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The Issue Sarah Palin Must Address: I Want to See Her Naked

If you’ve visited digg.com at any point over the past two weeks, you’ve probably seen a ton of articles about Sarah Palin. Various scandals she may be involved in. Various scandals she someday will be involved in. Hilarious Daily Show clips describing her laughable inadequacy as a candidate. Still, one issue has been tragically absent from all of these articles, so I’m gonna go ahead and be brave and say what everyone else is thinking but is too afraid to say:
I want to see Sarah Palin naked. Without any of her clothes on.

It’s true. I really want to. Now, some of the media lackeys and political spin wizards out there are going to try to confuse and obfuscate this issue –they want you to think that seeing John McCain’s shockingly foxy wife nude is the most important point our nation should be dealing with right now—and I am saying to you right here and right now: do not be sucked in. Even some of our country’s leading political analysts, like my esteemed colleague Professor Swaim, will try to assure you that a comparative look at the various fighting styles of the Vice Presidential hopefuls is what this election is really about. The good Professor, while well-intentioned, is just a little bit retarded. This election is about one thing and one thing only:
How bad I want to see Sarah Palin naked.

[To clarify, "very."]

I mean, I’ve looked at some of the other issues, let’s be honest, here:
Gas Crisis? More like ass crisis, right?
War in Iraq? More like war in your rack, right?
Constantly decreasing social security? More like take your pants off, right?

She’s not even the hottest lady ever. Granted, she definitely has a Tina Fey meets Susan Lucci thing going on, but she won’t stop traffic.

I don’t know if it’s the librarian glasses or the fact that she’s kind of a bitch, but the bottom line is, I haven’t been this curious to see what a Vice Presidential hopeful looked like naked since Spiro Agnew.


Not in a sexual way or anything. Just really curious.

We’ve got an election coming up, evidently, (I know, right? I thought we just had an election.), and, as is his custom, Anderson Cooper called me up to ask me who I was voting for.

What could I tell him? How could I possibly make that decision without seeing Sarah Palin naked? How can anyone make this decision? And she’s from Alaska?! Unless someone from my past has lied to me, I don’t think I’ve ever even seen an Alaskan chick naked. Do they look like normal naked chicks, or are they more like centaurs? The possibility of centaur-themed genitalia weighs heavily on my decision, and my vote cannot be made until this issue is resolved.
Governor Palin, presumably, has tons of thoughts on various issues that may impact other people’s decisions. For example, on November 3rd, 2006, she said:

“Alaska’s small business owners are the backbone of our regional economies. Small Alaskan-owned businesses should have just as much say in state policy as the big companies do. Our precious businesses are major employers of Alaskans and keep Alaska’s money circulating through our economy. As Mayor and CEO of the booming city of Wasilla, my team invited investment and encouraged business growth by eliminating small business inventory taxes, eliminated personal property taxes, reduced real property tax mill levies every year I was in office, reduced fees, and built the infrastructure our businesses needed to grow and prosper. ”

Whoa! Save the words for the birds, Buddy! I want to take a bath with you!

At the behest of Anderson Cooper, I decided to check out her speech last Wednesday at the Republican National Convention. She was, I must admit, an excellent speaker (or whatever), but she raised some troubling issues. For instance, she mentioned that her “husband” Todd, was a proud member of the United Steelworker’s Union as well as a World Champion Snow Machine Racer. Now, I have neither the time nor the desire to demean myself by looking up what a snow machine racer is, (it sounds retarded), but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t mean he can do more sit ups than I can. By this reasoning, I cannot fathom why she would waste time having/raising children with him when she could be dedicating herself to more noble pursuits like, off the top of my head, taking off all of her clothes and eating gummi snacks with me.


Mmmmm…

Also, speaking of children, have you folks heard what she named all of her stupid kids? What the hell? “Bristol?” You named a kid “Bristol?” And “Track?” Come on. Quit being such a bitch. Ooh, and your youngest, you called him “Trig?” As in…onometry? Bullshit.

Still, if you want to take all of your clothes off and do some dancing in my apartment, I will not let the ridiculousness of those names influence my vote in anyway. I will focus only on the facts. (Your boobs, etc.) And I’m not even saying I want to have dirty, filthy sex with you, (though, I’m pretty sure that’s where we both think this is going). I’m just saying I want to see you naked. Maybe take a bath with you, is all. If you would like to take this further, I can personally guarantee you a delicious, home-cooked meal followed by up to eleven seconds of aggressive lovemaking. (Having sex with me is like a fight with Tyson in his prime: It won’t last that long, but afterwards you’ll be unconscious.)


It’s actually a lot like this.

So there it is, Governor Palin. And it’s not just me who wants to see you naked. Remember, I’m merely the vessel through which the questions and concerns of the American People flows. I can’t help it if I’m the only one man enough to ask the hard-hitting questions this election season.

So, come on. Let’s get naked for America.

Last 5 posts by Daniel O'Brien

This entry was posted on Friday, September 5th, 2008 at 7:00 am and is filed under 2008 Presidential Campaign, Sarah Palin, nudity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Leave a Reply

239 Responses to “The Issue Sarah Palin Must Address: I Want to See Her Naked”

  1. Superstar2559 Says:

    haha laughed so hard at the centor bit.

  2. M.Ramzan Says:

    i want to send e,mail to sarah paline .plz give me her e,mail address or cell #

  3. Sarah Palin Nude?! at The Insider | Sarah Palin- VP Candidate- Hockey Mom Says:

    [...] If you’ve visited digg.com at any point over the past two weeks, you’ve probably seen a ton of articles about Sarah Palin. Various scandals she may be involved in. Various scandals Continue .. [...]

  4. employee clockin clockout Says:

    She went to 6 different colleges. Take that as you wish.

  5. Eric Says:

    Sarah Palin would’ve been the downfall of Western civilization

  6. Adriana Says:

    Very informative website. Thank you master! Best regards.

  7. kookimebux Says:

    Hello. And Bye. :)

  8. Kathy Compton Says:

    hi
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    good luck

  9. Rodolfo Ramirez Says:

    hi
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  10. Margaret Lawson Says:

    hi
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  11. Stephon Stout Says:

    hi
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  12. corey Says:

    helo iwant see u nukedsharahpalin

  13. Greg Says:

    I want to do her, but I will be happy with a naked shot of her. I picture her laying on a bear skin rug that she shot herself in very seductive poses.

