Usually we leave the blogging up to the experts (that guy who assumes everyone has an unhealthy obsession with porn, and that other guy who assumes everyone has an unhealthy obsession with Starpulse) but as Cracked.com’s Editorial, We had to take a moment to share some big news with you (that’s right We get capitalized and you don’t. Start a multi-billion dollar humor operation and then we’ll talk).
CRACKED.com announced today that a full .25% of their website’s traffic comes from web surfers using Apple’s iPhone.
“We couldn’t believe it when we saw the numbers in Google Analytics,” Cracked assistant editor David Wong said. “For every 100 people that visit CRACKED, one-fourth of one of them is iPhoning it up. Probably just the head, one arm and maybe part of the torso. It’s really the only way they can log in, the poor, deformed freaks.”
Editor Jack O’Brien expressed little surprise at the website’s veritable iOnslaught of iTraffic. “The typical Cracked.com user is a man on the make. He needs his comedy in numbered lists because he’s busy closing deals and having sexual intercourse with women,” O’Brien said before putting down the company’s ad pitch script to push an intern’s head into a fart.
Editorial assistant Dan O’Brien predicted that, “In the future when everyone in the world has an iPhone, one fourth of the world will be visiting Cracked every single day,” though, given O’Brien’s history with wildly inaccurate predictions, (flying cars in ‘93, bears that can teach math by ‘97, and a gay, robot president in 2004,), this comment should be taken with a grain of salt.
The Cracked staff expressed tentative plans to ask Apple for “a cut of some of that iPhone loot.” Steve Jobs could not be reached for comment.
This entry was posted on Thursday, December 27th, 2007 at 10:00 am and is filed under Cracked, iPhone. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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January 17th, 2008 at 12:03 am
I love my iPhone, I wish Apple would offer an internet voice application for it.
January 1st, 2008 at 6:44 am
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December 28th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
The iPhone sure saved me a lot testicular sterilization, I tell you that much. Before the iPhone I had phone to call with, a phone t0 receive calls with, a phone to text, a phone to receive texts, a digital camera, a computer to look up cracked.com, a calculator, a internet communication device, an analog clock, and an etch & sketch because i am still can’t get spider-man’s eyes just right. Now all I have is an iPhoen and the etch & sketch.
December 28th, 2007 at 10:12 am
All I know about iPhones is that they make people better. If you had an iPhone, you’d be qualified to tell air traffic controllers how to do their jobs. FREEDOM FROM THE TYRANNY OF BUTTONS!
December 28th, 2007 at 5:09 am
No, Matt D. Cracked is what iPhone users look at in Starbucks, when they aren’t in there obsessively disordered studio apartment full of sour milk and James Blunt. Still, the borderline ribald name does beg the inquiry, “Where these people just looking for some butt crack fantasy website?” And how many people have the name Ian Cooper? Seriously, WTF? I know 4 people with that name.
December 27th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
I smiled when I saw this, because my iPhone is how I view ALL websites (which is really crappy, by the way).
December 27th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
If what I know about iPhone users is accurate, they were probably looking for a butt crack fetish site.
December 27th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
We don’t have the iPhone in Puerto Rico yet, but we do have sexual intercourse and deal closing stuff, like briefcases and whatnot.
December 27th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Look, there’s no reason to bring math into this, fellas, let’s just relax enjoy all that sweet iPhone money we’re not getting.
December 27th, 2007 at 1:45 pm
That’s why he said “one-fourth of one of them.” 0.25%.
December 27th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
It says DOT 25 percent, right? That means 0.25%, not 25%.
December 27th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Everyone isn’t obsessed with Starpulse? I better start blogging about other things. Anyone got some Cobain stories?