I’m going to show this now, and then go through it again at the end of the article, because it makes so little sense that it needs to be absorbed in stages if you hope to make it through the rest of the day without an anyeurism.
Behold, An American Carol:
Now, as a Cracked blogger, and someone whom you clearly look to for political and moral cues, I’ve consistently held myself to the high standards of the objective journalist, with only occasional lapses (see “Why Florida Can Suck a Dick,” “Fuck Orson Scott Card,” and many others).
I can’t tell you how many times a week I delete the word “douche-ass” from an article to replace it with the more neutral and objective “ass cleansing bulb.” At least fourteen. Frankly, I don’t even know anymore; I just run a “replace all.” As you can tell, months of blogging have left me an angry man with a dwindling vocabulary.
And that is why I’m absolutely fucking ecstatic to find out that after years of The Daily Show and Colbert Report dominating the field of political satire like white knights taking on a drunk peewee soccer team, right wing satirists are at last stepping up to the plate and taking aim at the many Democrats running rampant in the Republican White House and Republican-controlled Senate I suck. IT’S ABOUT TIME.
Conservative satire has had a shaky history, primarily because a Republican telling you a joke is almost exactly like your uncle telling you a joke at Thanksgiving when you’re eight: he’s only doing it to humor you, and he’s probably just cleaning up something from a Playboy cartoon.
When your image is that of a stolid, responsible, distant father figure, it’s damn hard to smoothly transition into the world of clowning. Which explains not only the lack of right wing humor in mainstream media, but also my awkward, painful relationship with my own father and his failed party clown business.
As one of the earliest examples, take the Half Hour News Hour. I know, a lot of the stuff Bill O’Reilly says seem like jokes, but after watching a bunch of Youtube clips of him screaming, I’m prepared to put forward the theory that he actually believes in what he’s saying.
The Half Hour News Hour, however, Fox News Network’s aborted attempt at a Daily Show-type show for conservatives, just exudes that kind of creepy anti-humor I’m talking about.
In the below clip, Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh are depicted as the President and Vice President of the United States. This brilliant sketch premise is then spun into a laundry list of great things they have done during their term. Is the joke that these things would never happen? If that’s the case, then you’re insulting them. Or do you think this IS what would happen? If that’s the case, there’s no joke. Just…a thing. Then they wrap it up with Ann Coulter parodying herself in an unflattering manner.
Sorry guys, but you kind of went off the tracks there at the end. You’re supposed to be the anti-Daily Show. And to do so, you made a joke about Ann Coulter being a batshit loony, bloodthirsty bitch? I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what The Daily Show does most of the time.
Thankfully, the GOP swallowed their pro-life pride and jammed a rusty coat hanger into the womb of Fox News, quickly obliterating the Half Hour News Hour and almost all mention of it in popular culture.
But now, with An American Carol, the conservatives finally have a chance to turn their image as humorless bankers around. First of all, it’s a big budget movie lampooning Michael Moore, probably the strongest choice for targets they could have made. I’m super liberal, and I find Michael Moore pretty damn irritating. He’s also fat, which is funny in and of itself (unless you’re Rush Limbaugh).
But still, you’re making some rookie mistakes, and I hate fighting an unarmed opponent. It occurred to me that some constructive criticism from a magnanimous comedy pro could help you launch Republican humor to the level of a Click or Disaster Movie. And since Dennis Miller isn’t available, I’ll just have to do.
So let’s go through that trailer again, and I’m going to point out places where you did things that, frankly, I can’t believe. Moments when you made such poor choices that my gut response was to shout “Liar! You LIE!” at my computer screen. Which, by the way, totally ruined my cred at the library.
All right, here goes:
1.
Comedy is all about subtlety. Maybe you’re still amped up from Rove’s reign of blatant attack ads, or maybe you totally missed the point of my Wednesday post, but no one’s going to laugh at a guy pointing to a stupid guy and saying “this guy’s stupid” in a deep voice. Or, I mean, maybe they would, but not for two hours. I hope.
Didn’t any of your English teachers hammer “Show, Don’t Tell” into your heads? If you want to show the audience that Michael Moore is totally clueless, rather than calling him totally clueless, how about depicting him standing in front of a movie poster for the movie Clueless? Or perhaps misplacing his game of Clue? Or going to the Pope’s funeral and taking a massive shit all over the floor? Believe it or not, all of those things are still technically more subtle and crafty than some of the lines in this trailer.
And in case you want to say it’s just a by-product of the trailer’s distilled format, I’d like to point you in the direction of this clip, where a liberal poll taker laundry lists a series of Republican talking points so panderingly that I was waiting for her to turn to camera and say “I’m such a dick!”
