In a move that shocked only those people who haven’t operated a personal computer in 20 years, Microsoft recently announced that they’d be “lightly borrowing” the Mac Store concept by launching their own chain of trendy mall-bound retail boutiques. They hope this will give them a more direct line of communication with their consumers, create a concrete relationship with the public and provide opportunities for public relations interface and a slick, coherent new image. You know, all the things it did for Apple.
But in case any Microsoft executives read this blog, I feel it’s my duty to inform them of two facts.
1. It won’t.
2. That’s okay.
Let’s back up. I think the best way to explain why the Microsoft stores are going to be a laughable failure is to answer the age-old debate between PCs and Macs. And here’s the answer, as disappointing as frothing fanboys may find it: they’re just different. Both have a place in the market, and they’ll make money as long as they stick to their rightful domain.
Macintosh is elitist. That’s its thing. That elitism may come in the form of family-friendly machines with bright colors and giant buttons, but it’s still an elitism, simply because of the level of image involved. Buying a Mac has become “a lifestyle choice,” from the Apple sticker on the rear window of your Prius to the black turtleneck guarding you against the fog of a Northern California morning.
And that elitism is built right into the machine. Apple’s slogan is “It just works,” but it could as well be “Hopefully it just works, because if it doesn’t you don’t have a lot of options.” They’ve gotten better since the Linux makeover but, by and large, if my Mac breaks down, I tend to just drop it from my balcony and order another.
The point is, Macintosh doesn’t have time to let you fiddle around with their insides; they’re too busy innovating. Also making out with Pixar.
Meanwhile, Microsoft represents the ultimate in computing populism. Buying a PC and loading up Windows says nothing whatsoever about your lifestyle beyond “I live and work in the 21st century.”
And by not cultivating any sort of coherent image, and copying other companies’ innovations with a ruthless efficiency that would make Edison proud, Microsoft has saved time better spent haphazardly licensing third-party companies to make their products and patching the shit out of their buggy software.
There’s a lot more to be said about how that’s only an oversimplification and how this one guy totally overclocked his G5 and it has a steampunk brass casing and meanwhile this other guy super-glued his PC case shut and was like “what?”, but the history of the two companies bears out that when they stick to their respective domains, there’s plenty of money to go around for both.
When Mac tried to copy Microsoft for a change and license their OS to third-party companies (yes, that happened), they nearly went bankrupt. That’s when Steve Jobs came back, put “i” in front of everything and made them trendier and more exclusive than ever.
Part of that process was opening an upscale boutique, part of it was innovating the shit out of some stuff (mp3 players, phones, what have yous), and part of it was developing the mythos that at the Mac offices, everyone rides razor scooters around with the Incredible family and somehow this updates Jaguar.
And guess what? Times are good again in the land of Mac.
But this strategy just won’t work for the PC, and to convince you of that (let’s be honest; I’m talking to you, Bill), here are a list of key changes Microsoft will have to incorporate into their storefront to stay true to the Windows image if they want to compete with the Mac stores.
Storefront
Interior
Support
Games Section
You
See? All you’ve really got going for you is the games thing and, frankly, paying for a series of giant warehouses and staff just to sell games you don’t own the rights to isn’t going to pay the mortgage on your hollowed out mountain.
If you absolutely must have a retail chain, you’ve got to pare down, stick to your strengths. I guess what I’m saying is, open an arcade. Now there’s a business model that’s timely as ever. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some Fallout 3 to play on my Virtual PC.
This entry was posted on Friday, February 20th, 2009 at 2:00 am and is filed under Apple, Bill Gates, Computers, Macintosh, Microsoft, Steve Jobs, business. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
How I Spent My Summer Vacation, By Michael Swaim (Age 24)
The Funniest Comedic Failure in the History of YouTube
Hollywood Gives Up: Keanu Reeves to Play Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde
The 5 Most Likely Ways Humans Will Become Obsolete
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
November 20th, 2009 at 11:32 am
@Ryan:
There are two things that PC users can do that Mac users can’t-
1)Play games
2)Shut up.
November 7th, 2009 at 5:47 am
Arguing on the internet is like competing in the special olympics.
Even if you win you’re still retarded.
September 24th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
A rather good read. Although, I must say that my experiences (and my schools’ experiences) with Apple products have been less than satisfactory. Customer Support was a joke. 4 years ago I contacted Apple about my computer freezing and not being able to open any programs (even the built-in programs). I was asked to leave my name and contact information… I was finally contacted by them (and I do not mean a person) last week, 3 years after I trashed it and swore off Apple computers for life (Although I have changed my stance there. I own a paper-weight that runs like an Apple Computer that is only used to store music and videos)
At least with Microsoft something contacted me about my problem… within a year… actually 4 days.
Anyways, I am not trying to say that Apple or Microsoft is better than one or the other. Rather, they are meant for different things, and as such, excel in different ways. My ISYS professor probably said it best. “Macs are great for running math, science, and music programs, because that is what the OS is designed for. PCs are great for running word processors, images, and games because that is what the OS is designed for.” He also pointed out that PCs are known for viruses because that is what most viruses are designed to target, which is because it is more popular. I am fairly certain that if the popularity of Macs exceed that of PCs, there will suddenly be a large influx of Mac oriented viruses popping up and people freaking out over it.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Haha, 10 points to HarryBalz008 for making me chuckle!
September 13th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Wow, actually a great post about Mac vs. PC. He’s right when he says its all an image thing. Its the same reason all these people get Linux (which I have as a second operating system, btw so I’m not just being some asshat) and how it keeps getting new programs for free. Some people do indeed have that idea and dream of the free exchange of ideas, but most just like giving the finger to the supposed Man (Mac and Windows).
September 11th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Anyone who feels the need to make claims on the internet about how they like to have sex is invariably a virgin
September 11th, 2009 at 5:14 am
and by such i mean shut.
September 11th, 2009 at 5:06 am
You people who talk so much shit about macs are ridiculous. I used to have pcs for pretty much my whole life, and they worked fine…i had a lot of problems with viruses and spy ware but other than that its cool. I got a mac from the advice of a friend, who also used only pcs and is not someone, by any means, would be considered a hipster who just went with the cool thing, hes actually a little on the country side.
I like my mac much better because the things im into ( which i guess by some of you are the simple things) are generally music related…so a mac ended up being perfect. The way the OS handles is very easy and user friendly, which i don’t understand how thats a bad thing. My friend isnt a simple person using a simple computer, hes a fucking graphic designer who would never use anything but a mac, and the people hes worked for and interned under only use macs. Macs are good for their own thing, thats why most music recording studios use them because pcs and their respective software blow at it. Each system is good on its own right, stop being damn nerds and understand that, its like arguing which religion is better.
I guess ill just keep using my mac and not being a hardcore gamer, see i dont own video games of any sort(i like playing instruments and having sex with girls) so you can keep bitching about macs sucking and playing your WOW, while i go out to parties, have fun, and get laid, while using my consumer whore, trendy fashion statement mac…since thats the only reason i have one, not you know because its a fucking computer. Im guessing the majority who say they use their pc for so many grand things that arent simple at all…pretty much mean that they use them for video games…so politely such the fuck up.
September 10th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
My main concern with the Microsoft store is this. Its another classic example of Microsoft forgetting what their product is. Much like their “Its a PC” ads, which tend to focus on the price of someone else’s product.
My main question here is, “what will you actually sell at this store?” Is it going to be an entire store that contains rows and rows of copies of the new Windows, and Office? Will they maybe sprinkle in a few Zunes and some 360s? It would be a little strange to open up a Microsoft store and fill it with 3rd party PCs that happen to have windows on them. Also, I have never been to a mall that didn’t have at least 2 Gamestops in it. This would seem to negate the need for an XBox store. So why even bother?
Furthermore, can someone please explain to me how buying microsoft products makes you not a consumer whore?
September 10th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
I’ve been a PC person all my life. Recently my XP got the blue screen of death and I’ve gotten a Vista. Partly because it just has better specs it runs smooth and fast and has great gaming support (one of the obvious strengths that PC has unquestionably always had).
I agree with cb200 — people that make viruses are going to target the platform the majority of the people have, not Macs. I do tons of torrent downloading and such, have had problems with viruses and spyware, but like many other pc users I know how to adequately remove it so it’s never been a problem. It’s not like you would get infected if you knew how to take care of your computer.
Surprisingly enough, I’ve never owned anthing by Apple, even an ipod (I am a Zune fan, I have the small one and it’s awesome, much better than a Nano. I would get the iTouch but it’s not a great size for me). It is fun to play around with my friends’ Macs and at the Apple Store, with Photobooth and… okay, that’s basically it.
September 10th, 2009 at 11:07 am
A computer is a tool, and so are all of you!
September 9th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
I’m a Linux person who used to be a Mac and Windows person.
Now only if there was a good third party mp3 player…
August 27th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
I have never been struck by a tornado. Therefore I can’t get hit by a tornado.
Now this one. I have a mac and have never gotten a virus. Therefore macs don’t get viruses.
The thing missing from the first statement is I don’t live where there are tornadoes. That’s why I am tornado free.
What’s missing from the second statement is that almost no one bothers to write viruses for mac because they are an insignificant amount of the global market. That’s why they don’t get viruses.
I’m not pro or against any platform. That’s just the current reality.
If mac was 95% of the global market you can bet they would have severe virus problems.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
both have their strengths. i have a mac, and i love it. i’ve had it for three years without anti-virus software and it runs fine (knock on wood), which is more than i can say for a lot of PC users i know. my girlfriend has a pc that’s fully loaded with anti-virus and she has problems all the time. macs function well, hold up for a long time, have some cool applications and other random pros. i will admit tho, that there are some things that PCs are just better at. but just because you own a pc doesn’t mean you’re a behind-the-times nerd and just because you own a mac doesn’t mean you’re a consumer whore.
