I just logged on to Google News to retrieve the article I was planning on blogging about today concerning Dennis Kucinich’s court victory and triumphant admission to Tuesday’s Nevada Democratic debates. Simultaneously, I was searching Youtube for video of the debate to somehow mock (attention ladies: a man who can multi-task AND ridicule. The perfect father?).
I was surprised to find that there WERE no videos of the debate featuring Kucinich, and even more SHOCKED—okay, kind of pissed at this point—to find out that a mere hour before the debate, a Nevada Supreme Court ruling had overturned the initial decision and barred Kucinich from appearing.
Now whether you’re a fan of the man or not (I am, and you can savage me in the comments section if you feel so inclined), you’ve got to admit what’s going on here is pretty fucking outrageous. The whole point of general elections, at least in spirit, is to maximize the choices given the public. We’ve already got our choices limited by certain Constitutional requirements:
In fact, it’s statistically true that in the history of the U.S., there is a more than 50% chance that the taller of the two final candidates will win. So, A) Kucinich is out, B) Tom Cruise is out and C) Start betting your friends.
So why get so pissed about this Kucinich thing, when our rights are trampled daily? Why does this one get to me? Because it’s so goddamned transparent. MSNBC holds a debate, and invites the top four Democratic contenders. Biden drops out, so Kucinich assumes he’s in (being fifth). Then they say “Oh, damn, you know what? We only wanted the top three contenders.”
Way to stick it to the short guy, you bastards. You’re a goddamned TV network; stop trying to make our decisions for us! I mean, aside from what we watch, buy, and what morals we teach our children. Just because you would’ve had to cut his podium down three feet doesn’t give you the right to ostracize him!
If I were given to fits of paranoia, I’d imagine that Kucinich’s exclusion from debates by NBC (owned by GE), ABC, and the AARP are attempts to silence him for his failure to capitulate to pressure from special interest groups. Luckily I’m not, so I’ll leave saying that to Kucinich.
Finally, I thought this columnist summed things up well. This whole thing makes me so angry I almost want to do something about it.
Besides blogging for CRACKED, Michael also makes angry videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
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December 15th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
pffft.
politics. government.
since its creation thousands of years ago its been a perfect veicle to mind control the masses.
similar to organized religion.
tricking the populace into believe they have a choice and say while actually catering to the richest, most powerful and best con artists.
but hey, we as the general public are too stupid to think for ourselves, and we are too selfish to make a community effort to work together for the betterment of all so we need masters to lead us by the nose.
again similar to organized religion telling us we lack the sense to not do evil things to others.
yet, because of the disparity of resources of which government management is a factor, the general public ends up still acting in ways that the original purpose of governent was supposed to prevent.
if i were the psychological/religious/socially accepted equivalent of a sane and normal person, then maybe i would not see the current conditions as laughable.
but if one accepts a master then one is subject to the masters whims.
the minorities in this country who were slaves in a stronger sense(chinese railroad workers, japanese pow’s in the camps, holocaust survivors, caucasian indentured servants, african slaves, native americans(who were mainly killed off) etc…) just overshadowed the fact that if you were a citizen and not one of those who had power to influence lawmaking, then you were and are a slave.
the president is a figurehead at best who does what he is allowed by those truly in power.
some people say conspiracy is a ‘theory’.
but one need only to observe high school ‘cliques’, college ‘fraternities/sororities’, and adult ‘organizations/cliques/social groups’ to see that the elititst phenomena is very prevalent in the life of average americans.
pffft… the movie the day the earth stood still is out now.. might be a good idea for aliens to wipe humans off the face of the earth.
the ones of us who are fighting for true freedom and change… cant seem to get people to see the truth, and we suffer because of it.
November 11th, 2008 at 7:19 am
“He must be white”, well I guess that doesn’t apply anymore.
