The Scouts are offering a Merit Badge in Boning
Last week the United Kingdom Scouting Association announced that they'll begin offering their wards practical advice on safe sex, in an effort to encourage young people to "resist pressure to have early sex." Reportedly this will involve field trips to sexual health clinics, amongst other things, which we presume to mean "instructions on how to fabricate a prophylactic out of a pine cone and some paraffin wax."
*I should also note here that although they have shared roots, the UK Scouting Association is most definitely separate from the Boy Scouts of America, an organization so conservative that I think they're now teaching that the Earth is only about 30 years old.
One of the motivating factors held up by Scout leaders for this decision is the large percentage of British teenagers who have an STD. Teenagers are already pretty gross, and having actually spent some time living in England, I can confirm that teenage boys there are probably the most appalling creatures in the world. That they're also ridden with disease surprises me not in the slightest, and is almost enough to make me feel sorry for the teenage girls there, were they not the second most appalling creatures in the world.
I wonder too how effective this training will be. Unless things have changed recently, aren't the Scouts the refuge of the squarest kids imaginable? Any young man more interested in knot-work or archery than teenage girls or driving around in shitty cars is probably not, as they say, "celebrated by a large quantity of his peers." I don't doubt that somewhere out there are attractive, charismatic young men who happen to enjoy the outdoors and the structure of proto-militaristic organizations. But they surely must be a rare breed, like the Yeti, or Count Chocula. The sort of teen likely to even be in the Scouts long enough to get a merit badge in deep dickin' is probably the least likely to need it.
I don't understand entirely how the British school system works, but aren't they already teaching sex ed? Although it's dangerous to assume that the whole world discovered boobies the same time I did, I can't be the first observer to point out the incredible sexualization of the western world over the last twenty years. Sex is everywhere, and the kids know about it. So the odds of teaching a teenager anything new about sex must be pretty slim. Maybe the problem is that English teenagers already know all this, but are also really stupid? Just throwing it out there.
It is good to see the Scouts trying to modernize however. The original mandate of the Scouts was to aid in the development of youths mental and physical abilities to help craft them into useful members of society. A hundred years ago, when mankind was only just barely out of the caves, this mainly meant being able to build campfires, make wooden cars, and tie ropes of differing girths together. But as civilization developed canned meats and celebrity game shows, much of the original skills provided by the Scouts have been rendered useless. Seeing as they're evidently updating the curriculum, here's a few more suggestions for programs the Scouts could teach the hoodlums of today to be more productive members of society, or at the very least, more spectacular flameouts.
How to clean spyware off your parents computer.
How to deal with a crazy person on the bus.
How to build your own PVR.
How to buy clothes that fit.
How to tell people you're in the Scouts without getting beaten up.
How to play Counterstrike for 16 straight hours without using the toilet.
How to stop liking such terrible music.
How to get pay pornography for free.
How to tell which guy in a club will sell you drugs.
How to know when a girl is lying about her age.
How to drink 12 alcopops then harass a Bangladeshi shop owner.
How to hotwire a 1992 Renault Clio.
How to turn a newspaper into an effective weapon.
How to avoid being tried in adult court.
How to grow the fuck up.
Usually love your stuff, but this sort of sucked.
ReplyYeah, I'm not in the scouts but I know a fair few people who are. While I know some people who definitely won't ever need the aforementioned badge, some of them actually qualify as potentially useful humans. Although only about 15% of our teenagers don't make me want to vomit then kill them.
ReplyI'm a Boy Scout, and the majority of us are actually stoner kids who can actually get laid, at least all the ones I know.
ReplyBucholz, I'm a huge fan. Yet, I didn't find this article to be funny. I suggest you go back to writing articles that aren't about your only audience, and go back to writing the great things that insult dicks and politicians? :3
ReplyI'm a teenage girl in the UK...
ReplyThank you! :D
I'm a teenage boy in the UK and I have to admit he has a point. I would very much like to know which part of the UK he's spent time in.
Also a teenager in the UK and I live in a decent area but go to school in a not so decent area full of the ugly mouth breathers that this article concerns (the area, not the school. I would have killed myself if I had to spend 6 hours a day for half the year with them).
I happen to disagree with Johnny B. My older brother, Eagle Scout and member of the Order of the Arrow was an incredible man whore back in his day (new girl every week). His camping skill came in handy when him and his buddies (and their flavors of the week)wanted to party without having to worry about messing up a house. Then again, my brother was probably an exception to the rule...
