Unicorn College, Dog Ear Protectors and The Science of Jell-O Shots: The Daily Nooner!
Awesome Video Of The DayUnicorn Cove School of Metaphysics
Yes... The Unicorn Cove School of Metaphysics. A magical wonderland where you can sit around someone's one-bedroom apartment, practicing the lost arts of fake-swordplay, kickboxing and playing Magic the Gathering while surrounded by belly dancing goth chicks. It might not be an accredited, degree-granting university, but it's got a YouTube commercial with a really epic theme song. What more do you want?
Located in Westbrook, Maine, the Unicorn Cove School seeks to "bring about positivity and light, and to educate in the matters of the metaphysical, the spiritual, the paranormal and the mystical." To that end, they offer courses in Psychic Development, Beginning Mysticism, Energy Work and HULA DANCING. They also have a program called the Unicorn Rangers Psychic Police Department. You know - just in case you're ready to leave the dull worlds of rational thought and normal human interaction completely behind.
And I thought I was hot shit with my fancy liberal arts degree. All this time I could've been a Psychic Unicorn Cop!
Failed Gadget Roundup"Brilliant" Gadget #3: Animal Ear Protectors
Do you have a dog with long, floppy ears, and if so, do you give it food? And if you give it food, is it always getting its long, floppy ears covered in the food that you give it? Is this actually a serious problem that you have to deal with? If so, you should write to a letter to your local pet accessory manufacturer and let them know about US Patent #4233942.
Then again, if this is a legitimate concern for you, you might also ask yourself, "What's wrong with my dog? Why can't it clean the excess food off its ears?" Or maybe, alternatively, "Will my dog look any less dumb walking around with these stupid tubes around its ears than it would with crusted-up dog food all over itself?" Then maybe, finally, "Why do I even own a dog? I don't have time to deal with this bullshit."
Wild CardThe Internet Has Way Too Much Time On Its Hands
I was always of the opinion that the best tasting Jell-O shot was one that someone else was drinking. Then I found myself at a sports bar last weekend, slurping them down for $2 a pop and dancing like an idiot to "Gettin' Jiggy With It." Now I understand: Not all Jell-O shots are created equal! The ones we were buying (at one point for an entire table full of strangers) totally sucked!
Thank God for the internet, where people like the nice folks over at MyScienceProject.org dedicate their time and energy to figuring out what makes the definitively best-tasting Jell-O shot.
So what is it, you ask? Beer. A pint glass full of cold beer. Thanks, science!
Haaahahahahahahhaaa! Sex cult says what? I cannot believe that place hasn't gone under yet, or at least committed mass suicide.
Replywow, i thought that video couldnt get any stupider, until i read the comments. Look im sorry if ur really serious about jacking off unicorns or watever u do at ur "school," but the rest of us live in the real world.
ReplyOh, and Ahura Diliiza, i would love to see ur "swordplay," ill bring a gun. Welcome to the real world, u crack-addled wackjob.
Yes because a real man brings a gun to a sword fight? Just because you cannot comprehend something, doesn't mean it isn't a part of the real world. All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Hiding behind your computer screen mocking people you have never met. I guarantee you wouldn't say that to his face. I'd bet good money that he's done more in a week than you've done in your entire mediocre life. Oh, and McDonalds doesn't count as the real world. But please, feel free to continue to criticize others to fill that gigantic void where a normal human beings self-esteem would be. I'm sure it's working out great for you.
Condescending speech? Check. No evidence? Check. Saying something that is real isn't part of the real world when in fact it plays quite a huge part in economies the world over? Check. Being an idiot? Double-check.
Not comprehending one thing and denying it exists are two different actions. I don't fully understand waves used by television broadcasters and radio broadcasting systems and what-not (seriously, how the hell do they get all the images and sound into an electro-magnetic wave?) and yet I realize they exist. So please shove that unicorn's horn up your ass before saying anything ever again.
writer of cracked
Replyyou can claim neither pen nor sword
for virtue recognizes virtue
Hahaaa. The Unicorn thing was funny, only slightly more funny than the idiots chiming in in its defense. Psychic police! LOL!
ReplyWow Ross, Thank you so very very much for taking the time to slander us. Awesome, that means more people are starting to notice us, and thanks to your column here, that's free publicity and advertisement. WOO HOO.
ReplySo perhaps Ross, one day you can come by Unicorn Cove and we shall have a test of skill and strength between you and all us fat goth chicks, then you can really and truely see just how fat we are? No? Ah, shoot, it was worth a try....
So again, thank you Ross Wolinsky for the free advertisement of our school.
~Unicorn's Daugher
You can play Tetris on their website! I'm in
ReplyIf you are really the king of the unicorns, please post a link to a picture of yourself holding up a piece of paper that says "No Goth Chicks" written in Sharpie.
ReplyOtherwise I call bullshit.
The swordplay for your information is real. There are no Goth chicks.
ReplyIi is not a one bedroom apartment, and Acreditted means NOTHING.
Oh! and regardless of what you think that you have learned wiith your degree in liberal mediocrity. My School can indeed grant degrees, and Certifications.
If you are going to belittle something that someone is doing, at least make sure that you are as good as them first. Or perhaps youd like to test my skill at "fake" sword play.
Ahura Z.