Every Episode of 'House' Ever
Have you ever wanted to write award-winning television, don't own a computer, typewriter, or pen, and yet are somehow reading this? Well, you're in luck! Just follow this simple guide, selecting scenes at random from within each section and rearranging them on a big board. Voila! Your very own episode of TV's House. When finished, simply fold your board up and shove it under the door of a Hollywood Producer; you'll be rolling in Emmys in no time!*
*WARNING: rolling in Emmys is extremely painful.
When not writing for Cracked, Michael photoshops for Cracked as Head Writer and Co-Founder of Those Aren't Muskets!
Ah, I do miss Lisa Edelstein's boobs.
ReplyTHE PATIENT POOPS A LUNG
Replyfunniest line
You forgot the most important thing:
ReplyIt's not lupus.
But it was! Once.
Im so glad you got in there that at some point the patient has to spitup/ vomit blood. Happens every damn time!!! But I still love it....
ReplyCutty is old news, but otherways not bad.
ReplyOh yes, "House" is one of my favorite TV shows, and I liked the "House analysez a character's personal life instead of the patient" part, becuase that happens surprisingly often.
ReplyGood article I think you nailed the formula.
ReplyI always laugh at House because the doctors will personally wheel the patient down to the CT machine and perform the tests themselves, and then regularly monitor the patients vital signs. What kind of hospital is it where there's no need for nurses, technicians or orderlies?
The kind of hospital that has four brilliant doctors treating one patient at a time, apparently.
Its funny cuz a patient actually did cough up a lung (or at least part of it) in one episode, so even your exageration isn't an exageration XD
ReplyHe said 'poops a lung', which I'm sure never happened (on tv)
yet
Sigh.. this made me sad, but it's true.. But Hugh Laurie is so good, that he shocks me when he talks in his native British accent instead of American. I've seen his audition on YouTube.. It was cool, just like he acts and speaks in the TV show now. And I've seen his time with Ellen Degeneres on her show.. It was so weird... hearing him speak with British accent. I was thinking "o_o who ARE you?!"
ReplyMy friends watch House whenever it's on....I like it too but I could never watch it on a regular basis, because, well, it's always the same thing ^^
ReplyGreat article!!!!!
Anyone notice the first two diseases House mentions are Wilson' disease or cancer?
ReplyOr Lupus by one of the doctors working under him? lol
Or Unpronounceable Syndrome by Park.
I used to really enjoy watching House...
Replythen I caught on to the formula of the tv
show and it was way too predictable for me.
But I still love Hough Laurie
Sarcoidosis - They mention it so many times it could be a drinking game!
Replythye mention cancer like its a eho can mention it more contest
the diganoses is always cancer
THE PATIENT POOPS A LUNG.
ReplyClassic.
So true.
ReplyI love House!
Same. It's predictable has hell but... I LUUUURVE House
Predictable but you can't not love Hugh Lurie
House is like a gritty reboot version of Dr. Cox from Scrubs.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI love Cox
Best conversation ever
There was a scrubs where they pointed it out and made fun of it, the interns were talking about House, Cox pointed out that real doctors look for horses instead of zebras, Cox tripped on wet paint and had to use a cane, but two colors of paint mixing together made him realize what the patient was suffering.
12 year old male has enlarged blood, oozes memory loss, infected fetus, and lazy insanity. Let's see Dr. House solve THAT.
ReplyAfter establishing it's not lupus, a chatty prostitute triggers House to stare off into space for a while before rushing off to tell the team it's (some unpronouncable disease of combination thereof) .
He's got fetal-alzheimoptysisatosis
You need: House has a "Eureka moment" and suddenly figures it all out. And it has nothing to do with the rest of the episode.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesI thought he left it out, too but I do believe it's the bandaid that says "A word/image/song causes House to stare in to space for a few seconds, signaling the case has been solved" ... I prefer "Eureka Moment" myself. Still awesome and true yet... I still love House. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I want Hugh Laurie?
yeah, can somebody explain to me why this elderly man arouses such "must bone immediately" feelings in me?
It's the Power of Snark.
mynamewastaken for the win
ReplyWhile this is true House is still awesome :)
Reply