October 9th, 2008 at 1:36 am
In fact, it’s statistically true that in the history of the U.S., there is a more than 50% chance that the taller of the two final candidates will win.
Greatest quote ever lol. Shows how much thought you put into it. There is more than a 50 percent chance that the taller of the two final candidates will win, so there is also a 50 percent chance the shorter would win…Good point kinda does make the geight argument irrelevant or just plain fucking stupid.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
I am no fan of Kucinich, but I am 100% with you on this issue. Our government and mainstream media need to start FEARING the masses. Up with the Constitution!!!
July 16th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
In fact, it’s statistically true that in the history of the U.S., there is a more than 50% chance that the taller of the two final candidates will win.
Doesn’t that mean that half of the time the shorter guy will win? Kind of makes height irrelevant.
May 1st, 2008 at 4:17 am
[...] Kucinich Conspiracy And Other Alt-Rock band Names???. Beppo Says: January 17th, 2008 at 4:39 pm …http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/01/17/the-kucinich-conspiracy-and-other-alt-rock-band-names/Chicago Women’s Liberation Rock Band… derision.”1 The song, less rock- than ragtime-inspired, is [...]
April 26th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
“He must be handsome” Bush is fugly and looks like a chimp? Hello?
March 10th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links:
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:31 am
yeah, boobs for prez. short, medium and/or tall.
other than that, it’s encouraging to read a higher than avg % of sane comments here. as compared to elsewhere on the nutnet/internut.
January 28th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Ron Paul for President!! (He’s short, too!)
January 28th, 2008 at 8:57 am
I would have voted for Kucinich if he would have convinced the security people at the airport that women terrorists were trying to bring aboard bra bombs. That would make all women take off their bras at the checkpoints. Can I get a “Hooray for boobies”?
January 23rd, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Vanessa: AYE AYE AYE AYE AYE!!! And the wrestling match, too!!!!!
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:01 am
That’s his wife? I thought it was his daughter. His sorority-girl daughter.
Fuck it, let’s have Mrs Kucinich and Mrs Thompson wrestle topless in a vat of whipped cream for the title of ‘America’s Hottest Political Trophy Wife.’
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:40 am
wtf is all this talk about politics? let’s devote a whole site to the crazy-hot crazy hotness that is mrs kucinich? all in say aye.
p.s. HOT!
January 21st, 2008 at 7:38 pm
I hate to get involved in American politics, being a ‘foreigner’ and all, but things aren’t great anywhere.
The worst thing about politics is politicans. Politics would be perfect if it wasn’t for it’s employees.
January 21st, 2008 at 6:55 pm
We don’t have a “tyranny of the majority ” we have tyranny of special interest groups ,on both right and left, the media and big business. The consensus of the people is not represented by any of the above groups with the exception that the people continue to allow this to happen.
Also , Titties!!!!
January 21st, 2008 at 2:08 pm
yes. yes, yes and yes.
January 21st, 2008 at 11:43 am
We live in a society that believes what’s right is defined by consensus and then you act surprised when a tyranny of the majority exists.
January 20th, 2008 at 4:44 am
Also, I don’t think America doesn’t want change, I think Fox News doesn’t want Ron Paul.
January 20th, 2008 at 4:41 am
I just want to say ReBigdiculous is absolutely full of fucking shit. Don’t listen to that asshole.
January 20th, 2008 at 3:07 am
FOX news did the exact same thing to Ron Paul. America does not want change.
January 20th, 2008 at 12:28 am
What we have here in america is called FASCISM.
January 20th, 2008 at 12:04 am
wait a second… if there’s a 50% chance that the taller of the two canidates will win, doesn’t that mean that there’s a 50% chance that the shorter of the two will win?
January 19th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Argentine, a democracy isn’t a country that shoots dissidents.
January 19th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
You stupid americans, you don’t have a democracy, you have a bipartidist democracy(only 2 choices). Cuba has a Unipartidist democracy(one choice), youre half way to being the same
January 19th, 2008 at 1:50 am
Oh, dammit! I meant to preface that with this: Rebigdiculous, you make an excellent point.
