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The Worst John Mayer Music Video Ever (Reviewed By His Close Friend (Who's Worried About Him))

Okay, so I haven't been reblogging JayMay's posts in a while like I normally do, and that's because he's just not blogging anymore. He quit Twitter, too, and I simply have not heard from him in weeks. So that's why no reblogs lol.

I heard one of JayMay's songs for the first time today, and apparently it was a single and everything. I don't know how I missed this one! I'm hoping I can maybe reach out to JayMay the best way everyone knows how: through John Mayer's music. He never did show up to Deb's third rescheduled tupperware party, even though he said he would. Hey, JayMay, "like" this post when you read it, just so I know you're okay. Also, Snifferpup Waggums says "bark bark hi!" I'll pet him for you and tell him you said, "Take out the trash, Snifferpup Waggums." I'm just going to assume that that's what you'll tell me to tell him you say, because that's what you always say when you pet Snifferpup Waggums. Hope that's cool :)

This song, though. It's fucking unbelievable. And there's a music video to boot, so bonus on that! Check it out!

It starts off by cutting between shots of JayMay out partying and feigning enjoyment, and shots of JayMay walking home alone while looking, I think, wistful. I don't know, his facial expressions have enough nuanced dead eyes stuff going on that nothing is ever really conveyed. I like it, it's arty, you know? Kind of like the black and white photograph of acting, which is just classic genuine and inventive JayMay (that's an inside joke between me and JayMay (hey, JayMay, if you remember when that's from, click the "like" button, or reply to it. I'd give you a hint, but I think you got this haha!)).

The actual song doesn't start until 00:42, which I feel is just long enough. Good call on that, JayMay. Glad to see you liked my idea from when we were at that car show and I suggested you make a video where there's a good half a minute of you trying to look like feelings. And, classic genuine and inventive JayMay, you took my idea and made it better by making it longer! BAM! JayMagic! Remember? The time at the car show when I called you "JayMagic?" It's actually kind of funny, because the "classic genuine and inventive JayMay" inside joke is also from a time at a car show. Okay, so one little hint...

Hint RE: "Classic Genuine And Inventive JayMay" Inside Joke

The whole joke first started at one of the many car shows you and I go to.

So, yeah, I think that should help at least a bit. Pretty good hint. Click the "like" button if you remember which car show it was. In fact, JayMay, if you want to go to another car show soon, just click the "like" button. Seriously, THIS SONG, though! I can't believe I've gone this long without hearing it; it's simply the best fucking song. Like, I'm already riveted by the 42 seconds of JayMay pretending to look bored on purpose, and then the actual song starts! Bill Lamb's review of "Who Says" is right on the fucking money:

"[the song is] introduced by the attention-getting [sic] line, 'Who says I can't get stoned? ... it... reveals emotional depth and connection that marks it an instant classic."

I think the connection can be made because JayMay's really good at those poetic deep messages without making it sound like childish pandering. Hearing this song the first 8 or so times really makes you think to yourself, "Wait. JayMay likes weed sometimes, too? I like weed sometimes, too! He should be able to smoke when he wants! That is just classic genuine and inventive JayMay. I like this song. I like this song a lot." That's what it makes you think. Of course, I'd be thinking "JayMay" because we're friends and you'd be thinking "John Mayer" because you're not, and you wouldn't know about the "Classic Genuine and Innovative JayMay" part, either. Hunter does, I think. Hunter, are you reading this lol? If you've talked to JayMay lately, just "like" this post. Oh, and I can't make it to Sandy's weekly book luncheon this Tuesday, because I have to meet with the guy that deals with those "Missing Persons" photos on milk cartons. It's not JayMay-related, though; it's just about a milk thing. Nothing to worry about.


Oh, and Hunter, I will be able to make it to Sandy's second weekly book luncheon on Friday. Tell her I'll bring that low fat rice salad again. Also, she'll know what this means, tell her that I'll need her to supply the dressing or that she'll need to pick up dressing or that I won't be bringing dressing for the salad. Pick whichever one you think is clearer.

But, seriously, has anyone else heard this song?!? I'm surprised this gem passed me by. I mean, apparently it was on the radio! The first time I listened to it, I thought exactly what Bill Lamb did.