August 17th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Macs are good if you don’t give a shit about the inside of your computer. PCs are good if you want your computer to remain relevant after a few years.
And, the games thing was spot on. I can’t recall a Mac game that isn’t on a PC (where you have more hardware choices, like kickass video cards/processors/etc.) since System’s Twilight (from 1994).
August 16th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Apple: Simple products, for simple people.
August 12th, 2009 at 1:38 am
Mac is upping the ante and releasing games which will run through the OSX, as well as patches to adjust what platform to run what through, so all the best PC games can still be played on Macs. So basically, with the exception of no left/right clicking, and a severe lack of solitaire preinstalled…. Mac wins. end of story, sorry Bill.
July 4th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
There is almost nothing functionally different between competing mp3 players, laptops, desktops, whatever. 99% of all computing tasks and by defination 99% of all computing users, regardless of whatever childish downbreed gang sign they throw up when they talk about their computer, do not really need to concern themselves about what they’re using. There’s nothing special about using an Apple product. Anyone can go out and buy them. Being a consumer whore has never made you cool - And there’s nothing, definitely nothing, special about using a PC. Welcome to 1980 or some other god decade long ago.
(posted by Lark)
Are you SERIOUS?? Wait, maybe I’m just missing some vital info here; Have you ever worked on a mac or a pc? I don’t mean “have you built them?”, just “have you used them?” They are VERY functionally different. Buy a mac if you think looking hip is what comps are for, buy a PC if you wish to actually do something more useful than surf or organize your pictures. Let’s not even get into the argument of upgrading (I’ve had the same case for almost a decade), that would just be a massacre.
June 30th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Apple’s greatest success is simplified in these forum posts.
There is almost nothing functionally different between competing mp3 players, laptops, desktops, whatever. 99% of all computing tasks and by defination 99% of all computing users, regardless of whatever childish downbreed gang sign they throw up when they talk about their computer, do not really need to concern themselves about what they’re using. There’s nothing special about using an Apple product. Anyone can go out and buy them. Being a consumer whore has never made you cool - And there’s nothing, definitely nothing, special about using a PC. Welcome to 1980 or some other god decade long ago.
Apple’s incredible success is in their marketing, building a brand out of nothing. The first comment - literally the first concept - is about how Microsoft is building a *store* akin to the Apple store. Are you kidding me?
At what point - please, for the love of all that is holy - did apple making STORES become their own unique concept totally entitled to and ‘innovated’ by them. How absurd. They have wonderful retail outlets that are a great deal nicer than, well, 99% of all other computer stores I’ve ever been to. But a brand, having a store?
How incredibly good does your marketing team have to be when people actually consider the fact you have a store as a concept of innovation. I mean really. I hope these guys are making millions, because they’re the real geniuses behind the story.
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:40 am
I have a vista.
I love it.
I know this makes no sense, and perhaps some of you are frantically reaching for your Blade action figure hoping that his plastic badassery will protect you from my terrifying vampire mind draining powers-because who else but a brain washing member of the Undead could have use for a Vista? (Yay for run on sentences!)
But let me explain.
I love my Vista like a mother would love a particularly slow stupid child. Every time that something crashes (this is surprisingly rare) and it say, “would you like to fix the problem?”, every time that it asks me five fucking times “would you like to open this program?” every time that the sound just STOPS and nothing will make it turn on again until you restart the computer and sacrifice a goat to the hungry Vista Gods- Every time Vista fucks up, I sigh and love it anyway.
Why? I DON’T KNOW. It’s clearly retarded! But all I know is that I thank god that I am not using a Mac. Macs fill me with irrational rage.
June 14th, 2009 at 2:59 am
“Minotaur”
…
i laughed out loud at that.
May 30th, 2009 at 8:14 am
“You leave the store feeling hipper than you have all week, and breathe a sigh of deep contentment as you pop your earbuds in and rock some U2 all the way to a Starbucks latte.” pwned
May 26th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
ghost designer clothing…
Just bored, you know how it is on a Wednesday , so I thought I would see if my site came up in the search engine, I typed in ghost designer clothing and instead of mine I got EXCLUSIVE: Bob Orci Explains How The New Star Trek Movie Fits With Trek ……
May 18th, 2009 at 8:00 am
government seized car auctions…
Awesome information you have here. Thanks for sharing….
April 23rd, 2009 at 10:41 am
One problem with getting a Mac instead of a PC–it’s fucking expensive.
A Mac laptop or computer costs a whopping 1,000 dollars and up (the MacBook is about $999.99, MacBook Air is $2,499.99 and a regular computer is 2,000-3,000 dollars.) And I still fail to see what the big deal is about them because I’ve never used one, all I know is that they’re good for graphic quality and software.
One thing I have to admit though, when going into a tech store, I’ve noticed the Mac stuff has this really nice little category with a giant screen and advertisements and placed there like it’s superior–and the Windows stuff is all together like “big deal.” In fact, many places haven’t even added Mac stuff to their stores until recently (at least from what I know). So you’re on-point there.
But still, I have no idea what the big deal is with Macs…yet I still want one. :/
April 10th, 2009 at 4:19 am
Mac OSX sucks too. I own both. Macs are incredibly slow, expensive, tired, delicate, overheat, have shitty battery life, almost no third party freeware, almost no freeware at all, and they are way too overrated.
April 8th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Frank,
It scares me that your Mac comparisons to Windows lie in the use of OS 7.5?! That is sort of like comparing your kid’s TI graphing calculator to graph paper or a handful of rocks. OS 9 was a piece of shit. OS X is so far ahead of Windows in usability, features, and stability, that it is like comparing XP Pro to, well, a handful of rocks. You should really give a Mac made in the last 5 years a shot at changing your mind. Then you can once again claim that you used to use Windows.
Poodle Springs
April 7th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Mac suck a dick dick dick BANG MAC SUCKA DICKDICK DICK.
April 1st, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Poodle Springs - I am a Windows user who used to be a mac user. It does happen.
The switch for me took place when I got my first IBM thinkpad after 3 hellish years with an Imac. I had a performa 575 before that, and a Mac IIC before that. My mom still has a macbook and I cant stand the damned thing, I have yet to get it to connect to her home network for more than 30 seconds. With my thinkpad it takes all of 1 minute to select the security type, punch in the key,and I am off to the races. I think windows will always appeal to people who have more computer knowledge than a 10 year old, but still just want their system to work without having to think about it too much.
Also just as a sidenote vista is a screaming s-pile, but XP was the most solid stable operating system I have ever used (and that includes mac 7.5 which crashed all the damned time.
March 22nd, 2009 at 2:13 pm
I like both Mac and PC, and I think both are essential to career where I’ll be going in the future (assuming that either will exist in the future)
March 20th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
And hey Nex!
Have you ever seen a vagina? I guarantee you that when you see your first one, you won’t give a shit about that trivial crap anymore.
March 20th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
I know a lot of Mac users that used to be Windows users. I don’t know any Windows users that used to be Mac users.
Numbers of users does not imply superiority. Cockroaches outnumber humans by 1000 to 1. Are they the superior species?
I used to use Windows. I used to smoke crack. I got over it.
March 18th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Me personally, I use both a Mac and a PC every day and can honestly say that the Macs seem to break down more often than the PCs and they are slower to connect to the Internet. But they both are useful in their own ways, I guess, so to each their own.
March 16th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
CompUSA best buy and fry’s are already pretty much pc stores, aren’t they?
March 5th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Wow, you people need to get over yourselves. It’s ok to like and use one platform without hurling childish insults at the other camp.
Mac users - Windows users use Windows because it works for them. If they want to try a Mac, they will. If they don’t ask for your opinion it is because they don’t want it. Respect that - especially when you are standing beside them in a store. They are not basement-dwelling social rejects any more than you are a mindless fan boy. Get over it.
PC users - Mac users use Macs because it works for them and is worth the price they are paying. Macs are not overpriced for them. To them, usability means more than hardware specs when pricing a computer. They are not mindless fanboys any more that you are a basement-dwelling social reject. Get over it.
Everyone - we are forum posting geeks. We are a tiny minority of computer buyers. Our opinions don’t matter. We’d do better (especially our stress levels) if we’d accept that.
March 2nd, 2009 at 2:49 am
[...] the full scale nerd that I am Microsoft is an emotional problem. No, it’s not a cool brand. And pretending to be Apple won’t really [...]
February 27th, 2009 at 9:17 am
“And by not cultivating any sort of coherent image…” <– That right there is Microsoft’s problem, and if they don’t fix it soon, Apple and Linux will destroy them. It’s that simple.
They need a vision, and then they need their entire workforce to make it a reality.
February 26th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Oh goodness … An article like this can only bring out the stupidest of comments from nerds all around the globe, trying in vain to convince someone in 1,200 characters or less that their personal opinion is a mandate for the entire human race.
Good article =). It made me laugh; that was the point after all, right? There wasn’t some subliminal messaging I missed in here that actually rendered one company over the other, right? Good. Oh, that’s right, this is a humor website. Sorry, these comments just really keep getting to me …
February 25th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
This made me giggle a bit. It’s so true that Apple got me just with it’s shiny boxes and aesthetically pleasing products, so having a Mac store makes sense. :]
February 25th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Who are these basement dwellers who constantly have their hands inside PCs? Get a console and shut the Hell up. Your ability to put led fans and glowing IDE cables doesn’t mean shit to anyone but you. But Apple’s numbers prove conclusively that “It Just Works” means a heck of a lot to more and more people.
February 25th, 2009 at 11:31 am
I agree with Alazz. Beth sounds like a Miserable Mommy using words like she does and wanting to plop her butt down in front of a computer (Mac or otherwise) instead of being with her child. For shame…
February 25th, 2009 at 5:36 am
I love the “can’t upgrade a mac” arguments…
I guess I must be a genius ‘cos I can open the VERY easily opened case of my mac, put a new hard drive, RAM and graphics card in.
