Apparently, Galveston Bay authorities have arrested a couple for the murder of “Baby Grace” — the toddler whose body washed ashore in a storage bin last month. Based on the child’s composite sketch, I’m guessing the break in the case came when police began investigating individuals with motives for killing Alfred E. Neuman.
And this just in: The composite artist has also released his sketch of the couple arrested by the Galveston Bay authorities.
This entry was posted on Monday, November 26th, 2007 at 4:00 pm and is filed under Why Would You Joke About That?. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
The Trials of Gladstone (as told by Franz Kafka)
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November 2nd, 2009 at 9:47 am
Images broken as of 11/2/09 <_<
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:37 am
I don’t get it, because I don’t know who Albert Newman is. But that’s an awful sketch. Seriously. So mock it. If it’s off-limits to comedy, that means it’s special to you. Do you want to tell the world “I consider the horrific murder of babies too beautiful a thing to sully with humor.”? That’s the only reason to condemn this. Gladstone, you’re just awesome. I hope you get back to HBN soon.
September 1st, 2008 at 2:16 am
i didn’t find it anywhere near as tasteless as Nancy Grace, who has made a career out of sensationalizing and trivializing the misfortune of others. and she’s not even funny.
well, not intentionally, anyway.
and i know it’s late and all but as a response to “A Parent,” i promise that after i’m too drunk to pull out, i’ll still think jokes about dead kids are funny.
July 11th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
And with God as my witness, I will lay them.
July 11th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Gladstone, don’t you dare bow down to these highfalutin assholes. For Christ’s sake man, you make a living (I understand quite a healthy living) by offending people. Truly, the creative mind knows no bounds, so quit pandering to the swine that would have you out of circulation and write your dirty jokes. I love ‘em, most people love ‘em, and the people that don’t need to get laid.
June 18th, 2008 at 1:25 am
Correction: This is great sarcasm, complete with angry viewers with names like “A Parent” and seemingly (for some) literate criticism.
June 12th, 2008 at 12:20 am
This is sarcasm.
June 11th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
As someone who alienated a double-digit number of friends due to a recommendation for deadbaby.com years ago, I got my bi-annual ab workout from laughing at this. Also, if you’re looking to not be offended, allow me to humbly suggest staying away from any type of comedy site.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Wow. Just wow. He says a drawing of someone looks like Alfred E. Neuman, and he gets this.
http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g30/blowmekthx/tattoo.jpg
Now imagine that woman was brutally murdered. Like really really badly. And that is what her sketch looked like. Now who wouldn’t find it at least a little amusing that the artist’s rendition of her was that bad?
So Gladstone saw a picture of a little girl on the news, and said, “HEY. That girl kind of looks like Alfred E Neuman!” He made absolutely no joke saying that child torture was funny. He just said that the sketch of the girl was rather amusing. Just like this:
http://www.ryanvelting.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/abcreporter.jpg
That guy in the sketch raped a girl… But it’s pretty funny that the sketch looks just like the news anchor that is giving the story. What happened=Not funny. How it’s presented=Hilarious.
Seriously. What the fuck, guys.
June 11th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
[...] usually try not to delve into macabre subjects on this here blog; others have shown us all what can happen when you admit to finding child mutilation hilarious. Aside from Dan O’Brien [...]
May 1st, 2008 at 8:22 am
Hoy1229, you are being a douche. If the only basis for not posting an article was that somebody would be offended by it then cracked.com wouldn’t even exist…
A woman goes to her doctor with stomach pains, so the doctor says he’ll run some tests.
He calls her into his office and says “Well we have the results, I hope you’re prepared for a long time with nights full of crying and changing dirtyl nappies”. The woman says “Oh my God am I pregnant?”and the Doctor says “No, you have bowel cancer”.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:08 am
I realise I’m massively late here, but I thought it was hilarious. Nothing’s off-limits for humour as long as it’s funny.
March 9th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:
February 18th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
At first, I admit I chuckled for a good while. After which, I took a second glance at the topic, and became suddenly and acutely ashamed of myself.