You want people to see the Republicans in the movie as voices of reason, not condescending, ham-fisted cynics rolling their eyes at our stupidity while they spoon feed us catchphrases from Hannity’s dream journal.
2.
Gary Coleman. Funny in Diff’rent Strokes, kind of funny ten years later, no longer funny. Not only has his cachet as a public figure been used up; using him just seems like you’re a creepy old guy trying to “get in with the kids.”
In fact, now that I think about it…David Zucker, Leslie Neilson, David Allen Grier…this would have been an all star cast in 1987! So you’re doing something right, just two decades late. If you want to get in with today’s kids, you’re going to need to update some of the cast and references.
This is based on A Christmas Carol, right? Maybe Seth McFarlane could voice the ghost of Marley, and General Patton could be Patton Oswalt, smoking weed and grinding on a skateboard. If you really want some credibility with the youth, put some of the muppets in the background of a scene, maybe chatting with Perez Hilton or logging onto BoingBoing.
3.
Kevin Farley? As in, Chris Farley’s brother? You’re practically declaring your movie a rental. Only straight-to-DVD teen comedies and desperate money grabs feature the siblings of deceased stars as their lead. My advice would be to CG him out and replace him with someone more relevant, like a Robin Williams or Don Cheadle.
4.
I know this is a Zucker comedy, but the fake sound of someone getting hit over and over stopped being funny after Bob Terwilliger and a rake perfected the art. Try to branch out into some of the other well-plowed areas of comedy, like fart sounds, penis references, and someone accidentally eating or rubbing themselves with semen.
5.
Here, you have a country singer perform a song about America being the greatest country in the world while pyrotechnics explode behind him and then…that’s it. It’s the only scene in the trailer that doesn’t have a joke in it. I have taken that to mean that you think this is a good idea, or somehow not deserving of mockery. Well done. I couldn’t agree more. This is the highlight of the trailer.
6.
JAMES WOODS?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM YOU BASTARDS?! WHY JAMES, WHY?!
So welcome, conservatives, to the big leagues of comedy. Though today you make fumbling, toddler-like steps in the general direction of a joke, tomorrow you may very well produce satire so cutting, so incisive, that it will convince conservatives to vote conservatively.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch Stephen Colbert sleep through a Neil Peart solo and thereby open the Mexican border.
Last 5 posts by Michael Swaim
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- The First 100 Days ... After: A Primer for George W. Bush - December 11th, 2008
- How Can We Be In A Recession If We've Got So Much Money? - December 10th, 2008
January 6th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
I just now thought of something from my previous posts about”An American Carol”:Kelsey Grammer as General George”Blood&Guts”Patton??
If Patton Came Back From The Dead and He Watched The 1970 Bio Pic About His Life With George C.Scott and Then He Watched”An American Carol”and Saw Kelsey Grammer Potraying Him On The Screen,He’d Slap The Living Tar Out Of Kelsey!!
Then He’d Poke Fun at Him For Having a Girl’s Name!!
That’s The Most Ill Conceived Movie Role Since The Duke Played Genghis Khan in”The Conqueror”!!!
And What Is The NeoCons Obsession With Michael Moore Anyway??
Unless They Look At Themselves and See His Face In The Mirror and They Realize Theyr’e Looking At Bizarro Versions Of Themselves!!
Essentially,Mike Moore Is Just as Bad as Most Neocons:Obnoxious;Rude;Arrogant and Annoying!!!
Turn A Neocon Inside Out and You’ve Got Michael Moore!!
You Know,If They’d Ignore Him,Eventually He’ll Go Away!!
Kevin Farley:Except For an Adam Sandler Movie or Two He Appeared In,What Has His Career Done Lately??
99%of His Movies Go Straight Into The $1.00 DVD’s You Buy at Dollar Tree That Your Dotty Old Aunt Toozy Buys You Even Though Your’e Fifty Years Old!!
Now His Brother,The Late Chris Farley was Truly Funny and Made Two Good Movies:”Tommy Boy”and”Black Sheep”Before His Untimely Death!!
And Chris Had a Sweetness About Him!!Kevin,Hmmm!!!
Finally,Get Ziggy Marley To Play The Ghost of His Illustrious Father Bob Marley Come Back To Life and Offering Kevin Farley Some”Powerful Ganja Mon!!”.
January 4th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
your real friends tell you you’re stupid, right?
December 23rd, 2008 at 1:41 am
When was the last time Robin Williams was relevant?
