The Cracked Store Update: Sorry You're Going Back To School

Oh no, school's almost here and you didn't buy any new clothes! Sure, you could wear clothes from last year ... if you want to come across like you've got an "awkward phase" sign on your chest. If you're reading this and thinking, "But I don't go to school anymore," you've forgotten that we're all students OF LIFE, MAAAAAAN.

A new autumn = a need for new threads. It's a fact. And though you'd never admit it, it can be hard to get your wardrobe in gear. But guess what: We've been there. Cracked sympathizes. That's why we're throwing this promo code your way ...

... to clad you in top-quality American Apparel shirts at a stunningly low price, just in time for the homecoming dance. Don't freak out. Enjoy it. And thank us after you're popular.

You can also thank us after you've faced the first-day-of-school shirt quandary and breezed through it because you know Teddy Roosevelt's got your back. And front. And squishy abdominal parts ... point is, you'll have a shirt to wear. You'll cruise straight past your former style dilemmas and go on to accomplish badass feats, just like how TR was too busy riding 100 miles at a time on horseback to worry about fashion conundrums.

Thank us after you roll into English class with the swagger of a modern-day horror master. With this design you'll let everyone know the mightiest terrors of the Western literary canon are no match for your Poe-hardened, Lovecraft-chiseled mind. Also, if anybody questions Poe's chances in this Cthulhu fight, remind them E.A.P. made only 9 bucks off of "The Raven," filling him with I-got-ripped-off rage that he'll funnel into his right hook.

Thank us after you hit up chemistry, physics, or whatever other pedestrian "lab" your school district's constructed, asking where the giant AC-powered lightning apparatuses are and advising everyone to stand back. Also, you don't have to go full Nikola and befriend a super-pigeon, but it's your life. Do (and wear) what you want to, up to and including the perfect mighty morphin' gym class tee ...

... and the perfect expression of exactly who taught you that Edison's a fraud, that our nuclear missile silos are run with the competency of an Olive Garden, and that there's only one way to kill a zombie.

Remember: That's promo code SCHOOLDROOLS for free shipping on all our fancy, customizable, printed-to-order tees. Because it's important to get an education ... but it's also important to remind everyone how goddamn FRESH you can look.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

CRACKED Staff

  • Rss

More by CRACKED Staff:

See More
To turn on reply notifications, click here

14 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!