  14. Kris Says:

    Dude, she’s had 5 kids!!! One can only begin to imagine the amounts of stretch marks on her! Get off the bottle and sober up! Take the beer goggles off! She does have a prettyish face though, I’ll give you that…

  15. J. R. Says:

    We’ed Reall love to see your unclothed pussy,and it’s hidden folds,And features !!!!

  16. againsthunting Says:

    WHO THE HELL WANTS PALIN AS A FRIKKENNN PRESIDENT?!?!?!?!?????

  17. musicobsession Says:

    it seems a lot of usual stuffs of Palin will hurt the country more.

  18. Sarah Palin: When Politics Go “Aawww!” « The Posthuman Marxist Says:

    [...] by Cracked.com, who was honest enough to tell us that the first thing about Sarah Palin is that we want to see her naked. We have plenty of videos showing her time when she served as pageant (pictured left), such as her [...]

  19. Earl the Cat - Evil, Power Hungry Beast? Or Just a Cat? Says:

    [...] If I see my cat start to fly and/or go down a tree trunk head first (And no, I’m not referring to him falling. Fartknocker!) I’m thinking we’ve got trouble and should call the National Guard or Sarah Palin. [...]

  20. Tina Says:

    Seeing her naked is what all of us want. I wonder how will she look as compare to naked Penelope Cruz. And do you want to see her have sex also?

    http://www.ekhichdi.com/actors-actress/penelope-cruz-onscreen-sex-with-ben-kingsley

  21. Dierdre Says:

    If you still haven’t achieved your perfectly resonable goal of seeing a VP candidate naked, then worry not! Just buy your very own Sarah Palin action figure, and you, too, can contort her body in new and interesting ways!

  22. Duncan Says:

    “VPILF.” best part of this entire page.

  23. waddayameanyomomma Says:

    Dude you wanna see her naked check this shit out.
    http://www.vandelayindustries.dk/f/?list=Sarah+Heath+Palin+fakes
    It aint real but it does the job.

  24. » Dear Media: What’s This Election About? | Cracked.com Says:

    [...] You’re not some hilariously absurd website that can get away with posting tasteless articles asking to see the potential Vice President naked. You’re CNN. You have a [...]

  25. web Says:

    NEXT: Vice Presidential upskirts.

  26. mrlamar Says:

    she is sooo damn hot. and i 2 wanna c her naked. also tina fey is smoking!

  27. erik Says:

    If she gets ellected you won’t ever get a chance to see her naked. Boy she will sure fuck us all though.

  28. James Says:

    I’m glad someone finally brought to light the real issues of today’s politics.

    Funny stuff!

  29. Fulgent Monkey Says:

    Celebrity Politics…

    It’s about to get real over here. Not only is this our first post here on FulgentMonkey.com, but we couldn’t have picked a better time to launch the site. For everyone out there who just finished spending the last 30 days in the hole of your loca…

  30. sexy Says:

    Naked! http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/4180/1221340379560tk4.jpg

  31. joseph duran Says:

    She is Hot!
    And Seeing Her Naked is the best idea i’ve heard about her so far!

  32. sean Says:

    where are htne nude images of Sarah Palin?

  33. sean Says:

    this is our “true Amerincan style”! like it or leavei it.

  34. RicketyCricket Says:

    I want to see her daughter naked. NO LACTATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!!!

  35. WildWildEast Says:

    You people are pigs! Why can’t you respect the woman for her political and family accomplishments in true American style? http://wildwildeastdailies.blogspot.com/2008/09/lim-jong-il-ill-after-threats-by-palin.html

  36. Faye Kane Says:

    Yeah, well laugh it up while you have time. The only undecided voters are trailer trash rednecks. The men ‘necks will vote for her because they want to see her naked, and the female ‘necks will think they’re voting for women’s lib.

    Then in about 6 or 7 years, outfits which ridicule the government will be “disappeared”. Outfits like… Cracked.

    – faye kane, homeless brain
    Read more of my smartmouth opinions at http://blog.myspace.com/fayekane

  37. discombobulator Says:

    Yeah, take that “mouth-breathers!”

    And all of you eye-lookers and ear-hearers.. Well, you’re on notice!

  38. Jason Says:

    Sarah Palin is a retard producing, whore daughter raising, censorship approving, inexperienced, bitch. She needs to get back in the kitchen and stop pretending she’d be good for this country.

  39. John Says:

    Well, it’s just a matter of time until she starts breastfeeding that baby on TV. She’s already completely exploiting her kids.

  40. Sarah Palin: Digg REALLY Doesn't Like Her | Nethackz.com Says:

    [...] The Issue Sarah Palin Must Address: I Want to See Her Naked [...]

  41. Daniel O'Brien Says:

    “Hoodwinked by a huckster!” E gads, Gents, this fine rapscallion is right! We’ve been bamboozled, we have! The rug’s been pulled out from under us! Blast this tomfoolery!

  42. MacHaggis Says:

    The saddest thing that this article and this comment section made me think of was that some of you mouth-breathing retards are actually allowed to vote. The thought is like a splinter in the mind’s eye.

    I’ve come to realize that a ton of you fuckers are smart as a whip, and quick as DOBs oncoming orgasm, but how the hell you could be hoodwinked by a huckster like Obama is beyond comprehension. How do your heads not explode from the cognitive dissonance produced by mocking Sarah Palin’s lack of experience for a #2 position with when the charlatan going for the #1 position for the Dims is even less experienced in terms of any executive position?

    And in conclusion, Michelle Obama is a nasty looking harpy and Sarah Palin should totally nude it up in some rather lascivious glossy magazine pages.

  43. Melcene Says:

    After making a comment somewhere, (”Plus, she’s kinda hot… in that sexy librarian sorta way.”) a friend referred me to your article. Cracked me up.

    I agree, VPILF. And this from a fellow female.

  44. Tech News Beta :: The Sandbox Says:

    [...] Gov Sarah Palin strips for … [...]

  45. The Hedonistic Pleasureseeker Says:

    Ah! The straight man response! So refreshing.

  46. Shana Says:

    What? I went to the Rocky Horror Picture Show this friday. I just noticed that the news letter they handed me had this article on it. Whats up with that?