December 6th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
A Couple Of Early Xmas Presents For Decent;Hard Working;Patriotic Americans:
(A)Ann Coulter Broke Her Jaw Recently and It Has To Be Wired Shut,So She Can’t Talk For Six Weeks!!*
(*She Probably Got Startled By An Alleycat While She Was Giving Michael Moore and Alan Colmes BJ’s in The Alley Behind The Fox News Building Thinking She Was About To Get Caught and Bitch Slapped by Rupert Murdoch!!),
(B)Rosie O’Donnell’s Variety Show on NBC Has Mercifully Been Cancelled After One Episode!!
November 30th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
What Mighta Been Fun Would Be Don Cheadle As The Ghost of Bob Marley Comin’Back and Offering Michael Moore”Some Really Powerful Ganja Man!!”and The Two of Them Gettin’Totally Wasted!!
November 26th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Rachel:Eat The Dog Dick of Annubis,Ass Wipe!!!
-Bubba Hotep.
November 11th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
Greetings!!While You Were Sleeping Last Night,I,King Bushwick the 33rd Declared Myself Emperor of The United States and Benevolent Protector of Canada and Mexico!!
Anyhow,You Are Now My Loyal Subjects.And With a Few Minor Exceptions,I Will Be a Very Benevolent Ruler!!
First,Yes,I Will Raise Everyone’s Taxes!!But,In Return,You’ll All Receice Six Weeks Paid Vacation Each Year;Free Health Care;A Robetrt Mitchum DVD Of Your Choice and a Coupon Good For a Free Extra Value Meal at Wendy’s!!
Second,I Will Build More Drive In Theatres and Less Multiplexes!!
Third,I Will Lower The Drinking Age Back to 18,Seeing As 18 Year Olds Can Vote;Go To Prison;Go To War;But Can’t Buy a Six Pack at 7-11!!
Fourth,I Will Have Open Borders With Canada and Mexico.That Way We’ll Get Cheap Canadian Prescriptions and Cheap Mexican Labor!!
Fifth,I’ll Legalize andTax Marijuana!!
Sixth,The Following People Have 72 Hours In Which To Disopse of Their Assets;Pack a Bag With a Change Of Underwear and Toiletries and Report To The Nearest Military Base For Transportation To a”Re Education Camp”on the Aluetian Islands off The Coast of Alaska:Bill O’Reilly;Ann Coulter;Dr.Laura Schlesinger;Rush Limbaugh;Michelle Malkin;Sean Hannity;Rosie O’Donnell;Michael Moore;Reverend Fred Phelps;Reverend Pat Robertson;Reverend James Dobson;Reverend Jeremiah Wright;Reverend Al Sharpton;Michael Savage;Michael Medved;William Bennett;Spike Lee;Oliver Stone;Kirk Cameron;Mel Gibson and Laura Ingraham!!
That Is all For Now,My Loyal Subjects!!
Have a Pleasant Evening.
Regards,
King Bushwick the 33rd;Emperor of The United States;Benevolent Protector of Canada and Mexico;All Around Big Butter and egg Man.
November 2nd, 2008 at 9:27 am
Has anyone else noticed that the young Taliban solider is one of the college kids in the car at the beginning of Super Troopers?
October 26th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
You know,if people would ignore Michael Moore,eventually he’d just wither away and die,like a raisin in the sun!!
Better yet,if Conservatives would simply go see a movie and enjoy it rather than having that whiny assed Michael Medved
tell them why they shouldn’t enjoy it because”Hollywood Hates America”,they’d feel so much better!!!
Oh I know that some of you out there are convinced that”Marxist Liberal Hollywood Makes Sure They Follow In Lock Step!!”.
To Which I Say”Okay,Where’s Your Proof??”.
As Much As You Love To Quote That Same Old Line Like a Scratched CD,The More You Quote It,The More I’m Convinced That You’re The Ones”Following In Lock Step!!”Except It’s To O Reilly;Limbaugh;Savage;Coulter;Hannity and The Like!!
The Reason”Expelled”and”An American Carol”as well as”An Inconvient Truth”;”Religilious”and any of Michael Moore’s”Crockumentaries”Flopped at The Box Office Is Very simply
People Go To The Movies To Be Entertained,Not To Be Lectured To!!!
What were the hit movies this year??Well,they were”Baby Mama”;”GetSmart”;”Beverly Hills Chihuahua”;”The Mummy:Tomb of the Dragon Emperor”and”Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of The Crystal Skull”!!
They had nothing to do with Global Warming;Health Care;Evolution vs.Intelligent Design and Michael Moore!!
October 22nd, 2008 at 8:02 am
[...] thousands of dollars to the Republican National Committee in 2004 and 2005 and is appearing in An American Carol with Jon Voight and Bill O’Reilly this year is almost like turning Vader at the end of Return of [...]
