I own a Wii. And I am growing Dissatisfied.
First I should probably define my terms a little. By “hardcore” I don’t mean that I wait in front of stores the day before a game releases, or have an online handle like “AssAssAssin” and scream profanities at ten year olds. I don’t hang out with other video game people or talk to other video game people on the Internet. I’m kind of embarrassed by other video game people in fact. No, by “hardcore” I mean that I like games that are, you know, “good.”
Technically I’m more of a lapsed hardcore gamer. Although I’ve owned something like 10 systems in my life, I stopped playing video games entirely for a few years - perhaps not coincidentally, a period in my life which saw a marked improvement in my odor and ability to talk to girls. It was at this time that I began to view the hundreds of hours I poured into various electronic worlds with a certain amount of regret. “Wow, my time really wasn’t very valuable back then,” I said, clucking my tongue. “Stop hitting yourself, loser,” I’d add, hitting myself.
It was fucked up.
So as a lapsed gamer, I had no burning desire to get back into it in a serious way when the current generation of systems rolled around. In fact, aside from a genuine passion for the Grand Theft Auto games, and a passing interest in a couple others (Bioshock, Fallout 3) I look at the top games for the Xbox360 or PS3 and I shrug. It’s all just racecars and space marines, you know? I feel like I’ve played it all already. I got my merit badge in Space Marinery 15 fucking years ago.
Which I guess is the main reason I bought a Wii. Finally there was going to be something new.
The low-res graphics didn’t matter to me either, and frankly I think you’re kind of an idiot of you say they matter to you. The correlation rate between gorgeous graphics and good games isn’t terribly high - especially when you take games from previous generations into consideration. That’s not to say I’m a complete low-fi snob - high end graphics can be used to create useful game features. The foliage in Far Cry for example, or the natural staining effects in that last Leisure Suit Larry game. But those sorts of revelations are few and far between.
And that fancy new controller, the one that promised to open up whole new worlds of video game design. How did that work out? Well the highlights include Resident Evil 4, Metroid Prime 3 and Mario Kart Wii. All those games are fucking rad on the Wii, and I couldn’t imagine playing them with tiny little nipple joysticks. Seriously, pointing at something and shooting it is fun. Whip-sawing a little plastic wheel back and forth is fun. Screw you guys with your beards and your smoking jackets and your dual analog sticks. I’ll be over here having fun.
But just about everything else on the Wii has barely used the Wiimote’s abilities. Even games like Wind Waker and Super Mario Galaxy. I honestly can’t remember what the Wiimote was used for in those games. I recall wiggling it around a lot. (You get a lot of that on the Wii actually.) But at least Zelda and Mario were good games - they are in pretty limited company. The number of games on the Wii that meet my personal sniff test as “good” is something like a half dozen. Even for someone with a pretty limited appetite for games, I find that a little lean. Unlike apparently every other Wii owner I have no interest in cooking games or surgery games or whatever the fuck they publish for the Wii these days. Games about sewing? Yoshi’s Hair & Nail Salon? Wii Animal Husbandry?
It’s not exactly surprising that the Wii has had very little triple-A games released for it. Three years ago, absolutely no-one in the industry expected the Wii to be a success, most predicting the exact opposite. And seeing as it takes around three years to make a high end game, that’s a pretty good explanation why the Wii’s cupboard remains so bare. Not that that makes it suck any less to be a Wii owner.
__
So what do I want? I mean, other than to bitch and complain that is. Let’s start with:
A decent first person shooter.
A racing game without blue shells.
A game where you can swing around a lightsaber and it is awesome.
And what are the odds of getting those?
Well, let me show you a couple charts. The first one is for the sales across all systems for the latest Call of Duty game. (graph courtesy vgchartz.com)
That thin wedge at the bottom represents the Wii’s sales, a figure so small that I believe it’s dwarfed by the number of copies of the game eaten by raccoons during shipping. If I was a third party developer I’d look at this graph, and decide to never devote another cent to Wii development for anything that isn’t a Dora the Explorer fishing game. Hardcore gamers don’t buy games for the Wii. Apparently I don’t exist.
