La Pequeña Amy Winehouse
In case you haven’t heard, the Catholic Church has announced that some new sins have been added to the list. No joke. If you are a practicing Catholic, you now have seven additional “social sins” to worry about: everything from polluting the environment to using birth control to “excessive wealth” now constitutes a “social sin” and will totally make you go to hell forever.
What does this mean to you? Probably not a whole lot (unless you were about to throw a used condom off the side of your yacht), but I think there are a few more that need to be tacked onto the list:
I’m sure there are plenty more that I’m forgetting… anyone have any ideas?
This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 11th, 2008 at 11:00 am and is filed under Amy Winehouse, Nooners, Religion, Video, WTF. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
8 Things 'The Lost Boys' Could Teach 'Twilight' Vampires
The 5 Lamest Forwarded Emails (And Why Your Mom Loves Them)
The 5 Biggest News Stories You Missed During Election Season
"I Have Brain Cancer": 6 Amazing Non-Sex Scenes from Porn
What A Fat White Kid And A Car Full Of Death-Defying Muslims Have In Common: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Innocent Disney Movie Or Harbinger Of The Apocalypse? The Daily Nooner (EST)!
Giving The Weirdos Their Due: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
The Most Anticlimatic Story Of All Time: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
The U.S.S. Enterprise (Is Getting P.U.S.S.Y. Tonight) (feat. MC’s Prime Directive and Galaxy Class)
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
September 25th, 2009 at 7:44 am
damn you, catholic church! what’s that sizzling sou- [lightning hits]
July 20th, 2009 at 1:10 am
Thank you for the “Whatcha readin?” add. I read during my breaks at work…and whenever else I can…and if I have to answer that question one more God damned time, I’m going to rip someone’s throat out with my teeth. I’ll be in the middle of a deep explanation of politics and religion 20,000+ years from now (which is still meaningful now), when I hear that question. Everything goes out the window, and I’m dragged kicking and screaming back to work. It takes me a moment to figure out what the question was, and because lifting the book so the person can read the title is never good enough, I usually launch into a ten-minute spiel about how the main character has been dumped onto a new planet because of an old family feud, his father gets killed in the ensuing battle, he and his mother run into the desert where they are saved by the locals, the protagonist becomes their leader due to his political and religious savvy and eventually gets to take back the planet and then the universe and unleash his maniacal followers in a jihad. It’s okay, though, because the race needed to mix its genes. Things were growing stagnant. By this time, the person has rolled his or her eyes and walked away. I follow them, just to prove the point that you shouldn’t bug someone when they’re reading! I think it’s safe to say I’m not the popular one at my job.
May 20th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Terrific site,, hope to definitely visit soon.
April 15th, 2009 at 3:30 am
The topic is quite hot on the Internet right now. What do you pay the most attention to when choosing what to write about?
November 15th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
[...] Sins (my favorite is
November 7th, 2008 at 9:04 am
[...] Sins (my favorite is “lying about flatulence”). Heck, the Vatican has even released a list of 7 New Deadly Sins for the Modern Age, paving the way for a new Morgan Freeman/Brad Pitt vehicle wherein Kevin Spacey performs abortions, [...]
August 17th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
what i always think is in 1000 years people will think this was the actual words god said. think about that next time you read your bible.
July 10th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
birth control? They’ve been after that one for years.
But this list is rich, coming from these guys…a bunch of cloistered, celibate old men living in a gem-encrusted, gilded palace in the middle of an industrialized nation. Hah.
April 5th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
And the media ACTUALLY vilifying the Catholic church is a ’sin’ too obviously since they are either too full of shit,too much of a racist hypocrite,or too much of a bunch of pussies I say all of the above.
March 17th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Right, Dave, because someone concerned with violating the church’s view on condoms has no problem violating the church’s view on fornication, right?
The “new seven sins” are no such thing. It’s just one guy’s opinion, and he lives in Vatican City. Therefore, the media thinks he’s official.
March 17th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
How about contributing to the worldwide AIDS problem by portraying condoms as a terrible affront to God?
March 13th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
@Amy I agreee with you that crocs are fucking stupid looking , they look like something the
NVA would have made out of old tires.
Now an Escalade, that’s just cool and if I’m a pretentious fuck for wanting one, so be it.
I’ve been called worse.