  47. tapyram Says:

    Daniel O’Brien: From a new Canadian fan: Save the words for the birds, Buddy! I want to take a bath with YOU!
    Where have you been all my life. This is the most gloriously hilarious thing I’ve read all convention.

  48. lnnl Says:

    I take comfort in the following:

    A. Trig is 5 month old
    B. Bristol is 5 months pregnant
    C. While the rest of the family was at the hospital welcoming the new addition, Bristol and Levi took advantage of an empty Palin household and GOT BUSY!

  49. Daniel O'Brien Says:

    Finally somebody gets it.

  50. JAR Says:

    we get it. you’re bored and like to say stuff. tryin gto be funny isn’t the same as being funny.

  51. kingmonkey, buy my book! Says:

    By the way… in the background of your article graphic… are those now the Official Cracked Boobs (OCB)?

  52. kingmonkey, buy my book! Says:

    Well, doesn’t the Vice-Presidential election pageant already have a swimsuit portion (in addition to the ridiculous talent competition)?

    I vote for Miss South Carolina! Such as like for the position, and I personally believe that many candidates like the Sarah Palin, and in southeast Asia… such as…

  53. Drew Baye Says:

    Considering the generally poor physical condition of most Americans (weak, slow and fat) and the burden it is placing on health care and the economy, I believe it is important for our leaders to set an example and be physically fit. Palin needs to get naked to convince me that she considers physical fitness a priority. I want to know our leaders will make the President’s Council on Physical Fitness a bigger priority.

  54. kingmonkey, oooohhh yeeaahh! Says:

    “steve Says:
    September 6th, 2008 at 10:25 am
    Wow. I’d like to see her naked. Badly”

    You want badly to see her naked, or to see her badly naked?

    Nosilla… thank you. It’s been so long, and I thought I was alone. I too want to see Gary Coleman naked (purely for scientific reasons, of course).

  55. Nosilla Says:

    1) this made me lol. the whole way through. brilliant as always

    2) i have also pondered what spiro would look like in flesh for the very same reason. Another person on the list..not a vp but close enough : Gary Coleman

    3) Daniel… i’m just going to put it out there: Would you have my babies? I think they would be hotter than those jolie/pitt babies and would also have witty dry humor to match. When Xenu bestows his powers upon Suri, she’ll need a formidable opponent. Let me know what you think.

  56. WiseOne2 Says:

    Come on she’s had not one but five (5) children. Some women look great with their clothes on. I don’t think I want to see her naked. Now if I can choose something from Victoria’s Secret or Fredrick’s of Hollywood, then I in. Look I’ve voted Democrat for Oh all my life. Well there was that time with Ross. I am voting for John McCain for one reason. He picked the Hottest running mate. At least when they have to give me bad new they can send that sexy VP out to do it. You have to have a reason to vote. This year Looks will do it for me.
    I’ve been around for many elections and know one thing. Both Republicans and Democrats have been up in Washington D.C. and they both have it so screwed up only a much higher power can fix it. Good luck in getting her naked. Just keep sending me photo’s of her with clothes on.

  57. Clarinette Says:

    Whose insane idea was it to allow men to vote?

  58. Haligirl Says:

    Another great article DOB! Although I am surprised that she hasn’t thrown herself at you already…

  59. Before I Sign Off Says:

    [...] my view on the Republican Nominee for Vice [...]

  60. yogurt Says:

    The only way the public is likely to see sarah palin naked is if McCain loses and she becomes obscure and then agrees to do a playboy cover. Either that or someone drugs her, kidnapps her, and takes photos. Most of which will become difficult if not impossible if she becomes the vp.

  61. Mark Base Says:

    Almost makes me wish I was American. But not quite.

  62. likestog Says:

    In light of the respectable National Enquirer’s allegations that Palin had an affair years ago, I think it’s time we had a Vice President that wants to fuck. Hillary would have been a lock for the presidential nomination if she liked to G. Sure, Bill paved the way for the baller, but Dick Cheney pushed freaking to the side in favor of spree killing. Just knowing that she wants nothing more than to be ass up in a pair of high heels is enough for my vote.

  63. Abdo Says:

    Men are the same :)

  64. John Says:

    I’ll bet after she loses the election she accept an offer from Playboy, and become a lobbyist.

  65. Jesus Says:

    My thoughts exactly.

  66. Keep yourself busy « Book of Grudges Says:

    [...] US Politics has been in the news a lot over here this week.  Seems there’s some election going on in the US. Not sure who to vote for? Luckily, the Edge has examined the candidates’ gaming credentials. Meanwhile, Daniel O’Brien at cracked.com cuts to the chase because there’s only one issue he thinks Sarah Palin must address. [...]

  67. buddhahands Says:

    I only read the first five comments or so, but here’s the deal.

    this is the only cracked.com article I have agreed with, ever. she should be mailed this. e or paper. someone buy billboard space imo.

  68. Squeeky Says:

    Eww. She has five kids. I bet she has major body shaping undergarments under that power suit.

  69. Dogzilla Says:

    I just want to hear Palin chanting “Drill, Baby, Drill!”

  70. Tom Says:

    Trig is the retarded child, right? Ironic that he’ll probably never be able to do trigonometry.

  71. The Principal at Work » Inquiring Sarah Palin admirerers really want… Says:

    [...] Cracked.com [...]

  72. Ara Says:

    and remember thet liberalism is a mental disorder
    and how you like my speling for mister Obama ( O bum a) :)

  73. Ara Says:

    you gyus , she look and talk maaaaach beater then Hilary ,O bum a, and freeking liberal- democrats are dont know what to do, they panic ha ha

  74. eleanor Says:

    I want to see DOB naked….

  75. Brizz Says:

    Awesome, as always DOB :D

  76. Lizzehghs Says:

    Hahaha. Awesome.

  77. Enscriber Says:

    [...] you’ll just have to read the article to find [...]

  78. shadyzladii Says:

    haha
    ‘Having sex with me is like a fight with Tyson in his prime: It won’t last that long, but afterwards you’ll be unconscious.’
    hilarious!!!!!!!!
    p.s. i love you DOB!!!

  79. RomoOno Says:

    I agree the chances of seeing her naked will decrease if she is elected. Obviously her nuditity would be reserved for visiting heads of state, diplomats and the like. Much like Cheney’s nuditity is currently reserved for Balkan leaders and the kid that wins the big spelling bee thing and gets to visit the white house. If she loses the election, the odds of her taking out a full page ad showing a wide open beaver shot with the caption “Eat this, you democrat bastards!” increase slightly. Go Obama!