On the other hand, the size of the Wii’s install base is well past the point where it can be safely ignored or disregarded. Even if a sizable portion of the Wii’s owners have no interest in playing anything besides the cow-riding game in Wii Play, that still leaves millions of Wii owners out there who do. And that’s how crazy shit like this can happen:
Yes, that’s a Wii game outselling Halo 3. Sure Mario Kart is a venerable franchise, and all games made by Nintendo sell well, but still. A game on the Wii is outselling Halo.
So as for the likelihood of more “good” games coming out for the Wii in the future, I dunno - there’s factors either way. I guess the reasonable thing to say is that “it can’t get any worse than it is,” because currently the only thing my Wii is doing is keeping a couple DVD’s elevated an inch or so above whatever it is the Wii is resting on.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Wii. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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July 10th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Consider yourself lucky. My Wii broke down. First the Disc Channel, and then the Wiimotes. Damn.
June 6th, 2009 at 8:10 am
I bought a Wii, had a fun 2 hours playing Mario Kart until I realized that half of the maps weren’t new. I got Zelda and it treated me like a 3 year old, and the game also was a GAMECUBE port. I have no interest in Smash Bros. and Mario Galaxy is really terrible as well. So I sold the clump of shit, bought an n64 and a ton of games for under $100 and am actually enjoying something Nintendo made.
March 5th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Great, thank for sharing your post, I learned alot from it.
February 28th, 2009 at 2:14 am
Does someone know when Mass Effect for Xbox360 will be released?
February 17th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
I agree with you somewhat, many of the games for the Wii do suck, but there are several which are very good, for example: No More Heroes, Metroid Prime 3, and many others. So don’t be scared away from the Wii because most games are for children, there are some good games for Hardcore Gamers.
February 3rd, 2009 at 9:08 pm
You’re speaking my language, man. I never considered myself a “hardcore” gamer, but I cared whether a game was “good” or not. As a gamecube owner, I was pretty psyched to hear that the Wii was doing well. I was one of those guys who went looking everywhere for a Wii during March the year it came out. At first, things looked good. Then 2007 became 2008. Suddenly it’s like the who market for games other than “cooking” and those dumb minigame collection games dropped. It got so bad that I eventually switched to the 360. Hear this: the Wii may be ahead now, but as more people have their consoles and Wii fit, the sales will slowly drop. I wanted the Wii to work, but I don’t think that time will be kind to it.
February 3rd, 2009 at 6:34 pm
To respond to the author - you want a racing game with no blue shells? Get Excitetruck. It’s great. Don’t ask questions, just go get it. And although your list didn’t ask for this style of game, check out Boom Blox. Again, no questions. Just buy it and thank me later. There’s some great games for the Wii, just not the ones you might expect.
February 3rd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Another semi-proud owner of the Wii, we kinda like our little white box. You’re right, most of the games’ actions are ‘wiggle the controller’-triggered but well, it’s a huge step up from only wrecking your thumbs. By the way, there are some games which definitely improve the Wii’s functionality, though most of them are indeed party games (which are also perfectly playable by yourself); take Rayman’s Raving Rabids. With or without balance board, it’s awesome. Nice to see de Blob already featured in this list of comments as well.
My brother owns most of the consoles to be found right now; PS3, 360, and some older stuff he barely uses. he does not own a Wii though… I found while staying at his place that most of the ’state of the art graphics’ games make me really naucious. Not a figure of speech, I just feel dizzy and lightheaded and then I have to leave the room after watching the screen for over 5 minutes. Is that just me? I do drink from time to time, but not thát much…
January 17th, 2009 at 3:02 am
I/we have all three systems (Ironically all my roomies had different systems) and honestly I like the Wii the best. I’m not gonna knock the others, they have a few good games but I think the biggest problem with ps3 and 360 are (as stated in the article) they all blend together after a while, space shooters, racing, and GTA style law breaking sums up about 99% of all the games we have for 360. PS3 is the same except add a few ok RPGs. Wii’s biggest flaw is despite having some original looking games they all handle the same way with the exception of a select few. If I have a sword and a controller that’s motion sensitive i want a realistic swinging method, as opposed to the wii developers notion that I want to swing my sword by giving their controller a handjob. I cannot agree with this article more.