Then I started laughing again anyway.
February 18th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
sticks and stones. as long as someone doesn’t take something of monetary value from me or punch me in the face, who cares what that person says (or draws or writes)? I found the post funny. I’m half Italian, half Filipino, Catholic, and cancer and diabetes run in my family. oh, and I have big nipples. do your worst. who CARES???
and about the “…have the collective IQ of a rally of republicans who make less than $25,000 a year…” comment: come on. I’d rather associate with dumb and poor republicans than the dumb, violent, and poor democrats.
February 18th, 2008 at 10:40 am
1st amendment: no subject is off-limits to humor.
February 15th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
I still love you, Gladstone. I didn’t find it remarkably funny, but I support the joke!
February 15th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
While I am not personally offended by this article, come on, man. If I were someone who cared about and was thus devestated by her death, this article would only add to my pain. I’m just saying, come on……I see what you were going for, yes the side-by-side is funny, but really? Just b/c you can doesn’t mean you should, you know? Maybe you should have just chuckled about the sketch privately and not posted it. I’m just saying, it’s quite off-color.
February 15th, 2008 at 11:29 am
this is funny to me because this little girl is not in my monkeysphere.
February 15th, 2008 at 10:57 am
After 3 months, sweet vindication from Sean, at last.
Yes, just about the sketch.
February 14th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
“you need to seriously reconsider what you find funny.”
I thought that phrase was funny. How does a reader change what he finds funny? You can suppress laughter, or you can laugh and then immediately say you didn’t laugh, but you can’t just decide not to find something funny anymore.
That being said, I thought this article was hilarious. I don’t see what the big deal is. It really was just a funny shot at a terrible sketch artist.
February 6th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Just saw this comment now. Thank you.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:27 am
A follow up joke for everyone without a sense of humor….
What is small, white and floats in a pool? A dead baby!
If this site had said something like: What’s small, white, and is found in a dumpster, then I might understand the outrage. This post had nothing to do with the patricular circumstances of this particular dead baby (there are plenty of dead babies in the world I don’t hear you crying about), only the vague resemblence to the MAD guy. Man up and grow a pair.
January 25th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Ohh shit!!! Call in the ROFLCOPTERS for immediate extraction! This is a code red LOL, and if we don’t act soon we may just LMAO. In all seriousness though…. what a silly sketch.
December 15th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Bodie, you’re definitely blind.
December 13th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Ok, now you’re trying TOO hard.
December 12th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
Yes, it is sad that you’re blind.
December 12th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
The saddest thing of all here is that, while I’m sniggering at the thought of all the hilarious jokes that COULD be made at the artist’s expense, I really don’t think the sketch looks all that much like Alfred E. Neuman. So the joke doesn’t really work, and you’ve upset all the flakes for nothing. Try harder next time.
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Not funny.
December 2nd, 2007 at 7:27 pm
I am not a parent, but I came to damn close. My girlfriend at the time had a miscarriage at six months due to her love of intravenous drug use. The only really sad part about it was that I was almost a dad, because I hate children. While I have never been offended by anything on Cracked.com, I did find some things not very funny. This isn’t one of those times. It’s a funny article because of the sketch. Lighten up a little. Relax, smoke a joint, do a couple lines of coke of a dead hookers coffee table, have fun.
December 2nd, 2007 at 1:05 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
THIS IS SOME FUNNY SH*T!!!!
Great piece of comedy work! Don’t listen to these tighta***.
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:38 am
i like tuttles.
December 1st, 2007 at 10:55 pm
this is to much macrele..
December 1st, 2007 at 7:55 pm
“(in fact, one child under the age of 5 dies every 30 seconds from diarrheal illness in the third world.)”
Well if they would have watched that video from Japan this probably could have been avoided.
December 1st, 2007 at 6:03 pm
I thought it was genuinely funny.
Plus I fucking hate children.
I laughed when I read the article and saw the composite in the news.