  80. bujan Says:

    Honestly, your article was incredibly hilarious. Everything, pictures, text, comments, witticisms, EVERYTHING was funny as hell Dan. Awesome stuff.

  81. Senor Taco Says:

    She’s more likely to take her clothes off for us if she doesn’t get the job.

  82. lolmao Says:

    that would be great if she read this
    and dude, i applaud your caption to the gummy bear picture
    mmmm…
    all that needs to be said

  83. steve Says:

    Wow. I’d like to see her naked. Badly

  84. The Issue Sarah Palin Must Address: I Want to See Her Naked « Costless things - Weblog Says:

    [...] read more | digg story [...]

  85. spock Says:

    hi,
    don’t you think the u.s. is overreacting? i mean, if her daughter wants to have sex, so be it! if her daughter wants to have a kid, it’s her problem! why is a whole nation going nuts because of a pregnant girl? there’s something wrong, terribly wrong if ppl consider s. p. a bad candidate because of her pregnant daughter! i’m not american citiyen, nor do i like the republicans, but i believe in freedom….

  86. Maddie Says:

    Not that I’ve actually read the article because I’ve plowed my way through a couple of bottles of red wine so fuck it! But seriously DOB - is there any entity you wont queue up to see naked? I’m pretty sure you’d buy front row seats to a Bruce Vilanch striptease. Hell, you’ve probably already experienced the skeezy lap dance show.

  87. Noah Says:

    Here is one step closer for you!

    http://www.ratemyeverything.net/post/13150/Sara_Palin_in_a_Bikini.aspx

  88. timsgm Says:

    hilarious. maybe Sarah will read it and help you out. Would a picture be enough or do you actually have to see her in person? If a picture is enough, perhaps you should be speaking to her husband, maybe he will help you out? worth a try. As for the Agnew thing, I’m hoping there aren’t any naked pictures of him around for you to see, cuz well ewww

  89. Gary Says:

    OMG Epic WIN! I wouldn’t mind seeing our possible future VP nude. The photoshop pic of her in a bikini is good, but nowhere near the real thing….

  90. nick Says:

    ha, and i just saw this on drudge:
    http://www.hollywood-newsroom.com/gossip/sarah-palin-naked/

  91. glendoor42 Says:

    ““Having sex with me is like a fight with Tyson in his prime: It won’t last that long, but afterwards you’ll be unconscious.”

    That was the best line in the article to me, but you and I both know they were unconscious
    to start with and only the voices in your head made them seem like they were animated.

  92. lapinot Says:

    @ pingollum, but we has only six, precious…

    Tits.

  93. Gladstone Says:

    Did the real Chris really just leave that comment? Really? Well after more than 6 months we learn what it takes to get Chris to come out of his Casnadian shell and comment: Conservative Breasts.

    Oh, btw, Conservative Breasts was the name of my college band.

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  95. mogulus Says:

    she was a former beauty queen. someone has got to have spankable bikini photos somewhere.

    we have punch hole ballots in my home town. I can’t wait to tell the officials that i’m here to pop Palin’s hole.

    stunning.

  96. Chris Bucholz Says:

    Awesome awesome awesome article.

    Seriously dude. You know. Total zeitgeist thing here. Just awesome.

  97. DJ Says:

    “Having sex with me is like a fight with Tyson in his prime: It won’t last that long, but afterwards you’ll be unconscious.”

    that is possibly the funniest thing ive ever read

  98. MJ -89 Says:

    See, as soon as I hit ‘Submit Comment’ I noticed a grammatical error but it was already too late….

  99. MJ -89 Says:

    They do it on purpose Glendoor. Every Friday night they all get together for drinks and laugh at our retarded mistakes knowing full well that we have no way of correcting them.
    It’s all part of their master plan to take over the world.

  100. glendoor42 Says:

    should be committing not comminting. GODDAMN WOULD IT KIL YOU PEOPLE TO HAVE AN EDIT FUNCTION!!!

  101. glendoor42 Says:

    Yes, apparently Republican womens “special flower” only produces sunshine when they are NOT having premarital sex or comminting adultery and then only when they make a baby.

  102. a_penis Says:

    considering I already impregnated her daughter, I think I have a pretty good idea of what she looks like, 25 years younger at least.

  103. J-Pappi Says:

    Her pussy DIDN’T shoot out sunshine? But I thought she was a Republican? I’m confused.

  104. glendoor42 Says:

    Hell, it wasn’t one night it was five and the fifth was 20 years later( Mrs. glendoor42 and I were separated, until she came to her senses and took me back) and swear to god , “Melanie” now works for a right wing republican senator.

    She has called me once, in the past year and i told her I was back with my wife, her answer was “So, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her” and I said “thanks but, no thanks”
    Then she said extremely haughtily” Well that’s your loss” I said not really, your pussy don’t shoot out sunshine, bitch” and hung up the phone and Mrs. glendoor said “WHO WAS THAT?” I said telemarketer.

  105. cassidy Says:

    Daniel, I have a nip pic that will change your life.
    http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/b/b7/Women_For_Mccain.jpg

  106. Daniel O'Brien Says:

    Totally agree, Sgt, that when she opened her mouth she seemed like a total stuck up bitch. (So much so, in fact, that I can’t understand how she’s being touted as this down-to-earth, blue collar ‘good ole gal’ candidate. Not that I object to her attitude, I just find it mind-boggling that she is supposed to be the anti-Obama on the scale of elitism.)
    But it’s that total bitchiness that makes me want to see her naked even more.

    Also, sorry to hear that you knew a Christian chick in High School who decided to go slummin’ one night. God knows we’ve all been there.

    Or maybe not sorry. Congratulations. Yeah. Attaboy.

  107. Seminolewill Says:

    I would tap that if I had the chance too, but if McCain/Palin were elected we would have the hottest first daughter in like……. Forever!!!! Check out this weeks issue of People mag and tell me she does not have the look like she is wanting someone to jimp her bones!….

  108. tycity Says:

    Ewww… I’d rather see two sumo wrestlers doing it in a bucket of boiling olive oil. Yeach.