Best Games for Wii: Mario Kart, Okami, Resident Evil 4, Wii Play & Sports, and thats about it (though I can play 4/5 nonstop.
January 14th, 2009 at 6:52 am
I would have agreed with you upuntil a few months back, but after this Christmas, I’ve seen a lot of releases that look like they’re for the discerning Nintendo fan: De Blob, Madworld, Okami, seems like the list is growing!
No More Heroes is also brilliant, as previously stated.
January 13th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
you are not a freaking hard core gamer if you think wind waker was for the wii. TWILIGHT. PRINCESS. Wind waker was gamecube only. dont call yourself a hardcore gamer if you dont mean it. seriously? i mean for real? hardcore gamers forget what systems games come out on all the time! wasn’t viva pinata for the ps2? ooh! and Fallout 3 was for the original xbox right? right?
January 7th, 2009 at 1:41 am
Wait until The Conduit comes out. It’s goig to rock your fucking faces off and change the way we play video games.
January 6th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
What the hell? Systems blow. I stopped at Playstation. I’m a PC man all the way. Most kickass games end up on the PC, even if they start out on a system. The graphics are better than the systems, the saving options and download options are more developed, etc etc. Systems are a waste of time.
January 6th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Johnny, clearly you don’t agree with every word of this article, because what he WANTS is more shooters. Of course, that’s also what he says he doesn’t want, but his lack of ability at making up his mind (or perhaps schizophrenia) is another issue.
January 6th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Yeah i just got “No More Heros” It’s a pretty fung ame game but the use of the Wiimote is limited. But aside from that it’s a very entertaining game. This article is very true i go into say walmart and look at the selection for wii games and am disappointed by the amount of games that look even remotely interesting to me. Oh well though maybe i just have to wait a little while longer for them to release some really good games.
January 6th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Try “No More Heroes,” it’s a Wii-exclusive game that has a light saber (technically a “beam sword”) and is incredibly kick-ass. Also it’s vulgar and hilarious. It’s basically one of a kind on the Wii.
January 6th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Well I like the Wii. A lot. And I completely agree with every word of this article.
How many times have I been forced to defend it against friends in the pub, who levy arguments like “It’s rubbish” and “It’s for kids”, among other well rounded, artfully constructed criticisms, at my lovely Wii.
The Wii is aimed squarely at the casual gamer, and that’s lovely for them - they need games too - but it would be nice to see a few more Zelda-level titles that make better use of the systems perks.
And as for graphics, BAH! I have asteroids on my PC (the one where you’re a turquoise triangle defending yourself from and infinite stream of what appear to be huge, space-faring crumbs). It’s ace! Graphics are given too much value nowadays.
Also, I suck massively at FPS games, so I don’t miss them. I played Left 4 Dead at a mates house, and all I could do was repeatedly set off car alarms and run round covered in zombie vomit screaming, “why is my screen all green!”.
So there, the Wii is for people like me, who game with their girlfriends and can’t play Halo for toffee. People who like tree characters with sparkly eyes in place of a grizzled space soldier who no one understands, but who has a heart of gold; or some such stuff.