January 19th, 2008 at 1:48 am
Rebigdiculous said:
“Yall are all right on with most of this stuff, gelndoor and Kucinich have the sort of moral outrage that we need. But that outrage is actually in the right place, on the outside looking in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m right there with yall. I’ve spent my time in flexi-cuffs. But I also know that the stability of our system is essential to our lives. Complain all you want about having the same candidates year after year, but would you rather the alternative? Radical candidates making drastic policy changes all the time? Most nations would love to have the kind of mind-numbing consistency that we have. I lived in Kenya for five years, and while we complain “another Clinton?!? another Bush?!?!” they’d be much better off saying “another Kenyatta?!? another Moi?!?!” So don’t complain when Kucinich gets left out. He’s where he should be. And yeah, I might write in Nader again this year”
Okay, I’m not gonna beat around the bush (no pun intended- you’ll get what I mean in a second): I’m not a Democrat. I’m not 100% any party, but I do understand that you have to compromise here and there and settle for a rough approximation of what you want when you vote for a president. Here’s what I- a conservative on some issues, a libertarian on others- think is going on here. Kucinich has some truly outlandish things. Now don’t get me wrong, the dude has never been anything but honest. He’s never pretended to be a republican on national security just to win republican votes (unlike Hillary). I really respect that. But he’s not diplomatic enough (or two-faced?) to win. My money is Clinton Inc. may be behind this, because they’re trying not to let the cat out of the bag that they’re actually no different than Kucinich on all the major issues (pulling out of the war, universal healthcare, etc) and Kucinich is gonna lose them the nominal republican vote, which they do need. Oh, also, he said he saw a UFO. That doesn’t help.
January 18th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
That’s true, but I did not want to get in to all that and muddle my main point. This country has pretty much always been run by rich white men, but Teddy Roosevelt , in the last act of progressiveness by a Republican president, worked hard to bust up the trusts. Many of these gilded age businessmen and later their offspring, felt so betrayed by what they thought of as their own kind(Roosevelt and and later FDR) outrage at their diminished power that there is pretty good historical evidence that they attempted a coup in the late twenties or thirties.
They wanted to put in place a fascist style government after the model the Germany and Italy had. The man they chose to run this government was Marine General Smedley Butler. He ratted them out.
This story is not Internet conspiracy theory bullshit ,this actually happened or General Butler said it did and there is some evidence to back it up.
January 18th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
glendoor42: I agree with everything you said except this: “This country has been run by special interest groups and Big Business since LBJ took over as President.”
It’s been going on since WELL before LBJ. Read up on Rockefeller sometime and the influence he had in politics or better yet, check out the late 19th century. Most of the presidents after Lincoln were mired in scandal and corruption. It’s practically an American legacy.
FJMIN: You said, “I mean it’s a fact that short people have tinier brains.” It’s also a fact that many highly intelligent folk, and some geniuses, have had smaller-than-average brains.
January 18th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Your excellent choice in women wins my vote.
January 18th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
It reminds me of the censorship of Ron Paul. Even when they let him come to the debates, he still gets fucked over because they cut his questions out of the re-broadcast. haha.
January 18th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
One thing thing I’ve learned to do is to vote my conscience. If the candidate I supported only gets one vote(mine) then I’m fine with that. I voted for the candidate who’s platform most echoes my political ideals. I did not compromise my standards and settle for a candidate just because they have a chance to win. I will be writing in Eugene Debs this year as I always do.
January 18th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Kucinich recieved an invitation to the debate. It was never an assumption, it was a written letter. Good to read that others support the only DEM candidate that will get out of IRAQ now, not attack IRAN, block retroactive immunity, create universal health care, and exit WTO. I will be proudly voting for Kucinich in February regardless of how the mainstream media undermines his campaign. Anything else is just the status quo.
