Back in September of 2007 I was a much different person. My beard was a little thinner, I had never eaten an oyster before, and perhaps most importantly, I owed hundreds of millions of yen to the Yakuza, who had mailed me my daughter's pinky finger and put a (relatively low) price on my head. (One other small difference: In September of 2007 I had a living, breathing daughter. Damn you, Yakuza! Damn you all to hell!)
Coincidentally, that was right around the time that Cracked Editor Jack O'Brien emailed me an interesting business proposition: post a YouTube video with commentary on the Cracked blog every day, Monday through Friday, and get a huge sack with a dollar sign on it delivered to my house whenever there was a full moon. I agreed, although we later decided that checks sent by mail every other week would be much more convenient, and just like that the Nooner was born.
Over the course of the last seven months I've written 146 of these things, and although it would be heartwarming for me to say "I've come to love constantly scouring the internet for videos of naked Japanese men in horse masks cooking mushrooms," let's face the facts: writing Nooners is a great way to pay off a gambling debt to the Yakuza, but that's probably the most I can really say about it. And as luck would have it, it turns out that Cracked.com is actually owned by the Yakuza, who were kind enough to erase my debt in exchange for the 146 Nooners I've written (along with several deeds that shall go unnamed for legal purposes).
Domo arigato, Mr. Takahashi. Domo arigato.
That being said, I might as well get to the point: I won't be writing Nooners anymore.
Just kidding. Well, sort of - I'll still be writing Nooners, but they won't be daily. Next week I'll be drinking margaritas on a beach in Mexico, and the week after that I'll be back to post a couple of Nooners each week, but this Monday through Friday stuff? Do you really think I'd keep doing that without angry Yakuza breathing down my neck? Get a clue.
See you all next-next week!