Actor and celebrity brother Chad “Not the Sex with Teenagers One” Lowe recently lashed out at rumors that his ladyfriend Kim Painter has been having a torrid affair with none other than Val Fucking Kilmer:
The Unfaithful star’s producer beau was recently photographed out and about with 48-year-old Kilmer—but Lowe has vehemently denied any romantic relationship between his partner and the Alexander star.
First of all, there’s just no way that Val Kilmer is 48—I don’t care what the birth certificate says, he’ll always be that glistening young gay volleyball stud from Top Gun to me. But more importantly, I feel for Mr. Not-Rob, since the thought of competing with a chiseled piece of man-meat like Val is daunting to say the least. It’s no Top Secret that you’d have to be either a Saint or a Real Genius in Heat or be living in Wonderland to stack up against a Thunderheart like him. Either that or Batman Forever on the Red Planet.
Don’t believe me? Let’s just take a look at the kind of raw animal magnetism that no girlfriend of a famous dude’s brother can hope to resist:
P.S. Madmartigan!
This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 at 4:45 pm and is filed under Celebrities are Beautiful. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Ian's Unnecessary Farewell Post Roundup
Economic Meltdown: What Can YOU Do?
Ian's Unnecessary News Roundup
When LOLcats Attack!
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
November 11th, 2009 at 6:48 am
Thank you for sharing this good stuff, really appericate it.Awsome.
October 9th, 2009 at 9:06 am
The universal rate of winner of these weight loss plans which are forever competing with from each one other is more or less the one. And the most ironic part is that these programmes all expire at the same vault in spite of doing really tall claims. This encounters because the body gets accustomed to the stiffness through which it is invest and aligns itself to the new routine and the metabolic process slows down. You have to be cleverer than nature to be able to trick the body into falling back weight. Without pursuit this footprint then you will incessantly inquire why you cannot lose exercising weight.
July 29th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Random question: I am starting my own blog to share my photography experiences. Do you find it hard or easy to post consistently?
April 30th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
I usually don
April 14th, 2009 at 11:49 am
In searching for sites related to web hosting and specifically comparison hosting linux plan web, your site came up.
June 14th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Who knows and who cares?
I am a sexy big beauty and just want to seek some fun oline. BTW, I came across a hot dating site ____”P l u s M e e t . c o m”____, where many big boob women, big booty women and big guys mingle and seek fun&more.
I even saw some celebrities’ profiles there.
June 7th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
[...] 15th 2008 9:45pm [-] From: cracked.com [...]
May 4th, 2008 at 4:16 am
HEY! GIVE THE guy a BREAK for QUITTING SMOKING!! I read, within the last year or so, not long, that he’d smoked most of his adult life and finally managed to quit as he was approaching middle age. Everyone knows that quitting smoking also goes (most of the time) with significant weight gain and it’s one SON OF A GUN to get rid of that weight. It’s a triple whammy for him and the vast majority of other quitting smokers: 1) gain 20, 40 or more pounds just by eating what you always have, 2) face the challenge of losing that weight at a time of your life when your middle-aged metabolism is slowing down & you have to work SO much harder to lose the same weight and 3) last but not least, you have to resist the pervasive, powerful drive to smoke every waking moment. It’s harder than HELL to accomplish all of these things. Having kids helps most. Anyway, these aren’t excuses here, there never are, just some real reasons and genuine obstacles that all recently-quit smokers face. And HOORAY to everyone, includng Mr. Kilmer, who hangs in there and makes it. Better health, more energy, better-looking hair & skin color, longer & better quality of life, lower medical bills, more discretionary money (cigarettes are expensive) much less family worry, etc. I say, from one former smoker to another, at age 52, who managed to beat the smoking and the weight gain, THREE CHEERS TO YOU Mr. Kilmer and hang in there. Guaranteed: your kids will LOVE IT. Unless,(I think it was) Rosanne Rosanna Danna (sp?) used to say to close her segment of SNL many years ago, “Never Mind”. If I’ve gotten the quote and speaker wrong, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.FYI: You GO, “:C”!
April 20th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
LEAVE VAL KILMER ALONE! :C
March 26th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
AND YOU GUYS WONDER WHY EVERY DAY SOMEONE IS KILLING THEIRSELF
ITS OVER REMARKS LIKE THAT SO WHAT HE LOOK LIKE THAT
ITS CLEAR TO ME YOU GUYS DONT HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO OTHER THAN WORRYIN BOUT HOW PEOPLE LOOK WHEN THE MAN IN THE MIRROR DONT LOOK SO HOT SUM TIMES
March 24th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
WHY I THINK EVERYONES JUST MAD BECAUSE HE HAS MORE THAN A PRETTY FACE GOING FOR HIM .I MEAN FOR PETE SAKE THE MAN CAN DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN JUST TRY TO LOOK FABULOUS ALL THE TIME LIKE SOME AIRHEAD.I MEAN HE NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF HIS HEALTH BUT AS LONG AS HE’S HEALTHY LEAVE HIM ALONE.HOW MANY OF YOU ON THIS BOARD ARE STILL THE PERFECT SPECIMEN THEY WERE TWENTY YEARS AGO?NOT ME THATS FOR SURE.SO I SAY LIVE AND LET LIVE.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
He is great!!! I love HIM!!!!
January 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I love his voice, just heard a song of his on casualpal.com, really wonderful
January 17th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Thanks, Wallsy! Now I don’t have to not go through with my empty threat.
January 17th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Alanis: http://www.roughgroove.com/images/2006_02_JasonStatham_MensHealth.jpg
January 16th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Oh Cracked, you’ll do ANYTHING to get a Val Kilmer story in.
January 16th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Of course he’s getting laid! You would be too if you could sing like him! Just listen to his crooning at http://www.myspace.com/valkilmermusic and tell me you don’t want to blow him! The only thing stopping him from taking over the world with his music is the fact that ‘record executives’ and ‘critics’ and ‘people with functional ears’ don’t like his ‘music!’
January 16th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Well, I tried to ignore it as much as I could, but I think I must finally admit it: Cracked bloggers really do hate women.
The first time there’s an excuse to post a pic of a hot guy and you have him morphing into the giant bug from the Slurm factory. Thanks a lot.
If there is not a mostly-naked picture of Jason Statham posted on this page shortly, I shall know what to do about it, sir!
January 16th, 2008 at 9:31 am
When everyone’s done lamenting the loss of 1988 Val Kilmer, can we reminisce about times when only women were held to impossible ideals? Let’s not do away with those double standards, please. I really like beer and nachos.
Hehe. Broads.
January 16th, 2008 at 3:59 am
It’s sad to see he’s been downin his Coronitas and eating Nachos…..for 20 years
c’mmon dude you’re rich get a personal trainer.But it’s all good he can still get away with it he must be comfortable in his skin.His big stretched belly skin….
January 15th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
He’s actually preparing for a role where he plays theorhetically-didn’t-die Jim Morrison. Do you notice how he just looks like a fat, washed up guy wandering around on a beach? What else would Morrison wind up doing? Think about it hi.
PS: Do you see what happens when you feed a baby blackroot?
January 15th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
That’s true, but ole Val got to be Batman.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
But only you have the lightsaber glendoor…
January 15th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Fuck six pack abs, me and Val’s got the keg
January 15th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Who takes these pictures of such fat men?!
January 15th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
He’s more like “Fatman Forever” these days!
Eh, eh, see what I did there?