Cracked Columnists

What The Internet Was Made For: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Man Walking Into Glass (An Oldie But Goodie)

Back in the not-so-distant past, it was possible for someone to casually walk away after smashing their face into a plate glass window. Maybe a few people saw you do it, but once you got in your car and drove away that was pretty much the end of the story. For the most part, an embarrassing moment like that stayed between you, the plate of glass, and maybe the guy who corrals the shopping carts. It was a simpler time and we liked it that way.

But that was the not-so-distant past, and this is the not-at-all-distant present: one teeming with surveillance cameras in every public nook and cranny. In this crazy, futuristic dystopia, if you walk into a plate glass window and smash your face, there's a pretty good chance that it's going to be captured on camera, and if you get caught on camera smashing your face into a plate glass window, there's a pretty good chance that it's going to end up on YouTube. Bad news for you, the person whose face just got smashed, but for the rest of us here on the internet it's nothing short of a blessing.

I feel bad for this guy to a certain extent. I'm sure that smashing his face on that plate glass window hurt like hell, and having thousands of people laughing at him probaby isn't helping matters either, but at some point doesn't our laughter make up for his pain? After a few thousand people have laughed at him on YouTube, doesn't that outweigh his one moment of agonizing face-pain?

If I'm wrong we're just laughing at other peoples' misfortunes, but if I'm right? If I'm right we're improving the net amount of happiness in the world by watching this guy smash his face on a plate glass window. Let me put it another way: We're basically saving the world the world right now. Pat yourself on the back.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Ross Wolinsky

  • Rss

More by Ross Wolinsky:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

20 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!