YouTube Contest Brings Crushing Reality To Delusional Blogger
While this blog has done a fairly good job of documenting my chest hair, I regret to say there is frighteningly little else that has been revealed about me. Those of you who had the diligence to go to my website learned that my first name is Wayne and that I live in Maine. But what else have you gathered? Not much. It's true. When it comes to blogging, I play it pretty close to the vest.
Indeed, so close, that I've apparently managed to keep things even from myself. For example, I've only recently discovered that somehow in the last few years, I've managed to gain about 25 pounds. See, in my delusional mind, I was still the grungy frontman for Ithaca's greatest band, Slowburn (pictured in the top left). Not that I was Brad Pitt, but let's just say I was someone Daniel O'Brien wouldn't kick out of bed. But as revealed by my entry in YouTube 's recent video contest, I've become something of a tubby, little bastard. And not all the bad lighting, poor sound, or continuity errors in the world can change that. Anyway, I realize now my contest entry might be disqualified because it refers to a public figure which apparently YouTube says you can't do. (Although last year's second place winner had a George Bush impersonator in it?) In any event, if it somehow makes it into the top 20, people will be asked to vote on it, but let's not worry about that yet. Just enjoy the way I've let myself go and hopefully you'll like some of the jokes too.
I'm also using this somewhat unorthodox blog post to announce that I bought an eliptical yesterday and I intend to chronicle my weight loss. You, dear Cracked Blog readers, are truly blessed.
Check out some more Gladstone over HERE. And his latest YouTube video HERE.
Looking back at this day in history is kind of sad. Seeing how quickly a motivationaly message of one man deciding to get his weight down turned into a parade of dead baby jokes... it kind of makes me ashamed to be here (and I have notoriously low standards!).
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ReplyYeah, saurians are jealous of your luxuriant, mammalian fur.
ReplyMaybe you've developed a reptillian fanbase.
ReplySSSTEVE not sure if you're referring to the vid, the post, or the dead baby jokes. In the end, however, it's hard to care, as you spell your screen name like a lisping simpleton.
ReplyWow, was that unfunny.
ReplyYeah, who brought up the dead baby shit anyway. He ought to have his ass kic...... Oh.
ReplyNever mind.
Geez don't I just hope that all of you that made these dead baby jokes, lose a child. Wouldn't that be funny? Also make pics of their little corpses so we can post it here and all have a good laugh at their innocent little dead faces. Wow I am cracking up with laughter allready! So have a good time with your dead babies guys. I am really wishing this on all of you!
Reply@ Commander Ross: That's not how you make a dead baby float. I make mine with dead babies, ice cream and root beer.
ReplyGolden god, hmm, like Buddha?
ReplyDo not question me glendoor! In less than 3 months I will be a golden god!
ReplyOr you could eat less and do sit ups.
ReplyWeight loss update!!! I have been informed that the eliptical has been delivered and assembled. tonight, it begins!
ReplyYeah, I was actually just being sarcastic, I'm kind of scaring myself now actually...
Reply....to be fair one of my best friends told me that joke, and posted it as a comment on my Myspace, so I'm more worried about his mental sanity than anything else.
no the character of Joey Gladstone (zany uncle loves babysitting) always struck me as a little suspect. also,
ReplyQ.What do you get when you put a baby in a blender?
A.An erection
Q. What's the worst thing about a dead baby?
ReplyA. The years and years of utter anguish it causes its mother.
ZOMG LOLZ
At this point, the dead baby jokes are making me as uncomfortable as a pair of my old jeans.
ReplyEliptical arrives today. Look out.
I have the worst dead baby joke:
ReplyQ. How do you make a dead baby float?
A. Take your foot off it's head.
Brentin, that is not my wife in the Slowburn photo.
ReplyNadia, thanks. The training starts today. I have to get in shape for May's Mr. Dynamite Abs Blogger competition. Ross is already hitting the roids.