December 1st, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Perhaps some people, for better or worse, joke about tragedy because that is their defense mechanism. In most cases resorting to comedy is considered (psychiatrically) a healthy way of dealing with some of the horrific events the world sends our way. As someone once told me, I laugh because if I start to cry, when will I stop? That being said, one can see that this joke came into being when the writer’s mind was faced with a horror and instead of staring into it, it was deflected directly into the writer’s defense mechanisms. This is typical of those who practice comedy - it is parallel to the personality types that are overly rigid or ‘unfeeling’ (such as the people who appear mechanical or robotic when faced with tragedy). Sure, Gladstone may be just a selfish, self serving, unfeeling POS (like most organisms that walk on two legs), but I’d say his subsequent postings suggest he does have feelings and if faced with personal tragedy probably responds supportively to his friends and family. In fact, I imagine his sense of humor has been a great asset to him and those he cares for at times of personal tragedy (like the man at a wake who can make a soft joke before the mood becomes unbearably grim). In any case, this is a horrific tragedy but the truth is that the media has learned to sensationalize the horrors of the world. The whole world does not need to know anything about this poor child… what right do we have to know about this “news”? There are children dying every day; in fact, one child under the age of 5 dies every 30 seconds from diarrheal illness in the third world. Should we show their pictures up on the TV every time? No, because most people in the world don’t actually CARE about children- they don’t cry twice a minute knowing that a toddler is dying in this brutal world. But they certainly speak up in this forum and make a rukus when it’s ‘hip’ or a popular story. What a farce. If you care about children, go out there and start working or donating or what have you to fight the things in this world that are placing our children at risk. And don’t talk about it. Just do it. It’s not about saying you’ll do something or posing or making a spectacle or whatever. Decide whether you are good or evil and start actively living that way - and remember, the greatest evil is evil by INACTION. And if someone makes a bad joke, that’s their problem; maybe it will make you realize that you care about something other than yourself and make you get up and DO something. Here endeth the lesson.
December 1st, 2007 at 5:36 pm
I’m so glad you’re so smart as to waste your time arguing on a humor website.
December 1st, 2007 at 1:32 pm
I come to Cracked daily for three reasons:
1.) Because PWOT sorta (understandably) fell apart when Wong came here.
2.) I find virtually every article either funny, or at least entertaining.
3.) To read the comments of people who were offended. *That’s* where some of the best humor is. ‘A Parent,’ thank you for making me laugh till it hurts.
November 30th, 2007 at 6:42 am
FLAME WAR FLAME WAR YEAAAAAAAH!
November 30th, 2007 at 12:11 am
LMAO!! You really ARE thicker than lead! I can’t tell you how excited it makes me that I’ve finally had the opportunity to argue with such a grievous, unabashed moron on the internet. The truth about the misspelling? I was responding a while back to a dinosaur post where someone said Sam Neill would know what to do. I misspelled it that time and have been too lazy to change it. Yes, I am that lazy. I thought it would be a funny persona to take hold of, some sort of weird dinosaur nut, and I followed through by linking to a ridiculously old Jurassic Park fansite. Way to drive the subtle ridiculousness of a die hard Jurassic Park fan existing and being proud of it into the ground. Good day, Sir.
November 29th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Sam Neil, yeah I’m pretty comfortable in the knowledge that I’m smart. Smart enough to know that just by leaving the last letter off of a man’s name that in no way changes the meaning or pronunciation does not constitute a parody. Smart enough to know that this just makes you LOOK like a dumb ass who can’t spell. Thought I would point that out”INCASE” you didn’t realize that. Most importantly smart enough to know that I’m through wasting my time with somebody who hasn’t got the guts to own up to his love fest of a website to Jurassic Park.
November 29th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
a parent. This name is a Jurassic Park parody name, incase you hadn’t noticed. I linked to it because it is ridiculous. Way to be thicker than lead when it comes to anything at all..ever. Wow, you know you’re smart, you’re making a Gladstone mom and dad joke, And telling me how much I’m not getting laid. Congratulations on, in just two posts, hitting every single pathetic joke cliche that exists. I hope you’re comfortable in the knowledge that you are smart.