Now I’ll probably get people saying “aha, but you can’t upgrade the processor!!!1″.
Last time I had to do that on my PC, that meant I needed a new motherboard to put it on, which then meant I needed more RAM that actually worked with that motherboard, and a new Graphics card, cos my old one wouldn’t fit.
I use both every day, have for years, and all a PC is really good at is games.
February 24th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
[...] Games: 10 Video Games That Should Be Considered Modern Art Funny: Why Microsoft Will Never Be Cool (And Should Stop Trying) Tutorials: Space Explosion Photoshop Tutorial Movies: The 6 Worst Movies [...]
February 24th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Things that made me stop reading this article:
“Linux makeover.” Right. Replacing the entirety of the operating system with a brand new codebase with heavy BSD underpinnings amounts to both “linux” and a “makeover.”
“When Mac tried to copy Microsoft for a change and license their OS to third-party companies (yes, that happened), they nearly went bankrupt.”
Apple is the company, Mac is the product. As inanimate objects, products don’t generally decide their own licensing concerns.
I love Cracked, but this article was written by someone who has no idea what he’s talking about it. It’ll still get plenty of attention because it appeals to a fanboy conflict.
February 24th, 2009 at 9:29 am
I like how this article turned into simply a rant about how Michael hates Microsoft products because he is one of those people who lack the intelligence to realize that for the past 20 years he could have simply bought or built a PC for 1/10th the price of his Mac, created a separate partition on his harddrive and installed Mac OS_ if he needs an operating system easy enough for my cat to use.
Although I did enjoy his one attempt to undercut Apple by making fun of their slogan. “It just works.”
Anyone using Mac OS needs to check the results of the pwn2own competition.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:39 am
Why Microsoft Will Never Be Cool (And Should Stop Trying)…
In a move that shocked only those people who haven?t operated a personal computer in 20 years, Microsoft recently announced that they?d be ?lightly borrowing? the Mac Store concept by launching their own chain of trendy mall-bound retail boutiques….
February 23rd, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Duh, Jedifreak:
OSX does hace a CLI but its not called bash. Bash stands for Bourne Again Shell. The actual mac CLI is called Darwin. It uses bash as a command interpreter. There are different types of command interpreters in Unix based systems. Bash is a very common one used in linux, BSD and Darwin (OSX). Other Unix based systems such as AIX use shells such as ksh. Anyway the point is OSX is based on BSD and it inherits a cli which in OSX’s case is called Darwin. I think the big advantage OSX has over previous versions is that a lot of *nix software can be ported. Thats why you can see a lot of open source applications being ported for the mac.
Anyway, I have a Mac but I still prefer my Windows PC. It plays games and runs the apps i need. I think macs are too expensive for what they are and OSX is kind of dumbed down for new users. Vista tried to do the same dumbing down in some features and ended up probably losing market share because of that. Lets hope Windows 7 makes up for what Vista did wrong. If tried the beta and I was very impressed.
February 23rd, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Right about spot on.
And Nick, stop stealing my name. I mean, come on.
“That was the best game you could come up with? It was far too easy, short, and surprisingly non-replayable. Difficulty, length, and replayability were features the game should have HAD, and what it was pretty much based on.”
Difficulty, length, and replayability are not the three things [console] Bethesda games are known for. Did you ever play Morrowind? Didn’t think so. It was the only one of their last three that didn’t baby you through every single part of the game.
No, what makes the Bethesda games brilliant is playing them on the computer, so that you can download a conversion mod that eliminates leveled lists (or doesn’t make them 1-infinity at every single possible point). But I’m guessing that you don’t have the patience to do that.
Oh, and no I haven’t played *much* FO1 or 2. But I loved Black Isle’s other series Baldur’s Gate (i.e. Icewind Dale…). But the fact is is that Bethesda knows one thing exceedingly well: immersion. And that’s where RPGs should focus. They’re smart enough to make it very easy to play, and to let the community mod it to make it suitably difficult for those that hate leveled lists (see: me). But the fact remains that no rpg in the world is more immersive than a bethesda one.
I guess there’s a reason beyond setting that I loved Morrowind so much more than these last two…
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
i agree, nick is pretty dumb i’ve played every fallout game and i enjoyed 3 the most, every point he brought up i found to be just the opposite in fallout 3, i guess he just hates..to hate. just because something is mainstream doesn’t make you cool to hate it
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Why Microsoft Will Never Be Cool (And Should Stop Trying)…
In a move that shocked only those people who haven?t operated a personal computer in 20 years, Microsoft recently announced that they?d be ?lightly borrowing? the Mac Store concept by launching their own chain of trendy mall-bound retail boutiques….
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:39 am
Uh. Apple does have a CLI. It’s called bash. And before Apple “gets” games, it’ll have to have a large enough market share for game developers to care enough to provide them. Get it? Apple can’t “get” games until they’ve already taken a bunch of Microsoft’s market share.
February 23rd, 2009 at 1:12 am
The day Apple puts in a CLI and get games on their computers is the day Windows dies, and doesn’t consider being a zombie.
February 22nd, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Why Microsoft Will Never Be Cool (And Should Stop Trying)…
In a move that shocked only those people who haven?t operated a personal computer in 20 years, Microsoft recently announced that they?d be ?lightly borrowing? the Mac Store concept by launching their own chain of trendy mall-bound retail boutiques….
February 22nd, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Why Microsoft Will Never Be Cool (And Should Stop Trying)…
In a move that shocked only those people who haven?t operated a personal computer in 20 years, Microsoft recently announced that they?d be ?lightly borrowing? the Mac Store concept by launching their own chain of trendy mall-bound retail boutiques….
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Nick: Own or owned every Fallout title except BoS, including tactics.
The game is awesome, and you are a moron. That is all.
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
curse apple and all they have done….
also, keep up the good work swaim
February 22nd, 2009 at 2:01 pm
HEY, NICK!
SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU ARE THE STUPIDEST PERSON EVER. YOU CREATE POINTLESS SHITSTORMS ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE LOOSELY RELATED TO THE ORIGINAL TOPIC. YOUR COMMENTS ARE NOT APPRECIATED. YOU HAVE BEEN CALLED OUT BY ROSS WOLINSKY HIMSELF IN AN OFFICIAL BLOG POST FOR BEING A RETARDED DOUCHEBAG THAT USES EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO TRY AND SHOW OFF HOW AWESOME YOU THINK YOU ARE, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME HIDING BEHIND THE FACT THAT NOBODY KNOWS YOU AND THEREFORE CANNOT CALL BULLSHIT ON YOUR LIES. YOU, IN REALITY, ARE PROBABLY YET ANOTHER 15 YEAR OLD KID WITH NO JOB THAT LIVES WITH YOUR PARENTS. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO AUTHORITY TO SAY MANY OF THE THINGS YOU DO. YOU DISGUST ME. PLEASE FUCK OFF AND DIE.
February 22nd, 2009 at 1:59 pm
“Dude, Bill Gates stepped down from Microsoft. D’OH!”
Yes, much like Vladimir Putin stepped down as the President of Russia.
February 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 am
Just read “The Humble Programmer” by Edsgar Dijkstra. All computers suck if you think about it.
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:48 am
Mac or PC, the fact of the matter is this: the bar on your scroll bar is fucking tiny right now. Over what? What operating system is “better” in response to a clearly tongue-in-cheek article on a comedy website? I sure am glad I live in a time where brand loyalty separates social status.
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:47 am
Wow….Beth, you sound like a terrible parent. You raced home not to see your daughter, but to use a mac?
Seriously Mr. Swaim, Macs represent something worse than 21st century workers, they represent mass consumerism. Steve Jobs gives you a date and a name of a product, and you flock to your nearest retailer to buy. Regardless of the price, ignorant to the fact that THIS is what will make us dumber than Valls and less understanding than Halo players.
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:10 am
Of course Linux has none of the above and no overhead fees, you have websites, torrents, and more operating systems than you could count.
February 22nd, 2009 at 2:18 am
Hipster douchebaggery annoys me as much as it does anyone, but the real reason I love my PC is that I can open it up and have my way with it. A hardware failure, if it happens at all, is seldom more than a trip to newegg or eBay plus a GIS for the drivers if needed. More to the point, I can choose whatever goes into my machine (even laptops to a lesser extent). Not only is this convenient and educational, it also gives me a sense that I’m not locked into some douchebag universe where everything must be done as master says, despite having had “Think Different” bandied about as an apparently ironic selling pitch.
If you’re an Apple person who fails to see why being forced to do everything Apple’s way might drive some people crazy…you just might be a douchebag.
February 22nd, 2009 at 1:08 am
kbllkhklj
February 22nd, 2009 at 1:06 am
blah
February 22nd, 2009 at 12:27 am
I think its time for me to start playing Fallout 3 to keep from being mugged.
February 22nd, 2009 at 12:20 am
Microsoft store: You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike. It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
February 22nd, 2009 at 12:10 am
Makes me wonder what the Linux “store” would be like. A vacant warehouse with a bunch of tools, raw materials and nametags lying around for whoever wants to work there or start a Star Wars/Magic/Acne convention?
February 22nd, 2009 at 12:07 am
To everyone who disagreed with my Fallout 3 comments:
Have you ever played a previous Fallout title?
Yeah. Shut the fuck up.
February 21st, 2009 at 11:45 pm
you’re all pathetic
February 21st, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Kaypro FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 21st, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Hm.. well it seems that apple’s marketing campaign is working well on people who want to be unique, alternative, and different. All in all, its a PC with less power. enjoy your non-upgradeable box. The moment you start defining yourself with what type of computer you have is the moment you have to reevaluate your life.
