They Grow Up So Fast.

As a CRACKED blogger, it is sometimes my unsavory duty to bring you news that will no doubt leave most of you in tears, and the rest in a suicidal frenzy. Shia LaBeouf, star of Transformers, I, Robot, and my dreams, was arrested this week, shattering the hearts of millions of mothers everywhere.

But dont worry; Shia wheres LaBeouf has not completely forsaken the angelic image and boyish innocence that have made him our collective darling. Yes, he was arrested, but at least he made sure he was arrested for the most innocuous celebrity crime ever committed, and in the most adorable way possible.

What did Shia do? He was charged with criminal trespassing after refusing to leave a Walgreens drugstore. Not a whorehouse, not a gun shop or heroin pavilion, a Walgreens. And for not leaving. Hey Mr. Policeman, if Shia tripthong LaBeouf is refusing to leave your vicinity, you thank your lucky stars and swoon appropriately. Thats like arresting a teddy bear for littering chocolate kisses at your feet.

Below, a picture of the arrest, during which Shia vainly tried to fend off arresting officers with a hastily-grabbed toilet brush from aisle 7.

In the process of getting arrested, Shia reportedly didnt interfere with any customers and inflicted no property damage. Isnt that the cutest thing youve ever heard? Its like a puppy gnawing on your shoes; sure, he shouldnt do it, but come on, hes not hurting anything and JUST LOOK AT THE LITTLE GUY!

Some even speculate that Shias cry for help was fallout from his broken heart over ex-girlfriend Rihanna, pictured below.

Clearly, Shia was in the Walgreens looking for a card and Whitmans sampler to win the girl back, and wouldnt be deterred from his mission. Let it go, Shia. She doesnt deserve you.

In hopes of putting this all into perspective, I leave you with a list of crimes Shia "it means 'the buff' in French" LaBeouf is now guilty of:

  • heart.
  • Capturing...America's imagination.
  • Raping...opening weekend box office records.
  • Misdemeanor trespassing.
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    Michael Swaim

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