January 6th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
I thought it was supposed to be PS3 owners who were snobby. First, there’s nothing wrong with valuing graphics. Have you seen call of duty WaW on a wii? It looks like shit. It looks like a DS screen that has been blown up to 50 times its original size. Additionally, the wii can only support really shitty audio, a la Rock Band and terrible in game audio and music on other games. Nintendo did not make this console for people who like video games and that’s fine. They made this console for you to get drunk at a party and fight a black mii without being labeled a racist. Again, that’s fine. This console is selling great and there’s a reason for that. Because your grandma needed something to do after her husband passed on and your god damn ungrateful empty nester parents wouldn’t let her come over any more to play on their wii. Look, I would love to play a game that gave me a lightsaber too, but that’s not enough to justify owning a console that is essentially a gamecube with motion controls. Also, gamecube sucks, super strikers aside. The point is, I don’t think wii owners know what they want. The controls are great, but didn’t the novelty of point and shoot wear off five years ago with the whole house of the dead arcade thing? motion sensing is a great feature, but it’s only worth anything if you combine it with hardware that can support playing games that look decent. To me, the wii is like Perfect Dark on N64: A blocky, good for nothing piece of shit that is somehow still fun.
January 6th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Farcry, in my opinion, is actually a good first person shooter on the Wii. Not incredible, but good. The use of the Wiimote in that game is fun, and now that you’ve made me talk about it, I want to leave work and go play.
It’s not the 360/PS3 Farcry by a long shot, but it’s solid.
January 6th, 2009 at 5:04 am
Wii = Party games.
Sorry to have to spell it out, but that’s the way it is and will be. The sales appeal of the Wii is for everyone who has never owned a console before to play with their friends in a non-intimadating way.
The result is irritating mini-games which have much pick-up potential but very little longeviety.
Just buy 2 consoles and quit yer bellyaching.
January 3rd, 2009 at 3:34 pm
You mentioned the Wii’s lack of high-end graphics. This isn’t its only technical downfall; many cross-platform games have features removed on the Wii because it can’t handle them. The Wii’s online is shabby at best - friend codes? Really?
“On the other hand, the size of the Wii’s install base is well past the point where it can be safely ignored or disregarded” - Japan and America are both home to millions of Nintendo fanboys (or “install base” as you put it). First party games (made by Nintendo) for the Wii sell very well for two main reasons:
1. Fanboys
2. There’s nothing else good on the system - everything else is so gimmicky and terrible that everyone buys the one or two good games for the system.
Which brings me to my main concern with the Wii - it seems like such a huge gimmick. Every Wii supporter on the internet talks about how innovative these motion controls are, but they just seem like a gimmick to me. When reading GameInformer, I seldom read a Wii game review that doesn’t feature the word “minigame.” I consider myself a hardcore gamer, and I have nothing against casual gamers - if they want minigames, that’s fine, they’re entitled to their opinion. But from my perspective, if I was to buy a Wii, I would become bored very quickly. Why spend $60 on a game that I’ll beat in 2-3 days then become bored of? The PS3 and 360 have fantastic online multiplayer (particularly the 360, though 60-player Resistance still owns) that will keep me playing for ages.
Furthermore, if I come home exhausted, do I really want to spend time waving my arms around? No, I want to sit down and relax with some video games using a controller.
Finally, your article is riddled with hypocrisy. As the poster below me points out, you first say you’re sick of racing games and shooters, then what do you ask for on your “wish list?” Racing games and shooters.
January 2nd, 2009 at 6:30 am
To sum up this article for everyone:
“I look at the top games for the Xbox360 or PS3 and I shrug. It’s all just racecars and space marines, you know? I feel like I’ve played it all already…”
“…So what do I want? I mean, other than to bitch and complain that is. Let’s start with:
A decent first person shooter.
A racing game without blue shells…”
The 360/PS3 don’t appeal to you because its the same old shit, but then when pressed for what you want from a videogame library, you ask for the same old shit. I think you bought the wrong system, bud.
December 28th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Greengoddess, as long as I was in there somewhere…
December 28th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
I think Wii is going to get a lot more respect soon. Has anyone played the new call of duty? I’ve been playin for almost two days strait lol
December 28th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
“One, Halo 3 is older then Mario Kart, which still has it’s little “new” factor going on.” - Kovitlac
I lol’d. Mario Kart’s been around since 1992. It’s way older and more awesome than the Halo series.
