When he was awarded the medal of valor in the face of freedom (or something) four years ago at a secret underground Scientology convention, madman and handsome devil Tom Cruise presented a brief video interview in which he discussed his views on Scientology, his abiding passion for its teachings, and other crazy nonsense. Shockingly, it’s taken that long for the thing to leak to the Internet.
What you didn’t know (until now!) was that the liberal use of jump cuts in the interview was a largely successful attempt to gloss over some of Mr. Cruise’s more “off-balance” remarks. Well, let it never be said that I won’t face hordes of enraged attack dogs, thetans and Katie Holmeses to get to the bottom of a story.
Here, for the first time, I present to you the interview with the edited portions re-inserted. Mr. Cruise?
NOTE: This video was removed due to a complaint by the Church of Scientology. I have re-posted it in a (slightly) lower profile location. Enjoy it while it lasts, folks. And hey, while I’m at it, I’ll be a whore and say DIGGS PLEEZ, if only because I hate the Church of Scientology that much.
Besides blogging for CRACKED, Michael also makes slanderous videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 16th, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Celebrities, Scientology, Tom Cruise, Video. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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June 8th, 2008 at 12:01 am
[...] 16th 2008 1:00pm [-] From: cracked.com [...]
May 18th, 2008 at 1:06 am
[...] http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/01/16/tom-cruise-scientology-interview-uncut/ [...]
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February 27th, 2008 at 3:07 am
Sorry to burst your bubbles, guys, but Tom Cruise IS the only one who can help out at accidents. Last week I was driving past a horrific wreck, and when I pulled over and ran to the scene, I was propelled back by some unseen force. No matter how hard I tried, I simply could not get to the cars. Luckily, for the horribly wounded people involved in the accident, Tom arrived in time to remove everyone from their flaming vehicles just before they exploded. He also dressed their wounds and punched a child in the face for asking if he could have something for the pain. God bless Tom.
February 14th, 2008 at 5:01 am
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February 12th, 2008 at 6:30 am
tom tom one gps…
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February 1st, 2008 at 8:50 am
glendoor24, dude, my post above yours; hate to say but I’m not the Nick you think I am, I’m not THAT Nick.
January 26th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
No, but if you email me at thosearentmuskets@gmail.com I can send you the file.
January 25th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Is this video available on torrent?
January 21st, 2008 at 10:22 am
Nick is back !!! Nick is back !!!! Nick is back!!!! Yeaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
January 21st, 2008 at 8:28 am
James,
A very stoic defense of Tom Cruise I must say… however
Perhaps becuase, as you mentioned, you work in a carrer field populated by some of the most self centered, selfish, arrogant douchebags on the planet, the concept of a person that wants to better the world and the people that live in it might seem unheard of - perhaps leading to your opinion that because of Tom Cruise’s attitude toward “helping” people he is some kind of saintly figure.
Many peolpe in the down to earth world of normality like to help eachother to better other’s lives too: it’s called living. It’s what people like doctors and nurses do, or school teachers, or a freakin garbage collector - and they don’t need to be a part of fruity little cult to do it - and they don’t arrogantly boast about it in films like this.
Swaim, awesome video btw! That is the funniest shit I have seen in a long time.
“if you drive past an accident, you know you have to help, because you know your the only one who can really help” WTF!!! Oh, I see Mr Cruise, because normal people must be far too retarded to help out at the scene of an accident… douchebag.
January 21st, 2008 at 2:20 am
Relax and embrace the madness.
January 19th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
Ah shit, wanted to leave it at that but a couple more points present themselves:
1) The “actors” of your social group in NYC can be discounted as a valid cross-section of society upon which any universal commentary on humanity can be based.
2) Thank you to everyone whose humourous comments and or staunch stands (combined with the wine I’ve had tonight) have contributed to my 1st and 2nd comments on the Interweb EVER. Keep up the good work Cracked, ditch the bad (of which there is mercifully little).
Finally,in response to another article, I’ve never had to deal with Army Ants, but Siafu/Driver Ants (in Africa) are officially natures exception to the rule of “play dead” when under attack. One night 23 of us on a volunteer group had to simply get out of the way and wait for them to pass through (in pouring rain) our campsite becuse there is no stopping or diverting a swarm of these mothers. Unwittingly stand on a trail of them and they slice and dice without discrimination. I could go on, but if you feel like knowing more, Wikipedia them, just don’t underestimate them!