October 16th, 2008 at 5:34 am
i actually like moore but i’m all for making fun of him, i just don’t get how people who boycott his movies can make fun of him and actually be funny. i’d think you’d have to know a little more than “he’s fat”and has a liberal agenda to base your humor on.
thats not to say conservatives cant be funny, rush and o’reilly both make me laugh hysterically…but not so much when they are trying to.
perhaps oneshoe is right with the examples he chose as the best of conservative humor. certainly miller and stein can be very funny in a very cerebral way. The poster that said the movie is full of naked gun type humor did make me wonder if there is any middle ground in conservative comedy between witticism and cheesy slapstick. maybe all thats lacking is a lot more potheads in the conservative comedy portfolio…. or maybe its the lack of self-deprication…i mean, a conservative daily show would have to be able to make fun of itself as well as the liberals, and i don’t see a lot of big name conservatives that would loosen their grip on the moral/fiscal superiority long enough to laugh at themselves as a whole…. i could go on and on but even i’m sick of what i have to say at this point.
October 9th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
well, i’m conservative, but not uber right wing- in fact, since i moved to the bible belt i’ve learned i’m more of a libertarian- cuz the far right, fundie Christians are as scary as the far-left commies. that said, i’ll see this for a buck from Redbox, if nothing else because i HATE MMoore. i’d LOVE to see a right-leaning Daily Show (i LOVE jon stewart, even tho he is 100% apologist for the left, but i also like Rush, obfuscator for the right) but i just don’t think conservatism CAN BE funny. what will you make fun of? abortion? welfare? rush is funny because he exposes hypocrisy in the left, but a non-political type, or a lefty, just won’t get it… and even stuff that is funny when he says it just ISN’T when you read it. i think the best a conservative can do is be witty (ben stein) or observational (dennis miller) people around me say i’m funny for those reasons, a quick remark, subtle rejoinder… but it just can’t translate to ‘art’ like the written word or even a screenplay. i don’t know why artists are always libs, i guess it’s something to do with wiring.
October 9th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Umm. My girlfriend and I actually liked this movie. It was full of Airplane-esque humor and we both think Michael Moore is a douche so it worked out fine for us.
October 5th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
To The Real Robert Denby:GET A FREAKIN’LIFE!!Better Yet,Get A Freakin’Job and Quit Wasting Your Parents Money When You Know all Your’e Gonna Do Is wind Up Flippin’Burgers at Dairy Queen Wearing A Red Polo Shirt and a Name Tag!!!
All You Ever Yammer About Is’Hollywood’s a Marxist Place That Demands You March In Lockstep Or else!!”.
Or Else What???!!!!
Talk About Someone’Marching In Lock Step’;You Sure as If You See Kay Seem To Be Doing The Same Thing Your’e Whining about!!!
Well,I’ll Let You Get Back To Floggin’Yer Doggin’To Your Posters of Michelle Malkin;Laura Schlesinger and Your Dream girl ann Coulter!!!
October 5th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Rachael ray;With a few exceptions of some piece o’crap from Ollie Stone;Spike Lee and Woody Allen;just exactly what’Hate America’Movies did you go see??
The last movie I saw was’Beverly Hills Chihuahua’last night at the Galaxy Drive In Theater in Ennis,Texas;which is about a 30 minute drive from where I live in Fort Worth!!
Prior to that,I saw’Get Smart’;'Mummy:Tomb of The Dragon Emperor’;'Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The crystal Skull’!!
I Hardly Call Them’Hate America Movies’!!!
I also have such movies as’Saving Private Ryan’and’Flying Leathernecks’in my collection!!I’d hardly call them’Hate America Movies’!!!
No,Your’e Probably Some Dried Up Ol’Sea Hunt Who Diddles Herself To Pics Of Flush Windbag;Scorned Crybaby and Lou’Dooshbag’Dobbs and Fantazies About some Hot girl on Girl Action With Michelle Malcontent and’Anal Colder’or Dr.Laura
Ain’t Cha???
Oh Sure You Won’t admit It But You Know You are!!
You Know You want To have Fun on The down Low With Michelle Malkin;Laura Brannigan;Ann coulter and Dr.Laura Schlesinger You Naughty Lil’Sea Hunt!!
October 5th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Yawners!!First and Foremost,Parker and Stone’s”Team America:World Police”was and probably 99&44/100%Funnier Than This Yawn fest!!
Their Scene Where Michael Moore as A Hot Dog Munching Suicide Bomber Is Infinitely Funnier Than Kevin Farley Getting Hit By a Car!!