January 18th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Wow, look how black the inside of his mouth is! That’s the first thing I concluded when I reached this page.
January 18th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Yeah, the illogic and doublespeak is in full effect. You’re awesome for complaining. More people should.
January 18th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Here’s the response from my Columbus, OH NBC affiliate when I wrote to complain:
“No offense, but Kucinich has never been a candidate that even made a dent when it came to voter turn out. Unfortunately I think that is why there are very few people that take him seriously. It’s merely about focusing on the candidates that have an actual chance of running the country. Think of it this way – in sports you don’t cover the teams that are losing. You cover the teams that are making their way to the playoffs. You cover the World Series, not the runner up charity game. Does that make sense? I am not saying he doesn’t have a right to voice his agenda – I just think they are concentrating on the major players.”
It’s not about the particular candidate from my point of view. It wouldn’t matter who it was. The top four candidates were clearly invited to the debate. Joe Biden, who has often garnered less support than Kucinich, was the initial fourth participant. Joe Biden, who is the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, is someone who GE doesn’t want to make angry by excluding him. It was only after Biden dropped out of the race and Kucinich was to take his slot in the debates that NBC decided to GO TO COURT to prevent him from participating.
This was not about excluding a poor performing candidate. It was clearly about excluding Kucinich in particular.
NBC says Kucinich doesn’t make a dent in voter turn out. How is someone supposed to make a dent in voter turn out when NBC goes to court to make sure he’s prevented from participating in public presidential debates?
January 18th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Is it just me that wonders what Nick would have to say about all this?
January 18th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
who’s the sexy red head in the back…
January 18th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Although it would be fun to have a hobbit in the white house…
He has no right to be there. They are a private organization; they invite who they want. If you wanna see Kucinich you can watch a debate in which he participates. There is no obligation for the TV companies to broadcast the inane thoughts of any loonie just because he claims to have a shot at the presidency.
January 18th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Gee thanks, Cracked.
January 18th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
This is another example of corporations getting in the way of a true democracy in which we can all view and judge for ourselves. Kucinich is doing what most Obama and Edwards followers wish their candidates had the guts to do: Seek impeachment for the WMD lies which have cost so many lives on both sides of this conflict. True single-payer universal healthcare: Industrialized countries around the world believe good health is every citizen’s right, and though democrats in general are tending towards this viewpoint, only Kucinich has the guts to face the wrath of the drug companies by offering a NOT-FOR-PROFIT system. Immediate withdrawal from Iraq: The other Democratic candidates either Voted for the War in the first place, like senator Clinton, or seem too afraid to be labeled soft on terrorism. Nobody defends terrorism, but has anybody forgotten what this war was supposed to be about? Iraq’s WMDs? Which they didn’t have? Why doesn’t the US go after the many other dictators which the US has ties w… right. Saddam was armed by the US and sadly so was Bin Laden. The administration relies on xenophobia, fear-mongering and the people’s misinformation to shove false invasion motives down our throats… and if some one like Kucinich is courageous enough to stand up and call them on it, somebody can just pull the plug and un-invite him from the debates. So much for democracy. To those who support the other Democratic candidates I say I respect your choice, I personally feel we have a strong set of contenders this time around, but in the interest of fairness and full disclosure, shouldn’t we all want to hear all the candidates still in the race? My admiration for say Obama and Edwards (my second and third choices)would be greatly boosted if one them stood for democracy and honest uncensored debates.
January 18th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Ron Paul has a better chance than Kucinich.
January 18th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
The shorter has the other 50%
January 18th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Would I buy a shirt that had “I get my deep, insightful political commentary from ass_master3000 and glendoor42″ printed on it? Yes. Yes I would.