January 19th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
James: just because someone is passionate about their beliefs doesn’t mean that they’re correct or even that their point of view has any validity. We could list a huge number of theologies or philosophies that were all too fervently held which have been, in hindsight (and foresight, sidesight etc.) held to be woefully off the mark.
Whilst most of the platitudes we are expected to swallow wholesale are a convenient mixture of the plainly obvious mixed with the patently counter-intuitive, at least they have the whiff of authority given to them by the fact that millions of people have accepted them over thousands of years and their founders are effectively beyond reproach because little about them can be independantly verified.
What we know about Lafayette Ron Hubbard is far from encouraging (http://www.clambake.org/archive/books/bfm/bfmconte.htm) and one wonders whether the truth of anything would be entrusted to someone who can be shown to be a liar, fantasist and downright self-promoter.
In case my position is unclear, I will never believe a word of any person who comes to me (via whatever medium) saying that they know, or have been told, the true meaning of this existence. If meaning there is, it would either have been revealed and universally acknowledged already, or it’s simply too esoteric/complex for anyone to understand in this plane of reality.
P.S. ALL people are irrational, consensus is the best we can hope for.
January 19th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Hey Tom, try to be more subtle next time.
January 19th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Ok, so most people don’t know exactly what Tom Cruise means by this discourse, but one cannot deny the passionate commitment he has toward the betterment of mankind. I totally respect his idea of using his enormous wealth and iconic position in the world community to foster a better place, and not stand by, but to actually cause change to improve the life of the downtrodden, oppressed part of our common humanity.
People that feel he is spooky, or not rational, don’t realize how joyful he feels about what he and his wife have chosen to do with their fortunate position with this short stay on this small planet. He is trying to embrace the full meaning of “the gift of life” is to help humanity by making the world a better place because you have lived, whether it be by teaching children, loving the unloved, or even just smiling and being kindly to all you meet.
I’m an actor in NYC and know that the vast majority of the people in the industry of stage, TV, film, and the music world are committed to ONLY ONE THING. That shallow earthly delight is the pursuit of self-gratification on a continual basis, not concerning themselves with the welfare and betterment of those less fortunate in the rest of humanity. They conduct themselves with total disregard for who is around them and in their way to successfully attaining their selfish goal.
When the Greek philosopher, Aristotle, was asked by one of his students, “Why are we here? What is the reason for us being born into this world, Master?”
His reply was simple but profound. “We are placed in this world, my son, for only one purpose…to help mankind.”
Jesus gave the world the eleventh commandment to add to the ten His Father had given Moses.
It dovetails with Aristotle’s profound answer to his fledgling student.
Jesus said, “Love one another and all the other commandments will be met by following this one.”
Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, should ignore their critics and continue to follow their God given intuition. This is to fight the horrific evil that has suppressed humanity for thousands of years.
People try to look smart by criticizing others. That is what is happening when people say Tom Cruise’s discourse on Scientology is a rant by an irrational person. It is NOT.
January 19th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
and that should read “Goddamn is it that”. SEE, GODDAMN IT
January 19th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
your should read you’re. Goddamn it that hard for y’all to put an edit function in the comments section.
January 19th, 2008 at 11:54 am
@ Ibh no, your not losing it. I couldn’t see that post until right now. Last night and early these morning it was not there. I could not see it even after you said you could. I sat there
and was like ” biggest post, what is the hell is he talking about?”. Get up this morning and there it is. Fucking weird!
January 18th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
http://scientologyattack.ytmnd.com/
January 18th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
OMG. I’m losing it * the longest damn post * it’s mine * and it’s right there * DUH! Put me down for extra blond points. I must need a vacation. Maybe CA. There’s this gorgeous hotel in hollywood that somebody renovated. It’s called the Celebrity Center or something like that.
January 18th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Yesterday, I left a comment that included some links. (TSG’s FBI memo that documents L. Ron’s diagnoses of schizophrenia, and article on another website that provided translation for stupid scientology terms etc.) there was also a mention that the original 9 min. video can been seen on Gawker. I’m not mad about you posting then removing my comment or anything, but could you please remove the “Oops…”comment, with the corrections, while you’re at it ? It doesn’t make any sense at all now that my first post is gone. Thanks lbh
January 17th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Tom, Tom, Tom..
Why made you think that I want you to “put your ethics” in me?
What made you think that I want to be a part of the collective hive mind that is Scien-”Tom”-logy?
January 17th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Oops. to correct a couple of mistakes:
Should have typed “C.O.S.” (Church of Scientology) and not “S.O.C.”
