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The New McGruff Sucks: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

CG McGruff Hates Cybercrime

There are so many things that suck about this McGruff PSA that I don't even know where to start. There's the move to CG (which looks completely ridiculous), and there's the crappy new voice (probably not all that surprising considering almost three decades have gone by), but you know the biggest problem here is?

Cybercrime is boring.

Take the classic McGruff commercial "Are The Neighbors Moving?" Getting a bunch of robbers together, pretending to be suburban movers and cleaning out someone's house is a real crime. Stealing someone's bike is a real crime. Whether it's a bike, a television, or the entire contents of your home, PEOPLE ARE PHYSICALLY TAKING YOUR STUFF.

These days it's "cybercrime" that McGruff is warning us about. Yawn. What's going to happen? Is a leet hax0r going to gain access to my bank account, forcing me to call the bank and be like, "Some leet hax0r got my PIN - I need to change it."? Sure, it'll be annoying - calling your bank is always kind of a pain in the ass - but that's about it. McGruff used to help us take a bite out of crime. These days, it looks like McGruff helps us take a bite out of minor inconveniences.

Also, did I mention how McGruff is all 3D and has a stupid voice now? If you're going to make a mascot 3D, change his voice, and make him address a completely different danger three decades later, why even keep him around? How about a completely new anti-crime PSA mascot? I'm thinking an anthropomorphic RFID tag named Kris that talks like a surfer and LOVES to party... responsibly.

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Ross Wolinsky

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