If Oscar Acceptance Speeches Told The Truth

What if the people accepting the awards weren't professional liars?

Anti-Rock: The 10 All-Time Worst Choices for Super Bowl Halftime Performer

You know what goes well with football? Easy listening music!

The 5 Most Absurd Moments in VMA History

With the 2007 MTV VMAs on the horizon, it just seems right to ridicule the award show's most absurd moments.

Mello Yello to Go-Bots: The Top 10 Poor Man's Versions

Calling "x" a Poor Man's Version of "y" is just great shorthand.

The Top 10 Deadbeat Celebrity Relatives

The most notable drunk/stupid/greedy/lazy celebrity relatives.

The 6 Most Over-Hyped Threats to America (And What Should Scare You Instead)

The six most unwarranted sources of fear the Man uses to keep you dumb and Himself in power.

Election '08: The 12 Worst Candidate Websites

Join us on a depressing journey through misguided, awkward campaign websites.

When Badasses Go Soft: The 10 Weakest Songs by Badass Bands

The 10 most disappointing examples of badass bands looking like douchebags.

The 10 Creepiest TV Roommates

Things might get a bit weird if you had to move in with any of the following 10 characters.

What Your Favorite Drink Says About You

Use this handy guide to determine what kind of message you want your drink order to send.

The 10 Worst Celebrity Bands

The following 10 performers should throw all of their musical equipment into a wood chipper.

6 Ways to Ruin a Perfectly Good Wedding

Failsafe methods for ruining the wedding of those who rub their happiness in your face.

Jessica-Off! Who's the Hottest Jessica?

So many nubile celebrity Jessicas have roamed the Earth. Who's truly the hottest?

Election '08: How Each Candidate Will Blow It

What'll likely go down for each of the major candidates before it's all said and done.

The 5 Biggest Pricks in Congress

Why does America loathe its elected officials so much?

MILFiest '80s Sitcom Moms

Sexy, sexy TV moms, why won't you answer our letters?

Jeff Foxworthy: Grief Counselor

The noted Southern comic tries his hand at ministering to the unwell.

Graduation Special: How to Ace Your First Job Interview

Time to get dumped by your girlfriend and face a terrifying future alone.

The 10 Best Sarcastic Black-White Buddy Cops

Which black-white buddy cop duo will reign supreme?

Scumbag-Off!: Politicians vs. Celebrities

Who’s truly the most morally bankrupt?

Rejected Army Recruitment Ads

You wanna be just like Vin Diesel, don't you, kid? Sure you do.

Sex-Off! Women of the '70s vs. Today

1970s broads versus the broads of today! Fight!

If Oscar Acceptance Speeches Were Truthful

The worst Oscar speeches from the last decade, if they were hooked up to a lie detector.

How To Win an Oscar

How to get nominated, grab gold get people to touch your genitals.

I Think It's Time We Consider Eating Each Other's Flesh

Sure he's a cool customer on TV, but how does Matthew Fox deal with being lost in the real world?

The 10 Gayest Super Bowl Halftime Performances

Prince is just the latest in a string of terrible bookings by the NFL.

SPOOK-tacular Halloween Jokes For Kids!

A few variations on some old favorites.

An Overly Friendly Conversation

A dramatic re-enactment of Rep. Mark Foley's "overly friendly" conversation with his male page.

Nostalgic T-Shirts from the Very Recent Past

Here are some designs that really get a jump on things by looking back at a more recent time that we all
remember fondly: August 2006.

The Total Shithead"s Guide to Finance

We've all seen the "Complete Idiot's Guide" series of how-to books. But what if you're more than just an
idiot? What if you, or someone you know, is in Dave Coulier territory and is a total shithead?

The 5 Most Absurd Moments in VMA History

With the 2007 MTV VMAs on the horizon, it just seems right to ridicule the award show's most absurd moments.

100 Acre Deadwood

This was originally supposed to run in issue #1 of Cracked—but The Powers That Be in the magazine industry intervened before we could get it to print.

Wacky Nicknames with Chris Berman

Things don't seem to be going so well for the Swami.

Nostalgic T-Shirts of Tomorrow

What kind of nostalgic tees will people be wearing in 20 years?

People's 15 Most Ludicrous Celebrity Write-Ups

As expected People magazine’s "100 Most Beautiful" is chock full of outrageous bullshit. We find
it so you don't have to.

Barry Bonds Calls a Press Conference to Announce Terminal Illness

Bonds has been diagnosed with a terminal illness so rare that it's been named after him.

How To Enjoy the Impending Apocalypse

A few simple ways that you can have some fun during the upcoming nuclear showdown with Iran.

Nostalgic T-Shirts for Real Americans

Screw your Contra and Cap'n Crunch shirts. Here are some vintage Tees for those of us who weren't so
fortunate.

Bode's Talk vs.
Bode's Walk

His much-hyped and ultimately disappointing showing at the Olympics was no anomaly.

I Know What We're Doing, And I am Not Cool With It

Hey CRACKED readers, ever wonder what your dog is really thinking?

Operation: Narnia

What happens when the President stumbles upon a magical wardrobe?

Useful Italian Phrases

All the phrases you'll need to get around at the Olympics.

I Can Smell Ya!
with Lt. Col. Frank Slade

I'll GET YOUR NUTS IN MY FIST LIKE THIS! GOT YA BY THE BALLS, DON'T I??!? NOW YOU'RE LIVIN!