Forgot to add the URL for the Yahoo article :
http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/86777/just-cruising-along
Should have prefaced ” There’s no question that Cruise is passionate about his beliefs. “…
to…”Interest in the video indicates that most fans are still struggling to understand why.”
inorder to make the “putz” verdict make sense.
January 17th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Hey guys,
I thought I’d share some URL’s, just for fun.
Radaronline embedded 9 min.’s of the original video , it’s been removed but if you click on the image it links to gawker:
http://gawker.com/5002269/the-cruise-indoctrination-video-scientology-tried-to-suppress
They were kind enough to provide a follow-up article that employed the talents of a translator for all those silly scientology phrases:
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2008/01/what-tom-cruise-was-talking-about-in-that-scientology-video.php
The Smoking Gun dug up an old FBI memo, about L. Ron( the craziest of the crazies), from their archives for the occasion. It’s guaranteed to give you instant insight into the “church’s” policy against conventional psychiatry of any kind :
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0116082hubbard1.html
Yahoo posted a short puff piece. The guy who wrote it, Mike Krumboltz, gets my vote for putz-of-the-week for the following statement….
“Interest in the video indicates that most fans are still struggling to understand why.”
Nobody’s “struggling to understand” Tom Cruise. People are scrambling to watch this video, before the S.O.C. stamps it out (like a flaming bag of dogshit on their doorstep),
for the guilty pleasure of seeing him acting like a crazy, arrogant douchebag again.
Out the 150+ comments responding to this same artcle, here are two of my favorites :
1. “another idiot actor giving his loony religious beliefs or political beliefs. Dear Tom, shut the f… up and dance like a monkey and entertain us. Thats all we ask.”
2. ” “When you’re a Scientologist, and you drive by an accident, you know you have to do something about it, because you know you’re the only one who can really help…” Next time I’m in an accident, I’ll have OnStar call the nearest Scientologist. “
January 17th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Mr. Swaim, would you marry me?
Um…wow. Tom’s really crazier than a shithouse rat!
Nice double chin there, Tom. Never mind your personal beliefs or how crazy you’ve been lately, there is no excuse for a turtleneck and a double chin to be combined. Ever.
The helper does help everything.
Scientologists are the authority? On everything? Gah, kill me now.
Or, send them all to Palestine so they can fix things there, since they know everything.
Someone else’s ethics? What?
The words “ethics” and “ruthlessly” should not ever appear in the same sentence. And I don’t ever want to hear Tom Cruise talk about ethics again.
That laugh will haunt my nightmares. Thanks.
January 17th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
The first girl I ever slept with was Michael Swaim.
January 17th, 2008 at 7:15 am
you can thank penn and teller in part for that south park episode. originally, penn and teller were going to dedicate and episode of BULLSHIT to scientology but showtime wimped-out on them saying that they didn’t want to risk the lawsuit. when parker and stone heard about it, they created the ‘trapped in a closet’ episode.
the reason the church of scientology fights tooth and nail to keep this stuff private is two-fold: to learn about zenu and whatnot, you have to pledge big BIG bucks and devote yourself church. by the time they do the big reveal, the person going thru indoctrination is so completely loopy that flyin’ DC-8s from planet-to-planet *really makes sense* and buys into it unquestioningly.
the other reason is that the whole scientology concept is just bat-shit insane. anybody with two active braincells that hears just a quarter of what the church is really about runs from them like their lives depend on it. that keeps the church from preying on new marks.
January 16th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Michael Swaim is my hero!
January 16th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
The first girl I ever slept with was a Nun.
I wonder if Tom’s ever considered that maybe his load is hard to carry because it’s too large. You know, like a giant load. I’ve always thought about scientology that way. A GIANT LOAD which is impossible to bare.
January 16th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
@ Ross ,yeah but compared to scientologists Mormans look down right sane, besides they are really nice people. The first girl I ever slept with was Morman.
January 16th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
“We are the authorities”
Unbelievebly creepy.
January 16th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
If anything, South Park has done more to educate the public on stupid religions and what they believe than anything else.
For example, I know now why Mormons are also insane.
January 16th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
It was ironically the Southpark episode on Scientology that first showed me what Scientologists actually believe. I couldn’t believe it. Seeing this interview I agree entirely with Bennett…someone that convinced and intense about something so far removed from reality is truly frightening. Especially when that someone is making shitloads of cash and procreating…
Best part was the gun….lol.
