Cracked Columnists

Two New Shirts That Both Replicants and Humans Can Love

Abraham Lincoln once kind of said, "Whatever you are, be a good one." We say that anyone who takes that advice to heart (in particular for their thankless, workaday job) deserves some recognition. Good job, good ditch diggers! Well done, well-doing toilet scrubbers! And we respect you for staying in your lane, replicant eye designers of a perfectly realized dystopian near-future Los Angeles!

As Hannibal Chew tells Roy Batty, he does the thing he does as well as he can and then clocks the hell out (because he's got frost-bearing facial fuzz to cultivate?).

This shirt comes to us from Jaime Kuroiwa and celebrates the character who made the Rutger Hauer-penned speech that ties Blade Runner's whole dramatic arc together possible.

Buy Some Modern Art (For Your Torso)

If there's one thing the art world loves, it's busted ancient stuff. Snobs love everything from ruined statues to decolorized Parthenons and seem to think unspoiled antiquities are the artistic equivalent of fresh wine. While we think great, ancient art is in the eye of the beholder (even if the beholder might be a replicant), the busted stuff of the modern era deserves some recognition, too. So, you know, behold:

This modern masterpiece by Aaron Russell gives mis-uploaded pictures their due, treating the symbol of "this is not the nude photo of that television actress you asked for" as this past century's armless/noseless/sans-genitals Greek marble bust.

And speaking of great art revisited ...

We're Looking for Great Art Revisited in a Minimalist Fashion

Have a look at this:


by Hunter Langston

That's an entire movie distilled into one elegant, non-crazy-Russian image. And it's the kind of thing we're looking for with our new T-shirt contest (winner gets $500). Take any pop culture image: a movie poster, an album cover, a book (but, like, a cool book). Boil it down to its most strikingly simple essence, do a quick Google search to make sure no one thought of it first, then upload it to our contest for a shot at $500 plus eternal T-shirt glory. Just join in the fun before Tuesday, February 18th, 2014 at 4:00 PM Pacific Time, otherwise we'll have to run with the submission that's just a glass of wine from My Dinner With Andre.

Our Weekly Dose of Envy

Is Rick Deckard a replicant? Is the director's cut of Blade Runner the essential version? Was Ridley Scott wrong to Saran Wrap a nude lady just to have that one slo-mo death scene? Those and life's other big questions can seem unanswerable. So let's celebrate the certainties in life. After exhaustively searching across the Internet, we can promise that these are at least five of the new T-shirts you'll like the best, maybe. That's as close as we're prepared to get to a declarative sentence. Enjoy:

5)


Available from Shirt.Woot

4)


Available from Glennz Tees

3)


Available from Glennz Tees

2)


Available from Threadless

1)


Available from TeeFury

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Alex Schmidt

  • Rss

More by Alex Schmidt:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

54 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!