February 21st, 2009 at 10:11 pm
apple is just as bad as Microsoft if not worst why because
0.they can find your old ipod if the theif makes a purchase from the itunes store but they tell us to go such a dick fuck you apple fuck you you nerdy ass pussies
1. their cell phone CASES are like 40$ average
2. they make you buy insanely expensive and necessary add-ons
3. when it comes to cooperation apple sucks look at cell phone providers ipod developers
microsoft may as well suck my cock too
my xbox 360 breaks almost every fucking time i use it
fuck microsoft and apple are both huge nerdy fuck heads
GOOGLE IS THE ONLY COOL COMPANY EVER
NERDZ
February 21st, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Eric you’re a complete idiot, mac isn’t targeted for worms because of how little affect they would get out of it.
Besides if I wanted mac I could always download linux for free, there’s lots of innovation still left to steal.
Does kind of make me think about the starbucks thing though. People are dumb enough to go down there and pay like 8 bucks a cup because they’re not smart enough to find a good brand of coffee for a good price and they would rather walk around with a starbucks cup so they can be trendy and hip, maybe mac users just can’t think for themselves?
February 21st, 2009 at 9:18 pm
I deeply hate Apple for being such a giant douche. All their products are overpriced pieces of crap but that’s not the only reason for my hatred. The way Apple markets their products; it only appeals to the frat boy type, raised collar imbecile who has never done a hard days work, is 25 and mooches off his parents money. At least Microsoft is not trying to create a douche culture of their products like Apple.
Right now I have a dual boot with Windows XP and Ubuntu and am falling in love with Linux. Apple can come kiss my nerdy ass.
February 21st, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Seriously…I just realized that responses are in opposite cronological order, that makes me have to scroll aaaaaalllllllll the way to the end to start reading upwards….what’s wrong with this picture…Swaim please look into it; it’s unnatural to do so but it did explain why I always felt like I was in the twilight zone everytime I would try to read comments on other threads…After a whole year I finally got it and probably you guys will switch it around now just to throw me off!
P.S I am in the process of making my own machine I hated both eliticist machines and all those I am 4 y old and I am a PC ; go to hell no one will be able to operate mine !!!!!!!!!!!!
February 21st, 2009 at 8:04 pm
Dude, Bill Gates stepped down from Microsoft. D’OH!
February 21st, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Thank God everybody got the point of this article and the comments section didn’t degrade into another PC/Microsoft vs Apple pissing contest.
Oh and Nick, STFU.
February 21st, 2009 at 4:33 pm
@ Eric
Really? That’s the best you got? Mac is better because they have a GUI. You do realize that Microsoft has put out another OS since DOS, right?
February 21st, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Yeah I like Swaim alot too, this bummed me out.
February 21st, 2009 at 3:13 pm
This is slightly disgusting to me considering how much I enjoy Swaim.
February 21st, 2009 at 3:04 pm
I hated this. I thoroughly agree with Charles Cox.
February 21st, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Microsoft really isn’t that bad, and when you look at the facts, most of the stuff apple has really isn’t better. Everything apple has is overpriced, and has so many “cool” features that really don’t do shit, or you will never use. Besides, what happens when you lose your precious iPhone? You also lose your camera, music, and videos, and like $400. Besides, you can’t really compare macs to pcs because mac is just one brand of computer, whereas there are many brands that make pcs, and i think its a bit of a stretch to say macs are better than all of them.
February 21st, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Mac is elitist, it’s a club. Apple is in the business of creating fads and clics. The iphone offers elitist snobs a device to brag about. Does it improve your life or your productivity? No. It makes your life more complicated because e-mail, text messages and phone calls all come in to distract you at every moment of your life. The i-trendies love to look down on PC owners because of the fact they are so proud of their label. When you want something that works, that you can figure out, work on and upgrade yourself, buy a PC.
February 21st, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I love this! It’s another one of Microsoft’s marketing trainwrecks in the making. They’re not cool and you’re right that they never will be. They aren’t simple and seamless and sleek. They don’t control hardware design in many cases and when they do, they just don’t get it. They’re the Borg. Love Bill Gates, what he’s doing for the world now. Know what you are and what you aren’t and become more of what you are. This will be MS success!
February 21st, 2009 at 12:01 pm
If an operating system reflects your personality, kill yourself.
February 21st, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I can’t believe the stupidity in this thread, mostly coming from the Mac fanboys
February 21st, 2009 at 9:47 am
Mac and Microsoft are the Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts of the computing world. Swaim did an excellent job in making that clear.
I have used both, but I used a Mac at the Barnes and Noble Starbucks and a PC at the college Dunkin Donuts with all of my other “broke-ass” friends. They’re the same basically, just take a good hard look at yourself and see which type of person you are and get the computer that reflects your personality.
February 21st, 2009 at 9:45 am
Seriously, Nick? You ever thought maybe NOT making a power-play on the first playthrough? Try playing the game with a character with character with all combat stats at minimum, and then say it’s too easy and has no replayability.
February 21st, 2009 at 6:35 am
Мајкрософт е бољи, мнооогу мнооогу бољи! Мекот е тапа
February 21st, 2009 at 4:55 am
@Kachooga
The Xbox has the console market by the balls as well. If Microsoft is losing any share, they are getting twice as much back other places.
@Nick
Try opening the options window in fallout before you make it completely obvious you’ve never played the game and only looked at the box.
February 21st, 2009 at 4:24 am
Macs suck. I have to use one at work.
I prefer my home PC.
February 21st, 2009 at 3:10 am
Oh, what’s next? A review of a Hanson album? An article on Monica Lewinsky? I can’t wait for another episode of “I Love the 90s!”
February 21st, 2009 at 3:07 am
I get both sides of the article. I’m still looking for the part that’s entertaining.
February 21st, 2009 at 2:41 am
So you need PCs for games huh? A tremendous amount of the most popular games for PC are also available for…wait for it…for the X-box 360. The 360 is helping to make gaming on the PC obsolete. And who’s to blame for that? Microsoft maybe? Microsoft is cannibalizing its own market share. Kiss your need to upgrade to Vista/Windows 7 goodbye. So long, needlessly accelerated PC hardware/OS upgrades!
I say, who cares if M$ wants to open retail stores? There’s 34,000 recently unemployed Circuit City folks (and what, six hundred thousand others?) who need jobs. And besides, isn’t it better to try and sell 3 million crap-brown Zunes instead of burying them in the desert?
February 21st, 2009 at 1:39 am
Kind of bogus. Macs are better because their GUI is far superior. This is the case because Bill Gates staked the future of the PC on keyboard commands, rather than mouse action. Keyboard commands can actually be much faster once you learn them all, but the PC operating system ended up coming off as aesthetically chunky and the appeal of the GUI took off. So for years Microsoft has been playing catch up with the Mac GUI, but in true Microsoft form, they rush their products to market and design by bureaucracy rather than prizing innovation. Microsoft’s greatest sin and perhaps the reason why nearly all their products are inferior to those that were allowed to compete with them is that MS prioritizes adding features and making things too automatic, second-guessing the user, rather than concentrating on making solid, bug-free products.
That is the crux of the difference between the machines. Apple is pricey, but it has a lot of integrity and has learned how to create integrated interfaces that users not only feel comfortable with but feel complimented by. Start up a PC and you will see the same old DOS nonsense scrolling across your screen that you saw in 1990. Instead of re-integrating their wares and creating a solid base to work from, Microsoft has piled error on top of error until we get to the point we are at now. Windows is the target of worms, viruses, malware that exploit Microsofts “rush to market” sloppiness. The OS rides on top of god-knows-what hodgepodge of code - Windows is a mess.
If you want to claim that there is an elitism wrapped up in the appeal of macs, that macs are all about “lifestyle” well then I’m going to have to be arrogant and say simply that the elite recognize a good product. The mac is solid and has integrity and does what it does very well.
February 21st, 2009 at 1:23 am
Wow. The last line was the smarmiest, and at the same time most self deprecating statement Michael Swaim has ever made.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some Fallout 3 to play on my Virtual PC.”
First of all… Virtual PC? Hahahahaha… wow. And anyway, even if virtual PC was comparatively functional, Fallout 3??? That was the best game you could come up with? It was far too easy, short, and surprisingly non-replayable. Difficulty, length, and replayability were features the game should have HAD, and what it was pretty much based on.
So have fun playing a disappointing game one time on your excruciatingly slow “virtual PC.”
February 21st, 2009 at 1:12 am
“As you re-emerge, staggering and dazed by the unfamiliar light of the sun, you turn back one last time, reveling in your survival. So basically, the same as when you leave a Fry’s.”
Ha! Awesome!
February 21st, 2009 at 12:55 am
@Salad Fork,
The statement that those who swear by Apple are universally less computer literate than those who don’t is not true at all. I’m a CCNP network engineer and server admin, and I gotta say, with the UNIX base system that (Intel) Apples are much more stable and versatile for the very highly technical roles in which I use them. And I know a ton of programmers, developers, and power users who all love their Macs and are capable of making them do some awesome things.
Not that I am a Windows-hater… but you can’t argue with the reliability of a Unix-based subsystem over the NT kernel.
February 21st, 2009 at 12:53 am
Microsoft still wins
February 21st, 2009 at 12:49 am
To everyone who recklessly tosses around the word “fanboy:” Do you really think that an overused (and not very insulting) insult completely negates the fact that Apple is somehow garnering so much brand loyalty from many of the people who try their products out? If you hate Macs so much, and legitimately so, why not share your experiences and contribute to the conversation like an adult? Wait. I already know the answer to that.
February 21st, 2009 at 12:22 am
No virtual PC - NO! Switch to boot camp. (You can find 1.3b for free online still, just change your clock while installing to cover the license.)
Now Macs can run both systems, there’s no need for a PC.
February 21st, 2009 at 12:04 am
You are saying that this won’t work as Microsoft is copying Apple ? I say, it will work for the very same reason.