January 16th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
You think he’d have a handler telling him, “come on Tom, blink, just blink. BLINK TOM!”
January 16th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Someone just brought it to my attention that this video is now the featured video at Funny or Die, where I posted it tot ry and KEEP IT from being seen too much. I don’t know whether to be really happy or fearful that secret police are about to burst into my room. In any case, you should all probably watch this over and over and commit it to memory, because I predict it’s not long for this world.
January 16th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Good job Swaim (especially the “I meant hats” bit) - but Cruise geniunely fucking freaked me out in that video.
January 16th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Keep fighting the good fight, sir.
January 16th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I never thought that Tom Cruise is good looking. Maniac and lunatic was the first thing that I thought. I heard about this rant from the news today. I can’t listen to it right now. Hmm.
I don’t know if should. I might puke. Damn scientology. Crazy cult. Outlawed in Europe.
When are they gonna clean it up from the States as well? On the other hand… you don’t want another christianity coming up. Survival of the mentally fittest.
January 16th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Swaim, no jokes, no sarcasm, no QE11 tits(ok, one joke) That is positively the funniest thing I have ever seen you do. It is, quite possibly, in the top one hundred of funniest things I have ever watched.
Bravo, Sir, Bravo!!!
January 16th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
swaim you’ve outdone yourself
January 16th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Ah, but these videos lack my hilarious comedic input, so what’s really the point? Anyway, should be back up in a half hour.
January 16th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Google is your friend, people…
http://www.youtorrent.com/tag/?q=tom+cruise+scientology
January 16th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Fuck Scientology. I’m sorry I missed the video. I hope you find a different site to post it on
soon. Back when I was young, very young , my best friends mom gave my a L Ron Hubbard
book every year for Christmas and a bottle of Brut, by Faberge, both always sucked.
January 16th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Yeah, if you click on it it said 5k views. And yet, if you looked at youtube’s views next to it as just a thumbnail it said just 203 views — which has to be wrong because that’s how many times i watched it alone. powerful enemies you made. you can forget about being cast as the wacky younger brother in the new will smith tom cruise buddy movie.
January 16th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Not that I’ve found, but I’m trying to post it on a different site. In the meantime, while it was up for only 3 hours it got 5K views and made me the #10 most viewed Youtube Comedian today! Thanks Scientology!
January 16th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Has this been hosted anywhere else now it has been taken off YouTube?
Dying to see it.
January 16th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Wow…just, wow.
January 16th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Bastards. A little criticism and humor is good for a cult, keeps things from going all Waco, TX.
Just look at what free thought did for Christianity.
January 16th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Sorry all. I’m going to try and find an alternate host. Jesus, when an organization is THIS defensive of their image, you KNOW it’s filled with paranoid nutjobs.
January 16th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
scientology just took down this movie. A moment of mourning.
January 16th, 2008 at 11:24 am
I heard that Cruise describes Scientology by saying “It’s rough and tumble and it’s wild and woolly and it’s a blast”
As a Highlander (that is to say I come from the Highlands of Scotland - just like Christopher Lambert), and thus a dedicated sheep-shagger, I agree with Tom that some “rough and tumble” with something that’s “wild and woolly” does indeed sound like “a blast”.
Maybe Scientology isn’t all that bad then.
January 16th, 2008 at 10:53 am
Amen, O’Brien. Swaim is such a thetan.
January 16th, 2008 at 10:47 am
We’re gonna get sued, you know that, right? Tom Cruise sues people. Tom Cruise is the guy who sues websites for being mean to him, and now we’re going to get sued because you have a camera and a buttload of free time. Tom Cruise is a crazy person, and now you’ve invited him into all of our lives.
Fucking great.
January 16th, 2008 at 10:19 am
mainsw loves mswaim.
Hmm, that sounds fishy.
January 16th, 2008 at 10:14 am
I fucking love Michael Swaim.
January 16th, 2008 at 9:41 am
That was great. Your John Edwards impersonation is much better than mine.
ZING!
Anyway, great. “Punched him in the face.”
January 16th, 2008 at 8:59 am
that was funny shit “and now blankets talk to me”
January 16th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Boy, that laugh at the end was a bit chilling, isn’t it? I almost expect him to burst out into a full-on Doctor Doom there.
January 16th, 2008 at 8:18 am
That Tom Cruise is a strangely insane (gay) man. Pretty funny stuff, Swaim. Especially the Wednesday part…those are the Tom days. Goof job!