November 29th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Zeb—What you say is true. My 3 yr. old daughter has done crazy things that have left me feeling as if someone poured ice water in my ventricles. What I was trying to communicate is that a grown person can do great harm to a child in a split second. As I alluded to earlier, I have a child close to this other little girl’s age, and as you can appreciate, this story hit home for me. I also have a close friend that has lost a child in an accident, and it is an unbearable load. *I* can barely hold it together when he talks about him, and it’s not even my child.
Saint Focker—Funny is in the eye of the beholder, and you’re certainly welcome to your opinion. I don’t advocate the censorship of any material. People should say what they think, and illustrate their thoughts with words. If you thought it was perfectly within bounds, that’s fine by me.
Gladstone—Thanks for taking the time to reply.
November 29th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Jaek,
I take NO ISSUE with your comment.
2 things:
I actually didn’t learn all the gory details until AFTER I wrote the post. I think you can still seperate things out, but if I’d known more detail there’s a chance I wouldn’t have wanted to.
And I don’t think you need to be a parent to appreciate the frailty of human life, but you’re right. It helps.
I accept everyone’s apologies and indictments. Anything’s better than no comments.
November 29th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
Look, I think everyone (yes, this includes the author) knows that a child being beaten, maimed, tortured or killed in any way, shape or form is absolutely horrible. I’m not a parent, but I helped raise three children till the age of four, so I know how a parent feels when their child is hurt. Know what else? I laughed at this article. I didn’t laugh because I like to see children hurt. I didn’t laugh because I’m sadist. I laughed because the comparison made between the crude sketch and the picture of Alfred E. Neuman. Then I chuckled again with the picture of the two Spies. Why? Because I actually have a sense of humor and realize that the author of the article was making a JOKE. About the PICTURES he used. If you can’t figure out why that might be funny, then why the hell are you on this website? Most of the humor is odd, offensive or just plain weird at this place. Roll with it and quit your bitching, or go to a different website, like Fox News, and laugh there. They have plenty of unbelieveable shit spewing from that place to laugh at all day. Plus, you can feel ’smart’ because it’s a news site. It’s a win-win.
November 29th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Jaek - I agree with most of what you say, except the ‘frail’ and ‘easily injured’ parts. Most kids are amazingly strong and resilient. My 3-year old bounces back from falls and crashes that would lay me out for a week. They’re small but tough. That’s what makes this murder - and others like it - all the more tragic. It’s rarely a case of “Oops, I dropped the baby and now she’s dead!” - these cases usually involve months of abuse, where the child is subjected to all kinds of horrors before the murder occurs.
While the joke made me cringe, and the back story is unbearably sad, I don’t think you can categorically state that these kinds of topics are off-limits. It’s a judgement call, both for author and reader.
November 29th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Gladstone, sorry if I came down on you to hard. The death of a child hits me in a very personal manner and I took it out on you and your article. My apologies. I will continue to read your articles and this website.( I can hear the collective sigh of relief echoing through the halls of Cracked.com right now) Oh, and uh, where you got the idea that I’m wealthy, I have no clue . That’s probably the funniest thing that you have ever written.
Now for Mr. Sam Neil, yeah there were jokes in my response and apparently you did not find them funny. Big damn deal. Do I feel smart, no, I know I’m smart. Much smarter than someone who who presumes to know and speak the opinion of everyone who ever reads what I write will find me a whiny jerk. Who elected you King of opinions of what ” A parent” writes? Was some election held on the website that your name links to? You know the one ,the one that is a drippy love letter to all THREE Jurassic Park movies and the THEME park ride. How much time of your life did you spend not getting laid creating possibly the lamest fanboy site ever? Well maybe not the lamest, the “dino sounds” were really cool!!!(that part about the sounds was sarcasm).
Lastly if you will notice out of all of these posts you are only one who resorted to infantile name calling.
P.S. I know the size of Gladstones member because your mom and dad told me.
November 29th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
To add to the end of the second paragraph—So when you see how fragile life really is through your own offspring, you start to appreciate it more. At least, I did. And making light of this, especially given the circumstances, is offensive to me.