Microsoft has always been copying from other companies and ideas.
IE was copied from Netscape.
Office from Lotus Notes
Outlook from varioius programs out there
MediaPlayer from various mp3 players, and looking at the controls on the latest one , also inspired from iTunes.
They may not be cool, but they really get the work done. I am in India, and Microsoft Rules. I am not a M$ fanboy, but this is what I see all around. Go to any company, walk into any internet cafe, all you see is PCs running Microsoft OS … as old as Windows 98, even to this day.
I use linux, but to get it running for a layman to use, i have to really customize it to look better than Windows ( yeah, i have done that and installed for people), but its not something which can be done without an internet connection (people in most of India do not have internet connections ).
Another place where most OSs fail is in the games department. You hardly have any good games on Mac or Linux. Apart from a few games available on both Mac and Windows, there is hardly a good collection of games, and all too often, they cost more than the Windows counter parts. Added to this, in India, there are hardly any stores where you can get Mac Games, while WinGames are available everywhere.
So, like it or hate it , Microsoft will be the main OS for many years to come.
February 21st, 2009 at 12:03 am
Whenever I think of switching to a Mac, Bill is there with those bedroom eyes of his, stretch edacross his desk in that off white sweater and I fall in love all over again.
Plus, fuck iTunes.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Mac fan boys. man get over it! its pathetic
February 20th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
I now intend to offend every brand fanboy on the internet: I see no difference between Macs & PCs.
Sure, they have different designs and slightly different features–and I put a big emphasis on slightly (seriously, there’s not much difference between Safari or IE–they both take you to the same internet–or Word and…Word). Macs may be sleeker (and will make you look like a hipster douche) and PCs may be more practical but again, the actual differences are tiny.
And, most importantly: they both suck. I have never in my life operated any computer made by any company that has really, truly, reliably worked. Whether it’s a Mac or a PC (and I’ve used both extensively), even ones fresh out of the box, they’re both always plagued by glitches, they both load at stone age speeds within a month, they both crash. The glitches may vary slightly between Macs and PCs (my Mac prompts me for a “Keychain Password” every few minutes and sometimes force-quits Safari for no apparent reason, while my PC’s Explorer will simply restart without warning every so often) but essentially, neither of them work as they are supposed to.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
It’s not that Apple is overrated, per se… And I won’t call their users elitist, but people who swear by Apple are pretty universally less computer literate than PC users.
I’m not arguing against Ipods etc, I’ve had several, and I use an Iphone…
But swearing by a Mac is a lifestyle thing, just to be cool. It used to be that Mac was the way to go for vid production and other specialized, high end processing, but that’s definitely not the case anymore. I’m typing this on a Toshiba x205 sli6 with Vista and I use it for video editing and audio editing…
Is MS cool? No. Will slick MS stores work? No. But my PC with MS software gets sh*t done. And if I crash a HDD, I can always drop a new one in it.
I work in a large IT group in a governmental agency. This is another point, my final. You sure don’t see an Apple logo anywhere in our Datacenter. Macs are solely for limited purpose end use by consumers, not professionals.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
I’ve seen something like this elsewhere.
Sweet originality. I know you saw it too.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
[...] Microsoft will never be cool - Maybe they need somone to take a bite out of their logo [...]
February 20th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
THis is a another “i love Apple and i think im cool” type of blog.
Apple are overrated same as google,
why the hell a Microsoft Store in malls would not work where in fact
Microsoft products are being sold everywhere?
have you ever counted the number of stores in malls that sell PC (with windows in it )? how about PC softwares? Xbox games?
… you do the math..
February 20th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
@ anyone using the 360 to defend microsoftpenis, how many times have you RRODed? How many 360d have you had now? You buy hardware made in mexico with customer support in india you get what you paid for.
neither company is worth a flying fuck, never have been and never will be. The only way to go is open source.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I think the description of the Microsoft store as a medieval labyrinth with a great games section is spot-on, including the minotaur. Of course, the minotaur may just be one of the hairier, more aggressive employees.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
MAC USERS WALK LIKE THIS
WHILE WINDOWS USERS WALK LIKE THIS
LOLOLOLOLOL.
You are always on the cutting edge, writing articles about things no one else has dared touch on. Bravo, Swaim.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
You are wonderful. I have always owned Macs, from the very first 128 that came out. It nearly meant the end of our marriage, as Dear Husband brought home two big white boxes and said he had just spent 4K. We have one child and one on the way and you did say what?
We had both used computers in undergraduate. (Try to explain how one uses a computer that has letters only to be used as variable and no monitor.)
But this, this was astounding. We raced each other home at night, not to see the Darling Daughter, but to use the Mac. It wasn’t until we moved a year later that I discovered it came with manuals.
The one quibble I have is that the Mac, after the DollHouse models and before the i models was very user modifiable, user fixable. The 2fx was the best ever.
Now I have a group of older people who come to my house every month and we do interesting things with the mac. It’s nice, because when we are a little older, and can’t leave our homes as easily, we will still be in communication with others. Warehouse me, just ensure you have provided my wifi.
Great article and you are absolutely right in every regard.
Beth
February 20th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Xbox 360.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Yes, eat me, the general public now associates Ballmer with Microsoft instead of Bill Gates.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Hey! Not all Mac owners are elitist guys. I have a Mac, I like it, once you get used to it, it’s great! But I also like PCs they are very customizable and you can download tons of freeware for any use you can think of! And of course they’re cheaper…
The article is spot on about why it won’t work. How will a Microsoft store be any different from a PC-world or any of the other numerous electronic shops? Unless they ARE planning to cut down the choice in it and only showcase the best they have for casual users, medium use and high end computers etc? Sometimes choice just confuses some people…
February 20th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Newsflash, Redmond WA: Bill Gates doesn’t work at Microsoft dude. I bet you posted this over a 56k modem while working on your world changing web portal.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
More Apple fanboy BS
February 20th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
I don’t think the MS store is to showcase Vista boxes and random purchasable BS. I think its a showcase to finally expose the public to the really cool shit Microsoft has done over the years (or is working on now) that virtually no one gets to see besides what they show to select few at developers conferences or CES-type engagements. Products like surface, photosynth, and social-algorithmic 3d environments.
Regular people never see that stuff…. impressive stuff.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
re: Prius and Apple
These threads always seem to attract mouth breathing idiots who strive to defend their own insecurity and failure as human beings by talking shit on the so-called snobs out there. By all means, prove how above (below?) the intellectual elite you are by sprinting to the lowest common denominator.
Here are some tips to help you on your way to the bottom:
- Wear a wife beaters and trucker hats… but not in an ironic way (that would be trendy)
- Drink Pabst Blue Ribbon (again, not ironically)
- Buy the biggest truck you can find, but don’t stop there… add the biggest lift kit you can find. No one will notice your small dick.
- Use Windows XP, and proclaim it the best OS ever programmed. Vista is for snobs. Mac is for latte sipping assholes.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
PC, Mac: I don’t care. I can throw down my Linux with a 10-inch HardOn inside each o’those bitches and watch ‘em squeal with my thrusting delights. And no mucky-muckin’ around with stupid condoms, either! Store??? Whorehouse, more like! Gimme’ another Guiness, Mongo…
February 20th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
I was gonna say ‘good article’ but, looking through the other comments, I don’t think it’s a full enough response to anything. That’s what you wanted, right? My opinion on whether Macs or PCs were better? About which should fill you with more shame?About which was trying to convert you to a cult and which was dying in a cold, cold corner? And quotes from otehr blogs? You wanted quotes from other blogs, right?
I liked your article.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
To the Author: And your opinion on this topic matters because….? Oh, you write humorous articles!! That explains everything!
February 20th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Apple: Genius Bar MS: Moron Bar
February 20th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Please, my mom commutes from the mountains every day in a Prius. Don’t tell me they’re not useful. (Though good treads are more essential than usual.)
February 20th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
That reminds me of the time when John Henry Eden was a computer.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
A lot of people here are missing Swaim’s point: Microsoft shouldn’t try to outclass Apple’s trendiness because they’ve already got them licked in terms of usefulness, and that’s a hell of a lot more important to most consumers anyway.
Using the Prius is a pretty good analogy, really; it’s a perfect example of image taking precedence over function. Once you try to do something other than drive back and forth to Starbucks, you quickly notice that the Prius’ snob appeal doesn’t come in very handy. Likewise, the smooth, clean lines and bright colors on an iMac mean exactly dick if you decide to do something other than just use E-mail and listen to iTunes. It’s not just games; software in general is a bitch to find for these things.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
The funniest part about this post is seeing all the fucktard Windows apologist come out of the woodwork to defend a god damn piece of computer hardware… as if he told them they have small dicks and still live at home with Mom.
Seriously… thanks for the laughs. You guys never fail to be completely predictable and highly entertaining.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
that MAC image suckered everyone in just like Steve wanted.
windows doesn’t suck its the person who is using it.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
IBM ftw lol
February 20th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
wow that was the most pathetic rip on a PC I have ever seen. what tiny widget was needed to fix your PC? ignorance can be bliss and if walking into a apple store is what it takes for you to feel better about yourself - more power to you. but you could have a better more versatile computer for about half the price from the microsoft store
February 20th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Its the PC nerds who are elitist. Fat, greasy and cheetos stained. But still elitists.
To see what I mean, just read a few of these insightful comments below.
They go into fits of raging nerdgasm whenever they see/here or think someone using non-pc stuff.
Its funny to watch, and sad too.
Just dont get too close to their nerdrage, you might get cheetoes spittle on your shiny new Mac.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Swaim, what did you think was going to happen when you wrote this?
Were you under the impression that people who give a fuck about the Mac vs PC “debate” weren’t going to find this while Googling for blogs they can use to spread their totally worthwhile opinions?
