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Rob Lowe's Brother's Girlfriend Having Affair with Val Kilmer's Mother's Son?!

Actor and celebrity brother Chad "Not the Sex with Teenagers One" Lowe recently lashed out at rumors that his ladyfriend Kim Painter has been having a torrid affair with none other than Val Fucking Kilmer:

The Unfaithful star's producer beau was recently photographed out and about with 48-year-old Kilmer---but Lowe has vehemently denied any romantic relationship between his partner and the Alexander star.

First of all, there's just no way that Val Kilmer is 48---I don't care what the birth certificate says, he'll always be that glistening young gay volleyball stud from Top Gun to me. But more importantly, I feel for Mr. Not-Rob, since the thought of competing with a chiseled piece of man-meat like Val is daunting to say the least. It's no Top Secret that you'd have to be either a Saint or a Real Genius in Heat or be living in Wonderland to stack up against a Thunderheart like him. Either that or Batman Forever on the Red Planet.

Don't believe me? Let's just take a look at the kind of raw animal magnetism that no girlfriend of a famous dude's brother can hope to resist:

P.S. Madmartigan!

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