November 29th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
If it were just some random drawing that some overly proud and less-than-skilled person had done, then the comparison would certainly be uproarious.
However, the reality is that pretty much everyone knows why, and how, this little girl died. It’s not funny to know that she was beaten, held underwater, and slung across a room by her father. When you have your own kids, you see life in a different way, and those frail little bodies, while packed full of energy, are easily injured.
Finding genuine amusement in any context related to this tragic event, in my opinion, could only occur if you were severely detached and/or ignorant of the parent/child bond & relationship. And that’s what the problem is here. You cannot separate this content from the context, because we already know them both from our daily branding by the media. This is your defense, but the fact is that this makes about as much sense to me as trying to swim without getting wet.
The sketch itself is certainly mock-worthy—but only in a vacuum.
November 29th, 2007 at 10:37 am
Hey, Mondoreb. Just curious. I would really be interested in knowing what your favorite OLD cracked articles were. Seriously. Honest question.
November 29th, 2007 at 9:28 am
The problem isn’t that the set up is about a dead child, but a recently dead child. Just take a look at Family Guy’s take of the Lindburg baby:
*Baby falls in the toilet and gets flushed down.*
Mrs. Lindburg: Oh no! What are we gonna do?!
Mr. Lindburg: Stay calm. You call the police. I’ll write the ransom note.
Mrs. Lindburg: What about emelia? She saw everything.
Mr. Lindburg: You leave her to me……
*evil music and zoom in on Mr. Lindburg’s angry eyes*
November 29th, 2007 at 8:03 am
Wow “a parent,” for someone who seems to get humor sooo well, you managed to fit a Republicans are stupid joke, a “your dick isn’t as big as you say it is” joke (how would you know anyway?), and a Fox News joke into one response to a writer on Cracked.com. Don’t you feel smart? You should feel especially smart knowing that no one who ever reads what you wrote will think that you’re anything other than a whiny jerk.
Oh, and you managed to slip a “Republicans are poor” joke in there too. How’d I miss that?
November 29th, 2007 at 7:51 am
This is awesome.
A parent, I’m on the fence as to whether to believe you were initially being sarcastic, but you show such alacrity with masturbation and Holocaust imagery, I’m leaning your way. Sorry for doubting.
And I never claimed the joke was funny. Or that you were too dumb to see how funny it was. You accused me of a making a dead baby joke. I replied that only the TOPIC was grim, but the punchline of the joke was the rotten sketch artist. I’m still convinced that’s the only fair reading despite the fact that you are apparently wealthy and have children.
Mark?
Geez, I just don’t know what to say to you. You claim that if the target of my joke were actually the sketch artist and not the child then i would have used a different sketch to make fun of. That’s impossible. You see that, right? I can’t make fun of how bad a job a sketch artist did with this Baby Grace composite by not using the Baby Grace picture.
I think a fair criticism of the joke would be this: “Yeah, you’re joking about the sketch and not the baby, but it’s such a sad story why even go there in the first place?”
PS When it comes to Cracked, I like to think I write fart jokes, not dick jokes.
November 29th, 2007 at 3:52 am
sorry,this line should read “I go to sleep I ran across this sketch and figured it would make a great image ” not a image
November 29th, 2007 at 3:46 am
Gladstone, I realize that you may think that a lot of people who post comments on this site have the collective IQ of a rally of republicans who make less than $25,000 a year. That being said your statement that I “don’t have the firmest grasp on sarcasm.”is based on a assumption, and we all know what assuming does, If you don’t know I will gladly explain it to you.
You accuse me of doing exactly what you did, not being able to recognize sarcasm. You assumed that I was not able to see that your reference to snuff films was a piece of sarcasm. Conversely, you did not see that my response ,that you did this, was also a piece of sarcasm in the same vein. Do you think that I honestly believe that you watch snuff films to go sleep? Then you would be stupid enough tell the whole world that you do that.