December 28th, 2008 at 6:40 am
I’ve seen this photo on ___R i c h L o v e s . c o m_______R i c h L o v e s . c o m___@@@@@. It’s a dating site for celebrities and wealthy singles. Got no idea who posted it up there. ____R i c h L o v e s . c o m___
December 28th, 2008 at 1:09 am
Personally, I don’t like the Wii. In my opinion, the point of a video game is to let you have fun sitting on your steadily expanding ass, rather than swinging your arms like someone on a bad trip (Wii) or jumping around like a demented monkey on hot coals (DDR). But hey, that’s just me. Apparently the rest of the world thinks otherwise.
Anyway, you’re steadily pulling closer to DOB as my favorite Cracked writer. Normally, I get bored with someone bitching about something when I don’t aggree with them. Every comentators opinion counts!
December 28th, 2008 at 1:08 am
One, Halo 3 is older then Mario Kart, which still has it’s little “new” factor going on.
Frankly, I’d rather tilt my finger to turn and shoot an enemy then have to shift my entire body and wave my arm stupidly in front of my face. Better reflexes, and all that.
December 27th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
@Ijustbluemyself: Where have you been?!
As for the controller question, for NES titles you can simply turn your Wiimote to the side and use it like the NES controller. For Sega, SNES and TurboGrafx 16 titles, you have to use the Classic Controller which plugs into the slot on the bottom of the Wiimote. You may also use Gamecube controllers (which plug in the top of the Wii)
December 27th, 2008 at 11:34 am
actually you can get a game on wii where you can fling the lightsabre using the remote!
December 27th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Wait, am I reading this correctly? You can buy the old snes games and play them on a wii?
Is the controller the same or do you have to swing it or something?
December 27th, 2008 at 7:45 am
i wonder if in The conduit, the controls will be responsive
December 27th, 2008 at 2:28 am
The problem with first person shooters on the Wii is that they add that extra degree of control to the gun, so in Metroid when I want to look left, I have to move my gun all the way tot eh left of the screen, and then move it back center. Give me a stationary camera that I guide with the Wii-mote and I’ll hate FPS’s on the Wii less.
so far, the only Wii game I’ve personally played that I felt used the controls well was Twilight Princess, and it used them so well I’m convinced that many good games can be made on the Wii.
December 26th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Hahaha the picture of that family playing the wii is priceless. They all look so happy and the mom is the only one who looks confused/disturbed.
December 26th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
I’ve used the Wii and (manhood intact) I don’t own one.
One game it needs that only it could do is a wild west shooter as no other system could do the quick draw thing that is essential for that genre…
Just a thought game developers…hmmmm…?
December 26th, 2008 at 4:28 am
@Dwain
NintendWhores sounds like the best thing ever!
I’d buy a Wii just to swing my Wii+Pimp Hand from right to left and slap a bitch..
But, till then I guess I’ll stick to my Pentium Quad, 4 GB, Dual 8800GT Monster.
*sigh*
December 25th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Well, as for a decent first person shooter, The Conduit is shaping up to be…wonderful at worst. As astounding as it is and as much as it sucks that the good hardcore games are selling terribly on the Wii compared to other consoles, the figures don’t tell you that you can’t buy the damn game. Call of Duty: World at War got decent reviews for the Wii, and the market is as democratic as it gets (ok, Nintendo McCarthiest’s will probably argue other-wise).
Yes, it blows, but maybe if all you Wii complainers actually try to find all the hard-core games coming out with-in the next year, you won’t complain about the ones that do indeed exist…sorry if you learned nothing.
December 24th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I bought the Wii because the only games I ever really LOVED were the Mario ones. I am a child of the 80s and I never moved on. I accept that. I love that I can have a shitload of old games in one place and I never have to blow on a cartridge and hope that it will work. Plus Super Mario Galaxy and Super Paper Mario gave me lady boners.