Point to Ponder:If Johnny Knoxville and the bunch do the same thing on’Jackass’and some ADHD Dumbass Kids attempt itand get injured or die trying to imitate the same stunt,these same bunch scream bloody murder and demand MTV be taken off the air!!
But if they get Kevin Farley to do it,because he’s a Conservative,it’s hilarious!!
Look,I could care less about Michael Moore!!Like Woody Allen and Spike Lee(and Ollie Stone to an extent),he’s just one of those’Critic’s Faves’who make movies no one really goes to see!!
And really,how in the If You see Kay could Michael Moore get July 4th banned as our National Holiday??
Country Singer-and I use the term loosely-Trace Adkins appears as the’Angel of Death’!!!Uh Huh!!Trace Adkins;like Brooks&Dunn;Big&Rich;Garth Brooks and a few others aren’t really what I call Country Singers!!Theyr’e really Hat Acts who perform for the line dancin’faux redneck crowd!!
Real Country Singers are folks like the Late Johnny Cash;Merle Haggard;George Jones to name a few!!
Guys who’d really seen life’s other side and sang truthfully about it!!Not put on a Cowboy Hat and sing crapola like’Honky Tonk,BaDonk a Donk’or’She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy’!!!
And I Don’t Go See’Message Pitcures’!!Which is why I didn’t see’An Inconvient Truth’;'Bowling For Columbine’ or’Expelled’!!
Sorry,but when I go see a matinee at the local Monkeyplex or go to a Drive In*(*There’s one in Ennis,Tx.Which is about 30 Miles south of Dallas),I want to be entertained!!
The Movies I’ve Seen This Year Were’Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of The Crystal Skull’;'The Mummy:Tomb of The Dragon Emperor’;'Get Smart’and’Beverly Hills Chihuahua’and when I left after they were over,guess what??
I left thoroughlly entertained!!I didn’t stop and ponder about Global Warming(Inconvient Truth)or Intelligent Design(Expelled),nor did I want to!!
And David zucker claimed he made this movie in response to’Christian Bashing’!!Excuse Me,But Exactly What Christian Bashing Were We Talking About??
Oh sure,It’s Easy To Scream At Some Comment That Moore or Rosie Said On TV Mainly Because Theyr’e Such Easy Targets!!
Yet,Theyr’e Strangely quiet When Whenever Some TV Preacher Like Pat robeertson or James Dobson Come Up With Some Assinine Comment About’Spongebob Squarepants Being Part of The Gay Agenda’or’9/11 Being God’s Punishment For The ACLU and Gays’!!!
And Let’s Kinda Stop and Think Over a Few Things:There’ve Been Quite A Bunch Of Self Righteous Preachers Lately Who Haven’t Exactly Done What The Good Book Says!!
Jesse Jackson and Jimmy Swaggart:Adultery;Ted Haggard:Drug Abuse and Gay Sex;Al Sharpton and Jeremiah Wright:Just Plain Ol’Horse’s Asses!!
And Let’s Not forget Fred Phelps and The Westboro Baptist church!!
Theyr’e The Biggest Bunch Of Loonies Ever Set loose On The earth!!
I Could Go On and On,But I Must close For Now!!
Bottom Line:Don’t Waste Your Money!!Go see’Beverly hills Chihuahua’or’Appaloosa’or Something More Entertaining Instead!!
October 4th, 2008 at 12:02 am
I’m a liberal, and there are plenty of jokes to be had at our expense. We love the gays for one (I mean we REALLY love the gays). Unfortunately, this movie appears to evidence the fact that republicans actually have no sense of humor. And that becoming a republican can actually suck the humor right out of previously funny person (Zucker made Airplane! for crying out loud.)
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:25 pm
poor kevin farley. he was dynamite in 2gether. at first i was like oh someone’s making fun of micheal moore, but i was like uh oh conservative humor! GET AWAY!
September 28th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
The idea of Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter as President and VP is probably the most terrifying thing I’ve heard. Ever.
September 26th, 2008 at 12:53 am
you know liberals make all kinds of movies against america whats wrong with the other side finally making a movie. and I think it looks hillarious!!!!!!!
September 26th, 2008 at 12:53 am
you know liberals make all kinds of movies against america whats wrong with the other side finally making a movie. and I think it looks hillarious!!!!!!!
September 24th, 2008 at 11:02 am
First time on this blog and I was in tears 3 times. Why would people want to see Bill O’reilley slap someone else. I would pay double to see him get slapped.
September 22nd, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Just how relevant is Moore these days anyway? The right loves to drag him out because he’s fat and poorly groomed and makes documentaries that fudge the facts, but he hasn’t been a very prominent figure this election cycle.