  109. glendoor42 Says:

    I said I was still available for booty calls.

  110. Jack Says:

    She reminds me of Andrea Yates.

  111. Sachin Says:

    I too want to see her ******

  112. J-Pappi Says:

    Glendoor, why are you bitching about every man’s dream? A girl who will give you some and then shut up and fuck off until it’s time to give you some again? My god, man; what the hell’s wrong with you? Most of the country would pay good money for that formula.

  113. McCain said to be "out of touch" for not knowing how many homes he owns - Page 11 - Xtreme CPU Says:

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  114. James Melborne Says:

    I am with ya, but she messed it up for me once she opened her mouth. Went from Milf to Shrill in 2 seconds. Additionally she does not believe in contraception, so I am guessing that all the traffic she has seen has left a few potholes.

  115. glendoor42 Says:

    I was all fine in wanting bang Gov. Palin, until she open her goddamn mouth.

    She reminds me of this chic that i fucked the night I graduated from High School. This girl thought she better than everybody, smarter than everybody and wouldn’t have fuck all to do with most people except her youth church group, that she was the leader of btw, or the girl softball team, she was the pitcher. She wouldn’t have anything to do with me either, that’s until she got about half drunk at this after graduation party.

    Then she was all about glendoor42 told me how she had always thought I was good looking, had always thought I was cool, said she had pretty much worshiped me far afar.

    Then after that night,which, by the way, still ranks up there with my best memories, Then she acted exactly as she acted before, a stuck up bitch, wouldn’t have anything to do with me at all, anything to do with me at all. I’d see her picture in the paper leading a christian youth rally for abstinence, receiving a scholarship from her Church for being an outstanding christian youth,shit hypocritical shit like that. Didn’t hear from her at all, except the the four more booty calls I got that summer, when she was at the beach at her parents beach house, alone, ninety miles from where we lived. Saw her at my twenty high school reunion in which she hardly acted like she knew me, that is until she threw herself at me in the parking lot.

    What was I talking about, Oh yeah, Sarah Palin is a two faced bitch, but I’m still available for booty calls. Hi Melanie!!!!

  116. doodooBiscuit Says:

    I’ll vote for her if she slipped a nipp

  117. BooBooWho! Says:

    8==D 8=====D 8============D—

  118. Dan Says:

    What do you think the pube situation is? Is there such a thing as a clean shaven VP candidate? For the first time in my life, I hope so.

  119. pingollum, but we has only six, precious... Says:

    Vicentius, well com’on then, mate! What’s bristol mean in cockney? You can’t just leave us hanging that way you know… and preggers?

    I’m quite unafraid of all things linguistic, after all. I mean, once you know what a “yiffer” is, nothing in the world can scare you.

  120. john Says:

    She should make a campaign promise that if she wins she’ll distribute - at the very least - one top shot. It’s going to be a close election… that little bump might mean the difference.

  121. MJ -89 Says:

    @ JC

    I thought she’d only had three kids?
    Either way, I dunno if you’re familiar with the Melbourne Gangland killings but here is a photo of Roberta Williams taken this year. She’s 39 and has had 3 kids (maybe 4, I can’t remember) either way it’s proof that you can still have a good body after childbirth. I also know plenty of women who’s stomachs weren’t mutilated just from having kids. I do agree that’s Palin isn’t sexy though.

    http://www.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,6131769,00.jpg

  122. EFN Says:

    /b/ has already Rule 34′d this topic.

    Go look now before the thread disappears.

  123. JC Says:

    Eh, she’s had half a dozen kids, her midriff CAN’T be pretty. She just looks like a suburban middle-aged mom to me, not sexy at all (but not ugly either).

  124. tall_AK_chick Says:

    Okay, for all you pervs out there. I live in AK, and there is a picture here of Sarah Palin in a red white and blue bikini …holding a rifle. Not kidding. I just have no idea how to cut and paste it in here. Anyone?

  125. Vincentius Says:

    Her daughter’s name is “Bristol.” Ever been to London? You know what “Bristols” means in Cockney? I guess Ms. Palin didn’t. Maybe she thought it was like “Chelsea,” just a place name. Better keep the saucepan stateside, Sarah, because they wouldn’t half take the piss out of her in England, especially preggers. Because everyone knows that makes your bristols get bigger.

  126. Hank Hill Says:

    Yup, she’s a hottie. With the poofy hair and the glasses, she kinda’ reminds me of my wife, Peggy.

    VPILF!

  127. MJ -89 Says:

    I think that not being from America some of these jokes were very lost on me. Especially given that I don’t find Sarah Palin good looking at all (perhaps she looks better on tv than in photos, I dunno)

    However you still managed to make me giggle with things like (or whatever) “husband”, you know, you’re regular funniness that doesn’t actually need a theme.

    Sort of glad now that all out politicians are fugly though, we don’t have to face such troubling issues when they’re all gross old men.

  128. kyle Says:

    she looks just like Dr. Milfy off the sopranos

  129. The Issue Sarah Palin Must Address: I Want to See Her Naked Says:

    [...]

  130. J-Pappi Says:

    Shana, I can honestly say I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to bang Dan. Gladstone, maybe; but only after an appropriate number of jaeger-bombs.

  131. Shana Says:

    Wow Dan, pretty much all your articles are flooded now with comments from people confessing that they want to bang you. That’s more than any other proffessional blogger can say.

  132. Shana Says:

    “I also want to see DOB naked. Perhaps a new feature? “Hate By Numbers… Naked’”

    I face-palmed.

  133. SickBoy Says:

    As a representative of Canada, I must say that we would all like to see her naked as well. That is all.

  134. Remote Viewer Says:

    I have the knowledge you seek.

  135. bungdaddy Says:

    Brilliant!

  136. KJL San Diego Says:

    I don’t know if anyone has said it yet, but Holly, Hugh Hefners gf, is from Alaska.
    That is one Alaskan I have seen naked. She looks good!

  137. Mike V. Says:

    Here is something close…

    http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/2008/09/custom_1220381941522_palin.jpg

  138. lnnl Says:

    …by the way, “Spiro Agnew” is an anagram of “Grow a Penis.”

  139. J-Pappi Says:

    McCain’s a lucky man if that’s not the only thing she has in common with Nina Hartley. Of course, he probably has to look at photos of concentration camp victims to get hard.