I agree that they could do more though - I really love Soul Caliber on PS3 but my stupid ex boyfriend got custody when we broke up. The Wii version, from what I’ve seen, is too different for me to be interested. Although I do enjoy that people get naked-er.
December 24th, 2008 at 10:37 am
I miss 2D RTSs on the PC. The 3D ones suck. Bring back Age of Empires and Commandos and Caesar 3 and so on!
December 24th, 2008 at 9:57 am
The furries asked me to ask you where they might purchase this animal husbandry game.
December 24th, 2008 at 8:34 am
There’s only one thing I lament aobut the latest generation of console games. Sure, Nintendo’s gone a little weird, and ther’es basically been like, no good console-exclusive games for the past few years that weren’t from Nintendo, but there’s one thing I’m confused about.
Where did all the platformers go? I’m talking the Marios, the Banjo-Kazooies, the Psychonauts…es, the 2D Metroids. Think about it people, the only serious platformers we’ve had in the past couple years are Mario Galaxy and Brawl. We’ve gotten to the point where I’m counting a fighting game as a platformer just to have more than one to count. For some reason the industry seems to have collectively decided platformers are out and FPSes are in. SO we now have an excess of FPSes.
I’ve got no inherent problem with that, FPSes are good in moderation–oh, wait, ‘excess’ and ‘moderation’ are still opposites, aren’t they? Yeah, I’ve got a problem with that. If I want an FPS, I’ll turn to Half-Life, Metroid Prime and maybe F.E.A.R., and that’s when I discount Fallout 3 as an FPS. We don’t need this many FPSes! We need some good, fun, unique platformers again! I loved being a kid and thinking Banjo-Kazooie was just about the best thing ever. Why can’t we bring that back?
December 24th, 2008 at 6:14 am
Some games I’d like to see:
Super Halo Kart
The Legend of Zelda: Fallout Princess
Dead Metroid Space
Call of Duty: Pokemon At War
Elder Scrolls V: Yoshi’s Isles
Wii Sports With John Madden Commentary
Grand Theft Auto: City Folk Stories
NintendWhores (like NintenDogs, but you’re a pimp managing your whores…for the DS. Blow into the mic!)
I’d buy many of those.
December 24th, 2008 at 5:11 am
Good day to you, I am a video games player. I have been for a long time, and I am frustrated and disgusted that people will not take my hobby seriously. Did you know that sales figures for videogames are comparable to those of movies?! Move over, Hollywood, the games are coming!
OH MY GOD PEOPLE ARE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND DISGUSTED THAT THEY ARE INFRINGING ON MY TURF. I am now a “hardcore” player, and woe betide you “casual” schmucks who should be enjoying games with English titles! I am so mad!
… Actually you make a valid point and that’s why I haven’t bought a Wii. I just hate this “hardcore versus casual” bullshit. Merry Christmas, y’all.
December 24th, 2008 at 12:52 am
Rail shooters seem to have filled a lot of the void for me so far - Resident Evil UC, Ghost Recon, and House of the Dead 2/3. Medal of Honor Heroes 2 was also a decent Wii shooter.
December 23rd, 2008 at 10:25 pm
I absolutely agree. It’s retarded how little “hardcore” games there are. So I sold my Wii for a 360.
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:58 pm
nobody in the video game industry is used to the wii. they are used to coding games that focus on graphics and animation, instead of the feel and gameplay. the low graphics capabilities and high interactivity of the wii forces them to create games based on those two aspects.
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Yeah, yeah, people mentioned No More Heroes already, but it really isn’t so bad, and the usage of the remote thinger is interesting. Not to mention how much crap they get past the radar, which made me laugh like the immature geek I am.
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:27 pm
I’ll list the awesome games mentioned you do not have now but should, and some that you should look up some gameplay videos for:
Out now:
No More Heroes
Okami
Zack and Wiki: Quest for Barbos treasure.
