Cracked Columnists

Time to Buy the Shirts You Really Wanted

Remember that one holiday season when your aunt gave you an awful shirt/vest/caftan/matching caftan? Which then slumbered in the depths of your closet like a Great Old One for 364 days, only to rise again when you saw that aunt again the next year? Because you were forced to make her think that you, like her, just can't get enough of brown on puce?

Well, guess what: That made-up rule is a made-up double-edged blade (like Anduril!). So next time you give a relative a gift, make it the T-shirt that says "I think you're funny and interesting enough to like this."

Or the shirt that says "You have amazing taste in all varieties of fine art."

It's too late for this Christmas, but you could finally fulfill your yearly vow to get your Christmas shopping done early and buy now for 2014. Oh, and please allow us to sweeten the deal:

A Rad New SHRED-209 Shirt

The RoboCop franchise had one (and only one) flaw. That flaw? Letting one of the greatest robots in movie history lose out to a flight of stairs. So this shirt design gives the ED-209 a much-needed stair-descent bug fix and comes to us from Randall Maynard and Josh Geiser. It's all the fun things at once, and we fell in love with it as soon as we imagined a robot saying "PUT DOWN YOUR ILLEST KICKFLIP. YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS TO COMPLY."

Until January 3, use the promo code SHRED209 and get 15 percent off our new design.

New T-Shirt Contest

Our past contests yielded designs like these, and designs like those yielded cash money for their creators. Our newest and latest contest is for shirts that are location-specific. From Texas to Tatooine, every inch of this planet (and other planets!) deserves wearable and hilarious commemoration. All you need to do is make a design celebrating one of those inches, and then post it in our forums, and then get rich. We can even judge your illustrated idea on its cleverness alone and then tighten up its art for you if we like it enough. Just be sure to get brainstorming now, because you've only got until January 10th to blow our freaking minds.

5 Shirts That Already Blew Our Freaking Minds

Every week we scour the Internet for awesome T-shirts other people made, because if we can show them to a wider audience, literally everyone wins. This particular week sure felt like Christmas, because it was awfully hard to pick just five new cotton-y masterpieces. Anyway, enjoy! We'll be over here checking eHow for instructions on picking a jaw back up off the floor.

5)


Available from SnorgTees

4)


Available from Threadless

3)


Available from Threadless

2)


Available from Headline Shirts

1)


Available from Glennz Tees

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Alex Schmidt

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