Cracked Columnists

The New Avatar/McDonald's Tie-In Will Change Fast Food Forever

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The new Avatar Big Mac meal at McDonald's has been hyped for years and years. One thing I've learned about hype (thanks to George "I Make Movies?" Lucas) is that it almost never lives up to itself. However, like everyone in America, I was bound to give the Avatar Big Mac a try. I walked to my friendly neighborhood McDonald's (right across the street from four other McDonald's restaurants) and spent somewhere between 5 and 12 dollars on a FREAKING BURGER. I pocketed my "Thrill Card" and paid close attention to every bite, from beginning to end.

Does the Avatar Big Mac live up to the hype? I can say without sarcasm that, yes, it absolutely does. The pickles? At the top of their game. The bun? Rich and satisfying. The meat? The cheese? The sauce? Everything is firing on all cylinders with this burger, and chances are you will enjoy it until the very end. There are moments while eating this burger that left me thinking, "Am I really eating a burger right now? IS THIS BURGER REAL?!?!?" Seriously, the attention to detail in this burger is unparalleled.

And the last third of the burger is just... WOW! I spent the first two-thirds of this Big Mac really getting to know the meat, the cheese... hell, ALL of the ingredients. As I took those last few bites, I really cared about what happened to every single one of them. Sure, there were hints in the first part of the burger as to what would happen to them (SPOILER ALERT: Everything gets eaten), but even when what I predicted came true, I was not disappointed. At all. Ronald McDonald has done a superb job of bringing fast food into the future where it belongs. If other fast food chains do not follow Ronald into this new frontier of burgers, then they will soon be left in the dust, doomed to wander the streets and beg people to buy their stupid 2-dimensional fries that no one wants anymore.

The new Avatar Big Mac gets an A for Avatar, a B for Big Mac, a C for the C in "Big Mac," and a D for Delicious. However, it also gets an "F" for "fucking stupid," because at the very end of the burger, a song plays that's a cross between My Heart Will Go On and any song from Pocahontas.

Grimace really dropped the ball on that one.