Twilight Looks Like Crap (or Announcing the Hate By Numbers Contest)
So apparently there are people who read Cracked, but are embarrassed to acknowledge that publicly or be seen on our website. Much like an unseemly heroin addiction, however, the itch eventually wins out. That's when they go to my Facebook page, become my friend, and confess their online addiction. Sarah Black is exactly like that (except for the parts that I completely made up). Anyway, one day Sarah brought Twilight to my attention via her Facebook status message that read: "ZOMG! I wish a vampire would take ME away!" Actually, it didn't say that. It said something disparaging about Twilight fangirls. Until then, I hadn't heard about this teenage vampire phenomenon that was getting the co-eds all tingly. That was six weeks ago. And all this time I've been waiting for the right time to do this episode of HBN. So a shoutout to Sarah for giving me the idea. It was such a good idea it was worth putting up with her daily Facebook chatting ("WTF! Marketing class is the WORST!"; "Sarah wants brewskis, LOL!"; and my personal favorite "I <3 cute boyz!!!") And, again, all of this is completely true save for the parts I'm making up.
Moving on! With only two more episodes left, I thought I'd unleash THE OFFICIAL HATE BY NUMBERS CONTEST. The prize will be an autographed cartoon of me (if Lounsey's talented, but drunken boyfriend ever gets off his ass and draws it). If not (and I'm betting on "not" because living with Lounsey is probably a full time job, leaving any person depressed and depleted) I'll autograph something else. Perhaps, DOB's breast. Anyway, here's the question:
IN TOTAL, 6 DIFFERENT SONGS HAVE PLAYED OVER THE ENDING CREDITS OF HATE BY NUMBERS. NAME THEM ALL.
DON'T LEAVE YOUR ANSWERS IN THE COMMENTS. Instead, send them to my Cracked mail or my Facebook mail.
The winner will be announced in next week's episode.
And lastly, HBN was not cancelled. I'm just taking an extended, indefinte, sabbatical because i've neglected my screenplays for far too long. There's no other immediate project. If there is. I'll let you all know via Facebook.
Lastly, I renamed my website. Check it out: Kafka Lives In Maine.