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The Nooner: Hornblasters, White Supremacists and "The Smartest Money You'll Ever Spend In Your Life"

Awesome Video Of The DayHornblasters.com: Terror On The Streets Episode 10

Do you enjoy doing irreparable damage to strangers' hearing? What about the sound of children screaming? Do you like that, too? You do?! Well then click your ass over to HornBlasters.com! Want to know more? According to their website:

"Ever heard a train sound its horn from a mile away? How about from up close? HornBlasters.com specializes in selling extremely loud train horn setups for just about any use... Does your truck have a bad-boy look but fall short with a wimpy horn? We have your perfect solution."

HornBlasters sells horns capable of blowing a "loud and efficient" 148-152 decibels. According to this chart, that's comparable to fireworks and gunshots. Notice how everyone who gets honked at drops to the ground and covers their heads? Yeah. Real funny, guys.

Here's the thing about train horns: they're meant to be heard from a mile away. You know - because trains can take a while to stop. That's why having a really, really loud horn is useful... for trains.

Is it actually embarrassing to dudes who drive "bad-boy" trucks to have "wimpy" horns? Is that a genuine concern for these guys? I drive an Accord and my dad never beat the shit out of me, so this is all pretty far outside of my personal realm of experience. Maybe I'm missing the point.

Either way these guys are fucking assholes.

When MySpace Fails

There's nothing better than moving to a new town and checking out their local KKK chapter for the first time, but it seems like that first meeting is inevitably marred by one of the following:

  • No chicks
  • A few chicks, all unattractive
  • No other members into Primus

Social-Networking-Web-2.0-Doohickeys to the rescue! The blacks and jews can have their MySpace, but for those of us concerned with preserving the sanctity of pure Aryan blood there's NewSaxon.org: An Online Community For Whites By Whites. You can't browse the profiles unless you make an account, but security is surprisingly lax - I have a teaspoon or two of questionable drops in me (in case you can't tell from my last name) but I was still able to create an account.

I tried to click around a bit after I made my profile (I'm "HitlerWasAwesome" - send me a friend request!), but the site took so long to load that I eventually gave up. Maybe they should outsource their IT to Indi- oh, wait... nevermind.

Wild Card

I could say all kinds of derisive things about The Back-Up, a handy little gun rack for the side of your bed, but who am I to judge? If somebody broke into my house I'd be completely defenseless. I keep my shotgun in my closet - how am I supposed to tip-toe all the way across the room while somebody is already in my house, stealing my precious diamonds and gold doubloons? The Back-Up is the perfect solution! Plus, it's got the "As Seen On TV" seal of approval on it. How am I going to argue with that?

One of you guys should probably order one. They're only $39.95 - that'll put them $39.95 closer to being able to pay somebody to redesign their website. Think of it as charity, only more deadly.

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Ross Wolinsky

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