I think the bigger problem with “conservative” humor is that it can come off as picking on the little guy. Even though Democrats have Congress and may take the White House, conservatism in America is associated mostly with the people in power- the very rich, straight, white, male demographic. Are they gonna pick on gays in this movie? How about single moms? People without health insurance? Muslims? Sure, you’ve got the guilty white college students, but there’s only so much you can do with that and PCU’s already been made.
September 22nd, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Say what you want about Kevin Farley being a B actor, but can you honestly name anyone else that can resemble Michael Moron that well?
September 22nd, 2008 at 12:12 pm
LoganB, I thought the praise of Zucker by Zucker was actually one of the funnier touches of this trailer. It’s a bit or ironic humour, I guess, but likely funnier than most of what’s in the movie.
I’m neither a Republican or a Democrat, and though I have political views, I can say without bias that this movie will not be bad because of it’s political message, but because of poor movie-making. The jokes are hackneyed and overused, the plot is a parody, sure, but not cleverly reworked, so it just seems too obvious. The acting and the gags all seem tired.
It could be a movie about how the Democrats hold pagan orgies, which they do, and it still would be an awful movie becasue of how it’s been written and directed.
Vote kingmonkey ‘08!
September 21st, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I’m ambivalent. On the one hand, parts of it suck. And the parts that suck, those suck really hard.
BUT, it has Kelsey Grammer as Patton. And a country music star as Death. I know they said Angel of Death, but “Death of Music”…it’s just so easy!
But then again, it has Bill O’Reilly, who is probably not a parody of himself, and he’s simultaneously terrifying and pitiful, like Quasimodo. Except without the whole Heart O’ Gold thing.
I dunno. I’ll probably check it out once it hits the internet.
-Arthur
September 21st, 2008 at 2:37 am
Did anyone notice how the quote praising David Zucker was by David Zucker?
September 20th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
you know, the world would all be so much happier if everyone just listened to Opeth.
September 20th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Fuck you, Swaim. Get your head out of your ass.
September 20th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
An American Carol…
The “un-funny” get funny?
I haven’t had the chance to see the movie but caught this write up over at Cracked.
The blogger admits his liberal bias but makes a pretty good attempt at a review without going too “Kostard.”
I …
September 20th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
[...] made me think of this in particular now was reading this article, and seeing this trailer for a film called An American Carol. It’s a political satire with [...]
September 20th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Israelis in Hezbollah? Marxist?
Your post does nothing to dispell my impression that most people calling themselves conservative in the USA are exactly the sort of overwrought, under-educated nuts whom most historical conservatives wanted to keep as far away from political power as possible.
September 19th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Swaim, you think conservatives aren’t funny because you’re a bigot who doesn’t fucking know any; you live in an insulated little bubble where everyone you know thinks exactly like you do, so you’ve gotten the impression that everyone *should* think like you.
And yes, I said bigot; you successfully help prove my case that liberals do NOT have a monopoly on tolerance and virtue. Fact is, as a conservative in college, I’m exposed to the your views constantly, and I’m not the least bit impressed or intimidated. The only other conservative students I know are the ones who’ve approached me after I demonstrated that they don’t have to be afraid of assholes like you; your special brand of “tolerance” has made many of them too scared to speak up. You might personally be very proud of that fact, but if so, it helps play into another theory of mine: liberals talk a big game about it, but they have absolutely no respect for anyone’s free speech but their own.
Saying that there are no conservatives in Hollywood because they aren’t entertaining is like claiming that there no Israelis in Hezbollah because they don’t build good bombs. Hollywood hates absolutely everyone who doesn’t march in lock-step to their own Marxist views; and it takes a heavy does of the Kool-Aid to pretend not to see that. And since when are you some kind of authority on humor? The Half Hour News Hour made me laugh harder by accident than you can while desperately trying.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I hear Lehman Brothers bankrolled this film.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
That movie looks hilarious!
September 19th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I’m surprised that when that when a right-leaning comedy happens, it’s from the guy who makes, and in the style of, the last two Scary Movies, a series which just scream ‘LIBERAL!!!’ to me… I was really expecting something more subdued & serious looking, not comedy head-bonking sound effects and Gary Coleman.
