '07

Turns out you're pretty funny.
CRACKED Photoshop Contest: Don Rickles Speaks!

We told our readers to have some fun with this image! The more embarrassing for Mr. Rickles, the better!