ReplyOf course, what a great site and informative posts, I will add backlink - bookmark this site? Regards.
ReplyI can't speak for english scouts, but american scouts above 14 are ALWAYS dorks who never get vag. ALWAYS. so, eagle scouts, go build me a fire in the woods by which I will rock your mothers casbah til she screams.
ReplyDude, I've been a in the BSA for over ten years, and I've been with three girls. STFU
How dare you talk about english teens that way! They are upstanding contributors... ok, I cant even get through this sentence, knowing what shit it is.
ReplyA few things: The UK Scouts (most likely the original scouts) is almost as culty as the US one, being held primarily in churches and having a large contingent of God Botherers. Also, most UK kids are out of scouts by the age of 11-13, as it's social suicide after that, so there's is pretty much no teens in the UK scouts, except for the ones who aren't getting any pussy anytime soon, anyway.
We do have sex ed (I had my first sex ed lesson at about 10) but, as usual, we have the (retarded) religious types trying to fuck it up, as they can obviously not see the correlation between the very high % of pregnant 14 year olds and the lack of sex ed in school. They're too busy getting drunk in church, on 'blood'.
The American Scout movement isn't all that conservative; at least not where I'm from, most scouts aren't "squares" either, I was in it partially because it looks good on college apps. You should see some of the Eagle scouts from my old troop... definitely not squares
ReplyHow about a Merit Badge for avoiding the advances whenever the Scout Master invites you to join him in his tent and cuddle with him because your'e scared???
ReplyTime to retreat back to the sixties when my biggest concern in scouting was trying to start a fire with no matches. Maybe scouts should have a rating system on merit badges much like the movie industry. Opps, that almost sounds like censorship. Sorry
ReplyI'll weigh in for the Australians here and say teenagers + tents + insufficient or simply not worried supervision = orgies.
Replycool story bro, tell it again.
I resent your description of british people, just look at some of our fine upstanding young ladies that represent Britain superbly like Amy Winehouse
Reply"Metalbrainsurgery Says:
ReplyOctober 28th, 2008 at 11:19 am
English scouts seem rediculous at their very core. I mean I can understand where American scouts came from. We used to have a HUGE expanse of unexplored land, so scouts here seems logical. England however is an island, and I doubt very seriously that any of it is unexplored."
Why do you think they're teaching us sex ed now? I'm talking about some serious caving oooooh yeah
I'm british and its all true !!!! I'm also a casual scout and some people r pretty awful there but there is some good stuff like free booze because our leaders are college students but yes for the most part us british out just diesease infested skunk bags :(
Replyand yes they do teach sex ed in schools here as well.
Basically scouts r being retarded im sick of sex ed.. It's taught to a ridiculious level, same with drugs, i've learnt how to buy benenrs etc from my school..
A major portion of the American Scouting Organization is LDS. No, not on LSD, but LDS as in Latter Day Saint as in Mormon.
ReplyExplanation: They're more conservative than Baptists. Usually. I would know, because I am one (attending BYU in Utah no less). I went through the scouting program, mainly because all of my friends were doing it. Which sounds way lame, but in a LDS culture it's kinda the status quo. So we weren't really the squarest kids imaginable... those were the volunteer scouts.
However... being an Eagle Scout = Business Management opportunities out the ears. That's one thing I don't regret.
Hi, I'm a scout.
ReplyAdmittedly, I'm in Australia and therefore don't know anything about badges in Safe Sex, or how conservative the American Scouts are.
But, in my experience, scouts are some of the randiest people around. I'm 18 and have been in scouting since I was 11, and every single scout camp I've been on, someone has made out, or gotten laid, or something.
And the badges are updated for modern life - you can do badges in pretty much anything.
So yeah. So much for scouts being sex-deprived.
woof was right about what teh scouts awas originally for, conditioning us young impressionable brits to die in the world wars.
Replyand of interest I go to explorer scouts ( a more senior version of teh scouts) and its not too bad. But then again we are about to get kicked out of our scout troop because we dont do anything other than go to lazer quest or yum yums £10 all you can eat.
I'd so have earned the Spyware Badge. Every few weeks, I have to go over and exorcise BOTH my parents' damn PCs. I just want to scream "Out, evil! Out!" and then format C, it's that bad. For fuck's sake, don't install the registry cleaner! IT'S NOT GOING TO CLEAN YOUR REGISTRY! AAAAGH!
Reply*huff huff*