  140. lnnl Says:

    “VPs Gone Wild!”

  141. Mark Says:

    Wow, this was freaking hilarious!!! I thought the same thing though as she gave her last speech. Now here’s a politician I could see getting freaky with (even though she’s not hot really … there’s just something about those glasses … and you know she’d be good in bed).

  142. la blue Says:

    i’m gonna give this bitch 5 more kids…and then i’m gonna give bristol 10 more brats

  143. Surreal Says:

    I think most of the commenters fail to see the satire of this article.

  144. Shawn Says:

    THANK YOU for making my day!
    I haven’t laughed this hard since the VP was announced!

    But you do bring up a great point. I would LOVE to see the number of hits for “Sarah Palin Naked” that Google has on record! Seeing her naked would be quite the vote clincher!!

    THANKS AGAIN!

  145. Ben Says:

    i want to deposit my natural resources deep inside the alaskan wilderness

  146. donna Says:

    Great job DOB, don’t you know that all republicans have “Centar-themed genitalia”???

  147. Pogue Says:

    I don’t know much about her history or politics, but I would sure tit fuck her. I look at those tits and I think, yup, they need some fuckin’. Now, if she became the vice-president, I would, of course, show her the proper respect due her office and (more gently) tit-love-make her instead. But that’s just symantics. Either way, I want to put this citizen’s penis in between her public servant fun bags. That’s which way I’m a-votin’!

  148. Gary Says:

    You’ve ruined my day because, your wanting to see Palin naked, maked me think of seeing McCain naked … and that shouldn’t be inflicted on anyone, even McCain.

  149. cp Says:

    Drill Baby Drill!

  150. wally george Says:

    I have seen D O’Brien’s mother naked… I think I understand his problem…

  151. Razok Says:

    I, too, wish to eat the gummi snacks with Palin.

    I don’t know why. But I do.

  152. Foop Says:

    Alaskan chicks are normal naked, albeit lacking anything resembling social skills.

    Take my word for it.

  153. Dr. von Doom Says:

    Sarah and Bristol at the same time.

    Just saying.

    (Is it just me, or does the whole Clinton thing + Palin thing suggest that America today is way more sexist than it is racist? Not that I’m helping or anything!)

  154. Daniel O'Brien Says:

    Nina Hartley looks almost EXACTLY like John McCAin’s wife.

  155. Mike Says:

    Two words: Nina Hartley.

  156. anonanonanon Says:

    HAHA absolutely hilarious. I almost choked on my sandwich.

    ass crisis?
    war in your rack?

    Priceless.

  157. J-Pappi Says:

    PizzaTonight, I’m pretty sure I’d rather see her naked than ANYONE’S donkey dong; even a donkey’s.

    Jessica, Columbian streets are full of pasty-white Alaskan MILF’s? Who knew? Alaskan streets aren’t even full of them.

  158. J-Pappi Says:

    I’m pretty sure they sew the vag back up after a chick gives birth. Some (not all) still have some surprising snap left in ‘em after a few years and a few kids. Otherwise, chicks wouldn’t bother fucking anyone after the first kid came through; why would they? It wouldn’t be satisfying. Yet women in their 30’s and 40’s are notoriously more freaky on average than younger ones.

    Deductive reasoning may be applied here.

  159. Bucket of Awesome Blog » The REAL Issue Sarah Palin Must Address Says:

    [...] Palin Must Address I’m going to send Cracked.com some hits , because they make me laugh. The REAL issue Sarah Palin, Republic VP Nominee, must address : I want to see her naked. Share and [...]

  160. Jim christian Says:

    Guys, this is demeaning! Sarah Palin is a very classy and well educated lady, and lusting after her is no more acceptable than doing so after a local sports reporter. Oh wait, she was a local sports reporter. With a nice rack. Lust on.

  161. seijinumaru Says:

    Hey Dan…didn’t Palin participate in the Miss Wasilla and Miss Alaska pageants?

    And don’t those pageants have swimsuit competitions?

    Just find some pictures of that and you’re halfway there.

  162. sendo.blog › The Issue Sarah Palin Must Address: I Want to See Her Naked Says:

    [...] The Issue Sarah Palin Must Address: I Want to See Her Naked, otro excelente artículo de Cracked. Alan /// 05.09.2008 @ 04:40 PM Categorias: Humor, Ocio. Tags: Cracked, Sarah Palin. [...]

  163. DJanitor Says:

    Winner!

  164. Jessica Says:

    I have better boobs, ass… and I love to have sex DAILY. Of course I’m not American, I’m from Colombia, where you can see girls like Palin everyday in the street.

  165. Submission Says:

    OK, that was hilarious until @detprince22 stepped in.

    @detprince22, that was over the line.

  166. pizzatonight Says:

    I wouldn’t think any of the comments are sexist … oh no not at all. Why is it the people who would support trashing women always the ones that vote democrat?

    How about talk about seeing Obama’s big donkey dong? …and if he wants to really not be a Ivy League bastard, and wants to show his connection to the workin man, I’d like to see him eaten chicken and pickin cotten…

    oopps a bit racey there.

  167. Noise Is Information » Blog Archive » The Full Tina Palin Equation Says:

    [...] I can understand how you got that mixed up… here’s the full equation: From Cracked.   Posted in random [...]

  168. AngryYoungMan322 Says:

    “Still, if you want to take all of your clothes off and do some dancing in my apartment, I will not let the ridiculousness of those names influence my vote in anyway. I will focus only on the facts. (Your boobs, etc.) And I’m not even saying I want to have dirty, filthy sex with you, (though, I’m pretty sure that’s where we both think this is going)”…………. Awesome…AWESOME job man, but Tina Fey is so much hotter.

  169. ncc74656m Says:

    Umm, if she gave that speech naked, I’d even vote for Giuliani if she told me to. Ok, well, maybe I’m lying, but then, so is she!

  170. detprince22 Says:

    not only do i want to see sarah palin naked but also her two fine ass daughters and you gotta figure with the track record of the women in her family the little one will prolly be smokin in like 15 yrs

  171. Aravena Says:

    Tina Fey yes! I saw the same thing then I first saw her!!! Since then she should be in office just so people will pay more attention to politics. By people I mean guys and by politics I mean boobs. Seriously, people might start to enjoy watching political shows and what not if your photo pops up like spam and ads on sites every 5 seconds.