March 13th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
That’s what I thought kingmonkey +1. I also don’t buy that it’s cheaper to move to the beach for the winter, than to pay our heating bill bullshit.
I think it’s just some vast Casnadian money laundering scheme to trade in that funny looking money with beavers, moose and that old lady on it, for money with eagles, monuments and dead white guys on it.
I’ve noticed this year, however, that you Casnadian have held on to the funny looking money this year for some reason.
March 13th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
I know spamming your mom is a sin; I just can’t help it. She’s such a minx!
March 13th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Spamming the comment sections of entertainment blogs.
March 13th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Driving an escalade should count as a sin. Pretentious fucks.
Also, wearing/selling/allowing ownership of crocs. They make you look like a douche.
March 13th, 2008 at 7:41 am
You got us, glendoor42. It’s to hide our cloven feet.
March 13th, 2008 at 7:08 am
Making mildly racist jokes about all things Asian.
Making Youtube videos that promise nudity, but do not deliver.
Calling DNAngel a yaoi.
March 13th, 2008 at 5:06 am
WOW….so sexy girl,does she still play on tall dating site~~~~~~~Tallmingle.com ?I heard this many times from my friends playing on that site.
March 13th, 2008 at 3:27 am
1. Creating Top (n) Lists of (insert random topic)
2. Intentionally or otherwise spreading idiotic memes in our collective consciousness (read: Interwebs) by commenting on them.
March 12th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
ohhh hahah yeah i see it now. thanks pschoscquirrel.
March 12th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Well kingmonkey+1 most of the Casnadians I see are of the snowbird variety.(I live now and grew up about an hour from the lovely Redneck Riviera) They still wear their socks and sandals down here.
March 12th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Denying teenagers condoms.
Trashing the student lounge, prompting the administration to remove all of the comfy chairs.
Urinating on the door of the toilet stall.
Making out in a crowded room.
Pretending to be psychic.
Wearing an oversize Scarface shirt.
Macking on girls who clearly are not interested in your fake gangster persona.
Being interested in guys with fake gangster personae.
Having a fake gangster persona.
Referencing the movie Scarface in ways that emulate Tony Montana, ignoring his catastrophic downfall at the end.
Listening to, wearing merchandise of, or watching music videos of mainstream hip-hop.
Posting AMVs on Youtube that pair Naruto with Linkin Park, for the 50,000th fucking time.
Listening to the Pussycat Dolls.
Wearing fashions that define, accentuate and showcase the human ass.
Buying ringtones of mainstream music.
March 12th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
hey Juggadore, they have a tag for Hannah Montana it’s just under “That Bitch Who Plays Hannah Montana”
March 12th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
It’s too cold to expose your bare skin in Casnadia, glenmoor42.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Putting a vanity plate on an expensive car that brags about how expensive the car is. Talk about grounds for justifiable vehicular homicide.
March 12th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Yes, and so what is the rest of Canada’s excuse?
March 12th, 2008 at 11:34 am
I only wear socks with sandals to cover the horrible lesions and buboes on my calves.
Too much information?
March 12th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Actually, Jedoc, it’s really easy to find good bud in Salt Lake City. Obviously you don’t know anyone who lives here. There are worse places to be and worse punishments for drug trafficers. Like being butt-raped in prison. Or having to sit through a Hanna Montana concert in SLC. That would be painful.
March 12th, 2008 at 11:08 am
The Vatican has not changed the list of Mortal Sins. Gianfranco Girotti was being interviewed and started talking out of his holy butt. He is only the bishop in charge of the Apostolic Penitentiary. He has no real authority and can not change the list put out in the 6th century by Pope Gregory the Great.
Once again in the quest to destroy all religions that are not Muslim they got it wrong. Fear not boys and girls you are still only guilty of envy, gluttony, greed, lust, wrath and pride.
March 12th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Well, excessive wealth being a sin now makes the Vatican the most egregious sinner in history… oh sorry, we already knew that.
March 12th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Yes, but that is gonna fuck kingmonkey+1 because I have only seen Casnadian do that.
March 12th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Can we add wearing socks with sandals to the new sins?
March 12th, 2008 at 8:39 am
How about believing in a religion that is corrupt as fuck? That should be on there.
March 12th, 2008 at 7:59 am
Thou shall not watch entertainment news shows where they inform you who’s beautiful. Especially really wierd or ugly looking people.
