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The Nooner: Long Fingernails, Sexy Jailbirds And Way More Than You Ever Needed To Know About Yogurt

Awesome Video Of The DayHow Does She Do It? - Make A Cup Of Tea

Whether you're into raising your pets vegetarian, video game time attacks or just some good ol' fashioned slash fan fiction, there's almost certainly a place for you to meet like-minded people on the internet. But what if you're not into anything weird or extreme? What if you - like so many others - just want to grow your fingernails to a grotesque, inconvenient length and then show off videos of yourself completing unbelievably mundane tasks with them? Where does someone like that go to feel at home on these strange and occassionally scary internets?

They go to YouTube, of course, where users like AdmireLongNails and SexyNails4U have already uploaded tons of videos of their nails in action. Want to see disgustingly long fingernails tearing up a crossword puzzle? Check. How about long fingernails tapping on a table for no apparent reason? Check. Want to buy higher resolution videos of long fingernails? Anything for a price, my friend.

I'm pretty sure these are fingernail fetish (NSFW, duh) videos, but is it possible that they're also the product of some sort of hand model community or something? I'd do some more research and try to figure it out but I already feel dirty... and oddly aroused.

Sexy Halloween 2007Sexy Costume #4: Sexy Jailbird

When a sexy black widow costume just won't cut it, it's time to pull out the stops and use a well-known aphrodisiac: evoking the grim specter of the Federal Prison System.

"It's a crime to look this good!" screams ForPlayCatalog.com, referring to their sporty "Sexy Jailbird" costume. Unquestionably sexier than last year's "Actual Jailbird" costume, ForPlay has swapped the orange jumpsuit and shackles for a playfully-retro black-and-white-striped miniskirt and top! Shiv not included, but let's face it: If you go to a Halloween party dressed like this, you're probably not that concerned with defending yourself against any would-be attackers.

Sure To Attract Guys Dressed Up Like: Prison Guards, Superman, A Gorilla

Sexy Factor (out of 10): 7

Wild CardThe Yogurt Encyclopedia

Yogurt is pretty good and all, but was it really necessary to create a 45-page .pdf file about it? Is there really that much to even say about yogurt? It's cultured milk, it comes in a bunch of flavors and I've heard it cures yeast infections. Oh, wait - and sometimes people put granola in it. That should pretty much cover it, right?

According to its copyright, the content in the "Yogurt Forever" .pdf linked above may be reproduced freely with the following exception:

"None of the material in Yogurt Forever, nor any part of it can be reproduced in any way on any paper, electronic or digital support which only or even partly deals in subjects such as pornography, paedophilia, prostitution, racism or the violation of any fundamental human rights including political or religious ones."

So much for my screenplay about a Nazi child molester and a male prostitute who try to change their lives by starting a yogurt factory.

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Ross Wolinsky

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