"[the song reminds you of the] first cousin to Bob Dylan's classic 'Rainy Day Women #12 and 35' and a celebration of the joys of marijuana. However, before long it's obvious John Mayer is digging deeper into a bigger picture of personal freedom."

I totally agree, because there's no way a Bob Dylan song has more than one meaning. JayMay's has, like, lots. Here's a good example of one of the personal freedoms he sings about:

Who says I can't get stoned?

Call up a girl that I used to know

Fake love for an hour or so

Who says I can't get stoned?

I'm really glad he included this line because, even though the song isn't about sex with girls, he hadn't mentioned having sex with girls at all yet, and I was getting a little worried that it wasn't a JayMay song. Also, JayMay, I give you JayMajor props for committing to your fake persona of being a huge dirtbag when it comes to women. A lesser man would have cracked by now, but you're keeping it up like if Andy Kauffman were Batman, and that is just classic genuine and inventive JayMay. Even Batman calls Alfred sometimes, though, and you used to, too, but not recently, man, how come? Peg told Deb you were on some sort of hybernatory self-imposed fake retirement, but I didn't think you would retire from hanging out with one of your best friends!

Should I have written "hybernative" instead of "hybernatory?" Is "hybernatory" okay? JayMay, you're the word guy, help me out here. If it's "hybernatory," click the "like" button. If it's "hybernative," comment with the word "hybernative." Just JayMay, though, I don't think anyone else would know. JayMay the word guy. Classic. Oh, and if either are acceptable, just gimme a ring. We'll hash it out car show-style, like that one car show when we talked about words all day. We saw some sweet car shows that day, remember? Classic.


God, this video is classic, I love it! It shows JayMay out on the town, singing about how he wishes he could just go home and relax with weed, and who says he can't? This is totally not out of character for JayMay, because whenever our families go out together he is usually singing. The songs are usually about how someone wishes he could just go home, too, so it's like a little meta in-joke for his friends to notice. Hey, JayMay, just "like" this post if I'm right.

The song itself is just, wow. The guitar and background vocals sort of remind of a watered-down Paul McCartney acoustic tune, and I fucking love The Beatles. Any song that can make me want to listen to The Beatles is great in my book (of CD's (and records; I have some records). Seriously, good call on the whole Beatles thing, John-bo. Hey, JayMay, if you're cool with me adding another nickname to the collection, just click the "like" button. It'll be something like "John-bo."

I just don't understand how JayMay could have written yet another best song I've ever heard, yet I'm just hearing it now! I still haven't quite unwrapped my mind from it, but Bill Lamb really helps when he breaks the song down into pros and cons. His pros:

* Affecting, intimate lyrics

* Subtle, perfectly fitting musical arrangement

* John Mayer's warm delivery

Crap, I forgot about the warm delivery. Sorry about that, JayMay. Your delivery is solid (like always), especially when you sing the background vocals in your normal singing voice but save the lead for your rasp. You know, that thing you do on purpose where you make yourself sound like a whisper is cumming up a hairball? I dig that sound a lot, JayMay, because I owe you one for picking up the check literally every time we go somewhere lol.


If the bill's less than $47 million, I'm sure you'll be fine.

Lamb's cons section is probably even more accurate than his pros, because it just says "No problems here." The only way I could agree with that more is if I'd written it myself. My only real complaints are with the music video, not the song. There's a section where JayMay does standup at a comedy club and gives a "not bad, right?" kind of look. I bet it was better than not bad, and I bet it was fucking awesome, which is why we should have been able to hear the audio of the jokes.

The other video concern is that I think the beginning stuff before the song starts could be a little longer. Hey, JayMay, have you ever thought about doing a Director's Cut? I assume you're not the director since the video's not in black and white, but you should try to get the director to cut together a new version that includes my ideas. I have more. We can brainstorm tonight at Peg's Bi-Monthly Costume Parade For Pets, if that's still on. Last year's will be hard to top, but I plan to get pretty wild with the costumes. If it's still on, just "like" this post. If you're rescheduling it because of Snifferpup Waggums' surgery, use the "reply" button. Comment if there's a different reason.

Reblog if you're okay.



Read more from John Mayer's Close Friend at http://johnmayersclosefriend.tumblr.com. If you prefer real people, Cody can be found on Tumblr, Facebook, and Twitter. Also? Fake Twitter.

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