Two-For-One Disappointing Robot Monday: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
What's With All These Stupid Robots?!
I might not know anything about building robots, but based on these two clips, it seems like the people who actually build them don't either.
In the first video we've got some sort of mobile garbage can that can walk around like a crab, roll dice, and bang on its own head while repeating the same Japanese phrase over and over and over again. Which would be pretty convenient if you wanted to start a gambling operation for quadriplegics in your house or something, but we all know that quadriplegics don't gamble much, and even if they did, what makes you think they'd want to do it in your house and not in a regular casino? Also, what if they don't understand Japanese? That's like inventing a robot to help gay Eskimos come out to their parents, or to teach Latvian orphans how to panhandle; it's a great idea, but what are the rest of us supposed to do with it?
Then we've got the second one, which serves such little purpose that it pretty much has to be an art project of some kind. A pair of dismembered robot legs that periodically shoots fire while aimlessly pushing around a shopping cart? I'll admit that's kind of awesome, but again, what are we supposed to do with it? Should we look at it and think about the artist's statement on mindless consumerism? Sorry, robot maker: Dawn of the Dead did it better. Is it supposed to make us think about the homeless problem? I'm looking at it right now, but the only problem I'm thinking about is how bad these robots suck.
I've been banging this drumfor a while now, but maybe if I keep at it I can get the robot-making community to listen. If I were them, I know I'd definitely want to take advice from a Cracked blogger with absolutely zero knowledge of engineering. Is an enormous mechanized iron monstrosity with flesh-searing lasers and projectile weapons so much to ask for? Actually, screw it - pretty much ANYTHING with flesh-searing lasers would do. If you're reading this, guys who made these two robots, just add flesh-searing lasers and we'll be good to go.
See - I'm willing to compromise, robot-making community. Now it's your turn.
Yeah, nice Work :D
ReplyGreat! Great! I am diggin the webpage design -Nelly <3
ReplyOf course, what a great site and informative posts, I will add backlink - bookmark this site? Regards, Reader.
Reply?If You Are Easily Offended…..Then do not CLICK THERE!?
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yeah, but is Omarion ok? Lets all pray for Omarion, thats what is importiant here.
ReplyYou know, it's a sad day when robots fail to excite us (or bears or sharks, according to the delicious Tina Fey). Remember when you first saw Runaway and thrilled to the terrifying spider bots Gene Simmons unleashed? That was the day when I knew Mad Science was my destiny. Granted, the first few robots I made were deemed "unfeasable for mass production," and "too cardboardy to withstand basic operating stress" but I never gave up hope. Now seeing the robots that real life scientists are coming up with... I feel only shame that Robot Wars (the TV show, not the movie) is the closest thing we'll come to real life Robot Wars (the movie, not the TV show).
ReplyPutting that second video there completely fucked up the layout in Opera. This webpage is clearly not standards-compliant. :-(
ReplyDear Ross Wolinsky (Or as I will now refer to you, RW-D2),
ReplyI am now convinced that you are a robot. It's obvious why you're on this campaign to convince robot designers to construct vicious, man-killing robots... you're trying to bring about the robot apocalypse but you're not technically-inclined enough to build the bots yourself (which is weird because you're a robot).
I'll be keeping my eye on you, mister. (i.e. Reading your blogs for evidence and general entertainment.)
Along with a black bar that obscures the upper-middle portion of his face.
Replyyou just summed up everything I know about Chris! (oh, except that he writes good columns and has no intention of ever speaking to me.)
Reply"Is that first vid Chris Buckholz?"
ReplyNo that couldn't be him, Chris is only part robot and wears orange coats while hiking.
Glandoor42 is my cousin, who is a adult film star. He taught John Holmes everything he knew. Left out the safe sex part though.
ReplyI can understand Robot no. 2's purpose as maybe robotic legs for amputees but seriously, what is the purpose of that trashcan-dice roller?
ReplyIt is pretty cool watching the bystander's reactions to robot number 2. Although my time in college showed me that some students will leave their jeans lying unwashed so long that they are capable of standing free and actually walking.
I heard that the legsbot is the remnant of a test dummy they've been using for the beta testing of the unrapable-robodogs that Ross blogged about a while back. Apparently animal welfare groups have been working on it in a bid to combat the (currently unexplainable) massive increase in dog-rape related crime recently...
ReplyActually, it's Chris Bucholz before the "Self-awareness" and "Thirst for impoverished children's blood" upgrades.
Replyglandoor42! Hah, that's awesome. Thank goodness for early morning incoherence, else I'd never have thought that one up. (And yes, early morning for me does last until afternoon.)
ReplyI admit, I did have a few drinks this morning at work. And yet, I still got a 1500.00 bonus for last month. Where's the justice, you ask? In my back pocket, that's where.
(The 1500.00 will go toward the purchse of one of the garbage-can-autism bots.)
Is that first vid Chris Buckholz?
ReplyFLAME WAR!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyWTF Ross? No, really what the fuck is going on between you and the Baltic states?
Reply"and drag it’s but across the carpet like so many of glandoor42’s dogs,"
ReplyIt's "butt" and "glendoor42" not but and glandoor42, have you been drinking at work again today? Didn't we talk about that? I won't even go into "coloured".
I thought the robot was autistic too.