Labor Day weekend is upon you, and with it, a bombardment of invitations to barbecues and parties. Once again, life has placed you at a crossroads. Whom among your friends and family will you grace with your presence, and to whom will you send a last-minute email reading, "I can't make it, I have the pox," disappointing them forever and alienating them from your life? (It's Nana.)
Disappoint your friends and family no longer, because this is the year you perform the Labor Day Sweep. "Wait," you say. "Do you mean ..." First of all, don't interrupt. Yes, go to all the parties. Every single one. "But, I can't. I don't have the time. I DON'T HAVE THE SHIRTS!" Hey. Hey! *Kisses you on the mouth* You do have the time, and with the promo code we now bestow upon you, you will have the shirts.
Now go! Go out into the world and give Nana the Labor Day she deserves.
Party #1: The Neighborhood BBQ
You won't know anyone, and conversation will be as thick as, "This is the year the Bengals go all the way!" It's why Boba Fett, the patron saint of style over substance, is the perfect leadoff hitter. It matters little that Boba Fett doesn't land the dunk, or can't play the keytar, or lets Han escape. Boba looks cool holding things, and so will you as you quietly stand, holding a drink and high-fiving anyone who yells, "Roethlisberger sucks!"
Party #2: The Meeting Of Old, Estranged Friends
It'll be an intimate gathering of old friends in a backyard. You'll hug them and wonder, "How come we don't get together more?" Then one friend accidentally squirts ketchup on another, blames it on immigrants for shoddy ketchup manufacturing or some other insane conspiracy, and you'll remember why. That's where our Paratroopa T-shirt comes in. "Hey, check out my shirt," you say. They'll stare, fixated on the Paratroopa's plight. One will remark, "Bowser is an oppressive overlord." Another will say, "Bowser? Mario is committing genocide!" They'll square off to punch each other toothless. And that, friend, that will be your chance to escape.
Party #3: The Optional Obligatory Work Hangout
Your boss throws a "supes casual team-building Labesy Day party" and insists on calling everyone by the first letter of their name preceded by "The" and followed by "-Man" (gender irrelevant). Is he so far removed from the day-to-day of being a person that he forgot how anyone relaxes? Whether or not that's the case, throw on the ultimate reminder that even the most respected scientists are down for a ridiculously cool caper time and time again. If an archaeologist can fight Nazis and an alien doctor can do, well, whatever Zoidberg does, surely you and your co-workers are more than what you do. And maybe the sight of time-traveling badasses will remind "The Boss Man Wait Not That Just Call Me Craig" that there was a time he was a real person.
Party #4: The All-Day Blowout
The music is thumping, the people are jumping, and all bets are off in this raucous gathering thrown under the thin guise of "Labor Day party." And when the day feels longest, and you're feeling tired and beaten, you'll want a shirt like this on your person to remind you to rage ever harder. Because Darth Vader was tired, and then he got up and keg-tossed the Emperor into oblivion. Bane was beaten, and then he danced on Batman's broken back. If you wear this shirt you'll feel the force flow through you and know that while everyone else may have adopted the Labor Day party ... you were born in it.
Party #5: We Have To Go To Nana's At Some Point
At the end of the night you'll find yourself stumbling over to Nana's annual family party. You'll walk in wearing this fresh, vintage Cracked T-shirt, and Nana will beam. Look at you, representing a wholesome company from her younger years. "They made toothpaste," she'll proudly tell the party, "and they called it dentifrice, like real Americans." With your kooky Nana gratified, and her post-Truman memory still a foggy haze, that one shirt-based interaction will be plenty of family time for you to bail, get home, and sleep the guiltless sleep of children.
Remember: That's promo code LAZYLABORDAY for $5 off on all our fancy, customizable, printed-to-order tees (and free shipping starting 9/3!). Because when life gives you Labor Day, turn Labor Day into being a BOSS.