Forged from the souls of rapists, killers, and thieves, the Spooked-Out Mirror (deep down) really just wanted a friend. Someone to do his or her hair in front of it. Preferably, though, it would be nice to have someone rape in front of it. The mirror’s powers are unknown and unmatched.
No one knows why The Spooked-Out Mirror was made, or even how. Since the emergence of the written word so many centuries ago, any reference made to the Spooked-Out Mirror has always been in an awed hush. The written word having the quality of an awed hush might seem quite impossible to you, but that's Magicks for ya, AM I RIGHT?
Aside from how the mirror was made and why the mirror was made (which are two things we do not know), what other things could we not know about the mirror? We could not know who made it, we could not know when it was made, we could not know where it was made, and we could not know what was made.*
Last thing’s first: What was made? The Spooked-Out Mirror. Pay attention.
The mirror in question was made not two minutes after the creation of the Universe. It was also made not two hours after the creation of the Universe. In fact, it was made several eons after the creation of the Universe, around the same time The Three Weirdos were imprisoned for Improper Wand Usage and Pixie Rape (though really it was just the Pixie Rape (although REALLY the Improper Wand Usage had a lot to do with the Pixie Rape)). The Three Weirdos were sent to Gabblegore Dinderblot’s Magical Security Prison on the south ridge of North Gruntswood, which was just north of South Gruntswood Ridge.
For those who are not well-versed in Historical Magicks, The Three Weirdos were Sniddlebee Dragonbrain, The-Wizard-Who-Used-To-Be-A-Frog, and Josh (The Necromancer). They were best friends since birth, because they were programmed to be so. Also they were robots a little bit. Back then, you see, everyone had a little bit of robot in them (and not just because getting fucked by robots was so popular at the time, which it was). Upon the birth of every child, it was tradition to implant a magickal computer chip into the central nervous system, just to keep everyone on their toes.
As the three grew up, the townspeople and townswizards and townswitches noticed there was something very off about them. The townswarlocks, however, had no inkling of such a thing because "townswarlocks" don't exist, you simple, simple person. Maybe it was the way the Three Weirdos always tripped the Council of Elders when they walked by, or maybe it was their weekly newsletter (The Evil Sorcererer), but everyone (except the townswarlocks) knew what had to be done.
On the 13th day of the formerly 13 Days of Hanukkah, the Three Weirdos were cast out of the small magicking town of Abracadabrica. Incidentally, during this time all towns were called Abracadabrica (except for North Gruntswood and South Gruntswood Ridge). That would all change years later once the Tribunal of Naming woke up from their comas, but just understand that when the Three Weirdos were cast out of Abracadabrica and later traveled to Abracadabrica, they didn’t just leave and come back to the same place. That would be stupid.
The Three Weirdos left Abracadabrica and shortly thereafter arrived in Abracadabrica. Sniddlebee Dragonbrain, the self-proclaimed leader of the three, explained to them that they could never return to Abracadabrica.
“Shouldn’t we leave, then?” asked The-Wizard-Who-Used-To-Be-A-Frog.
“He means the Abracadabrica from which we just came, you fool,” said Josh as he turned to Sniddlebee. "Right?" he asked, quite foolishly.
Sniddlebee nodded. “We must make an oath,” he told them. He put his hand out and started to chant. After a series of magick and stuff, his hand suddenly became a glowing hand. Well, it didn’t BECOME a glowing hand. He just put his hand out, it stayed a hand, and it started to glow. Either way, the other two Three Weirdos followed suit and now here we are. Three glowing hands on top of each other.
“We shall not return to the Abracadabrica from which we just came,” Sniddlebee began, “Until we have bettered ourselves.”
The Three Weirdos swore on their glowing hands and, needless to say, they never returned to the Abracadabrica they just came from.
The years passed for the Three Weirdos as they did for all people: Each year took exactly one year, and then a new year-length year began. Their adventures were plentiful, and they did not learn lessons from any of them. There was their battle with the Demon Whales of Abracadabrica, their run-in with Billy The Cauldron, the time their band opened for The Incantationists, their pleasant tea-time with the Demon Whales of a different Abracadabrica, and the time that one Wyvern looked at them funny. Also there was this one time that Sniddlebee accidentally got Unicorn shit in his blood.
All of that, we now know, was just a precursor to the fated day when they decided to use their wands to rape that innocent little pixie, Adorabright. I’ll spare you the gruesome details, but let me assure you, there are tons of gruesome details.
They were arrested and held in Abracadabrica, just north of Abracadabrica. Their trial was long, lengthy, lasting, drawn out, extensive, and thesaurus. It was so all of those things, in fact, that by the time the Three Weirdos were sentenced, “Abracadabrica” was just one of SEVERAL names given to towns (not even including North Gruntswood and South Gruntswood Ridge). The Three were sentenced to nine (9) years imprisonment and were immediately shipped to Gabblegore Dinderblot’s Magickal Security Prison in New Abracadabrica.
Upon arriving in the prison, the Three were immediately separated and kept apart both physically and magickally. Also, they were pretty emotionally distant from each other during this period. And spiritually they just weren’t on the same level. Physically they were actually on the same level, just not in the same wing. The prison didn’t really have “wings,” but you know what I mean.
And this is where their tale ends, for the narrator has clearly lost sight of the subject at hand.
Around the same time those three were sentenced, The Spooked-Out-Mirror was being forged from the very fibers of magick. Specifically, it was forged on a Monday (which we now call Magick Monday because magick was so involved). It was on the morning of that Magick Monday that the fabled and mildly cursed Moongician set to work in his arts and crafts room and made the most mysterious mirror in the history of mysteries.
Later that day, he also made The Spooked-Out Mirror.
Who? The Moongician
What? Made The Spooked-Out Mirror
Where? In His Arts And Crafts Room
When? Early Afternoon, Magick Monday
And what happened to this mirror? Where is this mirror now? What power, if any, does this mirror possess and what would happen if it were to fall into the wrong hands (in the case that it does, in fact, have some sort of power)? I’m sorry to say, but that is a tale for another time, although it also might not be.
The End or To Be Continued.
*We could also not know what it does.