Wealthy Cat Leaves Entire Fortune To Piece of String


On Tuesday morning at 7:32 AM, beloved billionaire and felineHermesMoopy Woopy passed away at age 12 due tocongenital heart failureand being too adorable. He is survived only by his favorite piece of string, to which he has left his entire estate. When asked for comment about plans for its new fortune, the string said, , probably because its just a piece of string.
Years ago, Mr. Moopy Woopy was left forty thousand dollars by his deceased master and self-proclaimed gross cat lady Gertrude Eleanor Paddock. She was survived only by Moopy Woopy (and her entire family whom she did not like nor respect). Upon receiving the money, Moopy Woopy immediately began making wise investments and crafty business deals. It wasnt long before that forty thousand dollars turned into millions and eventually billions. His company, Innocat, employs over 100,000scratching postsand has given millions to charities all around the living room. In 2004, Innocats Purr Division released a much-needed cure foradorable cat sneezesand this past summer marked the 10 year anniversary of the release of Cuddle 98, a technology which makes pink, pink paw pads even pinker.
If you wish to pay your respects, a vigil will be held Friday morning underneath a couch.

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Cody Johnston

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