In your defence of this article, you fell back on one the oldest bullshit excuses a comedian uses when his joke is just not funny “well you rubes just aren’t smart enough to get my humor”. I get sarcasm, such as the statement in one of your earlier posts where you stated that you have an eight inch penis. Now that’s sarcasm buddy OR you have a serious spatial relationship deficiency.
Now, where did I see the photograph? Well, while choosing images to masturbate to before I go to sleep I ran across this sketch and figured it would make a image to begin with before I capped it off with official Red Army films of the liberation of Auschwitz and then slip off into post masturbatory slumber. See that was “sarcasm”. I really saw the photograph on a actual news site. You know like FOX News( Hey sarcasm again).Maybe you should take some time out of your busy day writing phallic jokes and jokes about dead babies to peruse some of these news sites instead of posting witty statements in the comments sections of other cracked writers articles telling them how funny they are. That was not sarcasm, just so we are clear.
P.S. I case you did not know November 26 through the 30th is piss all over Wayne Gladstone articles week. I was hoping that my that my statement that I masturbate with pictures of dead children and holocaust films would take some of the heat off you so you can get back to what you to what you do best ,writing dick jokes.( See that was sarca… oh fuck it, you probably won’t get it any way.
November 28th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
Hey, Cracked!
I used to read you guys a bit.
When you were funny, that is.
Keep on working on that whole comedy thing with the tortured kids…
You’ll get it down yet. I’m rooting for you.
November 28th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
I wouldn’t describe it as “the pinnacle of offensiveness”, just a reason to not read anything you write. I wouldn’t describe it as a pinnacle of anything, that would almost be a skewed form of flattery.
If the real point of the joke was the actual sketch, and not the victim, you would have found another picture to compare to Alfred E. Neuman. Of course, that probably wouldn’t have been funny either, so why bother in the first place? You should at least recognise that the basis of your joke was the added shock value from the real life situation.
If you have to try this hard to defend your writing, and explain the humour, then it’s probably not a good joke. You shouldn’t fall into the trap where people think that making jokes about real life dead babies is “pushing boundaries”, or that shocking people with sick shit is somehow innovative.
November 28th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
I wasn’t offended by this, but I was offended by the lynching photo on the article about Halloween pranks. And I wasn’t offended by the movie Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, but I was offended by the movie Across the Universe. And I’m not offended by snuff films, but I am offended by Snuffleupagus.
November 28th, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Would it have been funny if it was Hitler’s baby? Or what if it was actually HITLER HIMSELF as a baby?!
Nevermind! Back out again!
November 28th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Would it have been funnier if the dead baby was black? What about blonde? Polish, maybe?
On second thought, fuck it - I’m not touching this one with a ten-footer.
(edit: i guess she actually WAS blonde… disregard that, please.)
November 28th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Mark, the “grasp on sarcasm part of my comment” was based on “A Parent”’s belief that I watch snuff films. Based on his inability to recognize THAT piece of sarcasm, I opted to not heed his other opinions.
Still, I think this is an interesting discussion and one worth having. Its odd bc even as a frequent contributo I have been offended by Cracked several times in the past. How about you? Is this post the pinnacle of offensiveness for you on Cracked?
November 28th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
Any joke that uses the set up of the murder of a baby that was dumped in storage bin and thrown in the ocean is fucking sick.
Like Adrian Strongarm, I have a fairly loose sense of humour, and I certainly didn’t read this with the intent of being offended, but you have to have some kind of standard, maybe one that says “dead murdered children” are off limits.
To then say that people who feel this way have no grasp on sarcasm is a bit weak, To claim that is a childish attempt to shut down an argument you don’t want to be a part of, or can’t.
I don’t see any evidence in your writing that you are a comedic genius, let alone fit to judge who has a sense of humor or not.
Your joke wasn’t written well enough to make it clear that the joke is on the sketch artist, not the dead child, and that’s clear because you had to go and post your original intent in the comments above.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
sorry. “your reply” not “you’re reply”
November 28th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
There’s always a possibility of stepping over a line, and I’ll admit, this post went right up to the edge for me. I’d be willing to listen to you, “A Parent,” about how this post went over, but you’re reply makes clear you don’t have the firmest grasp on sarcasm. I don’t actually own snuff films. I’ve never watched one and I can’t even watch ANY of Hostel or parts of Reservoir Dogs.