While your analysis is pretty spot on, if I wanted to read about it I’d go to CNET.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
apple fanboys love their apple crap products
February 20th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
lol mac still sucks….
February 20th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
I own a Mac laptop, I superglued a dell logo over the apple so that all you damn elitist PC fanboys will STFU already and go have your nerdgasms in someone elses life.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Yeah, you should all be like me: know nothing, pretend to know everything, successfully disguise that fact about 40% of the time, and roll it into a blogging job.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
poop, the fact that you think that the music and movie industry does not need computers makes you the peculiar breed of shithead that knows nothing, knows he knows nothing, and yet fails at disguising this fact by spitting lukewarm piss out of his mouth at every opportunity.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
lol gaming part was hilarious
the rest was funny too
February 20th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
I’d just like to point out that you can put the best part of any Mac, the OS, on any Personal Computer. Then spend the $1,500 you were stashing away to buy that new iMac or Book to build your own wrecking machine. That is all.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Linux makeover? It was a BSD makeover and that’s a huge difference. You depth of knowledge on the subject is impressive.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I also don’t think that the microsoft store will be much good, but this article was written by a mac fanboy. And if you think having a ton of choices is a band thing then you’re just a moron.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
My girlfriend owns a Mac and I own a PC…
The only time that I ever have a problem is when we try to send files to each other or something that involves compatibility. I am a PC guy because I am used to it and could never completely get used to a Mac or use it as easily.
I like Garage Band though!
February 20th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
oh yeah, most people don’t use macs.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
“That’s why I use Macs, that’s why 99% of everyone in my industry (film and music) use Macs, and that is why most people use them. We’re not the sheep you think we are…”
Film and music industry is not elitist?
pro tools works on windows.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
“TOOLS”, like you, work better when they have more than one purpose. By the way, the film and music industry don’t even need computers, so shut the fuck up.
February 20th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
If I read another article about people picking computers based on “lifestlye choice” or “elitism” I think I will puke.
Just for your information, my Macs are my TOOLS. And I need the best TOOLS. Tools that WORK and make me CREATIVE and EFFICIENT so my business thrives and I make MONEY.
That’s why I use Macs, that’s why 99% of everyone in my industry (film and music) use Macs, and that is why most people use them. We’re not the sheep you think we are…
February 20th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
swaim equals wisdom
February 20th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
As a Microsoft developer and fanboy I was ready to rip into your when I read the headline on Digg. Your article is funny and probably more spot on than most. Both groups need a little heckling now and then, so thanks for the laugh.
February 20th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
I used to think macs were cool and then I started meeting apple fans…that was enough to make me a windows guy, at least we can complain freely without fearing retaliation. Unlike mac people who take it personally if you say itunes sucks…which it does.
February 20th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
F you! There is xbox 360 and your logic on the game section beat your ass to the groud.
February 20th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
What….Microsoft is awesome….Halo….? Sometimes I think Steve is better than me…. but I agree People that pic macs are the same stoners and social status head hunters you see at StarSmucks paying $5.00 for a cup coffee, not because they can but because they are stupid enough to pay it.
MACS are Evil
~ I was here ~
February 20th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Lol virtual pc? You stay with the virtual thing im going to play in a real PC
February 20th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
LOL< Microsoft and “cool” in the same sentence? No way dude. Never.
RT
http://www.anonymity.eu.tc
February 20th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
“Linux Makeover”?
HUH?
February 20th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
There is so much fail in this article it’s sickening.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
@VaultBoy, no one does, so no one has to. Try Linux Mint.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Jesus people, am I the only Windows user here who will totally tell you you should like switch to Linux now because WTF man, it’s free as in I love you, not free as in free beer like my copy of Windowx XP (piratebay rules too) and whatever man. Also, Bill, Vista sucks because IT’S SO GODDAMN HARD TO CRACK. Xp on the other hand is your best product ever Microsoft.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
The real ‘game changer’ that has got me is my recent purchase of apple’s iphone. I previously used the at&t tilt (what I called my ‘little turd’ since it was overly large and obtrusive) and found that it was only good to teather & text on, that’s it. The new iphone has literally revolutionized my life to the point where I will be seeking mac products exclusively. Microsoft will never get it, never will, and has allways maintained its status from stealing ideas from Jobs, period.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I know one word that can invalidate any Microsoft/Apple debate.
Linux.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Please, there’s no reason for MS to try to compete with Mac, Steve Jobs is just as bad as Bill Gates at stealing ideas, remember that new Mac OS-X……..Its BSD (Unix-Linux) based, meaning you can get that for free…….and in response to the guy who claims to have to write source code for everything you want to use…..ever hear of SourceForge? All that software everybody pays for in stores, there’s a free version that’s OPEN SOURCE, meaning supported by people that don’t read scripts and know how to write the scripts the programs use…..Ubuntu runs everything as well or better than anything Windows…….
February 20th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
windows is for gaming rigs, how much cooler can you get.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
the amount of hate i have for most Apple products could empower Africa enough to kill Malaria…
(mostly because the iPod annoys me so i took the hate and drove it over every thing else.)
February 20th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
look, a chevy/ford debate with acne.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Windows fans are like normal people, you know that understand evolution and can wipe their own asses. It might not be perfect (and sometimes results in dumb shit, like pandas and dodos), but at least you CAN make adjustments.
Mac people are like those inbred creationists that think the world is 6000 years old and Macs pop into existence perfectly formed and without a flaw. I think that’s a pretty accurate comparison.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Well stated. I’m a Windows guy for the sole reason that I like to be able to fully customize my computer and not have to spend a fortune. I’ve worked with Macs…they’re nice and reliable, but mostly overpriced. Linux has it’s elitism image to it as well. But seriously, fuck Linux. Who the hell wants to write source code for every little thing they want to do with their computer?
I am going to play Fallout 3 on my real PC when I get home today.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Look at that photo of Bill Gates. It’s like someone made a positive comment about his poor posture and he decided to run with it, but no one told him what a “white long-sleeve tee” and “jeans” are.
Also, he didn’t catch on the fact that not only is he thinking of the wrong side in the Mac vs. PC war running throughout Death Note, he also failed to notice that where the role of computers is concerned, it was a Mac that struck the most decisive blow.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Am guessing the Linux store will be 5 guys in a warehouse wearing D&D t-shirts high-5ing each other each time someone rolls a 20… And you can’t enter until you crack the 23 cylinder numberless combination lock on the door. And if you ask a question, everyone just snarfs until you look at them vaguely aggressively…
Shortly later, it’s repossessed after they default on the rent, and they scream about conspiracies as it’s turned into a pet food warehouse….
February 20th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
*written from a mac*
swaim never fails to entertain.
and i agree with auslander11.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
It’s ironic that Apple has a reputation for elitism despite making computers accessible to everyone, not just the script-memorizing supergeek class.
Real irony, not coincidence mislabeled as irony.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
So Micheal, when not baiting every nerd on the internet what do you do with the rest of your day?
February 20th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Pixar use Linux. OHSHIT the fanbois are at my door!
February 20th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
@Lanthros
someone seems to envision penises a WHOLE lot more than is conducive to good mental health.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
I concur with the title of this article. Microsoft is not cool, and I do not want it to try. Microsoft is functional. That’s what it does, that’s what I want it for, end of story. If they want to focus on a physical location for support for PCs running their OS in order to get people feeling better about their products, then that’s dandy, but sweet frosted christcakes, I hope that’s all that it is.
If I want something that does what it’s supposed to do and that I can modify to my heart’s content (without having to learn how to code when I’m busy learning other things, a la Linux - and if someone’s going to act like that’s some sort of prerequisite for computer use, then go out and get a medical degree before you take another asprin) then I’ll get a PC - and I have. When I want a magic box that’s intended solely to make my friends think I’m cutting edge, and that becomes utterly useless the moment an upgrade is required or my support lapses, I’ll buy an Apple product. And never the fucking ‘twain shall meet.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Frankly, I knew smart people would be mad I said Virtual PC instead of Boot Camp, but worried some people wouldn’t know what Boot Camp is, and the phrase “Virtual PC” is self-explanatory. I’m a purveyor of story before I’m accurate, often to my detriment.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I agree, Microsoft will never be as cool as Macs.
The thing is, I don’t really care about being cool or hip, and because Windows is the default OS people get (ie: it comes pre-installed when you buy your computer) I use Windows. Simply put, I AM TOO LAZY TO BOTHER GETTING ANOTHER OS* not that I already have one. If the situation was reversed and Macs came with every computer made, there’s a 50% chance I would be using a Mac.
*, actually, I kinda take it back. I am currently running a free Windows 7 because I got rid of my old Vista, so I guess I am not THAT lazy. Had I had an XP, I wouldn’t have bothered switching to 7. I guess I **could** of installed an Apple OS instead, although I would then have to drive to an Apple store, make sure my computer (laptop) is compatible, and then learn to navigate an Apple OS. I am just too lazy and unhip to bother.
I seriously doubt Apple and PC are much different, other than the price tag. You would just be paying for the name. Not that there is anything wrong with spending more for the same, which is not any different than people who buy Starbucks and designer clothing.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
@ bill isnt it really pathetic and sad that people (not unlike acehole there) know that microsoftpenis cant make even working software yet still buy thier hardware. The damned kiddie 360s crash more then ANY OTHER SYSTEM EVER RELEASED.
People, wait for the Google OS and start telling hardware companies you want it preloaded in retail models. Microsoftpenis will FINALLY DIE.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
The amount of hate i have for iTunes could power a small country. (I have to sort out my brother’s shiny expensive iPod because he is a Luddite)
February 20th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
“Got it guido, thanks. So it’s not really “virtualization” it’s just windows using the macs hardware in ways that the mac can’t.”
