You Can't Burn A Mormon's Genitals: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
60 Minutes - Magic Mormon Underpants60 Minutes is generally regarded as one of the most successful shows in the history of television. Reporting on major world events since the heady days of Vietnam and Watergate, the show has won numerous awards for groundbreaking journalism over the years. In 1983, they even managed to free a Texan named Lenell Geter who was wrongly convicted of armed robbery. It's more than a television show; it's an American institution.
YAAAAAWN! BORRRRR-ING!
Thank God they left that all behind at some point and decided to focus on something that matters: dumbing down their program in the pursuit of ratings. From the perspective of a Cracked blogger, this was a real blessing. You know what's not really all that hilarious? The Vietnam War, Watergate and wrongful incarceration1. You know what IS hilarious? The phrase "sacred undergarments." Say what you will about credibility, dignity and journalistic integrity, but can any of those things really hold a candle to hearing a grown man say "sacred undergarments" repeatedly in a would-be serious tone?
Ordinarily this is the part where I'd go off about how Mormons are stupid and sacred undergarments are ridiculous, but as someone who gets into horrific boating accidents on a nearly constant basis, I'd really like to get my hands on a pair of those suckers. I can think of worse things than getting the occasional compliment in the locker room, too. I honestly can't remember the last time someone turned to me and said, "Hey, Ross - neat undergarments!" That makes me sad.
Maybe those Mormons are on to something. They sure seem to smile a lot, don't they?
1 Despite being on the air for 40 years, for the sake of this blog post those are the only three things that 60 Minutes has ever reported on.
Behold NOMEX, the sacred materiel blessed by god to not burn. (Or any of the x number of fire retardant fabrics.)
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Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesWhat has the anonymity of the internet done to this country?
I think if everyone was required to post their real name, location and a picture of themselves along with their comments, they wouldn't be so brazenly insulting and intolerant toward others.
Mormons, just like EVERY other religious group, have their splinter groups of weirdos.
The point of the article was that 60 minutes had lost their credibility, not that all Mormons are idiots.
Keep thy religion (and thy hate-speech) to thyself.
I grew up Mormon and I can honestly say that most Mormons ARE idiots.
Orson Scott Card is a Mormon.
I rest my case.
Don't know where you grew up.
"How can a religion and people who worship God, not be Christian?"
ReplyMuslim and so very many others.
Utah mormons are for the most part parochial idiots. Many Non-LDS find neighbor kids who are LDS are not allowed to play with their kids because they are not of the faith. Many LDS Kids are not allowed to trick-or-treat at non-members homes by their parents and church leaders. The place is sick and the attitude is 'if you don't like it, leave'. Gordon B. Hinckley, past president of the Church even preached in LDS Conference to "tolerate" your non-LDS neighbors. TOLERATE???!!! How about being a good neighbor. Being a friend? Helping and getting to know them? All without the secret mission of 'converting' them and if they don't accept 'the gospel' you never talk to them again?
And early anti-Mormons could not have said 'I hate LDS...' as that was not the name of the Church until 8 years after it was organized.
It also was not organized with 12 apostles. It also was not organized in Fayette as is taught.
Wonder what else they aren't telling you?
I'm afraid you are lacking in research.
O my God it's so awesome watching the interviewer try not to crack up while being told of the glories of sacred underwear.
ReplyEverybody needs to relax. Everyone knows the only TRUE religion is Apatheism! Everyone should join! Or don't. I don't really care.
ReplyI wear holy undergarments...or holey. I need new ones...
Ahhh! I just got rickrolled by Mr The Guy (Feb 14 post). Good one!!!
ReplyA lot of Mormon hate. If I remember right, the word Mormon was made by those who hated the religion early on. It was easier to say "I hate those Mormons" as opposed to "I hate those members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints". That could require a full lung of air.
ReplyI've never experienced a Utah mormon before, it must be different than anywhere I've lived. But remember, this is local culture and tendencies, not the philosophy of the religion itself.
Belittling and having contempt for a belief is easy to do, anyone can do it. But, let's look at all Christian beliefs (the LDS faith is Christian, contary to popular belief. How can a religion and people who worship God, not be Christian?) It could be laughed at to say "He walked on water, ha ha" or "Elijah rained down fire from the sky, ha ha" Anything that isn't immediately visible can be scoffed at. Hence, the holocaust, which my dad still has nightmares about, could be called into question: Did he see himself all the millions of dead Jews?
Criticism is an easy and steep trap to fall into. The LDS faith is the only religion that had an order of execution placed against it by the US government. Governor Boggs of Missouri ordered it. The first known victim was a 10 year old boy trying to protect his mother.
Does approving of other's pain make you feel better or worse? When you endorse violence does it bring you peace, or make you more bitter?
Those who criticize the LDS religion do the very thing you accuse it of. In so doing you accuse me of judging and looking down on you. I know for a fact I'm not better than you, even when you belittle me and insult the things I base my life on. The LDS church isn't the acme judgement factory. It's more like a hospital, and we're all trying to be healed of a sinful nature.
Everyone knows at least one person who claims to be LDS and then does things that are commanded against by our Father in Heaven. These people are hypocrites and shouldn't be used as accurate examples. They represent themselves only.
Crudeness and belittling isn't given to the LDS faith alone. For example, people will say "I could never be Catholic after I found out those few priests molested those boys" OK, what was your reason before then?