  172. Wiglaf Says:

    KylePB,
    correction: “That kid would be biting the shit out of people’s EARS from day one.”

  173. KylePB Says:

    @Neil
    Can you imagine if that tiger had Mike Tyson’s baby? That kid would be biting the shit out of people from day one!

  174. Neddypants Says:

    *raises hand*

    Right here, kingmonkey. Send me naked Michael Palin pictures.

  175. DP13 Says:

    I just noticed the very subtle cleavage engulfing the flag in the first photo. Good work.

  176. AtomicSpike Says:

    I always assumed Spiro was a Ken doll under his clothes. A saggy Ken doll. Alben Barkley, on the other hand, had it going on. I’m certain of it.

  177. Ogenbite Says:

    She can’t dodge the issue forever…

  178. alex Says:

    how bout some hot Palin/Mrs. Obama action. that would be a good deal, cuz i agree with everything you said, but ditto for Michelle.

    Decision 08 - Election of the hotties.

  179. everythingisayisalieinfacti'mlyingrightnow Says:

    Best line. “The good Professor, while well-intentioned, is just a little bit retarded” I would also like to see her naked.

  180. Neil Says:

    Now I kinda want to see mike tyson fuck a tiger. The world would very clearly never be the same. I think it would be for the better.

  181. DP13 Says:

    Wow, DOB, way to steal my Trigonometry joke that I made on Swaim’s blog YESTERDAY. Real creative of you.

    However, the gummy snack thing was genius.

  182. Grace Says:

    Great, now I’m going to be craving gummies all day! >:(

  183. Humor via Markh2o (I hate politics, but this is quite humerous regardless) - GearEval Says:

    [...] Humor via Markh2o (I hate politics, but this is quite humerous regardless)

  184. Megan Says:

    Track may be a really gay name but he’s pretty hot.

    I also want to see DOB naked. Perhaps a new feature? “Hate By Numbers… Naked”

  185. Andy Bar Says:

    I didn’t even know they had women in Alaska. Next you’re going to tell me that they have electricity and indoor plumbing as well.

  186. dirk alan Says:

    i want her to shoot me in the butt with a tranq gun then have her way with me. anagram sarah palin = a sharp nail = las piranah = anal parish. we got stuff to do

  187. Khalid Says:

    If you wanna see Palin naked (and I do), make sure she doesn’t get elected. If she wins, then she becomes VP for the next 4 - 8 years, during which time all that “respectability” and ego that comes w/ being Vice President and President of the Senate will stand in the way of her accepting offers from magazines like Hustler or Hot MILFs to pose for naked spreads.

    And by the time she’s done w/ all of that, after you put an extra 8 years on her, I’m not sure I wanna see her naked.

    However, if she looses, she goes back to being a nonentity, even more bitter than she already is, w/ a big “L” on her forehead, and just the right frame of mind to start thinking about cashing in on her 15 minutes of fame before she’s completely forgotten.

    So bottom line: you wanna see Palin naked, vote for Obama!! :D

  188. The Issue Sarah Palin Must Address: I Want to See Her Naked - Debate Politics Forums Says:

    [...] I mean, I

  189. Benty Says:

    For some reason I now have an overwhelming urge to see Dan O’Brien naked, Hook me up man.

  190. Editor Says:

    She’s a cross between Tina Fey and Sally Field (or Julia-Louis Dreyfuss, if that’s your thing), not Susan Lucci. Please make this correction. Thank you.

  191. greengoddess Says:

    The ones you have to roll up are called meatflaps, I think.

  192. Panzer-Stier Ross, Rocking Like a Hurricaine Says:

    I actually agree with TW, her neckline under her blouse looks like Ripley in Aliens.

    I never wanted to see Ripley naked. I am pretty damn curious though like DOB.

  193. Nick Diaz Says:

    Stockton Mother fucker!!! 209 for life. Hell yeah I wanna see this tramp bitch naked as badly as I want to fight KJ Noons’ stupid ass. WHAT!

  194. Sarah Palin - Page 2 - INGunOwners Says:

    [...] we are on the subject of Sarah Palin, this is pretty funny.

  195. TW Says:

    Well-written, but shockingly short-sighted.

    Don’t you get it?

    She’s had 4.5 kids. By now, her vag is hanging down to her knees, looking like an inverted wind sock, dipped in old boogers and motor oil.

    As for me and my klan, we say she can get more votes by keeping her clothes ON.

    (Though I’ve always been a little curious to see labia that has to be rolled up like a cigarette.)

  196. Tittysprinkles Says:

    The Mike Tyson line is perhaps the funniest thing I have ever read. Well done.

  197. Panzer-Stier Ross, Rocking Like a Hurricaine Says:

    well, yeah, drinking the Guinness for the ladies, conveniently places glass of Guinness picture for the guys who are only curious about your abs

  198. greengoddess Says:

    Thank you, CrazyCracker, for giving words to my fantasies. DOB, you are funny, which is sexy, but how can we know just how far your sexy goes unless we see you naked.

    You can still be drinking your Guiness.

  199. tofunny Says:

    http://www.burntees.com/index.cgi/bt.burntees-301148167+sarah-palin-vpilf-dark-t-shirt.html

  200. Panzer-Stier Ross, Rocking Like a Hurricaine Says:

    *shudders*

    Not since that time I wandered drunkenly into a strip club have I felt less proud to be a guy.

  201. MarshallVotesRonPaul Says:

    mmmmmmmmmmmmm

    I can see it now …. The Playboy V.P. Edition …. I’d buy one … or 40. Those pages tend to stick together after a while.

  202. KylePB Says:

    “What could I tell him? How could I possibly make that decision without seeing Sarah Palin naked?”

    I liked this part, wanna know why? That kind of concious narrative totally reminded me of something Hunter Thompson would have written. Except for the part about Sarah Palin, his ass had been blown out of a canon way before anybody gave two shits about her…

    Nicely done!

  203. katkcheshire Says:

    I don’t think the any of us would survive if the Cracked readers saw DOB naked. His 28-pack abs would just fucking explode us.

  204. Little Irish Lady Says:

    Yes I was talking about her kids names!

    Also there is nowhere near enough crotch pointing in this article.