Again, I did NOT make fun of the child, but of the sketch artist. Still, the TOPIC of the post is very sad.
Also, NO i haven’t seen an actual picture and i don’t want to. How did you see it?
November 28th, 2007 at 1:01 am
Ian Cooper you got me man and to think I put my heart and my sole into that sketch, only for it to be rediculed by you assholes. But it is ok I have buddies in the police force that can find out where you live and then I’ll make you paint a sketch in your own blood. Who’ll be laughing then?
November 27th, 2007 at 11:23 pm
And yes, I know the parents are the primary suspects in this case and if they did it, they deserve the same fate.
November 27th, 2007 at 11:20 pm
Gladstone ,have you seen the photograph of the child? Well don’t, you MAY have serious problems sleeping at night. Even if films of actual real people being put to death and pretending that the real child looks nothing like the sketch helps you also go to sleep I would recommend you not look at the photograph. I would just hate for you to be sleep deprived and unable to come up with comedy gem like this piece of maggot snot. I don’t find find the death of a child, any child, funny. Those of you who do find any humor in a child tortured and beaten to death then put in a storage container ,then dumped in the ocean , are probably not parents . Whether you are or not a parent you need to seriously reconsider what you find funny. I know this is a humor site and I think the site is a pretty good one, but that piece of shit attempt at being funny was a fucking weak and pathetic excuse for comedic writing.
November 27th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Adrian Strongarm doth protest a little too much, which makes me suspect he/she may be the child’s real killer, or worse–the sketch artist.
November 27th, 2007 at 11:01 am
You know what , I pretty much have a sick sense of humor, but this was a little dark for even me. I know what you were trying to pull of here, but sorry no. Sometimes death can be funny but when it comes to kids, don’t do it dude. Anyways I can forgive you if you write another awesome article. Something that is not a damn list. Like 5 ways to punch you 6 year old in the throat. Wait no that would make a great article.
November 27th, 2007 at 3:14 am
See, I can’t believe “Grace” really looked anything like that picture so I’m joking “around” death not about it. Tha’ts my distinction. Anyway, it helps me sleep at night. That and all those snuff films.
November 26th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
I would buy a book that painstakingly analyzed every facet of comedy in such a way. So if you’re publishing this, let me know.
November 26th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
The younger they are, the shorter period that you can say “too soon.” Its actually some complicated, scientifically calculated percentage of the age. This being a young child, the “too soon” barrier has already been breached. If she had been 80 years old, you would’ve had to wait 40 times longer than one month minus the potential hilarity constant of the cause of death. Cancer has a very low constant, so that you must wait at least a certain amount of time, but death by sex actually has a large constant, so that its possible to begin making fun of an old man’s death before he actually dies, (because it can cause the equation to be negative, duh). However, there is an age limit before these potential hilarity constants (PHC’s) can be employed, because no death of a child is immediately funny, nor should any instance of the death of a living child be joked about before they die. Its all very complicated and I wouldn’t want to bore you with the details. It looks something like this:
(Time before joke= age*death_constant - PHC) if age > 16
November 26th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
Oh, Ian. I was going to add a third sentence about Sylvester P. Smythe but didn’t want to take away from the shock value of me going to hell. In my defense, in my mind, I’m satirizing a terrible composite sketch as opposed to a dead girl.
November 26th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Police are currently searching for a blonde dude with big cheeks dressed as a janitor who they have deemed a “person of interest.”
November 26th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
I saw this article today and wanted to blog about the picture, but decided that doing so would make me the kind of person I just plain don’t want to be. Thanks for taking the moral bullet.
November 26th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Wow. I hope for the sake of my job this doesn’t become a wildly popular category for people to post in.
November 26th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
God that’s the biggest bellylaugh i’ve had in a long time.
You’re both a prince amongst men and heartily horrible at the same time, well done Gladstone.