Strong bad
World of Goo
Super smash bros brawl.
Which you should check out:
Cursed Mountain
The Conduit
Mad World -> Definatly this one
System Shock 4.
And well, if you check out VGchartz anyway, dive into te forums and look up the nintendo channel… others have probably listed a shitton worth of other games comming out and worth looking into.
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:08 pm
No More Heroes is an awesome game. Pick it up.
But you are right, good games for the Wii are few and far between. Luckily, I’ve got a PS3 to fall back on, with backwards compatibility. So it’s PS2 games for me!
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:07 pm
i dislike owning a wii. really crappy selection of games.
theres a point-and-click game out there call “strongbad’s cool game for attractive people” for the wii, but its also for the computer and the computer version doesnt freeze up like the wii version does.
there’s a good first person shooter coming out in the spring called the conduit
finally mario party 8 sucks. go with the first one for the n64. the failure music is classic
December 23rd, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Wario Ware. Granted, its nintendo, but its a good example of the controller used…I was going to say right, but is zanily a word?
December 23rd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Gotta agree with Res_Ispa there: Mario Party 8 is the quintessential drinking game.
Everything that happens in MP games happens over and over and over. Many of the games rely on physical coordination which, I’ve come to discover, weakens after consuming alcohol.
There are so many arbitrary rules that you can make for it depending on how much you hate your liver, pretty much the only problem is having enough alcohol on hand.
But yes, there are tons of shitty games made for the Wii and then end of those shitty games is nowhere in sight. One more reason to start drinkin, I suppose.
December 23rd, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Yes, Res_Ipsa, that was totally gay.
And as a 40 something the first video console I had was a bobo Pong console. It look like this l . l . It also played hockey it looked like this [ l. l ] and racquet ball that looked like this here . l Man that was cool.
December 23rd, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I’m now leaning towards totally awesome. But would it be Mr. Greengod? Or is it more like a last name that he took?
Your blog cracks me up, btw–I just can’t comment there cuz I don’t have an account. Mountain Dew is one Hell of a gateway drug.
Bucholz, at the risk of sounding totally gay, have you tried Mario Party with your friends? You can make a damn good drinking game out of it. And they have games that extensively use the Wiimote.
December 23rd, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Mr. Greengoddess used to play D&D and Magic. I swear, the quirks that come with a big brain and a sense of humor…
December 23rd, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I feel old now. The last non-portable game system I bought was a PS2. I just bought my DS, though, and I’m in love with it. I may move to Canadialand and marry it.
Greengoddess, your taste in men is either totally awesome or totally awful. I can’t decide.
December 23rd, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Nicely done mate, this is almost me to a tee.
I’ve been amazed at the lack of a good shooter for the Wii. I don’t want CoD4 - that sort of game cries out for the glorious colouring and pixel mapping and “pass me a cigarette” levels of animated gore that PS3s produce.
No, I want a Time Crisis, or a Soul Caliber type of thing.
Mind you, as a 30-something dad, my daughter adores it, and in the hour or so between when she wakes up and when I do, it works a treat.
December 23rd, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Spider Jerusalem: I don’t remember a Final Fantasy Thesis. Were you the one with the answering machine message in Klingon? Or the one who was trying to get into the Guiness Book for the biggest Magic the Gathering card collection? If you were the guy with the life size cardboard cutout of young Captain Kirk, I fantasized about him while you were fucking me.
December 23rd, 2008 at 2:30 pm
As a 30 something fellow, I love with Wii, but agree with you wholeheartedly. I do not get Cooking Mama (although the PETA version is HILARIOUS) or the stitching up of wounds.
Lately I’ve pretty much just stuck to Wii Sports and GH3. I own Mario Kart and love it, but would like to see a Gran Turismo type game on the Wii.
I am excited though for next year with the new Wii Sports and the new controller adapter which will allow the Wiimote to tell if your holding it above your head or below your waist. The fencing game they will have will showcase this.