  205. DrZin Says:

    Well, you’re gonna have about the next 16 years to fantasize. On the last day of her 2nd term, I’ll bet she whips out her tits as she boards the helicopter in a humorous–and sexy–send-up of the Nixon departure.

    Pull up a comfy chair, click on CNN, and have a box of tissues handy. Or an old sweat sock; I prefer an old sweat sock.

  206. CodyCastor Says:

    For a dramatic re-enactment, go rent Varsity Blues. Jump past the bullshit to the part where Dawson, the fat kid, and the redneck go to the strip club and their teacher is a dancer. She would make an excellent stunt double for Palin, and looks nothing like a centaur.

  207. Alex Says:

    Its scary how much we think alike!

  208. Liblet Says:

    OMFG! Thank you soo much for the laughs this morning! You’re brilliant! =)

  209. Crazycracker, The Curious Monkey Says:

    lol @ gummi snacks.

    I am going to have the balls to say what all the other cracked readers & commenters want to say but don’t have the balls to say it:

    “I want to see Daniel O’Brien naked.”

    Maybe not full monty, but just these rumored abs that have been so blogged about.

  210. guitarfaces Says:

    my ex girlfriend was from alaska. as an evolutionary response to the frigid climate, alaskan reproductive organs look like melted candles.

  211. Gallowglass Says:

    I’m glad someone had the courage to point out that Palin is Tina Fey four kids later.

  212. cutitdown528 Says:

    @ Matt W
    Palin is not a midget, and thats whats important.

  213. Matt W Says:

    Sarah Palin sure is hot, but she’s no Rebecca Venom…all seven-feet-eleven-inches of her.

  214. shnkrnryn Says:

    i wanna do her badly

  215. KylePB Says:

    @IF ONLY
    I’m guessing she’s talking about Palin’s kid’s names…

    @DOB
    More like centaurs. Definately centaurs. Great guess, by the way!

  216. BearMan Says:

    Well played, DOB. It’s about time someone tackled this issue. A hot chick that hunts moose…sounds like my kinda woman.

  217. Weekly Booty - Sarah Palin-Spears, Kevin Spacey lovin’ hairy ass, and a 144 person beer bong | Buzz Pirates Says:

    [...] Cracked.com - The Issue Sarah Palin MUST address…we want to see her naked. [...]

  218. David Everitt-Carlson Says:

    I’m with ya buddy, but I think I beat you to the punch on August 30! http://wildwildeastdailies.blogspot.com/2008/08/obama-splits-ticket-boots-biden.html

  219. pingollum, dishevelled without a cause Says:

    I suppose Little Irish Lady is talking about the cruel animosity Palin has towards her own children, evident in her giving them those hideous names.

  220. Thruststrong Manmeat, Virgin deflowerer par excelance Says:

    I think she’s more a cross between Elaine and Gidget

  221. Lyonkyng Says:

    @ classy broad: Remember that McCain is old, if he gets to see Sarah Palin naked it will probably be his last act as president lol

  222. IF ONLY Says:

    I would also love to see her non pregnant daughter naked.

    @Little Irish Lady
    What the hell are you talking about?

  223. capecoddan Says:

    It is about the issues and the issue is who would win in jello wrestling match, palin or Mrs. Mccain also lets through in kucinich wife as a ref…

  224. strongbadia7 Says:

    snow machine=snowmobile. I’m fairly certain.

    Also, her youngest son’s (the one with Down’s Syndrome) full name is “Trig Paxson Van Palin”, which fits nicely with my theory that she’s running to prevent that kid from getting punted from one end of the playground to the other.

  225. GreenPeace Says:

    Get her to join Pita. They actually have a program which includes a public striptease in front of the whole government (And also uploaded to the internet), it’s called the State of the Union Undress. Such a lovely title.

  226. classybroad Says:

    Let me tell you what. I don’t want to see McCain naked. Ever. I can barely look at him. His white hair and eyebrows that sit atop his plastic-like head have the blinding power of 10 millions suns and I’m just sayin’, I don’t wanna see his white haired ass all over the boob tube for the next 4 years. [haha boob] Although Sarah Palin is kinda hot, she doesn’t even out the McCain blinding effect. McCain cannot be the next president because he downright creeps me out. He makes me feel like I just got molested and I’m pretty sure that might mean he’s a molester. A molester of the american people’s hope. So please Dan O’Brien, when you see Sarah Palin naked, take into consideration that we will still have to look at the plastic man.

  227. oneshoe Says:

    leave it to cracked to have the balls to say what everyone is thinking. pundits are almost as useless (and ball-less) as politicians. at least pundits don’t have the power to fuck everything up.

  228. el_zilcho Says:

    i too am curious, what is under Spiro Agnew’s suit?……..is it possible that he is a woman in drag, a very skilled “drag king”,or maybe just a third nipple………………well done Dan O’Brien, you have intrigued me

  229. Jeff_NH Says:

    Tell you what, you promise to keep me from seeing Joe Biden naked and I’ll see what I can do.

  230. Little Irish Lady Says:

    For someone that is so against abortion she sure hates kids.

  231. Metalbrainsurgery, Opeth Awaits Says:

    EDIT: Snow machine racing is suprisingly bad assed.

  232. Metalbrainsurgery, Opeth Awaits Says:

    snow machine is suprisingly bad ass.

  233. evilpoo Says:

    VPILF.

  234. kingmonkey, 2 parts oj, 1 part 7up, 1 part gin, 1 tsp. grenadine Says:

    I can’t help you with Sarah Palin, but if you ever want to see Michael Palin naked, you just let me know. I can hook you right up.

  235. fragg, keeper of cheese Says:

    I want to see Palin naked too! USA! USA!

  236. Chojinra Says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who see’s the Tina Connection…. Zis Republicans are playing to our fetishes! Not mine, mind you…. but… yeah.

  237. checkminus Says:

    not one of your best posts, Mr. O’Brien. but still pretty funny.

    “‘trig’ as in onometry?” brilliant.

  238. 12 Pack, 12 parts pack Says:

    I’m totally stealing the line “Save the words for the birds, Buddy! I want to take a bath with you!”

    I will, however, give credit where credit is due and hand out MLA style notecards for women to reference after they’ve slapped my face around to the back of my head.

    As always, Dan, great job.

  239. cutitdown528 Says:

    Danny, thank you for making my friday more interesting.

    Mike Tyson style sex will keep me laughing all day.

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