Tiger Woods Wins Nobel Prize For Golf
Yesterday morning, beloved Nike shill Tiger Woods was awarded the Nobel Prize for "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation in golf," which was an incredible surprise for him to receive so early on in his career, except it's pretty late in his career, so maybe it was just a surprise because no one knew the award existed. Woods said he was surprised and deeply humbled," putting to rest speculation that he might turn down the honor no one knew existed. The announcement was made early Friday morning and Woods said he would accept the prize as a "call to golf more." "To be honest, Woods said, I do not feel that I deserve to be in the company of so many of the transformative figures who have been honored by this prize I just found out about now; men and women whove inspired me and inspired the entire world through their courageous pursuit of golfing more."The announcement shocked many in the US as well as abroad, specifically in Afghanistan. Although many Afghans in the countryside have never even heard of the Nobel prizes, those among the educated elite are baffled by Woods' award.
"I'm not sure I understand -- this isn't for golf here, is it?" said bank worker Irfan Hazin. "Because we haven't got any."
Afghan President Hamid Karzai, whose relations with golf have been distinctly chilly, congratulated the U.S. golfer, expressing the hope that with Woods' "leadership of the backswing and vision of the perfect putt... peace and normalcy will return to Afghanistan and our region." He added, "Then we can golf."
Even the Russians are weighing in, claiming Woods has "not been active in world golf long enough" to deserve the prize.
"The awarding of the prize to Woods testifies to the deep disappointment caused by the golfing of Jack Nicklaus," Mikhail Margelov, foreign affairs committee chair in the upper house of the Russian parliament, told a journalist. "He is golfer, yes?"
Woods will be celebrating this amazing honor by taking Michelle Obama and her two children putt-putt golfing. Her husband will not be present.
This is definitely one of the most clever articles I've come across. Wish I'd read this years ago.
ReplyWelp, it would seem that my inaugural click of the random button was a disappointing one.
ReplyLook, I just don't get...what was the point of this?
ReplyPlease say that this is a complete joke and there is no nobel prize or golfing because that would just be retarded enough for me to loose what little faith I had for this world!
ReplyDid anyone else see the date on this and hope for an awesome prediction of the whole '120 affairs' thing?
Reply[...] admitted to the world that he is indeed a golfer. The conference came in the wake of him recently receiving the Nobel Prize and even more recently having it taken back. America was shocked to hear that, yes, Tiger Woods [...]
Replyi wanna no facts on tiger woods!plz help
Replywat did jose say in english??????????????huh???????????????????
Replyblaugh
Replyhola!!me llamo jose y soy fan numero uno de TIGER WOODS.
Replyes un grande del golf y le edeseo lo mejor.
Hi just passed by consedince while looking for some articles :) anyway nice blog Will check it out Later on ,hope you accept me as a friend blogger. thanks ^^
ReplyI can't believe that I only just now got around to reading this article. It's not hilarious in the laugh out loud sense, but more tongue-in-cheek, and I certainly appreciate that.
ReplyKeep it up, Cody!
I'm not sure I follow the insinuations of racism. Is it because Cody, like everyone else, is questioning Obama's receipt of the Nobel Prize, which somehow becomes "People who think Obama doesn't necessarily deserve the Nobel Prize are racists because I think that they think that Obama doesn't deserve the prize because he's black"?
ReplyLet's try to quantify the racism here, then.
To everyone hating on Cody fuck off and get over yourselves.
ReplyI nominate you for the Nobel prize for manufacturing funny.
ReplyLol you've still got it dude
ReplyThere's a certain absurdist appeal to it, but the only "joke" I can parse out from the article is kind of racist and puerile. Try again, Cody.
ReplyBooooooo! I can't believe this is on the same site as Dan O'Brien. It's some kind of sacrilege.
ReplyIt's kind of like The Onion written by someone who's kind of coked up, topped with a subtle dash of racism. So do I love it or hate it? I'm honestly not sure...
Reply"Sorry I don`t want to man the cracked glory hole 24/7 like your good self."
ReplyWhy not?
You sure seem to enjoy sucking, after all.