The 9 Most Creative MMA Attacks Ever

#4. Brian Ebersole's Cartwheel Kick

When you see Brian Ebersole, he resembles a mugshot more than a wacky guy. He shaves an absurd giant arrow into his chest hair before fights, but when you combine that with no other signs of silliness, it just looks like he was pranked by arresting officers. Still, few other men try as many insane moves during fights.

I'm a delight.

In March 2009, his opponent was Shannon Forrester. Forrester may hold the record for the shortest MMA career, since this was his first fight and he retired moments after Ebersole cartwheeled through his face's bones.

My high school had a pep club, so I already knew cartwheeling caused brain damage.

Was the Move Effective?

It's the method of travel for little girls; how bad could it hurt? Well, without getting too deep into the physics of it, Ebersole uses the centrifugal force of the cartwheel to pull all nearby happiness to the center of his body. This leaves his feet with nothing to feel but hate. Maybe it's better if you just witness it:

#3. Anderson Silva's Reverse Uppercut Elbow

Anderson Silva wasn't always a patient and elusive counterfighter. In 2006 he fought Tony Fryklund and used his muay thai to lay siege to the man's ribs and head. Fryklund blocked most of the shots and seemed unaffected by the others, so Silva stopped to study his defense. After a careful look, he saw an opening between his hands and nonchalantly elbowed Fryklund into multiple sclerosis.

Was the Move Effective?

It makes no sense how Silva managed to generate enough power with this move to shut down a man's nervous system. If you approached 50 unsuspecting people and surprised each of them with a different kind of elbow strike, the person you hit with this one would still be your friend. And yet watch what happens when Silva throws it:

I included this move not only because he nearly beheaded a man with the same motion you'd use to take off a jacket, but because everyone should be reminded that Anderson Silva is a fight genius before reading this:

#2. Anderson Silva's Disco Assault

There was a time not long ago when Anderson Silva seemed untouchable. His opponents moved in slow motion compared to him. There was one notable exception, when he literally took the most strikes anyone had ever taken in a UFC bout, and then he won. Which means that besides being faster than everyone, he was also immune to face punches. Some asshole was definitely cheating when they made Anderson Silva.

Silva began to realize he was invincible. Each fight he became more and more playful, dancing and slipping around his opponents' attacks before finally knocking them out. And why not? Fighting doesn't always have to be serious. For example ...

In Korea, this is how hot dogs are made.

In Silva's title defense against Chris Weidman, he started off with only dance moves and wiggles. This in itself isn't unusual for a first round. Most fighters like to feel out their opponent's range and timing before they attack. Watch the starting round of a traditional muay thai fight and you'd swear it was just two boys working up the courage to share a first kiss. However, Silva took it to the next level. It was five straight minutes of pointless bullying. I don't speak Portuguese, but I think his cornerman was screaming "Take his backpack! Pee on that queer's Dungeon Master Guide!"

Not since Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo has a battle fought only with dance confused its viewers more.

After the bell, Silva went back to his corner and everyone watching thought the same thing: "Oh man, he humiliated that guy. NOW he's going to kill him!" Except Silva forgot the second step in dickish fighting -- the fighting. Silva came out and kept fucking dancing. No one had ever tried this. Could you beat a man using only the power of dance?

He ducked, slipped, and dodged punches while making no effort to throw attacks of his own. It had long ago stopped making sense as a fight strategy; he was only hoping to hurt Weidman's feelings. I'm obviously speaking with the wisdom of hindsight, but imagine two men meet on a road. One has a bag of punches, while the other has a bag of dodges. The first man is going to look stupid for a little while, but the second man is going to look stupid forever.

Was the Move Effective?

No. Not at all. While Silva pranced, Weidman was free to try anything. The end came when Weidman combined a right cross with a right hammer fist, because if his opponent is only going to shimmy, he might as well use some of his fifth grade wing chun. Silva dodged both strikes, but in doing so tucked his chin against his own chest. It had nowhere to go as Weidman's left hook crushed his jaw bone into his brain stem. Silva's Soul Train line suddenly transformed into a medical film on how knockouts work. If you're an alien producing a video on the non-genital weak points of humans, you're not going to top this.

Prepare the platform for the final match. Punching! Versus! Jazzercise!

#1. Anthony Pettis' Showtime Kick

If a writer listed the best anythings from every category or qualification imaginable, he or she will never have a more obvious choice for the #1 spot than this kick.

It never stops being awesome.

It happened at the start of the fifth round in their WEC championship fight. Anthony Pettis backed Ben Henderson into the cage, and Henderson casually circled out like a million fighters have done a million times before. If you've watched any UFC events from the last two years, you've seen highlights of what happened next: Pettis launched himself off the cage wall and made kick history on Henderson's head. The kick is so famous that Pettis' old socks sold a reality show to Bravo.

Everything about it was perfect -- the timing, the impact. Henderson's flowing pro wrestling hair even whipped back as if it was in on the plan to look as rad as possible. In basketball terms, it was Dr. J going behind the backboard. In baseball terms, it was Bobby Thomson's Shot Heard Round the World. In football terms, it was the brutally slain white woman.

Was the Move Effective?

Completely. It wasn't the hardest Pettis will ever kick anyone (you can see that in his fight against Joe Lauzon), but up until it landed, it was difficult to say who was winning. Despite Henderson getting up from it, the move single-footedly won Pettis the WEC title. Please enjoy it, probably for the 3,000th time:

Seanbaby is an American treat and humorist. You can visit him at or follow him on Twitter.

These fighters aren't fit to hold Teddy Roosevelt's jockstrap. After honoring his legacy, honor your own by being as awesome as possible.

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