March 12th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Haha. SRHCFC, that was the first thought I had when I saw the new list.
Here’s what I think should be a sin: applying centuries old doctrine to modern times.
That’s right I said it. Religion should be a sin.
March 12th, 2008 at 7:29 am
Sieg, “miss-spelling is a sin?”
Not Tori Spelling! Dammit, I bet Hannah Montana’s behind this somehow!
March 12th, 2008 at 5:49 am
* Environmental pollution
* Genetic manipulation
* Accumulating excessive wealth
* Inflicting poverty
* Drug trafficking and consumption
* Morally debatable experiments
* Violation of fundamental rights of human nature
The new version of Se7en is going to suck…
March 12th, 2008 at 5:21 am
Thou shalt not be jealous of Gladstone’s children…
because you’d have to be fucking batshit insane and would pose an immanent threat to society.
March 12th, 2008 at 4:50 am
No.
March 12th, 2008 at 2:35 am
Those new cinna-snacks at Sonic should be a sin, they’re so sinfully delicious. Am I right? Yeah?
March 12th, 2008 at 1:12 am
look at your mom’s boobs is a sin too
miss-spelling is a sin
cough tree times is a sin and a call for the anti-christ
ate onion is a sin
the word sin is sinful
holy shit! (that is my new favorited word)
holy shit is FUCKING HOLY!!
March 12th, 2008 at 12:59 am
This blue format is scary. I’m afraid of change.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:58 am
That Amy Winehouse little person was just too precious when she decided to fuck air. I would enjoy it so much more if somehow an expensive hat was incorporated in her routine. Maybe she could freakily crawl to the expensive hat, put it on, and then swing left to right with the rhythm of the music. I really need to choreograph the next one. It would be fierce.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:22 am
Hey Wolinsky, apparently your cross dressing migdet buddy is now posing as a gnome wearing a mini black colored klansmans outfit and scaring teenagers in South America. Saw a video of it on you tube. They are calling it the killer gnome of Titicaca.
March 11th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
did anyone else notice that there was no “Hannah Montana” tag on the right?
March 11th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
woah. who is that chick in that video??
about the drug abuse sin, what makes something drug abuse? is excessive caffiene a drug? how bout getting drunk one night every week during karaoke at the harvest moon? how bout smoking a doobie every 2 weeks while listening to christian music?
what im trying to say is that “drug abuse” is based on man-made laws. smoking a joint is drug abuse where having 2 long island ice teas and a shot of jager before singing Superfreak is not. if alcohol was illegal, then they would both be considered drug abuse.
fill me in popester. what is god’s definition of drug abuse?
March 11th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Is it a sin if you watch one of Hannah Montana’s annoying videos and think “I’d still hit it”? What if you promise to give her absolutely no sexual gratification and she cries for hours after? And you don’t return her calls? And maybe give her an STD for good measure?
March 11th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
“Gladstone stop being so hard on yourself! I think you are funny!”
That’s because you’re a square, Peace bitch!!
*drives away in an escalade*
March 11th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Also… P.P. (pet peave): Loud, lip-smacking, molar-grinding EATING during a phone conversation. uggg! hate it, hate it, hate it.
It’s way more annoying and disrespectful than holding up the line at the check-out by writing a check.
(I’m a telephone operator BTW)
March 11th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
I read a bit about this in the paper today. The thing that stood out most, for me anyway, is that diddling alter boys or covering up for the priests who diddled alter boys was no where on this list.
Gladstone did an Amy Winehouse impression but didn’t dance. Does this mean he’s only going to purgatory?
@Jedoc: I don’t play Afterlife but just the same…well said.
@Apoc: Hey, welcome back. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you on this site. What gives?
March 11th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Gladstone stop being so hard on yourself! I think you are funny!
March 11th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Please make it a sin for mush-headed morons to so zealously defend reality tv singers.
When someone rightly insults their talent/morals/staying power it’s not an invite to put down that person just because they ‘represent’ our country. If they really did represent our country, I’d probably just throw myself into a giant magi-mix right now.
Oh, and if you do adore these special talented singers so much, just wait 5 years when you can go down to your local McDonalds and like, totally meet them in person! Who knows, mention their godawful career and they might just give you a free upgrade to a large on your value meal.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
It is from here on a sin to leave man titties uncovered in public. Seriously, this is allowed while female titties aren’t?