Usually, vehemence against religion is because of two things: A feeling of being judged as a bad person, and unwillingness to put in the effot and give up a preferred lifestyle.
I don't judge you, and the LDS church doesn't judge you. Prideful and confused individuals here and there will, but they are fallen from inspired teaching. There are individuals, no matter what they believe or don't believe, who will think they are better than anyone else. They are miserable company to everyone. They represent themselves and no one else.
When missionaries do their work, or when a member invites you to church, it's not to impose another doctrine upon yours, it is because they want to share what is most important to them with you. It is a gesture of friendship, no conflict or judgement. Some come on a little heavy, but they don't understand it can be irritating, amazingly enough.
When looking into philosophies and doctrines, it is good to compare best with best, not best with worst.
If you don't want another foundation to live your life by, so be it. No need for hate or animosity. Disagreeing with a way of life shouldn't involve hate or trying to pervert another's way of life. This is one of the philosophies I live my life by. You have no enemies in the LDS church.
I hope, for the sake of your own peace of mind, and for a little freedom from the endless hate of those I care about most, that you aren't like a few people I've met in my life, who like to cause harm for the fun of it. It's true, members of the LDS faith are easy to pick on, because they love you and all people they have never met, or have met. Love for you because you are a son of God, who made the part of you that never ends. So, if you like to cause hurt, Mormons are easy to hurt. Anyone who loves you is easy to hurt. If you hate this doctrine, it is your free will to do so.
blah blah i'm a butthurt mormon who believes in a man who claimed to be a prophet yet provided no proof that his magical golden tablets even existed
It's the same reason I'm an agnostic, if it was real there'd be proof.
Proof can only come through genuinely seeking a testimony of the legitimacy of the LDS church, or the Book of Mormon, etc. by honest prayer. If one cannot bring oneself to honestly try, remember that absense of evidence is not evidence of absence, and that the fact that proof can only come personally instead of emperically does not automatically disprove anything.
I love this site! some of you are so full of shit! but still, its pretty funny! My mormon freind told me that the "special underwear" are to remind them of the comitment they make to god to do what is right. Have you ever met a mormon? those are the nicest people i have ever met, they teach by example.... they never talked to me about their mormon bible, but they live the way you would expect good people to... if i was gonna pick a religion i would pick them..... because look at what their members are like..... you can tell from talking to them that they have something special.... criticize all you want.... but those are good people..... and have something very special.....
ReplyWell I would say the fact that surprises most people, and where I've seen people get taken for a ride - is when they are 'sold' a guitar as vintage because it was made in the 1970's - so by popular thinking that constitutes a vintage guitar and it's not.
ReplyTrue, you are the biggest bonehead I have found on the internet.
ReplyA. your comments have nothing to do with story or discussion and
B. your logic fails you.
I am no where near rich, but am not poor either. I am a college student, who is educating myself through loans, which I will have to pay off soon. The thing I have learned, and what the rest of America needs to learn, is how to live within your own means.
You deserve everything you have. Write that down.
I agree with most stuff on this site cool keep up the good work!!!
Reply*carves 18 homeless shelters out of the dense impenetrable material of True's words, feels better about herself, goes on a shopping spree to celebrate*
ReplyTrue, STFU.
Reply1.) This is the place to discuss that.
2.) No one will read that whole big brick wall of text.
3.) You're an idiot.
Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for all of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
Reply"Please please please just do it my way." Aren't you a bossy motherfucker? Just don't do it at all. The 11th commandment: Thou Shalt Keep Thy Religion To Thyself.
ReplyDon't let the LDS get you!
ReplyI refuse to define "cult" here but as a Catholic I say Catholicism is a cult. A freakin' huge one... with lot's of tiers of power. Nice juicy cult-drama.
I will say I also believe that walking into the middle of a busy street or my college campus in a suit and tie (don't forget sacred undergarments) thumping the Bible 2.0 and the council of Elders or 13 or w/e is unwanted, unnecessary, and soliciting. For the record, our apartment manager physically escorted a pair of Bible thumpers to their car. If I wanna convert somebody I start by leading by example and telling my friends; I try to inform only the people who will listen. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just do it my way...
I'm there man
ReplyMacxamillion, come on, we just had an understanding: me, an athiest, Jelijah, a Mormon, just saying to hell with that shit and lets go have a drink.
ReplyWhy do you have to start Bible thumping? Everyone knows the main thing to take from the Bible is to treat others as you want to be treated (unless you're a masochist, then you need to treat others how you don't want to be treated). It's just a humor blog, it's not going to do any lasting harm. So, lighten up and have a drink with me and Jelijah should it turn out that I'm wrong and people end up going to heaven when they die.
Anyone ever read the bible before? If not you might want to check it out and learn about the beliefs of Mormons before you make any asinine comments about our religion. If you have read it, maybe try understanding it a bit. I'm not saying the bible is perfect, due to the many translations it underwent, I'm just saying that there's a lot of stuff in there that most people don't really get. It talks about special undergarments in the old testament for example. For those who study the bible, good, so do I. Pretty weird huh? Must be all that brainwashing I went through before I was 8.
ReplyJust a quick comment to Apple Wine
ReplyIn her in-depth research into the Mormon church, she failed to notice that Mormons have banished polygamy and did so in the late 1800's. It is no longer practiced in their church.
Those people that do practice polygamy are not recognized as members of the Mormon church but most are splinter groups from the Mormon religion, so please talk to a Mormon instead of relying on anti-mormonism sites to get your information.