In fact, Oliver Stone’s W. could even be a better comedy that this. Yes, Oliver actually meant for that to be a comedy, too. I don’t know what people think of Stone now, but it may be better to watch a movie by him than from the guy who brought us ‘Scary Movie’…
September 19th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Metternich and Talleyrand must be spinning like fucking tops to hear these rabble-rousers calling themselves conservatives.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I know Jon Voight’s only doing this out of spite for his prodigal “liberal” daughter Angelina Jolie…and Gary Coleman’s got to pay the rent on the U-haul Storage Unit where he lives…but Dennis Hopper?! Only forty years after he senselessly murdered by those Southern hillbillies in “Easy Rider,” when did he become a right-winger? His disdain for Heineken and favoring of Pabst Blue Ribbon was definitely a sign…
The saddest part is that this “comedy” could very easily be re-worked into one of those Friedberg/Seltzer “Movie” movies merely with the addition of Carmen Electra and a non-sequitir scene where a cow falls on Malone/Moore.
This isn’t satire, it’s a straw man.
Keep up the good work Swaim.
September 19th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Whatever happened to those articles about the olympics, eh? I loved them!
September 19th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
I am a total librel, and I would like to go on record saying that Homecoming sucks. And Dante’s second film for the series was even worse. Fuck Joe Dante. Fuck him right up the ass.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:29 am
Hey, on the topic of Ann Coulter and zombies, have any of you seen the movie Homecoming? It’s a part of the Masters of Horror anthology series, and features dead soldiers coming back from the dead. They have a parody of Ann Coulter in the show who is played slightly more Ann-Coulterish than the real McCoy. It is a brazenly liberal, but a hilarious and cool movie nonetheless.
September 19th, 2008 at 6:38 am
Frasque, an undead Ann Coulter is quite frankly the most horrificly terrifying image ever assembled.
“I feast on brainnzzz….OF FAAAAAGZ”
September 19th, 2008 at 3:35 am
dennis hopper NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
September 19th, 2008 at 2:40 am
To say Coulter was portrayed unflatteringly would be to assume it was possible to flatter her. The only possible way I could see that happening would be, “Well, at least she’s breathing.” although even then I might prefer the corpse.
September 18th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Yes DOB, you are alone in that.
September 18th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
If bad horror films are comedy, bad comedies are horror films. Disaster Movie and its ilk scare me . . .
Lampooning Michael Moore should be ridiculously easy and pretty funny as well, so why does this movie look so awful? Maybe Matt and Tre should take over, they seem to be the only ones who are good at satirizing liberals, who deserve it just as much as conservatives. The only truly good political view is the view which emphasizes phallic-vaginal interaction priority.
September 18th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
I’m not surprised about James Woods. He was in Scary Movie 2, after all. I have long since mourned the death of his career.
September 18th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I know that this movie is going to suck harder than (insert Britney Spears joke here) but the part in the last video with the nun as a suicide bomber had me guffawing <–that a word yes?
September 18th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I’ll go on record now as saying I’m a fan of bad movies. Hell, I loved Frankenfish. I even enjoyed Shark Hunter and that starred Antonio Sabato, Jr., for gosh’s sake! I have learned that ‘bad’ only works in a few genres. Bad sci-fi, bad action, bad horror… these movies can have unintentionally good qualities. Bad comedy and bad drama just don’t work. It takes a lot of intelligence to make something funny. Parody, more than any other type of comedy, takes a very keen wit or else it just falls flat– falls flat into a puddle of stupid.
This movie just looks dumb. It looks slightly less entertaining than Scary Movie 12.
September 18th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Yes but you’re still acknowledging…..it.
September 18th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Seivom’s a fag.
I got your back, Swaim.
September 18th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Swaim I’m sorry, you just aren’t funny. Your sarcasm’s ill-delivered and unlike other Cracked articles, where the author is sometimes bitchy in the pursuit of humor, it seems like you’re being bitchy to be…bitchy. I honestly have no strong ties to any political group, but the fact that in every single piece you write you seem to need to make sure everyone knows that you’re this super-liberal, almost like you’re trying to convince them (the reader). It’s just very annoying.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I applaud you, Cutitdown. That was one of the single funniest sentences I’ve read in a long time. That made my day.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I didn’t know Chris Farley had a brother either. A little warning please! I was tripping smooth out watching that trailer. I had stepped into an alternate universe…
I have to fight really hard to be interested in politics. At least this was funny, but I like Swaim’s nerd topics best.
September 18th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Heath Ledger’s brother is name Snickers. Mrs. Ledger had a thing for candy…
September 18th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
When the hell was Kevin Farley in anything? Until two minutes ago, I didn’t even know Chris HAD a brother. O_o Any other siblings I should keep an eye out for? Ledger got anyone on the side? Bernie?
