The Highly Fabricated Wikipedia Entry For J. D. Salinger

J.D. Salinger's full name is Jady "Dazzle" Salinger. He only ever wrote one short story, Phony Balogne and The Lonely, No Good, Very Bad Day. He had committed to writing a complete novel, though, so his publisher (Archie Comics) just printed the same short story 26 times in a row and called it a book. The book, Catcher In The Rye, was originally mostly about baseball and bread, but Jady's editor thought he should probably just pick one, which he did. No one ever found out which one he picked and scholars are still reading that short story 26 times to search for clues. Salinger, you see, was quite the mystery lover and he would often try to drop hints during interviews.

"Everyone, look at me," he would say. "What am I doing right now?" Then he would make a series of enigmatic hand gestures followed by a knowing smile, as if he were helping. These hand gestures, which you can find video of on YouTube, still confound even the brightest of deaf people, as well as the likes of Agatha Christie and Elmore Leonard. You can find their extensive notes and research here.

Salinger was famous the world over for his press conferences, which he would hold at least once a week if he wasn't too busy adapting Catcher for the big screen or the stage or various other media outlets. Many of the press conferences turned into scavenger hunts which would have been orchestrated by his wife, were he ever married. He desperately wanted to get married, but his constant hunger for the spotlight always seemed to get in the way of his relationships. Were he dead, he would have died alone.

Jady was quite the trickster, as well. He would often sneak up on strangers to give them a bit of a spook, and his card tricks were legendary.

He loved a good joke, which is why Catcher's main character was originally named Holden Green Lantern. Unfortunately for Jady, his publisher was more of a Mr. Weatherbee fan, so it was demanded that he change the name to something more neutral. Jady ended up changing it to "Tony Macaroni," and that is what is printed in the novel to this day.

Presently, Salinger is still alive and resides in a museum he built for himself in New York City. You may send flowers, although he would really prefer it if you would just visit. He is currently working on a sequel to Catcher In The Rye, but so far it is just five pages of his signature, which no one has ever seen. The working title is Nine Stories (About Green Lantern) and a movie deal is already in the works.

Sincerely,