January 18th, 2008 at 11:11 am
kucinich is the way to go, and the media is conspiring against him >_>…
January 18th, 2008 at 11:03 am
While I completely agree with Glendoor42, in that the American political system is saturated with heavy-handed corporations and their cronies, and that they really have an iron fist clenched on the balls of America, I would also agree with McGilligan on the point that Kucinich was never going to get voted in. Even if his platform actually IS what the American people really want. This comes down to circumstance. The fact of the matter is that, while it seems completely idiotic to say so, the problems America is facing are not immediate enough to warrant the degree of outrage that could trigger a change in the fundamental system. Or rather, the American people do not SEE the problems as immediate enough - even though they should. Sadly, the seeds planted by the current douchebag administration need to bear their putrid fruit before the real peril that America faces shines into the skulls of many Americans. The vast majority (it would seem) are still complacent with the fact that ‘America the Brave’ will forever be at the top of the pecking order, and blindly believe that they will triumph over all ‘Evil’ that threatens their sovereignty.
My sister-in-law is from Kansas and very ‘American’(I live in Canada). While she would be accounted highly educated, I am aghast at the sheer naivete of her political beliefs.
If she’s supposedly in the upper echelon of informed people, I shudder at the prospect of the political knowledge of your average American. btw, in case anyone thinks I’m USA-bashing, I’m well aware that Canada has major political problems as well, that also stem from ignorance of the Canadian people.
January 18th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Diebold Hacker and Ronco Candidate would be good band names as well. Also, vote for me.
January 18th, 2008 at 8:50 am
McGilligan: Whether he’s got a chance of winning or not is NOT the issue. The issue is that candidates are being selected for us by big corporations (in this case, one that makes refrigerators, TV shows, and weapons of mass destruction), and that every candidate deserves to be equally heard, regardless of their “chances”. Kucinich’s platform has been shown across the board to be the most in line with what American people actually want, or think they want. Since what Americans want is not the same as what GE, Time/Warner, News Corp., Halliburton, and Microsoft want, he is painted on corporate-owned media as a nutcase and “not a viable candidate”.
TV has ruined the political process in many ways. But Glendoor is also right in saying that it’s really our own fault. We believe what we’re told, and that’s pretty fucking stupid when “what we’re told” has to do with a guy or woman who will have the ability to wage war, keep most of us poor and struggling, and decide what laws are ok and what ones aren’t.
January 18th, 2008 at 8:29 am
I’d also like to point out that Al Gore already won the presidency once; it didn’t matter. Nothing a little revolution wouldn’t fix. I’m actually serious about that. When the elite have entrenched themselves in the halls of power so long and so completely, it takes more than a few concerned activists and http://www.cracked.com to make a difference.
On a more philosophical note, do you think the Romans foresaw the end of their great empire? Do you think we will?
January 17th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
And there’s no way in HELL I’m getting a life, dick.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
I have been stationed in places where there were actual death squads and had to deal with said deaths squads. Why do you think I feel so fervently about our fucked up system?
I’m a retired Army SFC, have lived all over the world and have seen what the worst is many countries countries have to offer. I know our country is the best we have and I know exactly how good we have it over here. I also know that the USA can improve, vastly.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Wow Swaim, why don’t you get a fucking LJ or go hang out on Ron Paul forums or something. Your candidate was never going to win, and guess what, at least 50% of the people are disappointed when their guy doesn’t win, and your odds of being disappoint rise dramatically when you put your money on a shitty little wierdo horse who claims he saw a UFO. Kucinich was never going to win, and nobody watched the fucking debate anyway. Get a life.