Btw, the last gaming system I actually purchased before this was a lowly Playstation 1.. and before that was a Atari 2600.
December 23rd, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Greengoddess, did I date you? You changed your number? You seemed really interested in reading my thesis on the best ever Final Fantasy installment…
December 23rd, 2008 at 1:44 pm
My god. This entire post is a transcript of every first date I’ve had with various nerds over the years. Between paragraphs, insert me sipping my coffee and nodding, trying to discern what your shoulders look like underneath your Star Wars T-shirt, which will help me determine whether I’m going to fuck you later, or just let you get to second base before I go home and change my phone number.
December 23rd, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I agree, the only stuff i play on my wii, is oldschool nintendo games that dont feel right on an emulator, as long as they bring the remade punchout and dont fuck it up, ill be happy.
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:52 pm
You can probably attribute the sharp decline in Halo 3 sales by the fact that everyone who owns an xbox 360 bought halo the first chance they had. The only people buying halo 3 are people buying an xbox 360 for the first time.
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
For the lightsaber wish, there is ‘no more heroes’. you should check that game out and watch a couple gameplay videos on youtube or something. Might go a long way to fulfill that dream.
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Maggies . . . REALLY?! I loved that game. Is it too late to email Santa?
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Maggie, yes.
GOD YES!
The idea of a Wii point-and-click adventure game just makes the world a better place.
December 23rd, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Wind Waker wasn’t on the Wii. That was Twilight Princess.
GOD YOU’RE SO STUPID YOU STUPIDHEAD.
And hey, remember point and click games? Where you had to pick up the boat propeller and attach it to the hand crank and spin it to press the rotten apples from the apiary to get the apple cider to give to the cranky old man so he’d tell you where the Sword of Jeremy was? Those can exist on the Wii! I got one based off And Then There Were None for like 10 bucks and it was surprisingly enjoyable.
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:59 am
I loved the first two pictures of you and Gladstone and your friends playing the Wii, BUT REAL HARDCORE GAMING IS DONE ON THE PC!!!, not a console.
December 23rd, 2008 at 11:43 am
I am not a gamer, but I found the insights useful. Now I understand a bit more what y teenageer says about the games he plays. Very useful, thanks!
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:46 am
I used to work in a store selling computers/games and the general consensus between the staff was that every last one of those proles streaming through the doors are on par with the mentally handicapable when it comes to critiquing games.
Most of the time we fixed them with dead-eye stares, and made jokes in Elvish.
My new job in a guitar store has let me keep the same sensibilities, but i miss the Elvish.
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:38 am
See, I’m torn between wanting to get a Wii because I like Animal Crossing (what can I say, I’m just weird) and my fiancee likes the Zelda series. But I’m not sure if those two alone are enough to justify the purchase. Although, the Wii does bring the impressive back-catalog of the Nintendo games of all time–or did they scrap that?
Such decisions!
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:07 am
On the other hand, it seems to be really easy to whip up a collection of shitty minigames that wouldn’t look out of place being advertised as FREE FLASH GAMES CLICK HERE L@@K on some terrible website and release it as the next Carnival-Sports-Party game.
December 23rd, 2008 at 9:00 am
I used to work in a store selling computers/games and the general consensus between the staff was that a Wii console was for kids or drunken multiplayer games and PS3/X360 was for proper gaming. Unless you call Mario Kart and Animal Crossing proper gaming.
When the Wii was first released I was so excited about all the amazing things they would do and how it would reinvent gaming. I own an Xbox 360 and it’s because Nintendo mega failed, IMO.
December 23rd, 2008 at 8:23 am
As a fellow Wii owner and former whatever the hell you called yourself (not Canadian…the other thing), I agree with you totally Bucholz. I have some fun games for my Wii, but not many.
Strangely enough, however, I also have a smoking jacket worn specifically for harrumphing at other people.