Cracked Columnists

The Top 5 Nooners: #5. Now That's an Expensive Hat!

We saw some pretty inspired comedy and some pretty uninspired YouTube videos in the months since Ross began posting the Daily Nooner every day. This week Ross is in the mountains of Mexico, training for his new role as a Cracked columnist by drinking himself into a numb stupor. In his absence, we'll be posting his five favorite Nooners counting down from five to one. Dancing Pig

This abomination stars a "Dancing Pig" named Pot Belly Pete who talks like a Chipmunk, dances like Michael Jackson and bears absolutely no resemblence to a pig whatsoever. What kind of pig has wings and horns? I'll tell you what kind: a GARGOYLE. But that raises another question: What kind of gargoyle dances around to "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" and talks like a Chipmunk?

I'll tell you what kind: one that LOVES TO PARTY.

This video is plenty terrible, but what's even worse to me is the fact that it's been viewed over 220,000 times. That's like every single person in Akron, Ohio watching it... although that doesn't sound particularly impressive, I guess. How about Madison, Wisconsin? Does that sound better? How about this: That's like every single person in Independence, Missouri watching it... TWICE.

A few years ago we threw off the shackles of corporate television. We called it "social media," and then we smashed the Viacoms and Time Warners to bits. True, the internet has put the power of programming into the hands of viewers, but, sadly, this is what we've chosen to do with it. For shame, internet. For shame.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to throw my laptop out my window and watch Celebrity Rehab or something.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

Ross Wolinsky

  • Rss

More by Ross Wolinsky:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

30 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!