Glendoor, its great that you feel so fervently about our fucked up system, but until some death squad drags you away in the night, you’ve got it pretty good.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
There’s a more than 50 % chance that the taller candidate will win. How much more than 50%? Cause it seems like 50% would theoretically be the expected outcome given that the US uses a two party system. So if it’s only slightly more than 50%, perhaps its not even statistically significant. Plus it just makes sense that the taller candidate would win. I mean it’s a fact that short people have tinier brains. It’s just science. Also 75% of Americans fear the tiny-handed due to the awkward handshake problem. These is the facts. Look them up.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Yall are all right on with most of this stuff, gelndoor and Kucinich have the sort of moral outrage that we need. But that outrage is actually in the right place, on the outside looking in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m right there with yall. I’ve spent my time in flexi-cuffs. But I also know that the stability of our system is essential to our lives. Complain all you want about having the same candidates year after year, but would you rather the alternative? Radical candidates making drastic policy changes all the time? Most nations would love to have the kind of mind-numbing consistency that we have. I lived in Kenya for five years, and while we complain “another Clinton?!? another Bush?!?!” they’d be much better off saying “another Kenyatta?!? another Moi?!?!” So don’t complain when Kucinich gets left out. He’s where he should be. And yeah, I might write in Nader again this year
January 17th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Myself and my hilarious bile thank you.
January 17th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
You should spew bile more often. It’s hilarious. You have hilarious bile.
January 17th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
This line was suppose to go after the shooting blanks line ” Many of the people I see get busted on COPS have a wife/husband and kids also but I woundn’t vote for those fuckers either.”
January 17th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Wow, glendoor42. Just wow.
January 17th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
A-fucking-men, brother.
January 17th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
This country has been run by special interest groups and Big Business since LBJ took over as President. They were slicker about it then, but now they don’t even care what the American people think. If they did do you think we would have 3.00 dollar a gallon gas prices?
They trot out the same cookie cutter candidates year after year. Candidates who say such
brilliant things that no one in their right mind could argue with, like education is good, terrorism is bad, I love America, jobs are good, I will protect America, I want a clean environment, America is great is, old people need help, I like puppies and end it with the all time favorite, Let’s make a better world for our children. Now who the fuck will argue with all that!
Then they run practically the same campaign ad year after year. (Until they start saying that their opponent is the Anti-Christ, Why? he/she has just said the same bullshit you have)This ad is going to feature at some point the candidate in front of nondescript church, speaking to a veterans group who’s cumulative age is 3528, the candidate in a hard hat at a construction site, talking to a classroom of kids and this ad usually ends with them standing in some set made up to look like the lawyer ads you see at three in the morning, with their wife and kids. This end shot proves that a. they have found a woman/man stupid enough to marry them and b. the kids prove that they ain’t shooting blanks.
Or worse than these jackass or elephants whatever the case may be, is the Ronco candidate. The miracle man, they usually pander to a large enough electorate to really be in the running. Their message usually consists of breaking down the mess that is 60 years of this countries problem into a single simple fix that will cost the American people nothing. It’s so simple they will say, why hasn’t anyone done this before, I just don’t understand why. Elect me and I will fix everything and you, the America people won’t have to do a goddamn thing, free cake and pie for all. BUUULLL- SHHHIIIITTT.
But when someone comes along and says even the smallest piece of the truth like this country is messed up( it is ) and it’s going to take a lot of work and personal sacrifice, on everyone’s part to make it right( it is and it will) this candidate is usually painted as a kook.
The problem is not the asshole politicians, special interest groups or big business, the problem is us. We have allowed this situation to exist, we don’t vote or if we do it’s for the same assholes over and over, we don’t want to hear the truth that it is going to take work to fix this country that it’s going to take our time, our sacrifice and our initiative to make this country right for all Americans. This country is so badly in need of third party and I would start one but I have to go finish playing The Witcher.
January 17th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
I think it is nice that someone thinks there is a possibility that I won’t win. That is so cute.
January 17th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Ah, Beppo has just informed us that it’s his wife….
I no longer have any sympathy for the man at all.
January 17th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Yes Swaim, I agree this is all very important and the outrage is unspeakable, but more importantly, who is that smoking hot redhead beside him in that picture?
January 17th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
You only support Kucinich because you think it will allow you to touch his hot wife’s boobies.