March 11th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
the pope and hannah montana are lovers
HOLY SHIT!!
March 11th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Uh, how about the most obvious one?
Thou Shalt Not Be Hannah Montana
and its corollary…
Thou Shalt Neither Like Nor Encourage Hannah Montana
What else do we really need to add to the list? And by the way, I really think the Church ought to go back to the old days of punishing sinners with raining fire and angels wielding flaming swords. But I suppose that’s mainly because I’d like to see Hannah Montana get ruined by an angel with a flaming sword.
March 11th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Good news, everyone. Since we can’t trust Lucasarts to do anything right these days, I have compiled a list of the top-tier fate structures for Afterlife 2. Ironically, the third punishment is probably where George Lucas is going to end up. Money grubbing little troll.
Polluting: Malebolge in the Balance. The damned are trapped in a vast boiling lake of toxic waste, radioactive sludge, that yellowish slime out of vienna sausage cans, and good old fashioned raw sewage, while a gigantic, bloated Al Gore harangues them from the shore.
Genetic Engineering: Jurassic Park. Nothing says “it’s not nice to fool mother nature” like an eternity as the prey of Spielbergian velociraptors. Clever girl.
Posessing Obscene Riches: An Honest Day’s Work. Anyone who ever claimed to be “richer than God” in life spends the afterlife in the service of the lowest of the low. Mealtimes are spent working at an overcrowded and ill-maintained soup kitchen where every day is Thanksgiving. A solid six-hour shift is spent at the Mint shoveling retired currency into the incinerator. And all the time in between is spent going door-to-door drumming up support for the Democratic party.
Taking Drugs: Salt Lake City. That’s about it. Druggies are condemned to an eternity in an exact working replica of Salt Lake City. If you’ve ever tried to score pot in Utah, you should be trembling uncontrollably by now.
Abortion: Coathanger Junction. Not much needs to be added here, except to point out that the endlessly repeating soundtrack is Ben Folds Five – Brick.
Pedophilia: A Seat Over There. The damned spend an eternity in a moderately uncomfortable chair being talked down to by Chris Hanson while everyone they knew and admired parades past a large window to register their shame and disgust. Also, there are—fuck, I dunno—flaming rabid bats all over the place.
Causing Social Injustice: You Bastards Are Gonna Get It. All the lawyers in Hell couldn’t really come up with a clear definition for this garbled mess of a sin. The damned are forced to sit through an endless committee meeting where boring and pedantic demons slowly try to come up with a proper punishment. There are cookies and punch clearly visible, but as they are meant to be served at the end of the meeting, the damned know that they will never have any. Every once in a while, just to be dicks, a demon will make a motion to adjourn. Just as the burgeoning hope rises in the battered consciousness of the damned, a second demon will bring up a new order of business. After several hundred years of this, the only possible emotion remaining is a terrible envy for those damned souls who are stewing in molten plutonium and shit.
March 11th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Inserting nonsensical Norbit clips into Joss Stone commercials in a failed attempt at humor.
March 11th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
God damn, that video made me tremble more than Amy Winehouse after freebasing enriched uranium…
March 11th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Making videos of Amy Winehouse impersonators is def grounds to be sent to Hell… and this video will probably be playing there for all of eternity for everyones Hellish enjoyment.
March 11th, 2008 at 11:42 am
Two blog entries on the same topic? Well, looks like there’s only one way to settle this. We’ll need an enclosed arena, two knives, and a very short rope.
Also, Lucasarts pretty much has to come out with another Afterlife game to reflect the updated list. The new punishments for abortion and genetic engineering should be awesome.
March 11th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Or how about people who hit all the buttons in an elevator when they get out?
March 11th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Social Sin…
Not returning your shopping cart to the “cart corral”, thereby allowing it to get caught by the wind and scrape my car while I’m grocery shopping!
March 11th, 2008 at 11:20 am
These new fangled sins just don’t have the ‘zest’ the old ones have. I mean, compare “excessive wealth” to “GLUTTONY,” or “PRIDE.”
Can’t be done. Catholicism is officially uncool now.
March 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I thought Arny Whinehouse was taller…
So, the Vatican has declared excessive wealth a social sin? Why is my irony gland swelling up like that? Ouch. Say, how do they determine exactly what ‘excessive’ is?