September 18th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I haven’t seen Gary Coleman in anything except those loan shark ads where he bitches about having to sell his clothes and car. Who would buy a midget’s clothes? Other midgets? That can’t e a very active demographic. What’s up with the David Allen Greer comeback? He has some hateful looking show starting on Comedy Central too. I thought networks and movie execs learned that he blew balls in the mid 90s. And Kevin Farely! Whoo! Maybe they’ll get Jim Belushi and complete the trifecta of suck.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:43 am
I think the last thing Kevin Farley was in was that 2 gether thing. That was like 6 or 7 years ago.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Hahahaha … this made me laugh. I remember seeing this preview and being like, seriously? I know those actors are republicans, but they’re also good actors. There’s a reason why they wouldn’t sign on to being in meet the spartans. The only thing that can save this is if James Woods part is exclusively directed by David Cronenberg. It won’t be funny, but it’ll be awesome (and the funniest part of the movie).
Also Florida can suck a dick. For some reason the longer a swaim article is, the funnier it is to me.
In terms of the republican controlled senate that is probably either referring to the fact that the right controlled all three branches of government until 2006. Or it could refer to the fact that even though the dems technically have a majority in the senate, they really don’t. the count (not by party registration, but by caucusing) is 51-49. Now, one of the dems has been out of congress as he has been seriously ill so that makes it 50-49. But you also have to remember that one of those dems is joe lieberman who isn’t really a dem. so that makes it 49-50 or at best 49 - 49 with a wildcard. Then take into account that the dems have 2 members running around the country campaigning while the repubs only have one. that makes it 47-48 with a wild card. Even if lieberman sides with dems Cheney casts the tiebreaker.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:30 am
You’re right O’Brien. You are alone in that. Soooo congrats on being right
On a side note….Obviously if the Repubelicans can gain access to James Woods, no one is safe.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am
“how about depicting him standing in front of a movie poster for the movie Clueless? Or perhaps misplacing his game of Clue? Or going to the Pope’s funeral and taking a massive shit all over the floor?”
HAH!
Meanwhile, I may be alone in this, but I am personally thrilled that Doug Farley is getting work.
September 18th, 2008 at 11:18 am
This has a “Hate by Numbers” feel to it. Does Gladstone know that you are slowly taking over his niche?
September 18th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Comedy shouldn’t have an agenda, if comedy strays into politics it should be on why politicians are assholes not pushing a party line.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:32 am
*there. Can’t believe I wrote “their”.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:31 am
I like how Swaim’s sarcasm sometimes goes so far it comes out the other side. That republican controlled bit was such a gem.
It’s a slip up, I can forgive him for that as he’s still very funny. And right about so much else.
Is this film coming out in Europe? Not that I want to see it, I just want to see everyones reaction when they watch it. They’re going to just LOVE it.
I respect some right-wing humour, it’s oh-so-rare. But I also like to see some self-deprication too so I know these people are still human and capable of keeping two conflicting perspectives in their mind. It’s a redeeming quality.
Also, since when are liberals America haters? And why is their such a strong “your side, our side” divide? It sounds so controlling. I prefer it our way in the UK, where noone quite knows where they stand but feel they have a lot of freedom of thought in which to feel confused in.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:25 am
This movie really does look uncomfortably bad. If you guys want to see previous evidence of this sort of thing, watch O’Reilly interviewed by Letterman a while back. He came out trying to be funny and got thoroughly owned. I wonder if Ann Coulter is really as frigid and barren as she looks?
September 18th, 2008 at 9:44 am
This seems one of those movies that tries so hard and yet is so bad, that it makes me uncomfortable.
Also, I’m liking the “I have nothing against you, it’s just that…every single other cracked blogger is better than you” comment.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:30 am
Metalbrainsurgery, I think what Swaim means is that even if the Democrats control the Senate, they still like to consider themselves a controlled and manipulated minority. That way, they can project an image of victimization and get the sympathy and outrage of the masses on their side. After all, being a democrat is all about being a helpless victim.
That aside, the movie looks stupid.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:18 am
damn it with the accidental redundancy in that last one. my internet crashed on the first atempt to post.
September 18th, 2008 at 9:12 am
I stoped reading at the republican contolled senate part. Who is the senate majority leader? Harry Reid. He is a democrat. Now im no plolitical analyist, but words like MAJORITY LEADER would lead me to belive that his party is currently in contorl. Now what party does Harry Ried belong to. Why the democrats. Look up shit before you post it.
DOB > Gladstone > Bucholtz > Ross Wolsinki (sp?) > Swaim.
It’s not that I have anything against you, its just that it seems your blogs keep getting unfunnier.
September 18th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Swaim, unlike your Florida and Scott Card articles, I agree with this one. The right side of politics needs to take an old phrase “If you dont have anything (worthwhile) to say, dont say it at all.
I will not see this movie, not because of the political message it conveys, but because it just looks BAD.
I shall apply the same principle to Max Payne. A movie of one of my favorite games.