Dont know about “cant” but its a hardware abstraction layer. Check out VMWare Fusion. Its a very cool bit of software. Sure you get better performance by using Boot Camp and just running windows, but I like having several Windows, Linux & other computers running on one desktop.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Got it guido, thanks. So it’s not really “virtualization” it’s just windows using the macs hardware in ways that the mac can’t.
(*note, I didn’t say better.)
Pc users, Mac users, *nux users, doesn’t matter. Ignorance is high on all fronts.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Cute article, but the comparisons of Mac vs. Microsoft implies a certain level of pretentiousness on Mac’s side, in all it’s colorful, glossy glory.
As much as you tried to make Mac sound like the better answer, all you did was make Microsoft sound creepy and barbaric (which it is ;P), and Mac sound creepy and pod-like.
I love my solent green and Mac.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
“HOW DID YOU GET FALLOUT 3 TO RUN IN A VIRTUAL PC?”
You install it?
Its not really a “virtual PC” since its running on native CPUs with full Direct 3D 9c support in Windows XP. Macs are Intel based PCs in every way other then the lack of a PC BIOS which is frankly, out dated and should be replaced with the same open firmware that Apple now uses.
February 20th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
With the success of the 360, Microsoft is as close they will ever be to cool. If they play that up, put in lots of bass and flashing lights and chicks dressed as video characters, they could totally make Mac Store seem like a pack of old hippies.
If they focus on Windows, well, they are doomed. DOOMED I tells ya!
February 20th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Not to sound like a total tool, but:
HOW DID YOU GET FALLOUT 3 TO RUN IN A VIRTUAL PC?
The graphics requirements for that game are nuts, and virtual environments are usually very lacking in that department.
Unless you are talking ‘Virtual PC” as in, “I’m on a Mac, BootCamp or Parallels and a pirated copy of XP is required for me to play anything worthwhile,” and not “My house runs 27 separate nodes on 5 physical boxes and I was thinking of adding a 28th just interact with this immensely epic time vampire adequately named Fallout 3 (Never speak to your friends again!).”
I require an answer.
Last, BWM, both Apple and Mac ripped off Xerox. Look it up. Read an article on the history of the GUI. Read the court transcripts from the lawsuits that resulted. Or just watch “Pirates of Silicon Valley” with Anthony Michael Hall as Bill Gates if the thought of actually learning something scares you.
February 20th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Do you really need more articles encouraging people who are so sad they need to bolster their own egos by assuring themselves the style of computer they purchase makes them cool?
February 20th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
the picture with the thing about the doctor is frickin hilarious
February 20th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
the only way id go to that store is if it was called the xbox 360 store otherwise id stay well the fuck away seriously thats like the only thing microsoft can do right now is the 360
February 20th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
So you are a mac user Swaim?
Sad i was jsut starting to like you…
Also, how far you are in fallout3?
February 20th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I don’t really get that whole “macs = elitist” thing. Maybe Apple’s image is different in the States than where I live, but I use a Mac, and I don’t go to Starbucks, listen to U2, own a turtleneck sweater, aspire to be an “artiste”, or any of the cliches…
I use a Mac because I wanted to test what it was like after years with a PC, and I thought it was better to work with. I still have a PC for games, though.
February 20th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I had an x-box that broke within 3 months and would have cost more to fix than get a new one. I got a new one and then had the other one “illegally” fixed for 50$ at a non-microsoft location.
I recently bought an x-box 360 which red-ringed and again, is not fixable without a hefty re-investment.
I have a 30 year old intellivision that still works. Microsoft isn’t going to get another cent from me, ever, and i will never again look down on pirates or others who steal from Microsoft.
Don’t even get me started on Vista and why Microsoft felt it important to strongarm manufacturers into shipping 887 mhz computers with it preinstalled, offering no other options.
February 20th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Macs are alot easier for PC users to get along with now. Frankly, and I’ll get flamed for this but, Apple ripped off of MS to make their platform more palatable. Little things, like task bars, an organized menu, etc.
And for the topic at hand, a MS store is stupid. They don’t make computers. They DO make some games, of course, but they sell them at, like, Gamestop. And Amazon. And goddamn everywhere else. Still, bless MS; I’m GLAD they find good products, buy them, and fit them into their empire. Easier for me.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Cute ‘geek’ reference.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:33 am
“although Guido, linux also asks you to login as root to launch certain applications, thats where m$ got the idea from”
I dont use Linux on the desktop. Again, the job of a desktop OS is to launch my Applications and get out of the way. Linux requires too much mucking about still. Love it on the back end however.
As for programming, I write statistical analysis software (ISO & SIGMA) using the Mac as my development platform and the web as my delivery system. Once you get off the .Net teat the platform you write software on stops mattering. I still use a lot of Windows tools, but I just finished virtualizing my last work PC using VMWare Fusion so I can run it in a window on my Mac desktop.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Cat that isn’t far off it actually runs on pixie dust and the hopes of unborn children… oh and electricity.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:12 am
The Genius Bar pretty much describes every Mac Genius I have ever met. Macs are confusing and strange things to me, I’m still not 100% sure that my Mac doesn’t run off fairy dust and the dreams of unborn children. I mean dear lord, it doesn’t have a tower!
February 20th, 2009 at 11:12 am
“Its like having all the disadvantages of linux without any of the advantages”
Best summary of macos ever.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Is microsoft gonna be selling computers and software or just software. Because if they’re selling assembled computers are they gonna have a few from different brands, Dell, HP, Sony, etc, etc, etc…or are they going to just feature one?
I don’t understand the stereotype of Mac users not understanding computers. I’ve used a PC up until a few months ago when I started using a MacBook. PC and Mac really arn’t that much different. It’s pretty much just slightly different ways of doing the same thing. I perfer OS X over Windows now though.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Steve is pointing more to the left so I guess he’s trying to say he’s better than my glass of chocolate milk.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:07 am
The idea mac users are more creative maybe true if you mean in terms of using a computer for non computer based tasks ie: art related stuff etc.
But programming is creative too! As is network design. And for getting the job done for me m$ still holds the cards even with vista being annoying (although Guido, linux also asks you to login as root to launch certain applications, thats where m$ got the idea from).
And yes macs are also hackable in fact only a few years ago their was a cross platform exploit for vnc4 allowing a maliceous person to take control of a host without the need for a password.
For me though whilst i make use of linux as a mail server and for programming and i use windows for most other things for me personally i don’t get on with macs.
I just find them annoying! Its like having all the disadvantages of linux without any of the advantages, and on a windows domain macs always seem to screw themselves up and need readding.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:07 am
I agree with you about the whole Mac thing. Especially with the stores. Like you said, it feels refreshing and open-planned, and Microsoft looks like some ol’ bulsh** in comparison.
However, as I grew up with Microsoft at my disposal, Mac looks like an alien advanced technology that I daren’t touch in case of breaking it or seting off some sort of death ray that would destroy the planet.
In summary, I think I could get used to Mac but I would first have to have some sort of tutorial on how to use it first. So, 7/10 as a rating for Mac and 6/10 as a rating for Microsoft.
February 20th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Is it just me or do the elitists seem to require an entire paragraph to respond to just one sentence. And I thought macs were for simplicity.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:59 am
The description of the Apple store is spot on, in fact my local apple store had several lip pierced 21 year olds in there, the types who study philosophy/theology at uni.
the problem with writing this to Bill is that he doesn’t own microsoft anymore he sold it, according to a reliable source of mine (a friend nerdier than me)
February 20th, 2009 at 10:55 am
As someone who uses Macs, PCs, & Unix systems I can claim to be a platform agnostic. There is no “one true computing platform”. The only thing I cant stand is Vista. The job of an OS is to launch an application and then get the hell out of my way, Vista fails at this simple task.
Claim: Macs are over priced.
Truth: Macs are cost competitive with most name brand hardware. Show me another dual Xeon workstation with the amount of expandability and design quality of a Mac Pro and it’ll be within the 3k price range. The problem is that Apple has no mid-range platform. Which is fucking stupid. If I want a Mac that can drive a second monitor, I have to get the high end workstation.
Claim: Macs dont have virus and other problems.
Truth: There have been several virus, worms and trojan programs found in the wild for the Mac. However, it is not to near the same degree as Windows. That being said, Macintosh is a far less attractive platform to write such malware for and it IS a hardware platform to target due to better enforcement of safe computing.
Claim: Apple products are “better” or “hipper”.
Truth: Taco Bell is Mmm Mmm Good! ™.
Dont fall for marketing BS, compare products on their merits not their logo. I dont use an iPod because after doing some testing, I found that they didn’t SOUND as good as other products. And at the end of the day, I use my media player to play media and not be a fashion accessory. That being said, the Zune is junk.
Bottom line is that Windows has better software and hardware support, but OS X is the last commercial UNIX platform. Both have a place and use.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Oh, and BTW. Anyone who claims $3k for a tool (which is what all computers are, basically) is expensive probably flips burgers for a living.
When I started out, a primitive and buggy DDS 32-track recording machine would cost around $450,000 (yeah, that’s three zeroes next to the $450).
My $3k MacBook pro can do what that machine did and so much more. I’d spend time fiddling with mikes and pre-amps instead of the innards of my computer.
Plus, they are the industry standard so if I want to, I can finish mixdown in some studio at, say, Angola or Helsinki.
Elitist? Hell, yeah! And I love it.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:32 am
“I’d love to buy a Mac, but unfortunately I already know how to use a computer.”
Well, I got my first Apple in early 1980’s and learned programming at a time most of you kids weren’t even born so your sarcasm missed the mark.
However, allow me to retort:
“Gee, I’d love to fiddle with a PC and customise it like I used to do when I was a geeky teenager so that it turns into a killer gaming machine… but, unfortunately, I am a grown up who prefers the company of women than that of a bunch of overweight, unshaven, sweaty nerds licking cheetos leftovers from their greasy hands”
February 20th, 2009 at 10:26 am
i think you forgot to mention that Mac is a crapload more expensive than PC. then again, i got my computer on a clearence table full identical boxes at Best Buy, so what would i know?
February 20th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Good shit Swaim. For the record, I got one of those Sirius Stiletto’s for chrsitmas, way better than an I-pod.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:10 am
[...] Microsoft Will Never Be Cool (And Should Stop Trying) [Cracked] Because it’s [...]
February 20th, 2009 at 10:10 am
I think that Mac fills its niche about right, I mean, you buy a Mac to be “cool” and “trendy” and that’s about it. While you buy a PC if you want to be practical and don’t feel like you need to feel validated by what type of PC you use, you just care that it works.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Starik20X6: I have to say that as a graphic designer I prefer using PCs because I can then do other things with my computer (like play games or use Microsoft Office in its full functionality) after I stop running the graphic design software. Also, I like that I can upgrade only the pieces of hardware that died/grew out of date rather than chucking the whole damned thing out the window as mentioned by the good Mr. Swaim.
So I don’t see it as a “creative people use Mac, office drones use PC” issue so much as a “people who like the trendiness and brainless effort use a Mac, and people who run their computer to the limit use a PC”. But you know, semantics.
February 20th, 2009 at 10:02 am
“Ha! One little mistake… OS X did not have a linux makeover - it had a FreeBSD makeover. I suppose it’s no big deal. It’s like saying you own a boat - when you actually own a plane.”
My understanding was that they based it off the Mach kernel. Its more like saying one thing but something slightly different is true but it doesn’t matter because 99% of the population could care less.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:57 am
I love my Windows… It’s like a russian car - if it goes, IT GOES. If it doesn’t - you kick and nudge it till it does.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Very valid points. Also, entertaining. Thanks.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:54 am
I meant right I been up for 36 hours now so blow me
February 20th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Wow someone finally said it! Macs are for assholes! By “elitist” you meant assholes write? You wrote this on a Mac didn’t you?
I bet you wrote it on a mac running windows….*whistles*
February 20th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Swaim, I love you too. Don’t tell O’Brien or Gladstone, but I think your stuff is the funniest. Can _I_ have your love child?
February 20th, 2009 at 9:38 am
@Kevin
Linux is great if you hate people.
LOL
February 20th, 2009 at 9:35 am
people in the ad industry obviously have a propensity towards using macs…when microsoft execs met with their ad agency for the recent campaign they determined that in order to develop brand loyalty in customers, the agency’s design staff should switch to PCs, which they ended up doing.
after a while the, the bug guys at microsoft checked in and asked how the switch was going over.
The ad exec replied, “Not well.”
True story.
February 20th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Nice geek reference! We used to take offense when the company president called us geeks, ’cause we weren’t allowed to have live chickens on the premises.
Also…F1RST!!! My first comment…yay me!
February 20th, 2009 at 9:09 am
I’d love to buy a Mac, but unfortunately I already know how to use a computer.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:59 am
My opinion on the whole Mac vs PC thing: Who gives a shit? My PC works. I go on the internet. I get my e-mail. I type documents. I edit photos. I (used to) play games on it. And if you’d rather do that on a Mac, go ahead. Who cares? It’s not a religious affiliation!
I’ve learned that for the most part, it goes like this… Die hard Mac users are very secure in believing their Mac is much better than a PC and PCs suck. PC users? They don’t care what they use and rarely give it a second thought.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Cool article Michael, thanks for making me smile once again
February 20th, 2009 at 8:36 am
“I’d love to buy a Mac, but unfortunately I already know how to use a computer.”
HA! Best comment ever.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:24 am
The way I see it: you will use a Mac if you are a creative person, and use a Microsoft when you work in a cramped office cubicle from 9 to 5. I thin there it is inherently cooler to be an artistic person than cooped up in an office. Thus, Mac is cooler by default. Just saying. And as a Mac user, I can say I am yet to do anything because ‘iSteve’ (brilliant quip, did that take you all night to come up with?) told me to.
Also yes, very funny article.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:20 am
“I think Microsoft is cooler than Apple… not sure how much that is saying because they are both pretty uncool. At least people who use Microsoft products generally don’t live their whole life by some Microsoft code like Apple users do. I mean what could be more uncool than living your iLife doing whatever iSteve tells you to”
Being a man without a Penis. I’d imagine that would rate higher on the “uncool” scale.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:05 am
Awesome article SWAIM. Very funny.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:02 am
“I think Microsoft is cooler than Apple… not sure how much that is saying because they are both pretty uncool. At least people who use Microsoft products generally don’t live their whole life by some Microsoft code like Apple users do. I mean what could be more uncool than living your iLife doing whatever iSteve tells you to”
Agreed
February 20th, 2009 at 7:56 am
The minotaur is upon you!
Hilarious. Excellent reference to King Minos of Knossos’ Labyrinth
February 20th, 2009 at 7:43 am
Mac sucks,Microsoft sucks. Everything sucks.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:32 am
If I was Bill Gates, I wouldn’t want to be bothered with any of that shit. I’d too busy wiping my ass with hundred dollar bills whilst driving my ferrari into a wall, just to “see how much damage I can cause”. And then I’d tip the mechanic with a gold plated hundred dollar bill (that I hadn’t wiped my ass with).
You know what? Fuck the microsoft PC store. Why doesn’t he open Microsoft Brothels? His PC’s would mean you could pay with paypal, and not have to feel the shame of handing over money to a grubby hooker. Via Pay Pal, no money changes hands, and you can pretend that she actually wanted to sleep with your nerdy little scrawny Be-hind (if you look like Bill gates).
February 20th, 2009 at 7:20 am
I have to post a website that is totally nsfw, but is relevant to this article.
http://typicalmacintoshuser.com/
Be warned.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:47 am
Also, why can’t ^they^ just shut the f*** up, and lower their programming to less than what my paycheck is? They would actually be making more money that way. Well, if you could copy store-bought DVDs, anyway.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:40 am
I vote that there is to be some sort of mega-roundup, where Cracked gives us all of their best in funny, scary(spiders in your face type), and badass pictures.
February 20th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Thanks, Droid Swaim. Many of you have probably seen this, but for the uninitiated, I present:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=macs_cant
February 20th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Unlucky Swaim, Ilium IS Troy.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:50 am
My hands smell like napkins
February 20th, 2009 at 5:40 am
Heh, when the iMac was new everyone said ‘verily ye mac be superior to the heinous win98′ (because that is how we talked back then) and I was in no financial position to find out. Ten years later I was given a couple of bondi blue imacs and was amused to find them as craptacular as the contemporary windows offering.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:39 am
I think Microsoft is cooler than Apple… not sure how much that is saying because they are both pretty uncool. At least people who use Microsoft products generally don’t live their whole life by some Microsoft code like Apple users do. I mean what could be more uncool than living your iLife doing whatever iSteve tells you to
February 20th, 2009 at 5:39 am
Hey, Michael. Bill Gates doesn’t work at Microsoft anymore. Check your facts.
February 20th, 2009 at 5:17 am
*sigh* I’m a Mac user, and I do love my Macs, except they really are all work and no play (i.e., no games). Even a lot of web games don’t work with them. :*(
February 20th, 2009 at 5:16 am
Zerocyde if 90% of computer games work on a PC with Windows installed, then doesn’t that mean 100% work on a Mac with Windows, OSX and Ubuntu installed?
February 20th, 2009 at 4:58 am
Nah, Linux is great if you hate yourself.
February 20th, 2009 at 4:58 am
“If all video game devs turned 100% over to linux or some other open source OS…”
I’d be shedding tears of joy if that ever happens. The only reason I use Windows is because the games it is compatible with.
February 20th, 2009 at 4:36 am
Great article as always.
Basically PC is great if you want to do something.
Mac is great if you want something done for you.
Linux is great if you hate people.
February 20th, 2009 at 4:12 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o99TUSSqOJE
mac vs pc from snuffbox
February 20th, 2009 at 4:03 am
Ha! One little mistake… OS X did not have a linux makeover - it had a FreeBSD makeover. I suppose it’s no big deal. It’s like saying you own a boat - when you actually own a plane.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:40 am
I will now insert “The minotaur is upon you” randomly into every set of directions I give that involve more than three instructions. I thank you for this.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:37 am
Guess you’re not a Simpsons fan Leiland with an exclamation point.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:30 am
The Support bit for Microsoft reminded me of how I usually am with my friends. I don’t know if I should be depressed or not…
Wonderful article, of course.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:27 am
HAHAHA
I’d take down the Windowtaur (closest to a pun I could get) any day.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:27 am
You have a little weiner “imonarollagay”. Whatever the fuck that means.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:26 am
And the article made me giggle.
February 20th, 2009 at 3:24 am
lol microsoft
February 20th, 2009 at 3:24 am
Damn, I wanted to post the first comment…..
Fuck you Leiland! !!!
February 20th, 2009 at 3:23 am
Mac and Windows are relatively the same thing, other than the fact that a mac is a console and Windows is an application that one installs on to a computer.
The thing is, they both suck. Hard. They are both bloated piles of user friendly garbage, and ‘user friendly’ is NOT a good thing. (ever hear the expression “give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for the rest of his life?” yea, user friendly is basically giving you a fish.)
Windows really only has two things over a mac…
1. Windows is software, not a console like a Mac. Windows is an application that you install on a computer, Mac is more like a playstation.
2. 90% of all computer games in existence work only on a PC with Windows installed.
If all video game devs turned 100% over to linux or some other open source OS, Microsoft would either start selling “Windows consoles” and be a direct competitor to Mac for the “computers are hard, just tell me where the ’show me my email’ button is” customer base, or go out of business. Also, every mediocre to advanced computer user in the world would be screaming in the streets with joy and tears in there eyes like black people were after Obama got elected.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:26 am
Swaim. I love you. Will you please have my love child?